texan_slant
Sex God
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
I know that everyone here is going to hate me for being the devil's advocate -- but here it goes...
Brian -- just be cautious, and don't forget about the reality of the situation. The advice that I see flying 'round here is based on hope that is just that -- hope. There is nothing wrong with hope just as long as you understand the reality of the situation, and I'm just worried that this advice is giving you a false sense of reality. Trust me -- to make a long story short, I can relate.
Most of us have been in a similar situation/triangle -- I am sure. Some of this advice is assuming that there will be a fairy tale ending that everyone has hoped for in themselves. There is nothing wrong with that either -- because we have experienced the same kind of love, however, there might be some hurt that goes along with it.
You also have this special and endearing friendship with Andy. Please take it a day at a time, appreciate it for the awesome thing that it is -- with no expectations. You have done all of the right things Brian -- you came out, you expressed your true feelings for him, and that will definitely make your friendship stronger. I was waiting on pins and needles, in this thread, for you to take these important steps -- and I am really proud of you.
Some of the most recent advice assumes a lot of about Andy -- and frankly -- my opinion is this -- whether or not Andy is bi and/or has feelings for you -- the ball will always be in his court, so there should be no pressure or expectations on your end in regards to your friendship. If anything was meant to happen -- now you know that you've done everything in your power -- with no regrets. And whatever happens between you (in regards to a deeper relationship) is up to Andy.
There will be nothing that will ever compare with your friendship with Andy. No matter what happens -- you will always hold a special place in your heart for each other. Amidst all of this -- you've got to assume that Andy is straight. For as long as Andy doesn't profess that he might be bi, or that he might have feelings for you -- it's *not* reality unless Andy reveals something more about himself: that might be now, that might be in the future, or that might never happen.
There are various factors that come into play: he doesn't realize that he's bi, he isn't ready to be out, he might not even realize what he feels for you, he might be in denial, his sexuality is untapped, etc. Last of all, he's got a pregnant girlfriend/fiancee! This is the reality IN ADDITION to the fact that on an emotional level, you depend on each other like you're committed. This is a solid fact -- and please realise that it's not necessarily good for your well-being because you seem co-dependent on someone who has not committed to you -- not as a partner, nor as a boyfriend.
Until then -- I hope that you remember to place you, and yourself, FIRST and FOREMOST in your life -- amidst supporting Andy. You have taken the right steps in wanting to finish school, but for as long as Andy is in a relationship with someone else, or is assumably straight-as-an-arrow, please don't let this friendship consume you to the point of placing your personal happiness aside and not moving forward in your life.
One of my mottos is this -- actions speak louder than words -- and for as long as he is with his pregnant girlfriend, he is committed to her first, then, you (even if your conversations imply otherwise).
Brian -- please don't take this all the wrong way. I have been reading this thread from the beginning, and have always hoped that you would pull through. The fact that you were honest with both yourself and Andy, and are headstrong about finishing school shows me that you have managed to have the strength to get yourself this far. However, some of the things that you mention really hit home, and I just wanted to lay my "two sense" out there. YOU come first, not nobody else but yourself.
I have written all of this based on the fact that some of the people on this thread seem to already assume that Andy will at some point "come to his senses and profess his true feelings for you". I realize that I will prob be judged negatively for my perspective -- please take this all with a grain of salt -- you will either see it as valuable, or not, and that is cool with me. Also -- you may have already realized all of the points that I made, so please accept my apologies. It's just that I definitely wouldn't be taking the time to write all of this if I didn't care about you in some way.
Brian -- Please take good care of yourself, and stay safe. My heart goes out to you.
I know that everyone here is going to hate me for being the devil's advocate -- but here it goes...
Brian -- just be cautious, and don't forget about the reality of the situation. The advice that I see flying 'round here is based on hope that is just that -- hope. There is nothing wrong with hope just as long as you understand the reality of the situation, and I'm just worried that this advice is giving you a false sense of reality. Trust me -- to make a long story short, I can relate.
Most of us have been in a similar situation/triangle -- I am sure. Some of this advice is assuming that there will be a fairy tale ending that everyone has hoped for in themselves. There is nothing wrong with that either -- because we have experienced the same kind of love, however, there might be some hurt that goes along with it.
You also have this special and endearing friendship with Andy. Please take it a day at a time, appreciate it for the awesome thing that it is -- with no expectations. You have done all of the right things Brian -- you came out, you expressed your true feelings for him, and that will definitely make your friendship stronger. I was waiting on pins and needles, in this thread, for you to take these important steps -- and I am really proud of you.
Some of the most recent advice assumes a lot of about Andy -- and frankly -- my opinion is this -- whether or not Andy is bi and/or has feelings for you -- the ball will always be in his court, so there should be no pressure or expectations on your end in regards to your friendship. If anything was meant to happen -- now you know that you've done everything in your power -- with no regrets. And whatever happens between you (in regards to a deeper relationship) is up to Andy.
There will be nothing that will ever compare with your friendship with Andy. No matter what happens -- you will always hold a special place in your heart for each other. Amidst all of this -- you've got to assume that Andy is straight. For as long as Andy doesn't profess that he might be bi, or that he might have feelings for you -- it's *not* reality unless Andy reveals something more about himself: that might be now, that might be in the future, or that might never happen.
There are various factors that come into play: he doesn't realize that he's bi, he isn't ready to be out, he might not even realize what he feels for you, he might be in denial, his sexuality is untapped, etc. Last of all, he's got a pregnant girlfriend/fiancee! This is the reality IN ADDITION to the fact that on an emotional level, you depend on each other like you're committed. This is a solid fact -- and please realise that it's not necessarily good for your well-being because you seem co-dependent on someone who has not committed to you -- not as a partner, nor as a boyfriend.
Until then -- I hope that you remember to place you, and yourself, FIRST and FOREMOST in your life -- amidst supporting Andy. You have taken the right steps in wanting to finish school, but for as long as Andy is in a relationship with someone else, or is assumably straight-as-an-arrow, please don't let this friendship consume you to the point of placing your personal happiness aside and not moving forward in your life.
One of my mottos is this -- actions speak louder than words -- and for as long as he is with his pregnant girlfriend, he is committed to her first, then, you (even if your conversations imply otherwise).
Brian -- please don't take this all the wrong way. I have been reading this thread from the beginning, and have always hoped that you would pull through. The fact that you were honest with both yourself and Andy, and are headstrong about finishing school shows me that you have managed to have the strength to get yourself this far. However, some of the things that you mention really hit home, and I just wanted to lay my "two sense" out there. YOU come first, not nobody else but yourself.
I have written all of this based on the fact that some of the people on this thread seem to already assume that Andy will at some point "come to his senses and profess his true feelings for you". I realize that I will prob be judged negatively for my perspective -- please take this all with a grain of salt -- you will either see it as valuable, or not, and that is cool with me. Also -- you may have already realized all of the points that I made, so please accept my apologies. It's just that I definitely wouldn't be taking the time to write all of this if I didn't care about you in some way.
Brian -- Please take good care of yourself, and stay safe. My heart goes out to you.
