Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I hate to be the one to say this Brian but this whole situation is unhealthy for you. You can't spend your life pining for someone who insists he is straight and that there will never be anything more between you. But, he obviously won't have any less. It's very unfair to you.

That being said, I partially agree with Lube. Andy does want you. I'm sorry but your friendship is beyond just friendship. I don't know if I agree that you should make the first move though. That would only freak Andy out. You're going to have to figure out whether Andy would ever admit he really loves you as more than a friend or not. If not, or if he will never admit it, you will have to move on and find someone who will love you and who you can be happy with.

I wish you the best of luck in all this and hope you find the resolution and happiness you deserve. I'll keep watching for updates.

Devino, I appreciate your post. I dont really pine for him like I used to at all. I know you cant tell from my writing here...and when I do happen to write here, its almost always about him and my love for him, but hey that was what the thread title was about when I started. I WILL admit that I love him to death, but thats more now because hes my brother and friend. Being able to "play wrestle" with him and to openly talk about guys around him and to be able to be more open around him has sort of diminished my obsession with him. But there will alays be a part of me thats ready for that if that ever happened, there will always be a part of my heart thats in love with him.

He made a new friend there and I asked if this guy is a good person and he responds, "hes no Brian, no one ever will be....all the tiem I was hanging out with him I was thinking of you..I cant function without you here."

He said this week that he sometimes considers coming back to live here, knowing that it will be the break up of him and his girl..

I also told him "besides your mom and your girl, you wont find anyone who loves and supports you as much as me..", and he said back "Bri your the one that loves and supports me the most, no one else..."

The part of me that wishes and hope and analyzes everything he says to see if hes gay is kind of dead...I dont wish or hope anymore...I moved on in that aspect. But he has a friend. A best friend and brother in me, Someone, who by his words, changed his life totally and cant live without. And Im gay.

So its funny to me sometimes when he says all these things to me. Because if someone were to analyze our tight friendship, he says a lot more "gay" things than me.

I sometimes run what he says to me by a friend and my friend says.."Im not too sure but its not normal that he keeps saying that he cant function or work or move on with his life without you...Its understandable that hes sad...but to be NOT able to function is nt normal, maybe hes just dealing with thiings inside.."

Ii dont know..time will tell....VEGAS

 

[Muskox]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I hesitate to call anybody else's relationship unhealthy, but I think you both are being unrealistic. (This is part of being in love, I guess.)

Andy wants to have it all: He wants you to be close and available to hang out with, to be the best buddy in the world. But, he doesn't want to admit that it's more than a strong friendship, so he has a girlfriend and a sexual relationship there. (He also seems to be pussy-whipped. You don't report any fallout from his girlfriend ditching him and making him walk miles home.) In the stigma-free world we all wish in vain for, you two would be humping each other. Here in the real world you acknowledge this and he doesn't. He also wants to have a good-paying job but he doesn't seem to have the qualifications for it or the necessary attitude to just buckle down and work, so he "borrows" money from you. The man is trying to live a fantasy and it isn't working for him or you.

Brian, you seem to be cooling a bit on the relationship, which I think is good. Only you can decide if the situation is satisfactory for you, but it sounds like you are beginning to recognize the situation for what it is. You have real advantages here. You have a satisfying job and a career that is very portable, if you want to move. You have come to terms with being gay and are enjoying your life. What does Andy offer you that makes your life any better? You two can still be best of friends, but not as exclusively clingy as it has been so far. You deserve a complete relationship with somebody, not just the half that he's willing to give you. I think he's a loser and you should move on.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Musk you had me in your corner right until the very end...lol.

Seriously, hes a "loser" by standards that people normally judge people by: i.e. no job, cant settle down, relies on friends for help. I can see why people label him that. But to be honest, hes anything but that. I guess you just have to know him to kind of love him and like him.

But as far as the rest of your post goes, you are correct. I cam cooling off a little and starting to focus and give attention to my life and no one else's. Thanks, Vegas!

 

[Yves]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I hesitate to call anybody else's relationship unhealthy, but I think you both are being unrealistic. (This is part of being in love, I guess.)

Andy wants to have it all: He wants you to be close and available to hang out with, to be the best buddy in the world. But, he doesn't want to admit that it's more than a strong friendship, so he has a girlfriend and a sexual relationship there. (He also seems to be pussy-whipped. You don't report any fallout from his girlfriend ditching him and making him walk miles home.) In the stigma-free world we all wish in vain for, you two would be humping each other. Here in the real world you acknowledge this and he doesn't. He also wants to have a good-paying job but he doesn't seem to have the qualifications for it or the necessary attitude to just buckle down and work, so he "borrows" money from you. The man is trying to live a fantasy and it isn't working for him or you.

Brian, you seem to be cooling a bit on the relationship, which I think is good. Only you can decide if the situation is satisfactory for you, but it sounds like you are beginning to recognize the situation for what it is. You have real advantages here. You have a satisfying job and a career that is very portable, if you want to move. You have come to terms with being gay and are enjoying your life. What does Andy offer you that makes your life any better? You two can still be best of friends, but not as exclusively clingy as it has been so far. You deserve a complete relationship with somebody, not just the half that he's willing to give you. I think he's a loser and you should move on.

Muskox raise some good and valid points. I agree 100%.

I´ve been reading this thread since day one. It´s a extremely popular thread here and many of us seem to relate to this "undying love" theme. Expectations were high when you told us about the trip to Vegas. In my ideal world, I was waiting for some resolution and a open/frank conversation between you and Andy in order to clarify what you guys feel about each other. My interpretation of your silence after the trip was a combination of a busy schedule and the need to clarify questions about this relationship.

The risk in terms of the audience here is to enable a relationship that does not seem to be 100% healthy or symmetrical based on the information provided in this thread. This is not a black and white scenario but at this moment Andy seems to be the friend who will never be more than that. Is this enough for you? Is this healthy? A gay guy deserves an equal. Andy will always be your special friend but you deserve someone able to say I love you exclusively. Is a triangle the best alternative for you? Money issues add another layer to consider here.

I´m glad to hear you are considering alternatives after the trip. I wish you the best.

 

[Toast1987]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hmmm, I;ve never ever posted before on ANY of the forums but I totally got gripped on this thread at like...1 in the mornin and its now ten to five in the morning, but oh my God I feel emotionally exhausted!!! Bloody hell!!! Its like...I'm part of this friendship and I want it to be so much more....but then I remember, Hey, I'm just reading it off a Forum lol, dont make it any less draining though......well maybe a little!!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Muskox raise some good and valid points. I agree 100%.

The risk in terms of the audience here is to enable a relationship that does not seem to be 100% healthy or symmetrical based on the information provided in this thread. This is not a black and white scenario but at this moment Andy seems to be the friend who will never be more than that. Is this enough for you? Is this healthy? A gay guy deserves an equal. Andy will always be your special friend but you deserve someone able to say I love you exclusively. Is a triangle the best alternative for you? Money issues add another layer to consider here.

I´m glad to hear you are considering alternatives after the trip. I wish you the best.

Thanks so much for the support, I really do appreciate it...thank you all for watching my back so to speak and telling me like it is. I really, really need that kind of talk sometimes. And thank you to those first timers reading or posting to the thred, it makes me feel at least that at the very least, what will come out of this thread is that some of you guys can see what can happen if you are in the same situation.

Anyway...in this update, Im going to attempt to tell you what has gone on since I came back from my trip(dont worry, Im going to shorten it as much as possible).

It didn't take long for my buddy and myself to get back to our old routine. We started to get used to talking on the phone again and the conversations were more intense.

We would call each other sometimes to talk each other to sleep or to listen to each other talk and sometimes even just to "be on the phone" and not even talk at all. My bro overheard a talk I was having about getting a loan...probably the biggest mistake to happen. My bro BEGGED me and tried to convince me that getting a loan would be the right thing to do and we could split it. I could come down there on that loan and he could use some of it to get his life started.


In probably the worst move that he and his girl could have done, they decided to upgrade their car to a truck. God knows what for...the payments would be higher and the gas would be more expensive. I told him that it wasnt the brightest thing to do and he agreed, but they still went through with it anyway. She talked him into gettign the truck because it would be a better "having children" car. Meaning its a bigger car for when they have kids.

So the whole time Im back hes begging me about this loan driving me fucking nuts.

Then I put my foot down about the loan . He then asked for 1k...then 500....then one day I flipped on him like never before and he woke up. He realized that what he was doing was wrong and he got scared that my friendship with him was changing.

After a couple days of good, long thinking..I made a decision.

"I'm going to stay in NYC..."

There are a few reasons for this. I have a great class right now that I would lke to move up with to the 7th and 8th grade. Im making decent money and starting to save. I live rent free in a huge apt in Brooklyn and I decided I want to at least settle here and make a life for myself and I can alway move out there in a few years or anywhere I choose to go.

Las Vegas lost its appeal to me really. I like it there, but I started to realize the only reason I wanted to be there was for Andy.

I told him all of this and he got really sad. I told him I cant live for him anymore and he cant be the center of my world. I told him I will alwys have his back and love him and have him as my best friend and brother.

It took him some to realize I was finally serious. I told him I know Im going to meet a nice guy eventually and that I can make a great life for that guy and travel and fall in love and just adopt kids and have a nice family.

At the time this was going on his mom, in the one of her rarest moments of clarity, also had a similar talk with me about her son. She said shes sick of being a third wheel in her sons relationship and she wants to move back to Texas with her husband. She loves her son but he cant be the center of her world anymore....Gee sound familiar??

My buddy found out that we talked and when she came back to Vegas for her two month stay, my bro didnt even greet her or anything. Instead he was out at the casinos..His mom immediately got fed up, showered and ate and was out of there the next morning without even seeing her son.

Those were a tough few days for my bro. He had his mom and me pulling away from him.

I now decided I want to rennovate my apartment and fix it up real nice and just make a home for myself. I finally feel like im getting somewhere now..I feel like I dont have to worry about meeting someone knowing I have to move out to Vegas soon...I can finally make some steps to starting my life.

The talks just got more and more intense. He would say I cant stop thinking about you...no one treats me like you...and he cant go on with his life without me.


It turns out that things are kind of dire for my bro and his girl..they dont have much money. Her job is in jeopardy and he still has trouble focusing enough to get a job. And he said even if he gets one, it might be too late. His mom was so angry with him she didnt even want to re-sign another lease but realizing that hed be out on the street, she signed it.

Yesterday the phone rang and he told me something.

"Bri..for the past few weeks and especially days...I have been thinking of coming home.."

I said that makes me so happy and Im sure your other friends would be just as happy. He said he didnt care what they thought and the only reason he would be coming home was for me.

He said he misses stuff too much. In a way, I knew that if I got a backbone and stood up and started to live for me...Andy would come runnign to me...and he did just that. I didnt decide to settle here though as a game. Its genuine. I want to be here. But having him miss me so much that he wants to move back to live near me is nice to hear.

He asked me if I could help him financially to come home, but I told him no.

We had a great talk today....was very nice. He even brought up soem gay stuff...he told me he thinks uncut dicks are gross(I guess I know hes cut now

And he said that he thinks I would enjoy being with a woman. I told him I wouldnt at all and he goes Bri, if a guy or girl goes down on you you wouldnt know it..a mouth is a mouth. And he goes if he closed his eyes how he wouldnt even know ...and he also said that if he opened his eyes and saw a guy he would get grossed out.

We had a good talk today but lately its been solemn. He misses me very much. And I do miss him just the same. He told me "Im trying to think of words but I cant, to describe our friendship and how mch I miss you."

He said to me "Bri, you really dont know how much my friendship with you is important. I got into many a fight and took a lot of hell for my friendship with you."

I asked him what does that mean. He said "Im just going to leave it at that."

I asked him two more times...and then he finally said, "Bri..I used to get into a fight after fight with my girl because I was paying more attention to you and our friendship than her..."

I told him that was his choice and thats not my fault and I dont care what anyone thinks about our friendship.

I know he loves me....why else would he risk his relationship by coming back home? Especially to a place he hates supposedly? I think once he saw that I was ready to move on with my life and get settled with someone he got jealous and scared. I know is deep down scared and jealous that if I meet someone, I would forget about him and not share in the things that we were supposed to do together in life...anyway thats it for now...ttyl....Bri


P.S.-Im cooling down big time with my love for him..but there is still a LITTLE part of my hear that yearns for more. But Im not pausing my life...not holding out...nor am I putting any hopes on it. Im moving on, on the prowl for a great man, and looking foward to begining a new chapter in my life.

I also made a goal to tell my parents that Im gay in the next month or two. Its hard telling your folks that as it is...but when your older brother is already gay and they know about it..to have another son come out, will be kind of hard for them to deal with. But I have to do it..I just have to...thanks for reading VEGAS

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I have something to add that I forgot to mention...My bro said he wanted to make a deal with me. He said, "Bri..if you lose about 40-50 pounds..if you can do that...I would make a good effort to come back..."

I asked him why would he make that deal..he said because he wants a healthy friend and its a win win del for me. I lose the weight and I get him back here.

At first I thought that was nice, and then I thought it was odd...and in a wierd way I thought he was trying to say that if I lost a little he would be interested in me...I know dumb and crazy but hey I mentioned that to another friend of mine and she said that it was also her first thought...that he might be into me if that happened.

I told him that I wished he was single..and he said why??..and I go so you can come back to NYC quicker..so it would be easier for you.

Just thought Id mention that...I dont know...ttyl.

PS-He called me again a few minutes ago, and I have to admit I got down. He said he loves me very much and misses me....I must admit I almost felt like breaking down and saying "I love you STILL and would like to have a great life with you..I can provide for you and take care of you and protect you and you wouldnt have to worry about a damn thing again..."

But I didnt....that would have been a mistake...So Im going to try and go out for a little and see if I could shake this off..Vegas(btw..I start to lose that 40 pounds tomorrow!! ;-)

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Good luck with the 40 pounds!

Awesome updates, dude. It sounds like getting together with him helped clarify some things.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thanks Kul for the support.

I just dont know...in the middle of the night Andy calls me again and we had such a nice, sweet talk.

He started out by not even saying hello..he said he missed me so much that his heart aches...and he said "its wierd,I love you more than my own family."

Whenever he says Im the only one in his life who supports and loves him he will always add on "and of course my wife", as if he almost feels guilty for caring for me so much...I dont know


We talked about my thoughts about Vegas and his fears of coming home.

He said, "I know it sounds gay, but when I hear certain songs I think of you.."

I said, "Me too Andy.."

And he goes, "Oh yeah, like what?"

I go, "that song Collide by Howie Day.."

And he goes, "bro...I was just listening to that today and if I go out and start my car right now, that song will be on.."

The he started humming it a little.

He said our friendship is unique and a great one and he doesnt want to lose it.

At this point I got depressed because I started to have "feelings" for him again....I mean honestly, after you hear all that sweet stuff and nice words..who couldnt help but fall for him??

I got down and told him that "I need to let you go Andy.."

And he goes, "ok go, I know your down Ill speak to you soon.."

What I really meant was I have to let him go in my heart....and I have tried, but it seems so hard...

I know some of you are rolling your eyes saying here we go again...but I cant help sometimes what Ii feel.

P.S.-I forgot to mention this one talk we had last week, where we were talking about who I find hot...and hes like "Oh youd swallow his load right?" and I said "yeah"...and then I said that I have to go, I need to wack off..and hes like ok go...he calls me back 20 minutes later and asked if I was done and I said "I was halfway done before I hung up the phone with you.."

And hes like, "Bro!! you probably did wack off when you were on the phone with me....I know when you were here you wacked off in my shower...I just know you...I cant believe you love cock so much, you are definitely a sexual person..its all you think about..."

All I could do was laugh and get horny, that was a nice talk we had, ttyl Vegas

 

[Lube]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wow, Brian, the increase in your self-confidence lately is just amazing!

Life really is better when you stand up for yourself; when you believe in yourself.

Congratulations.

<edit>

Oops. I posted this while you were composing your last message. Seems like you're sliding backwards.... Be strong. When you stand up for yourself, and when you (and his mother) stand up to him, it will help him grow up.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Reading your struggles makes me cry sometimes, and not just because of the story -- it sets things off for me.
Shortly after I came out to him, my best buddy inherited a farm in Indiana, that he had to move to, to get. He says he's never coming back, and there's no way I'm moving there (I've spent several years in Indiana; it was great, but I need the ocean). He was the one person I could count on to not judge me, no matter what the deal was, the one person who always had a hug for me, and now he's far away.
My pain isn't like yours; I was never in love with him. But where you guys talk on the phone for hours, it's getting hard for me to talk to him at all, because with all I've been going through lately, I need a best buddy who's here, not halfway across the continent, and it hurts to talk to him knowing we'll probably never see each other again.

So treasure what you have, including the possibility of travelling to meet, and even of Andy coming back.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It was a lonely Saturday night here in Brooklyn, New York.

After I posted here, I fought off a mild depression and forced myself to go out. Walking around this neighborhood depresses me sometimes even more. Dont get me wrong, I like my area a lot...there are just too many things that remind me of Andy. The only thing going my way this lonely Saturday was the weather. It was upper 50s, low 60's and breezy and dark out.

My kind of weather. I love windy days because it really reminds me that I'm alive..I look up at the sky and just take wonder in this planet we live on and sometimes think how great it is, and how small we are in the whole scheme of things(I know that was SO gay to say..but hey its how I feel).

I rented some movies(Hard Candy, Jarhead, Rent), and I came home and watched two of them. I went to bed soon after(wild night huh?).

At about 3am my time, I got a call from Andrew, which I ignored. I really wasnt up to talking, even though I miss him severely. I mean it was a Saturday, so I really wasnt up for hearing who he hung out with or what he did.

Since I took 2 Tylenol PM, I was soon out like a light...I woke up at 7am to find that Andy called me 10 times on my cell and left 4 messages on my voice mail and 3 more on my answering machine.

As I was listening to the cell, the phone rang, and I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Bri...im so depressed tonight...I feel like hurting myself...I feel suicidal.."

I have known Andy to feel down in the past but he was always pretty strong and never ever resorted to saying that he wanted to hurt himself. So I knew this was serious.

Feeling that something might have triggered these feelings off, I asked "what happened tonight to make you get like this?"

He said, "You.."

He continued, "Bri, no one gets us, not my family not your family...no one...I cant make it out here without you...I need my friend back...you dont know what my heart feels and dont say you do...it literally hurts so much I think I know what it means to die from a broken heart...I really do..I dont understand *******(his girl), she thinks this all is a joke..I asked her to talk and she said she needs to go to bed...its all a joke to her, you are the only one that understands. I swear you are not going to have me around anymore...Im going to die.."

I go. "bro you cannot hurt yourself...you hurt yourself I will hurt myself..."

He goes, "well then at least we will be together, because right now that seems the only way...you are the most amazing person I have ever met in my life.."

He continued..."I'm giving myself just a few more weeks out here, then I give up..I really do give up...then I'm coming home.."

I could have acted happy or played up that part but I took the mature root.

"Andy, you love Las Vegas and you moved out there to make a better life for yourself..you are strong and I know you can do it. You just need to get your head ok and get some work..and you will turn things around.."

"But I cant unless you are out here Bri...I need you to make everything in my life feel better....I been thinking and it doesnt matter where we both are as long as we are together..I can take NYC again as long as you are there..."

He kept feeling bad for himself.

"Andy go lay down right now," I told him. "Put you head on the pillow."

"Ok Bri I did.."

"Do you want me to talk you to sleep?"

"That would be real good Bri.."

So I went on for 20 minutes talking about anything and everything, until he wasnt responsive to me anymore. I told him if he needs me to call me anytime, and I hung up the phone.

TTYL Vegas

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

This sounds more than a little unhealthy.
I'm too tired right now from slaving at a volunteer project today to offer any advice, guidance, suggestions, or whatnot, except to say emphasize that he's made it so far and can keep going -- and if the depression continues, SEE SOMEONE!!!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

You know what? I vent here to get my frustrations out and some advice. I know its tiring to you guys to read about the constant ups and downs...the constant getting stronger one second and taking a step back the next...well I got one thing to say to you guys... Try actually living through it. Its tiring for me too.

Andy called today early in the morning and I stayed on with him all night.

He was depressed again and he said he feels like his body is going to give out.

I know him, he will never hurt himself despite what he says.

I told him I worry about him and always look to protect him.

He said for me to think about Vegas and I said to think about NYC. I also said we have to stop playing games lke this and come to terms with what we can do.

He said he needs me out there for support and he cant move on from things. I told him "Andy, isnt it odd that you dont get motivation from the future prospect of starting a family and the future, and your wife? But somehow you get all that in me."

He said, "I dont know thats just how I feel. I dont even know why Im depressed anymore, I dont know whats bothering me.."

He said he pushed all his friends aside and focused on me. He said he got into many a fight with his girl because of me.

I told him, "Listen, with all due respect to everyone in your life, if they dont get our friendship, they can go fuck themselves for all I care..."

He said, "I agree"

"Andy when you met me everything changed in your life. You spent more time with your girl and you pushed your friends away...there was a reason for that.."

"Ok Bri tell me the reason..I want to hear...I know what your going to say.."

He said that with such quickness that I really didnt know what he was thinking...was he thinkign the same thing I was thinking? At that point I was thinking that he grew very close to me and we created a bond..one that he might not want to admit to himself.

"The reason is, you met me..and I was different than your friends...and I understood you more than anyone..."

He said, "I know I put you through a lot of aggrevation and have hurt you in the past..."

I go,"and I know I have hurt you too with what I said to you.."

And he said, "Bri you told me you are gay and you had a crush on me...I mean it was odd to hear, but that never hurt me at all..."

He said money is tight. He also said, "I wish I was single right now Bri, I really do...things would be so much easier.."

I said, "I really wish you were single too...you can come stay with me or I can come stay with you...and Id protect you and make sure nothing bad happened to you.."

I said that half-assed and under my breath and he said , "What did you just say?"...but I didnt repeat myself. I really wanted to say that and so much more. I wanted to tell him that if we were together, hed never have to worry in his life again. That I would protect him and make a good life for him. But I didnt, because I couldnt.

In my head, when he says he wishes he was single...after getting engaged and being with his girl gor 7-8 years...when he says that..that tells me two things...something MIGHT be going on with him OR hes not in love with his girl anymore...he might love her...but I dont think hes IN LOVE with her. Hes just comfortable being with her. He told me theo ther day that shes boring a like a nun in bed.

We hung up. He called back several times...and I talked him to sleep one more time.

TTYL Vegas

 

[trawler69]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Vegas,

I've been reading this thread for a while, not every post but quite a lot of them. From my experiences and for what it's worth I would say this: You are both in love with each other but you have admitted to yourself and to him that you are Gay and are in love with him, He has no problem with this but I feel he does have a problem in that he can't bring himself to admit to you that he is also in love with you. All his reactions indicate that he is but I feel he is in deep denial. He admits that he wants to be with or near you but he has a long term relationship with his GF and doesn't want to let her down. I think he is scared, and understandably so, of breaking off with his GF as they have so much history, and also of admitting to himself and her that he has such strong feelings for you.

You are now being strong and accepting that you will always be best mates and pushing the "in love" thing out of the way. But he can't do that. Unless he can talk to you about his real feelings about why he feels so close to you he will not be able to move forward. You have been so supportive of him and to him that I think you deserve an honest answer to the question "would you prefer to live with me, wherever that may be, or marry your girlfriend?"
I think, if he is honest with you AND himself, he may choose you. I hope he does. I've been there myself and may post my story in another thread as I don't want to, nor could I, hijack this one. My thoughts are with you both.

 

[NameTaken]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Daaaaaaaaaamn, 1,000+ replies and 40,000+ views! Longest SERIOUS topic? I think so! ^_^

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Talked to him a few more times....and it was those talks where you realize that your crush/love for your best friend is nothing more than that...and you realize it wont be reciprocated back in the way you want. I keep learning this hard lesson over and over. I need help in getting over this. And one way I think is too hold strong here and stay in NYC, because a big part of me wants to move near him because Im in love with him....anyway...ttyl....gunna go watch the hot guys of WWE.

vegas

 

[Yves]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

...I keep learning this hard lesson over and over. I need help in getting over this....

Have you considered counselling or some sort of support? NY has a good number of gay friendly professionals that might help you. It´s great to have the phone and be in touch with the people you love but that doesn´t answer some of your questions and expectations. You have mentioned depression in the past and this might be a good opportunity to see how things are going and improve your coping skills. Best of luck.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian, glad your trip went OK. You know what my opinion is and I'm only more convinced. I don't think you need to sort out what he wants to do, because it's bleeding obvious. I still think you need to sort out what you want to do though.

You can have what you want, but I despair on ever being able to convince you of that fact. Hopefully Andy finds a way and is able to tell you, which it sounds like he may break down and do soon.

You should def stay in NY though.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Had a few calls from Andy today....I told him that I felt so sad because I led myself to believe things that had no possibility of happening...and he goes.."You mean about me coming back to NYC?..."

And I went, "partly.."

And he goes, "that we would live near each other?"

I go, "I guess.."

And he goes, "Why do I get the feeling you are not telling me everything....why do I get the feeling there is something else that you led yourself to believe??"

And I just shrugged it off...But he knew. I know he knew what I was thinking.

That I led myself to believe that me and him could ever be.

What a dumb ass I have been...I mean you would think that I should just re-read my own damn thread to learn the lesson once and for all instead of going through this.

This is the greatest pain I have ever known.

He seems so perfect for me. We are soul mates. But not in THAT way.

I wish this pain on no one, not even my worst enemy. VEGAS