Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[NameTaken]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Bro... he's just trying to piss you off so you will give him EVEN more money (the loan). He's a player like that, and seemingly he's damn good at doing it to peeps with your personality type...

DO NOT DO NOT call him back. Let HIM call you and apoligize. You HAVE TO BE STRONG like that right now.

 

[texan_slant]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian,

I don't want to say that I have been exactly in your shoes, cuz I haven't. To make a long story really short - all I can say is that I can relate to a lot of things that you describe with regards to your relationship with Andy.

I have been reading this from the very beginning. I have only posted one other time - and only once - because of a couple of things:

1. People usually don't learn life's lessons unless they learn it themselves. Everyone that has posted up and down this thread could swear up and down and tell you what's going to happen, or what the truth is, and even if everyone speaks the truth, human nature is such that you aren't in the capacity to listen until you're ready, or until you experience the pain yourself.

2. Writing my one post took a lot of energy because it was hard to take my brain back to the mental place it was when I was in similar shoes.

That being said - what Andy has done - is painful, however, it is exactly what you need to move on. Stay strong - don't send him anymore money - and if your friendship is stong enough - it will survive the stormy periods. It's a cliche, but there is truth to it.

Moving on doesn't mean you can't be friends anymore. Moving on means that you have accepted reality for what it is, you will love yourself for who you are, take charge of your life, and define boundaries. Before you can share your life with someone else in a loving relationship - discover yourself as someone who also has an identity without Andy.

Good luck and take care. The only reason that I am saying all of this (even though it might sound harsh) is because I care.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys, thanks for the support. I know you all have my back and best intentions for me.

It is hard. Im in a deep depression today. You would think that he would have at least called me after last night's talk. He knows I was bad. The fact that he has not called tells me he wants me to sit in my depression. And I am. My birthday is tomorrow and Im wondering whether or not he will call and if he does, if its just going to be a call for the sake of calling.


I certainly dont and will never give him money again. Especially now that he has a job. I miss him so much still..and my heart is feeling that gut clenching pain. Is this wrong?

This is certainly not how I wanted my birthday weekend to go. TTYL Vegas

 

[NameTaken]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

If he doesn't call you and apoligize on your birthday that would really be horrible... I hope shit gets better for you. And happy birthday in advance! ^_^

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian ... YOU are an AWESOME Guy! And the more I learn about You (two brothers, etc.) the more I'm sure I'm right! (And, they weren't talking past You on purpose! It's just that they latched onto something they were so excited about! It wasn't "directed" at, or away, from You! They just got tied up in their plans! Nothing Personal!!)

And Andy?? Well, seems You "want" him, more than "need" him! Whereas, he seems to "need" You more than he thinks he "wants". Does that make sense?? YOU are far more better equiped to be able to do without him, than he is going to be able to do without You!!

I'm not saying it will come to that! A complete split. But ... please keep in mind that YOU are the far more stronger one!!

And,

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

My gut reaction to the way he's doing things is that he's playing you. He's mad, he's lonely, and he's clamoping down on his feelings as a defense mechanism, but I think he's also playing you.
I'd say something like, "Dude, I've heard of the 'jaws of life', but you sound like the 'jaws of death'! What's with that?" Maybe he's being cold because it's hard on him, but maybe not.
Hang in there.

 

[tommy296]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

First and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope this year brings you all the love and happiness you deserve (that'd be a lot)!

Just to be clear, what Andy's doing by withholding friendship from you until he gets what he wants is simply emotional blackmail. I hate to see anyone do that, and feel free to call him on it. You have loved him unconditionally, helped him to your own detriment and generally put his needs ahead of your own for years. Of course now that you're no longer doing that, he feels like you're pulling away from him and is scrambling to control you again (or feel as if he's controlling you). It's a bad game, but from all you've written it's probably one he learned at an early age and may not be even aware of how crappy it is.

On the bright side, look at how many accomplishments and how far forward your life has come this past year! You've come out to Andy, been really honest, open and kind. You've helped your students far beyond what's called for in your job description, and as a result you've touched their lives in a way they will carry with them forever. What a wonderful gift.

I understand feeling like the 'fifth wheel' at family gatherings, but I found that it was a position I took without realizing it. Because I was closed off from my family and didn't let them into my life, they eventually would quit asking me to be a part of their lives. Not sure if that applies to you, but if it does it is within your ability to alter it. And take that newly-found openness (is that even a word?) and all that love and kindness you have and share it with the world. By your next birthday, you'll be surrounded by friends.

You have so much to give to someone, but it won't happen if you just stay at home. It was a running joke with me that for me to meet my (next) prince charming, he'll have to break through two lobby doors, take the elevator to my floor, select my apartment and pick all three locks to reach me. (Of course, that would mean he's a criminal and not my type or my apartment is on fire.) Alternatively, I could just go out for a drink and be open to what happens, and the same goes for you.

I sincerely hope for you that in this next year all of your dreams come true, and that they are the dreams that are best for YOU, whether or not they are the best for your family and Andy. You give so much to everyone else, but now it's time to give to you.

Wishing you a happy birthday, and a year of complete joy!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey all...its about 2:50am here on the East Coast.

I am now 30.

I took two Tylenol PM's to go to bed and forget the pain.

Andy called me a few hours later to remind me of the pain.

He called and said he just wanted to apologize and be the first to say Happy Birthday.

I told him thanks. He said thats all he had to say because hes got to go hang out with his friends in a few.

I thought, "gee, he found time to fit me in."

He asked me what I was doing and I just said sleeping.

The talk didnt go too good. In fact we barely talked at all for the 30 minutes were were on the phone for. I said things are weird. He said he doesnt mind his job but he doesnt like the fact that hes working for 11 an hour.

I told him I was pretty pissed after last nights talk, to which he said that he didnt even remember most of it because he was sleepy. Right . So why the apology then?

But I didnt express any anger or even sadness. I thanked him for the call and said I will speak to him soon.

Anyway..have to go now...I feel my good friend depression creeping up on me.

But before I go I wanted to share some lyrics with you from a Savage Garden song. It is so sad and beautiful at the same time and the lyrics do not do it justice, you really have to hear them sing it. It reminds me of what I might say to Andrew in a years time and it brings tears to my eyes. Anyway thanks for all the well wishes...TTYL VEGAS


I Dont Know You Anymore

I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but
Someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous if you can pretend
That you've forgiven me

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

Springtime in the city
Always such a relief from winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold if you know what I mean
Everyone's got an agenda
Don't stop keep that chin up you'll be alright
Can you believe what a year it's been
Are you still the same?
Has your opinion changed?

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I've paid the price
I'm still paying for it every day

So maybe I shouldn't have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn't really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognize this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I see your face
I see your face

 

[nsguy2]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

As with alot of those here, I've been following this thread and thought I'd post.

Brian, you seem like a truly great guy.

That being said, I'd like to offer what I've noticed.

1. Andrew seems most depressed after he's lost all his money playing cards - which is when he likes to ask you for more money.

2. He used to know what to say to get your hard earned money but is now realizing that he doesn't. That's why he's threatening you by withholding his friendship.

3. He's known all along that you're in love with him.

4. He doesn't love his girlfriend. If he did, he get his shit together and take care of her or get some help so he can at least take care himself.

Sorry if that seemed harsh as I'm not trying to be a idiot. It's just that it'd be cool to see you get some respect out of this relationship.

Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do and happy birthday...you're now in the 30 something club with the rest of us

Patrick

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey all just wanted to quickly pop on and say that I had a nice birthday. My family and a lot of friends from work surprised me at a restaurant and it was a pretty cool day . I was pretty sad that Andy was not here to be with me.

He did call me early this morning and told me that everything he said was a front and that he misses me so much and that hes breaking down because Im not there.

I came home from my party and he called me from his new cell phone...and we spoke for a ittle. Him and his girl sent me more wishes and told me that they will both be here in NYC for Thanksgiving.

He will talk to me more later he said.

Im kind of sad and miss Andy a lot . I have to admit I still love him and find it hard, expeicially for some reason today to get over my feelings for him. When he put me on speaker in the car and they were both talking, they seemed so happy. Just another reminder that we will never be.


Anyway, thanks to everyone on here for all the well wishes....xoxoxo Brian

 

[PieRules]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y!! Congratulations on the big 3 0

I hope everything turns out fine for you. Stay strong.

 

[spreadeagle]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

What a load of romantic balderdash! His behaviour towards you over the past three years - never able to commit while having an ongoing sexual relationship with another person - is exactly the behaviour you should expect from him in the future - even if he should separate from this woman and decide that he's gay - the cheater doesn't change his spots.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I have to disagree on a point or two, spreadeagle. If Andy is in fact gay, and trying very hard not to recognize that in himself, then he isn't cheating, and his behavior now is not an indication, necessarily, of what he would do in the future if he accepted it and gave himself to Brian. There's a world of difference between what people do when they're fighting very hard to hide from themselves and what they do when they've let go and accepted who they are.
Habits can develop, of course -- which is why the "necessarily" above. But the sudden freedom of being who you are, after years of working very hard indeed to not be that person, can also shatter a lot of habits.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Just wanted to briefly update you guys.

This past week has been busy. Andy been doing his thing, and me mine.

We have talked here and there, but for the most part the talks have been quick.

He called two hours ago a little tipsy saying that he cant live without me and that he misses me so much. We both said that we are looking foward to Thanksgiving(Andy is coming home for the holiday)

Cant wait to take a long walk with him like we always used to do. Cant wait to hug my buddy.

VEGAS

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys, just wanted to briefly update you all.

Andy and I have been on the phone every night. He has been really down this week.

He is coming here for Thanksgiving and will be here that weekend. We both cant wait. He has Thanksgiving dinner and a 50th birthday party to go to, and of course he has lots of friends to visit, but he said hes really coming here to get a chance to see me.

Andy really wants to move back to NYC. He says he hates NYC and hates the idea of moving again, but he wants to to be near me. He says hes 100% wanting to move back now and is thinking of ways. He asked me to help him out with a loan to come back. I have to admit, sometimes I do consider it. I dont know. I do know I miss him terribly.

School is going well. The kids threw a huge surprise party for me at work, and they continue to be cool. I have been stressed lately and snapping at my brothers. Just real stressed out.

The last two phone calls I had with Andy we talked each other to sleep. The first time, he fell alseep as I listened and I stayed on for like 10 minutes. He woke up and said, "hey we slept together(meaning on the phone)..."

The second time we both were tired and both fell asleep on the phone. He said that its a safe and comforting feeling knowing that Im on the line while hes sleeping. We both fell asleep and it was about 30 minutes before I woke up and realized it and whispered, "I love you so much Andy, have a great night.."


Well, thats all for now...will update you soon Vegas

P.S.-Hope all is well with you guys.

 

[RicanDAB]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

OK, I am the newcomer to this thread, just discovered it and let me just tell you .... I AM BLOWN AWAY by what I have been reading ... I have never been so intrigued by a thread on any board on the internet! I started to read at page 1 and now I am at the part where you and your buddy say goodbye at the house in Brooklyn before he moves.

I have been friggin' glued to the monitor and look what time it is!! And now there are what, 27 more pages of posts for me to catch up on? Where have I been? I feel like I just started watching Will & Grace for the first time ... on Lifetime! WTF? Where was I in February when all this was unfolding? YIKES! I was living in NYC at that time too! And to think this was all going on in the next borough! Can you tell I am in awe?? I just had to post and join in ... being very careful not to read anything beyond what I have already read. I just wanted to be a part of the LV family

BTW, one of the posts I already read: when you came out to your buddy and someone replied Thank God, that he felt like he had an orgasm in St. Louis .. I fell off the chair!!

This won't be the last of my posts, though it will be a while I suppose until I catch up with all the details!

In the meantime LV, from what I have read so far .. this is for you: I cannot wait to read the rest!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Rican thanks for the kind words.

This weekend has been really, really bad . Just so incredibly down. Sometimes I think Im down about Andy and sometimes I dont even know why Im getting down. I have been pretty unhappy lately and snapping at my brothers. Today I felt like getting out of here and just going to Las Vegas, where I know for sure there is a person who unconditionally loves me . TTYL Vegas

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Why would you move out there instead of loaning him the money to come back? HELLO??!! As I've said about a billion times before, everything you want is available to you, if you'll just open your eyes and realize that you already have it.

Wait til he comes out for Thanksgiving, show him a good time, then tell him you'll loan him the money of he comes back and lives with you (as in, together). I'll check back in later to find out how it went.

 

[RicanDAB]

Please SKIP unless you are Vegas!

What I am about to write is OLD NEWS for everyone, so please feel free to skip the post as I am trying to catch up on all the drama, and this post is more for Vegas ... I cannot believe that I recorded Desperate Housewives in order to read this thread last night!! I am definitely addicted to the events unfolding only months ago.

I am now on page 9 of this thread (late March) and it is really driving me crazy (you're both on the edge of a breakdown with each other and fiancee is interviewing for a job) ... you're still trying to find the right moment to tell your buddy how you really feel about him and you're stalling! However, I KNOW I would be doing the same thing you were doing. I have NO IDEA what has transpired since that time, since I am purposely NOT following the most recent posts so that I have a complete picture. However, here are my abbreviated thoughts so far (again, this may be old news and I may be mistaken):

The boy (your buddy) is NOT straight, and I cannot be convinced otherwise. I have NEVER ever met a straight guy who has been SO engrossed with a gay friend's social activities [and practically demanding to see his date's picture? -- H E L L O ?] and telling him how much he misses him and that he would break up with his fiancee just to be with him again! Maybe I have been gypped by friends - but I have had enough experience to know this just does not happen. But chew on this: my BEST friend is gay and even WE don't throw around the I Miss You's as much as the 2 of you do ... it's unreal. We've been friends for over 20 years and we just cannot be any closer unless we were romantic with each other. There is definitely a mutual love interest in you and your buddy! He's Italian-American you say? Those guys are so hard on the outside and there is so much pressure for them culturally to closet themselves and be mainstream that working on them to let their guard down about their real sexuality is like bringing down a stone wall with a hammer. I KNOW - I am originally from New York! LOL Anyway ...

I just realized that it may be better for me to PM my posts to you Vegas from now on and not clog the thread with Johnny-Come-Lately comments. I am sitting here just friggin' DYING to get to the end of the posts so I can feel caught up and get involved with the thread as a current reader. It's like a movie I don't want spoiled for me!!

At least my own posts will serve as a placemarker to let me know I am almost at the end (or up to date). I have come to love you guys so much and let me tell you ... this friendship is solid GOLD!!

See you at the finish line ... Rican .. back to my reading!

 

[RicanDAB]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Lord, it is 10pm and I have spent the better part of my time since my last post reading and reading and reading post after post after post. I went from reading every post, to reading just LVs posts (where I learned of the abortion) to just zooming to the present and reading this page ... I am so thrown for a loop that the situation has not changed much and at the same time relieved that I did not really miss much. I just cannot expend so much time reading all these posts -- too much to catch up on. Glad I saved myself so much time. Sadly, I also had to skim some of the awesome advice that you have received here from other guys. Wish I had the time to digest it all fully. But maybe from here forward I can appreciate it more.

I am going to consider myself "updated" on this thread and throw you my full support, Vegas. I just could not wait to participate here. Andy has no idea what he's missing out on. You both are perfect and I can see why a part of you is subconsiously hanging on, for lack of a better word - because I know if Andy gave you the green light you'd change your life forever.

I do believe it will take a long time for Andy to come to terms with his sexuality - because I still think he is gay! Like I said before, these Italians from Brooklyn are soooo hardcore and they will not break for sh*t! Oh sure, there are some out there that do not care, but there are more out there than you think!

You say you're from Bay Ridge. Did you ever go to Spectrum?? That gay dance club that closed down earlier this year (and made famous in the 70s [when it was a straight club] when Saturday Night Fever filmed there with its famous multicolor flashing dance floor)? Man, that was a hotbed of hard Italo-Americans who were just looking to be with a guy but would never admit it beyond the front doors -- then there are more of them who would never think of entering but would drive by in their cars, circling the block for hours ... I have seen it happen.

But I digress ... WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU BRIAN ... and I can only assume by skipping posts that this depression has been ongoing for the last 8 months -- not good! I hope that you have been able to catapult yourself from the depths of it enough to realize that you deserve to be with someone who can give you BOTH the emotional AND physical love that you need! I hope you have also been able to redirect your energies somewhat and find that in NYC.

I have 3 unanswered questions due to skipping posts, and maybe ANYONE else on the board following the thread can answer:

(1) Is Brian now with Matt more serious than before? (He was just sex as far as I understood back in April and now I see him mentioned again recently)

(2) Did Brian ever make it out to Las Vegas this summer? What happened ... brief recap is fine [except to detail if anything happened LOL ... I am such a horndog ]

(3) Did Brian graduate and get his Masters? Woo - hoo! Congrats???

BTW, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY Brian!! 30! It's a great decade let me tell you, though I hear 40 is better (and that is the one I am closer to ).

In your corner -- Rican