Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Another convinced member of the "Andy is gay!" contingent -- welcome!
I'm not convinced, but it sure would be nice. I suppose one way to be sure is the suggestion above: tell him you'll loan him the money if he'll live together with you, including sharing a bed.
But personally I think you've loaned too much already, or given -- whatever. I say tell him to take a breath and rely on himself more.

 

[wentworth]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

My question is why does all this matter?

You needs to put an end to this four-year nightmare.

Andy knows that you are gay. You said so yourself.

So, tell him you're sexually attracted to him, and that he needs to seriously consider if it will work out or not. If he is not gay at all, then you need to move on.
Set a date and let him think about it. After such a date, move on.

I would advise you not to sit around and wait to see if he comes out or not.

 

[RicanDAB]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

This thread unfortunately seems to have died - not as hopping as it was months ago - I see Vegas has not been on lately either.

Anyway, I have thought about this situation offline and I came to the board to voice my new thoughts and I see wentworth echoed some of my sentiments exactly.

Vegas, you have suffered way too much over this and you have essentially placed your life on hold for almost a year over Andy (at least online here and it certainly is longer than that) ... these are years that you will never get back to nurture an open and loving partner relationship for yourself - Though the time was used to nurture a beautiful friendship with Andy, it was wrought with sexual frustration that you should have been seeking elsewhere. You appear to be a nice guy and there are so many guys out there like you who have not found each other. I was glad to see that you started to at least see someone else (Matt) and if that is not serious enough it behooves you to date others and find the one you mesh with best as a partner.

I still have no doubt that Andy is gay and has as deep a level of love for you as you have for him - but you cannot spend the rest of your life trying to extract him out of the closet when he clearly is not ready for that and it is so hard to say when and if he ever will. You need to be straighforward about this with him and present him the ultimatum ("I want to be with you and you need to decide by X date if you want to be with me") - which will then force him to choose or risk letting you go as a potential mate - though you can still be friends, and I am sure you will always remain so - you both need to decide whether this will go to the next level or quash it forever and move on in different directions and find other lovers. Andy is clearly not giving you the sexual fulfillment you need as much as his emotional support and that is causing a lot of your pain - you clearly are looking for sexual and emotional fulfillment in one person.

It is time to make these decisions. I am sorry for shelling out the tough love, but I wanted to open your eyes to the fact that life is too short to continue like this - and I only hope that your absence from this thread has been used constructively with regard to your future with Andy - friends forever or lovers forever?

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

To Rican and Wentworth-

No my life is not on hold. I live in NYC and am rennovating my apt and working and living and finishing my Masters in February.

I am in the process to start dating again.

The both of you either skipped a lot of posts or are just misguided a little.

I dont obsess abouy my love for Andy. I am not "waiting for him to come out".

I will admit he sometimes says things that get my heart going. But anyone would in a situation like this.

While I wish for to be something more, I realize it might not happen. We are and always will be close tight friends. And I can confidently say this because he himself tells me so. He is the one who told me that his girl is replaceable and expendable and I am not.

So thanks for the advice, but I already came to those conclusions months ago and have been working on myself for a while now. Thanks. Vegas

P.S.-This thread is not inactive. I tend to update when something is going on or I need friendly advice or I need to vent. Sometimes I know no on reads this and Im posting just to vent, and thats fine by me. But the last 30 PM's tell me that while Im venting Im at least touching a chord with others who are, or have gone through, the same thing. Vegas

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

And some of us are following along, knowing that when you vent you don't always need a reply.

"Working on myself" -- I like that!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I agreee with that 100%

With all due respect, like I said earlier....I am not just sitting around waiting for him to come out. Im working on my life. Its a complicated thing, ok?

It's easy for those who have not been through this to dispel advice.

And for those of you that have been through what I have been through, and told your straight friends what I have told mine, from what you tell me things went sour and not many of you are still friends.

Well its just a little more complicated in my position. We are still the best of friends and are tight as can be brothers.

But as always, I appreciate any and all advice given. Vegas

 

[wentworth]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

To Rican and Wentworth-

No my life is not on hold. I live in NYC and am rennovating my apt and working and living and finishing my Masters in February.

I am in the process to start dating again.

The both of you either skipped a lot of posts or are just misguided a little.

I dont obsess abouy my love for Andy. I am not "waiting for him to come out".

I will admit he sometimes says things that get my heart going. But anyone would in a situation like this.

While I wish for to be something more, I realize it might not happen. We are and always will be close tight friends. And I can confidently say this because he himself tells me so. He is the one who told me that his girl is replaceable and expendable and I am not.

So thanks for the advice, but I already came to those conclusions months ago and have been working on myself for a while now. Thanks. Vegas

P.S.-This thread is not inactive. I tend to update when something is going on or I need friendly advice or I need to vent. Sometimes I know no on reads this and Im posting just to vent, and thats fine by me. But the last 30 PM's tell me that while Im venting Im at least touching a chord with others who are, or have gone through, the same thing. Vegas

Well good for you! I am really out of the loop here!
Great to see you're moving on!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thanks, guys.

This weekend was my younger brothers birthday party.

My older brother and I were going to the party in the same car. We got into a little argument, and he turns to me and says, " I know what'sut it more another time.."

Anyway I know he knows. And telling my younger brother wont be bad, since we are close. Its my parents what will be hard. But thats a promise I made to myself for my birthday this year. This is the year I tell EVERYONE. Vegas

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well...Andy and I have been speaking everynight. He is rather upset and depressed as to what is going on. He feels its going to be forever that we are back together chilling out as friends and having a good time and making memories.

Anyway Andy is coming back to NYC for a few days. Its now little under a week away. Hes looking foward to seeing me he says. He also is looking foward to having a long walk and talk with me about things.

Today Andy told me that he and his girl are thinking about having a kid soon.

My heart did sink, but I realized that this was just further proof how I need to move on with my life and get mine in order.

I felt the whole range of emotions when he told me this. Jealous. Mad. Sad. Crushed.

I told him that was awesome news(even though financially its not the right time and I wanted to tell him that-I backed away from doing that).

He asked why I was so quiet. I said no real reason bro, just kind of tired.

He said that him having a kid is great but hes going to feel sad about not having me around.

I told him that he made choices to better his life and get it started and thats what Im doing with mine here in NYC.

He seemed kind of sad that I was so determined about my plans here in NYC.


But I only hope to have some kids one day with a great guy. At least thats what I tell myself to get by. I hope its not jut some dream that I will always have and never become reality.

As much as I love Andy and hes my best friend, I think my heart will be crushed a little when he officially gets married and when he starts to have kids.

Sometime I think Im so wrong for thinking that, because I feel like Im betraying him.

But I know Im his brother and best friend and no one treats him better than me.

Anyway, thats my early morning rambling for now(couldnt sleep)...ttyl Vegas

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys, hope you had a good weekend.

Andy called me yesterday and we talked a good long while. Longer than we ever have in a while. I told him it has been so long since we talked like that since he started working because he has to be in bed early. He said he misses those talks a lot.

He called me very saddened about missing me.

As I always do, I try to remind Andrew of all the great things he has got going on. I tell him he has a beautiful wife, and that Im so proud of him getting and holding a job and beginning to start his life out there.

All that talk I gave him didnt seem to matter.

I told him that even though we are separate from each other, I know our friendship will survive anything.


I told him to look foward to that family he wants to start planning.

He said yeah its nice but all that is not going to happen unless Im back in his life. He is having trouble moving on.

He said he doesnt like his job and he is barely making it. He said he cant hang out with his friends because he keeps comparing them to me and that no one has the heart and humor I have.

We talked about New Jersey and how it is becoming closer to legalizing gay marriage, He said thats cool. I told him that it would be cool if me and my guy and him and his girl can go away and all get married together.

I told him the guy I end up with will have a great heart and good humor and it will all be good and nice.

Andy got down and said that all the things that I am going to do with my guy I should have been doing with him with him: Like getting a house and living together for a while and sell it and make money and live near each other, and share all of life's riches together.

He said the guy that meets me will be very lucky. He said that I did things right by staying in school and all that.

He said something has go to give real soon and someone has to make the first move. He said he cant wait until this week until hes in New York for Thanksgiving.

He said the only reason he would move back here is because of me and that he misses me so much.

I said to him what? And he goes you one of the biggest things in my life and I had the biggest impact on him in his whole life.

He said he considers me more than a brother...and I was like what did you say?...and he's like more than a brother..whatever you want to call it...blood.

We ended the call and promised to speak to each other today.

Anyway ttyl guys...Vegas

 

[cumluv]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Bri I just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. I think your a cool guy and the way you talk about Andy, I think he is to. I hope everything is going well with your class this year. I wish I could help you more but I don't know how.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Andy got down and said that all the things that I am going to do with my guy should have been doing with him with him: Like getting a house and living together for a while and sell it and make money and live near each other, and share all of life's riches together.

Dude, right there I would have told him the way I feel -- that if we shared a house, I'd want to share his bed... among other things!
If you can handle sharing a house but never touching him, you've got greater willpower than I do!

 

[Lucas07]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wow... I've followed this thread and read it from the start...
I do envy you for having such a good friend like Andy...
Treasure him and your friendship a lot of people seek a friendship like this (like me) and you have it

You two have a great relationship... I hope I find a really good friend along the way.
Happy thanksgiving

 

[PATMAN]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

hey LV, its starting to sound like a cliche, but this is my first post on this thread, although i have been reading for over a month. It took me over a week to read it all once i first found it, I was addicted, and have been following new updates over the past few weeks. I didn't post anything because there were so many other opinions flying around, some the same as mine, but I finally decided to speak, so here goes:

You seem like a GREAT guy and you deserve nothing but the best. If Andy suddenly finally became your b/f and you two lived happily ever after, that would be amazing! However, it has been looking more and more like that's not happening...
You have already told him all your feelings, so he KNOWS how you feel, and yet he still talks to you like he does. Like most others, I have never heard of anyone talking to a best friend like that, especially a straight guy. I know you had an exceptional relationship with him, and I can relate. A number of years ago, I was in the same boat myself, but I won't tell that story, there have been enough of those stories from other posters, and I have gotten over it. But my point is that he knows that if he keeps up talking to you like he does, your feelings for him are probably never going to change. At least he should know that. So I think that when he comes to NYC for Thanksgiving, you need to reiterate to him your feelings and that something needs to change. Either he moves there to be with you (and share a bed as Kul puts it), or you need to move on.

Personally I think that he probably does have feelings for you as well, but hasn't come to terms with it himself, and possibly has fears that it is too late to come out with it, with his fiancee in his life and all. Of course not hearing a story from him I can't say...

anyhow, I think I got my point across, it may be a bit confusing. I also wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, and I truly hope for the best for you and Andy, and I hope his visit goes well, and I have been following this thread very avidly, so please do continue to update them!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thanks Pattawa, and a Happy Thanksgiving to all you guys also.

Ok so been talking with Andy for the past two days. He had off today because his flight is 10:30pm Vegas time. He will be here 6am NYC time. He is nervous about the flight and he called me several times. I calmed him down as best I can.

He then got to talking about, "Bri why dont you just take out this loan to help me and my girl move back...you have given us money before and not wanted it back, but this time you are getting me a loan that I will HAVE to pay back, so I dont understand the reasoning..."

He said, "My girl said that if we were to move back to NYC it HAS to be now because we are starting a family soon and she doesnt want her kid moved back and forth like that...so if this loan doesnt happen, you wont be seeing me on a daily basis for a very long time"

I kind of got pissed at this but didnt really tell him.

Now I know what you are thinking. That I got mad because he mentioned settling down and having a kid, blah blah blah. Ok I did. But the real reason that ticked me off is that they are now giving me a time frame to do this loan, aka NOW.

So I have to do this just to fit in with their schedule of wanting a kid?

I told him what makes you think that even if I get the loan for whatever amount, that I wont soon spend it on me, because I need furniture and I need a car, things he both has already.

He said we can split it.

I was like whatever.

So if I gave him the loan it would just give him everything he needs and he will start a family over here and all that, while Im still struggling.

Well to be honest I have given too much. I really, really, realize I need to be focusing on my life now.

That doesnt mean excluding Andy. That means just getting used to us living in different states.

Hes getting very sad about only seeing me for 3 days, and even in those 3 days it wont be much as he has other family and friends to see.

At one point he said he doesnt want to even see me because he will get too upset and start to cry and everything that is going on.

I told him that me and Dante(my dog) want to se him, but if thats what he wants to do, thats certainly his choice.

Anyway, I am kind of sad right now...not the way I planned this visist or holiday to go.

TTyl for now...Vegas

P.S.-Watching the Madonna concert now, its pretty damn cool.

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Oh, Bri, Dude! I SO Feel for You, right now, Man!

With his latest comments, right on the eve of his visit, it would seem Andy is more interested in your "bread", than he is in your "bed"! And not wanting to sound as though sex is everything, which it really isn't, getting past all that, is this really a way to treat a True Friend?? On HIS part, I mean??

What is He REALLY telling You, here? He might be too busy to See You?? Unless you "Pay" for it, He may not have any time for You??? What's with THIS??!!

Maybe I'm being too harsh. I mean ... I don't really know Andy! But ... I DO feel I know YOU a little bit! Even if only through your words. And I'm feeling that YOU deserve far Better than what you're being dealt by your "Bro"!!

"Number One" should be YOU!! Not only in your own actions/perceptions, but also from someone who is "supposedly" your "Best Friend"! YOU do NOT deserve this kind of "ultimatum", Brian! I am now seriously questioning whether, or not, Andy really deserves Your loyalty and devotion!

YOU have already offered, and given, SO much to this guy! And, with what in "return"?? Sorry to sound like a "downer"! But, Bri, Buddy, YOU should be getting SO much more of what YOU truly deserve! I'm talking about Consideration, Respect, and Concern! Not what sounds like "Pay for Play"! (And by "Play" I don't mean anything "Fun"!)

Know what I mean? Am I making sense??

Even if You WEREN'T as nice, and caring, and giving, a Guy as You are, is this the way "Bro's" treat each other??

Still ... Hoping for the Best!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey KY, cool to see you again, Happy Thanksgiving to you!!!! You have been there so much for me.

Well he now says(even though he wont do it) that he wants to rip up his ticket, as his visit with me was the only reason he was coming here and the only thing he was looking foward to.

He is very sad about the situation. He thinks I dont care for him as much as he cares for me, which I dont understand since I have had his back since day one(and no not the good "back"). No one in his life has been there for him like me, and he even says this. Plus he knows Im in love with him so I dont know how he can say this.

Hes not giving me an ultimatum really. Bottom line is this. Andy likes the attention I give him and he wants me to stay single and continue to devote attention to him.

He wants to have his girl, his kid, and me giving him constant attention in his life. He wants the best of both worlds. I cant be his lil thign on the side, even if its notsexual. I cant just soley exist for him.I will always be there for him. As much as he said hes "not with" me being in love with him, a big part of him gets off on that Im into him...When I wind up with someone else, he will be devastated because even though hell be a big part of my life, he wont be the CENTER of my life.

I asked him if he asked his other friends for a loan, and promising to pay them back, what would they say??

He said they would all say no...even his childhood friends. He said Im his best friend ever and the only friend who cares for him.

Anyway Ill update you throughout the visit.

Hes heading to the airport in like an hour for a 10:30 Vegas flight...Hell be here at 6am...ttyl Vegas

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, Bud!

I have NO doubts, whatsoever, about Your loyalty, devotion, and concern for Andy! In all sincerity, I wish I could have another friend such as YOU! And I feel I am SO fortunate to have gotten to know YOU, even if "just" through this forum! (Thank You!, JUB!!)

So, yeah!, I'm concerned! But, I also understand your attraction, your "support", so to speak, to Andy! He must be quite a Guy, himself! And, I'm completely jealous of Him! I mean ... afterall ... He has YOU!

Still, my Friend, does He, is He, capable of having YOUR "Back" as much as YOU have been watching His?? How can He possibly imply that YOU are not as much "behind" Him as He has (let's face it, NOT entirely!) been to YOU?? YOU have gone to the mat for Him so many times! And in return? All you've gotten is a request for more??

It's sounding all "One Sided" to me, right now. And I can surely sympathize with You! I "get it" far better than I can explane it!

Still ... I'm wishing YOU a Fantastic Thanksgiving! And, I trust that your visit shall be a fulfilling one for BOTH of You!

Give Andy a BIG "Man Hug" for YOU, and all of "Us", when you first see Him! (But, also, keep an eye to you back pocket!)

And ... of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Give Andy a BIG "Man Hug" for YOU, and all of "Us", when you first see Him! (But, also, keep an eye to you back pocket!)
QUOTE]


LMAO ....for some reason that made me laugh out loud lol.

Thanks for all the nice comments...Im glad you feel you know me...most people say they do when they talk to me.

You can def. count me as a friend.

Talking to Andy before I told him this. You have a nice wife, a great car, a plan to have kids and you live in Vegas!! I only want those things for myself too...and his response? Well there really is no difference between me and you Bri, except for the fact that you cant have/start a family...which totally fucking enraged me to no end ...but thinking thats maybe why he said it..I stayed calm and just said...of course I can.

Anyway TTYL...Vegas

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well, just a short little while ago...I got awakened by a phone call from Andrew!

He was still on his plane but he was taxiing in JFK airport here in NYC.

He said the flight was bumpy, and its nice to be in NYC and its cold and rainy.

He said he is going to try and get his brother in law's car and come see me right away.

Anyway, Happy Turkey day to all and I will update you on my meeting with Andrew.

Its so great that finally we are isame time zone!! No more subtracting 3 hours to figure out what time it is by him, and wonering what hes doing. He is here!!

Anyway, gotta go, hope the balloons fly in the parade, its nasty out...Vegas