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Undying love for my best friend...please read(long
- Thread starter LostVegas
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
Have not spoken to Andrew in about a week...and that is fine with me, he comes in on the 23rd, and the wedding is May 4th, in about two weeks.
I am not looking foward to seeing him, so I might not see him for a few days after he comes in, quite possibly just a few days before his wedding.
I am now looking foward to the wedding, if only to close this chapter of my life and move on.
I have off all of next week, so I am planing on being very very busy, so I wont be seeing him.
Bri
Have not spoken to Andrew in about a week...and that is fine with me, he comes in on the 23rd, and the wedding is May 4th, in about two weeks.
I am not looking foward to seeing him, so I might not see him for a few days after he comes in, quite possibly just a few days before his wedding.
I am now looking foward to the wedding, if only to close this chapter of my life and move on.
I have off all of next week, so I am planing on being very very busy, so I wont be seeing him.
Bri
nihilis
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
These two statements contradict one another it seems. Whatever you decide, just own your choice and remember that you DO have one. To say you have to do this or that is foolish and self-delusional. You owe him nothing, not even an explanation. Good luck.
These two statements contradict one another it seems. Whatever you decide, just own your choice and remember that you DO have one. To say you have to do this or that is foolish and self-delusional. You owe him nothing, not even an explanation. Good luck.
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
Hey guys, just came back from walking my dog and I started thinking about my friendship with Andrew and the GOOD times there were, genuine ones...and I got depressed. I genuinely do miss having someone, a guy, to hang out with all the time and do dumb things with.
But then I got real depressed when I thought about how far everything has gone, how it is not like it used to be anymore...and how he went and fucked things up big time.
I am a human being, not perfect and a forgiving person. I do forgive Andrew and wish the best for him, I really do. It just hurts that we will never be friends like we used to...and Im talking about the good part of our friendship guys not the parts that immediately come to all our minds....anyway..hope your weekend is going cool.
Just venting..~~~Bri~~~
Hey guys, just came back from walking my dog and I started thinking about my friendship with Andrew and the GOOD times there were, genuine ones...and I got depressed. I genuinely do miss having someone, a guy, to hang out with all the time and do dumb things with.
But then I got real depressed when I thought about how far everything has gone, how it is not like it used to be anymore...and how he went and fucked things up big time.
I am a human being, not perfect and a forgiving person. I do forgive Andrew and wish the best for him, I really do. It just hurts that we will never be friends like we used to...and Im talking about the good part of our friendship guys not the parts that immediately come to all our minds....anyway..hope your weekend is going cool.
Just venting..~~~Bri~~~
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
Actually cried for the first time in a while today. Do not know exactly what I am crying about or what got me so down.
I have been trying to read the advice in the other threads about people falling for their straight friends..and the advice is good, but not always hard to follow.
Im not going to lie, sometimes I think of how good it could have been with me and him if he were gay.
And part of me always wonders and is afraid to be friends again with him and suddenly find myself falling for him once more.
I guess I should just focus on fnding other male friends.
A part of me is jealous of Andrew...he is getting married and soon will have kids...it is so easy for him.
I dont think he will ever know the pain of being gay sometimes. I dont wish it on anyone.
Dont flame me I am just venting, having a bad patch today. I am sure to get over it.
Bri
Actually cried for the first time in a while today. Do not know exactly what I am crying about or what got me so down.
I have been trying to read the advice in the other threads about people falling for their straight friends..and the advice is good, but not always hard to follow.
Im not going to lie, sometimes I think of how good it could have been with me and him if he were gay.
And part of me always wonders and is afraid to be friends again with him and suddenly find myself falling for him once more.
I guess I should just focus on fnding other male friends.
A part of me is jealous of Andrew...he is getting married and soon will have kids...it is so easy for him.
I dont think he will ever know the pain of being gay sometimes. I dont wish it on anyone.
Dont flame me I am just venting, having a bad patch today. I am sure to get over it.
Bri
Providence
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
Hey Brian,
I've never posted on this thread but I know your whole story which I read a while back and keep coming back for updates. I've always wondered if I should post something but everybody else here usually beats me to it saying something I wanted to say but I guess I'll say it now anyways.
When I first started reading your story, I was rooting for you and hoping both you and Andrew would get a happy ending. And in a way, you have gotten your happy endings, just not the one I imagined. I was hoping you two would end up together, which unfortunately didnt happen. But at least things are still going well for the both of you. He's getting married and you've kinda gotten your life in order and started living for yourself.
I understand it must be hard for you. I know you are close with Latoya but you still crave to have a male friend, even to be just good friends with and not necessarily date. I think I'd die if I didn't have my male friends, even though they're all straight.
Though I'm glad your friendship with Andrew is over. He wasn't a good friend to you though you should cherish the good memories you had with him. There's nothing wrong with that.
I am also in love with my best friend who happens to be straight. It sucks but that's life. I'm also moving away for a bit so I'm gonna miss him. Anyways, hopefully his wedding (should you choose to attend it) will give you some closure.
Feel better, bri! We're here for you!
Hey Brian,
I've never posted on this thread but I know your whole story which I read a while back and keep coming back for updates. I've always wondered if I should post something but everybody else here usually beats me to it saying something I wanted to say but I guess I'll say it now anyways.
When I first started reading your story, I was rooting for you and hoping both you and Andrew would get a happy ending. And in a way, you have gotten your happy endings, just not the one I imagined. I was hoping you two would end up together, which unfortunately didnt happen. But at least things are still going well for the both of you. He's getting married and you've kinda gotten your life in order and started living for yourself.
I understand it must be hard for you. I know you are close with Latoya but you still crave to have a male friend, even to be just good friends with and not necessarily date. I think I'd die if I didn't have my male friends, even though they're all straight.
Though I'm glad your friendship with Andrew is over. He wasn't a good friend to you though you should cherish the good memories you had with him. There's nothing wrong with that.
I am also in love with my best friend who happens to be straight. It sucks but that's life. I'm also moving away for a bit so I'm gonna miss him. Anyways, hopefully his wedding (should you choose to attend it) will give you some closure.
Feel better, bri! We're here for you!
nihilis
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
I promise you, nowhere did anyone say it was easy. It's unnatural to go against the way you would normally do things and handle things and just change the way you deal with someone. It's uncomfortable to suddenly go from having people around to hearing crickets outside. It's almost impossible to stop thinking of something you're forcing yourself not to think about. Not to mention, it hurts. You're sitting alone with all this downtime and real memories and experiences with this person that were genuine and full of happiness and love. Believe me, I understand this. It takes patience and time. Sometimes it's going to be easier than others. Some days you will cry, some days you won't. It's going to get to the point though, where you're not forcing yourself not to think of him anymore. It's going to get better. I swear, we're living parallel lives right now.
...and he was everything your imagination has made him out to be. Don't forget to add that, because that's the only way it would have worked, even if he was gay. Because if he was gay and like this you'd be in worse shape than you are now.
Burn that bridge when you come to it. Get over your attachment first, then worry about this potential scenario.
I know what you're saying here sort of, but once you find the right guy, it'll be easy for you and him too. The problems you'll face having kids are nothing like the ones Andy'll face when everyone stops taking care of him. There's nothing to be jealous about, I assure you.
True, but guess what kiddo, this is what we were dealt. I don't think any one of us would be gay if we weren't able to handle it. The problems are more, shall we say, acute at times than straight people's shit; but I'd never want to trade my gay status for some of the problems my straight friends have. It's all relative. We're all similar in the problems department, just with different flavors of suffering.
Let it all out, you need to. Then do something relaxing or fun and try to forget about all this, if just for a night.
I promise you, nowhere did anyone say it was easy. It's unnatural to go against the way you would normally do things and handle things and just change the way you deal with someone. It's uncomfortable to suddenly go from having people around to hearing crickets outside. It's almost impossible to stop thinking of something you're forcing yourself not to think about. Not to mention, it hurts. You're sitting alone with all this downtime and real memories and experiences with this person that were genuine and full of happiness and love. Believe me, I understand this. It takes patience and time. Sometimes it's going to be easier than others. Some days you will cry, some days you won't. It's going to get to the point though, where you're not forcing yourself not to think of him anymore. It's going to get better. I swear, we're living parallel lives right now.
...and he was everything your imagination has made him out to be. Don't forget to add that, because that's the only way it would have worked, even if he was gay. Because if he was gay and like this you'd be in worse shape than you are now.
Burn that bridge when you come to it. Get over your attachment first, then worry about this potential scenario.
Good idea. I'm sure there are plenty of guys right here who'd be friends with you in an instant.
I know what you're saying here sort of, but once you find the right guy, it'll be easy for you and him too. The problems you'll face having kids are nothing like the ones Andy'll face when everyone stops taking care of him. There's nothing to be jealous about, I assure you.
True, but guess what kiddo, this is what we were dealt. I don't think any one of us would be gay if we weren't able to handle it. The problems are more, shall we say, acute at times than straight people's shit; but I'd never want to trade my gay status for some of the problems my straight friends have. It's all relative. We're all similar in the problems department, just with different flavors of suffering.
Let it all out, you need to. Then do something relaxing or fun and try to forget about all this, if just for a night.
nihilis
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
Brian, to say I understand is an understatement at this point. You at least have had the balls to tell some people you're gay. It's even more interesting dealing with this stuff when you're a thirtysomething closet case. It will get better, I promise. Just keep trying to do what you're doing. Cherish the friends you have, as well as your family, and try to stay hopeful that someday you'll be able to look back on all this and laugh, especially when you find the guy that you're going to spend the rest of your life with.
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
After exactly a week of not hearing from Andrew, he called this morning.
At 5:00am my time. I ignored it, I mean WTF?
Anyway he was prolly coming back from a night in the Casinos or hanging out with his friends, neither of which I wanted to hear about at 5am.
~~~Bri~~~
After exactly a week of not hearing from Andrew, he called this morning.
At 5:00am my time. I ignored it, I mean WTF?
Anyway he was prolly coming back from a night in the Casinos or hanging out with his friends, neither of which I wanted to hear about at 5am.
~~~Bri~~~
nihilis
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
I'd go out on a limb and say this is all about him seeing how much he can still manipulate you. It didn't work this time, but Brian, how many times in the past did you wake up to his bullshit? Anyone making a phone call anywhere at 2AM is a douchebag, unless there's an emergency. Plus, if he can't do simple math, he really should be put down. A friend, especially one who loves you, wouldn't be such an asshole; and would at least try to have consideration for you. It's not like it happened once, it happens constantly. I say again, skip the wedding and go out for an ice cream with Latoya or something. This guy's going to do nothing but try to keep manipulating you until you're squeezed dry emotionally and financially. You're almost there, I think you just need to show Andy who's really in control of the situation. You have nothing to lose.
I'd go out on a limb and say this is all about him seeing how much he can still manipulate you. It didn't work this time, but Brian, how many times in the past did you wake up to his bullshit? Anyone making a phone call anywhere at 2AM is a douchebag, unless there's an emergency. Plus, if he can't do simple math, he really should be put down. A friend, especially one who loves you, wouldn't be such an asshole; and would at least try to have consideration for you. It's not like it happened once, it happens constantly. I say again, skip the wedding and go out for an ice cream with Latoya or something. This guy's going to do nothing but try to keep manipulating you until you're squeezed dry emotionally and financially. You're almost there, I think you just need to show Andy who's really in control of the situation. You have nothing to lose.
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
One again this morning Andrew called me in the morning, this time it was 6:00am, on my home phone which rang 18 times and my cell phone. I woke up to it and refused to pick it up.
~~~Bri~~~
One again this morning Andrew called me in the morning, this time it was 6:00am, on my home phone which rang 18 times and my cell phone. I woke up to it and refused to pick it up.
~~~Bri~~~
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
I am so pleased that you don't pick up, but even better, if you turn the ringer off your phone, you won't be jarred awake because, as Nihil has noted, Andrew is even trying to manipulate your sleep health. There is nothing sadder than the middle of the night phone calls.
You can't be starting your working day with his shit.
I do not take any calls between 10pm and 7 am. Period. No exceptions.
You could do the same.
But congrats for at least not picking up.
He will get bored and move on.
I am so pleased that you don't pick up, but even better, if you turn the ringer off your phone, you won't be jarred awake because, as Nihil has noted, Andrew is even trying to manipulate your sleep health. There is nothing sadder than the middle of the night phone calls.
You can't be starting your working day with his shit.
I do not take any calls between 10pm and 7 am. Period. No exceptions.
You could do the same.
But congrats for at least not picking up.
He will get bored and move on.
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
Hey guys, well I do have the week off for Spring Break, but regardless, even if he knew I had off...call me during the day when we both are awake..but as usual in our friendship he would call me when no one was around on his end so he could openly speak and say what is on his mind, something he couldnt do if his girl or friends were present.
It is odd and a little surreal to me that 24 hours from now he will be here...
~~~Bri~~~
Hey guys, well I do have the week off for Spring Break, but regardless, even if he knew I had off...call me during the day when we both are awake..but as usual in our friendship he would call me when no one was around on his end so he could openly speak and say what is on his mind, something he couldnt do if his girl or friends were present.
It is odd and a little surreal to me that 24 hours from now he will be here...
~~~Bri~~~
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
Well Andrew called, at a fucking decent hour for once...but I missed it because I was showering.
So, I did call him back. I called him, because I know in the bottom of my heart, as mad as I am at him...that I didnt want him to get on a plane tomorrow, which I know he is afraid of, and not speak to him...god forbid anything bad happen to him or the plane.
It wasn't a bad call actually...putting aside all his moaning and groaning about how he misses me and things hurt and he doesnt feel good.
He said he apologizes to me for everything.
I said, bro...I am human, and forgiving and imperfect...and I DID forgive you...4 years ago when you told me you used me.
But what would make me feel better is a little action.
He said he is next to broke.
I go Andrew, even though it is nowhere near what you owe me...you can at the very least spot me 20, 30, 40, 50 dollars here and there...but you have not, and that says a lot.
He said he lives with guilt and bad feelings over what went down everyday and he says everything is awkward and sad now.
He talked about the plane..I said he will be fine, he goes, Im sure you will be trvaelling a lot this year, with your other friends.."
I said yeah..he got terribly down..WTF can I do?
He said maybe a trip together with just me and him will help our friendship...I skipped past that little thing right away.
He said he is planning going to California when he gets back from NYC(He is leaving on the 5th from here-thank god).
He also said he would like to see me more than here and there when he gets here, but that it is up to me...I'm glad he said that, because now he is already expecting me not to see him ...
He asked me how work is going. I told him about my two RAISES lol and how I just bought back a year and signed a 55/25 clause that lets me retire at 50..instead of saying cool he responds with..
Well Im becoming a Vegas cop and eventually a detective(great so he can arrest people like himself) and want to retire by 50, he said hes in the process of getting his HS Diploma...and I congratulated him on the diploma stuff...he said retiring at 50 will be the icing on the cake of his miserable fucking life...I was like wow....ok?
I asked him if he is looking foward to the wedding and coming in...and he goes.. "I'll say it once, Im looking foward to seeing people I have not seen and thats about it.."
WOW not excited about the wedding. Not surprising. I already knew that.
He asked if hanging out with Latoya beat hanging out with him...All I said to him was its different"
Anyway, he asked me about..my firniture and he asked me about my car and I said well Im SAVING up..and he goes well how much do you have...and I go ENOUGH...he got the hint that I wasnt budging on an amount...anyway I had to go to dinner with my folks so I ended the call..
~~~Bri~~~
Well Andrew called, at a fucking decent hour for once...but I missed it because I was showering.
So, I did call him back. I called him, because I know in the bottom of my heart, as mad as I am at him...that I didnt want him to get on a plane tomorrow, which I know he is afraid of, and not speak to him...god forbid anything bad happen to him or the plane.
It wasn't a bad call actually...putting aside all his moaning and groaning about how he misses me and things hurt and he doesnt feel good.
He said he apologizes to me for everything.
I said, bro...I am human, and forgiving and imperfect...and I DID forgive you...4 years ago when you told me you used me.
But what would make me feel better is a little action.
He said he is next to broke.
I go Andrew, even though it is nowhere near what you owe me...you can at the very least spot me 20, 30, 40, 50 dollars here and there...but you have not, and that says a lot.
He said he lives with guilt and bad feelings over what went down everyday and he says everything is awkward and sad now.
He talked about the plane..I said he will be fine, he goes, Im sure you will be trvaelling a lot this year, with your other friends.."
I said yeah..he got terribly down..WTF can I do?
He said maybe a trip together with just me and him will help our friendship...I skipped past that little thing right away.
He said he is planning going to California when he gets back from NYC(He is leaving on the 5th from here-thank god).
He also said he would like to see me more than here and there when he gets here, but that it is up to me...I'm glad he said that, because now he is already expecting me not to see him ...
He asked me how work is going. I told him about my two RAISES lol and how I just bought back a year and signed a 55/25 clause that lets me retire at 50..instead of saying cool he responds with..
Well Im becoming a Vegas cop and eventually a detective(great so he can arrest people like himself) and want to retire by 50, he said hes in the process of getting his HS Diploma...and I congratulated him on the diploma stuff...he said retiring at 50 will be the icing on the cake of his miserable fucking life...I was like wow....ok?
I asked him if he is looking foward to the wedding and coming in...and he goes.. "I'll say it once, Im looking foward to seeing people I have not seen and thats about it.."
WOW not excited about the wedding. Not surprising. I already knew that.
He asked if hanging out with Latoya beat hanging out with him...All I said to him was its different"
Anyway, he asked me about..my firniture and he asked me about my car and I said well Im SAVING up..and he goes well how much do you have...and I go ENOUGH...he got the hint that I wasnt budging on an amount...anyway I had to go to dinner with my folks so I ended the call..
~~~Bri~~~
nihilis
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
Another option is to call the phone company and have his number blocked. That way, important people can still reach you in emergencies and you don't have to listen to his shit. Try to hang in there Brian, it's almost over one way or another, and I can't impress enough that you do have the choice to not go to the wedding at all. No one who loves and respects you would treat you like this. I don't even know you and I wouldn't treat you like this.
Oh, I just caught your last update. All I'll say is the song remains the same my friend. He's trying to reel you back in. It's up to you if you'll let him.
Another option is to call the phone company and have his number blocked. That way, important people can still reach you in emergencies and you don't have to listen to his shit. Try to hang in there Brian, it's almost over one way or another, and I can't impress enough that you do have the choice to not go to the wedding at all. No one who loves and respects you would treat you like this. I don't even know you and I wouldn't treat you like this.
Oh, I just caught your last update. All I'll say is the song remains the same my friend. He's trying to reel you back in. It's up to you if you'll let him.
Providence
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
Hang in there, Bri! You're doing great!
Hang in there, Bri! You're doing great!
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(
I always forget to do this, but thanks to all you first time posters, it means a lot that this thread strikes a chord..for any reason...Bri
NIL- he is not reeling me in trust me...I guess you would have to hear the conversation to know I stood up for myself and what I continue to believe...I know what i WROTE sounds like I warmed up to him and dropped my guard. I did not.
In fact I walked away from the call feeling great for not caving in or letting him off the hook.
He knows he has done so wrong by me. If there is going to be any mending on his part, that is for him to do...a fucking trip in the summer is not going to change things.
I did press him on the Cali thing, he said it was no big deal and that they were driving. Seems like a lot of money to spend on gas and shit, but I guess thats ok now that they will be rolling in their wedding money.
If he was serious, he would start paying me back...at the very least, he owes me that.
I am proud of myself for the way I handled the call...I will say here what I told Andrew on this very call..
"There are mistakes I made with you that not only did I learn from, but I vow never to make again with anyobdy in my life .."
I have no doubts about his sincerity of missing me or my friendship, I was a pretty fucking damn good friend to him, money aside...and he had never, and will never have a friend like he had in me..and he fucked it up...
~~~Bri~~~
I always forget to do this, but thanks to all you first time posters, it means a lot that this thread strikes a chord..for any reason...Bri
NIL- he is not reeling me in trust me...I guess you would have to hear the conversation to know I stood up for myself and what I continue to believe...I know what i WROTE sounds like I warmed up to him and dropped my guard. I did not.
In fact I walked away from the call feeling great for not caving in or letting him off the hook.
He knows he has done so wrong by me. If there is going to be any mending on his part, that is for him to do...a fucking trip in the summer is not going to change things.
I did press him on the Cali thing, he said it was no big deal and that they were driving. Seems like a lot of money to spend on gas and shit, but I guess thats ok now that they will be rolling in their wedding money.
If he was serious, he would start paying me back...at the very least, he owes me that.
I am proud of myself for the way I handled the call...I will say here what I told Andrew on this very call..
"There are mistakes I made with you that not only did I learn from, but I vow never to make again with anyobdy in my life .."
I have no doubts about his sincerity of missing me or my friendship, I was a pretty fucking damn good friend to him, money aside...and he had never, and will never have a friend like he had in me..and he fucked it up...
~~~Bri~~~
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