Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Day #2.

I'm leaving my apt to get away from this place and go chill out with myself and think and do a little shopping, then meeting up with latoya and just going to hang out and probably go bowling.



P.S.-Fly on the wall for what episode Nil?

 

[nihilis]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

P.S.-Fly on the wall for what episode Nil?

When the realization finally hits him that he's run out of options in his quest to keep you around. They start doing funny things when they realize you're not fucking around anymore and you don't want to deal with their shit. There is nothing worse for an attention whore than to have a constant source of affection suddenly reject them. It's a funny thing to watch. As I said, you have the benefit of distance, which makes you lucky in many ways. It'll make moving on a hell of a lot easier. Try working 50 feet away from Andy every day while trying to keep him out of your life. That's when things get interesting...

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Well I went out alone driving tonight. My favorite time of night, right before the sun goes down. So it is still day but the glow of the store fronts an street lights begin to happen.

Anyway, I broke down in crying. Sobbed. For some reason, knowing he was in the same place as me felt odd. Everywhere I drove I couldnt but help but be barraged by places we have been or talked or hung out...memories shared.

I cried and cried...I actually tried to stop because I was embarassed of being seen by other drivers. It made it worse.

I thought of the friends years ago that I was close to that couldnt deal with my depression or me being gay and stopped talking to me...and I thought how great it was the friendship I thought I had with Andrew...if he just didnt fucking take advantage of my love for him by milking money for me, things would be a lot different...

Latoya called and she said she had a bad day running around trying to get a passport done for herself...and she knew I must be down some...so we went for dinner...and for some coffee afterwards..and just chilled...talked about dumb shit..whatever..it did take my mind off of the situation.

I saw a gay couple come in to the place we were at and I just wished I had someone to share shit like that with(I told Latoya present company excluded)..and she laughed...but she said all I need to do is get out of the house and get out there more...she said I was a great looking guy, I just dont show the confidence...

Anyway...I know I will get there soon...just got home...since I didnt pick his call up last night, Im fully expecting now Andrew will barely speak to me this trip. And even though this is a rough thing, I know I will somehow, through a higher power's grace..make it through.

Bri

 

[rareboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

but she said all I need to do is get out of the house and get out there more...she said I was a great looking guy, I just dont show the confidence...

Yes.

And if you have clinical depression or socialization issues, you're a smart guy and know that this can also be dealt with.

Great looking, huh? Don't waste it. Think of how many guys are out there who would do anything in the world to have a friend like you. And trust me. They are out there. Think of the true joy you could bring to someone and be happy yourself.

For now, cry it out. It is like mourning a death.

This will be a tough week, but you'll survive it and then it will be over. He'll be gone. And from here on, he just won't have control over you anymore.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Hey guys, woke up today feeling down.

This is going to be hard to get through.
I am trying. I am really, truly trying.

No phone calls last night.

~~~Bri~~~

 

[tmb1]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Hey Brian

I really think you are getting so emotional cuz you deep down feel you are losing him and want to be the one marrying him(despite the shit he has been). I do think breaking it off with him is a good idea but to get REAL CLOSURE I think is going to take more than that. You have a lot on your mind that you maybe should have but never did confront him on. When Latoya said recently he is saying things to you that he should be saying to his fiance, she hit the nail on the head. I think you should finally let it all hang out, not about your feelings to him, but about his to you(by phone okay, but probably more therapeutic in person). Who knows how much of his fucked upness is because he is "in love" with a man(you) and thanks to society doesn't know how to deal with it. I really think putting that out there will help you move on because you will always wonder, should I have confronted him about this and never REALLY be able to move on. It may be the hardest thing ever to do, but sometimes the things we need to do are. Some may be right in saying just never talk to him again, but I think you need to say something before the wedding for your sake(and maybe even his, he is still your friend in a weird way and is making a huge mistake in marrying her). I have said something about this in the past but let it go thinking you were moving on, but it is evident that there is still alot going on in your head about this. I really am sorry and feel for you man. Be strong and do what you feel will be best.

Peace-Todd

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Well...spent the whole day watching TIVO'd shows from last week, under my sheets(Survivor:How can James be hotter? or Jason more stupid? Or Natalie more bitchy?)...not wanting to deal with, or see or talk to anyone...just about hiding out from the world.

No contact from him at all today.
Going to go out in an hour or so, drive around and take my mind off things. It beats staying here on a Friday night.

Anyway, day 3 almost done...


~~~Lost in Brooklyn~~~

 

[texan_slant]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Hey Brian - do what you have to do get through this. To have hit rock bottom and come out on top - it will have meant that you'd be able to get through anything. Trust me - it was inevitable, it's healthy, and it means that you're putting 8you* first. Take care.

 

[nihilis]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

So he didn't even try to contact you except for the super secret 3am wake up call? Another bit of evidence about how he really feels. He's in the same city and can't manage to find time to speak to you, but he has no problem finding the time thousands of miles away to tell you he loves you and misses you?

Bullshit.

If he missed you he'd be camping outside your fucking door.

I'm saying these things just in case you have moments of weakness. Remember them. One thing I can say about my situation that's different is that my 'friend' is taking steps, however tiny, to attempt to come to me and make things somewhat right.

Andy isn't even close.

Like rare said, cry. Cry as hard and as often as you need to. The days will come when the constant crying will be reduced to a single tear, then just a distant memory.

Think of how many guys are out there who would do anything in the world to have a friend like you. And trust me. They are out there. Think of the true joy you could bring to someone and be happy yourself.

You have no idea how true this is. Please, mourn. The more you act like this IS in fact a death, the easier it'll be for you to move on. Hang in there.

 

[_tazz_]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

I think you need to have the last confrontation, face to face, all out, to have the closure. You have so much shit you've kept inside, you've never been totally honest with him, how much he's been mistreating you. You've always kept something in and it's eating you. After the confrontation you can finally move on, without it this will haunt you forever IMO.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Well...did go out...eventually I went by Latoyas..we went driving...and then chilled at her house. It did take my mind off of things for the most part...but I did think about the situation here and there...

Without mentioning it...Latoya asked what's going on with Andrew...I said nothing..except for that 3am call(Hello Hillary!)..he has not called me since...and she goes "You know he is punishing you right?'

I said probably.

Anyway, that was it for that...got my coffee, drove around some more and came home...

~~~Bri~~~

 

[robdrake]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

when i read this thread. i felt so surreal and so familiar to me.. sometimes reading this thread, is like a self reflection, and i want to say.. thank you...

on another note..

really he doesn't deserve to be in your life at all. be strong and keep on moving!

 

[rareboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

You do realize that he still has complete control over you when you are counting though each day, waiting for him to call and hiding from the world. This is what he and you have reduced your life to.

You are as much to blame for letting him regulate your every waking moment as he is.

Now. Snap out of it and lessen up on the drama queen approach to getting over a guy.

For the love of Pete, you just can't go on like this.

But I am assuming at least that you have finally decided to forgo their demonic wedding rituals.

And while the advice of Tmb1 is heartfelt, I'm sure, we've been down that road before and you know that we know that you know it isn't about his repressed love for a man at all. It is about his thrill at pushing the buttons of a groveling, emotional wreck as a bank machine and to have a life slave who can give him unconditional adoration and support while he goes from fuck-up to fuck-up in his total waste of a life.

I'm assuming that break is over and you're back in the classroom this week?

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Thanks for the kind words and support, Robdrake..


Well, Rare...I wouldnt exactly say he is still controlling me..do most of my thoughts and concerns seem to revolve around this lately..of course. I knew this week was going to be bad.

But in an odd way, each day, it gets better and better.

And, in an even odder way, it is great that he is not even calling me...it makes it that much easier.

I am off today to go see my grandmother's brother, he slipped and broke his hip and he is getting surgery tomorrow..he is 89.

After that, I am heading out to Best Buy and getting a Sirius satellite portable radio...anyway, update you guys soon.

Yes, on Monday, work at school with the kids begins again...I am looking foward to it to be honest.


~~~Bri~~~

P.S.-And I have decided to not go to the wedding. I think, for someone who said he wants to work on our friendship, he has been pretty rude since he has landed here in NYC, and in general. Even if I was remotely interested in going(which I am not), he still has not told me where the church or reception is or the time they are at...when I asked him last week, he said he didnt know what church his own wedding is at...interesting.

 

[rareboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

he still has not told me where the church or reception is or the time they are at...when I asked him last week, he said he didnt know what church his own wedding is at...interesting.

You have to be kidding. They didn't even mail you an invitation? To the wedding you're helping to pay for? And during all the conversations over the last months it never came up as to where the invite was so that you could RSVP? You're kidding. And he doesn't even know the name of the church they are being married in? C'mon.

I really don't believe it. That all these months later this classless pair didn't even send you a proper invite............

Sorry Bri, but that says more than anything.

I suspect he is really done with you now. He won't even feel guilty about the money he's stiffed you for because he'll just believe that since you broke off the friendship, he's scot free.

Thank God for your students. They will remind you about what is really important.

And then get your good looks out there and make some real friends.

 

[Eagle653]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Thank God for your students. They will remind you about what is really important.

And then get your good looks out there and make some real friends.

I had to smile when I read the first sentence quoted here because I've found that to be true over and over.

And, I couldn't agree more with the second sentence--especially the "real friends" part.

Good luck to you. This hasn't been an easy week, but you knew it wouldn't. Yet, you've come through it and are stronger for it.

It's time to bury the sordid past with him and move on with healthy friendships of people who want to be with you, and are inspired by you, rather than those who simply want to manipulate and use you. You're a good guy who deserves better--and those good days will come.

 

[nihilis]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

P.S.-And I have decided to not go to the wedding. I think, for someone who said he wants to work on our friendship, he has been pretty rude since he has landed here in NYC, and in general. Even if I was remotely interested in going(which I am not), he still has not told me where the church or reception is or the time they are at...when I asked him last week, he said he didnt know what church his own wedding is at...interesting.

This is good news. You're seeing the truth for what it is. Keep going forward like this and you'll be looking at it all in your rearview mirror soon. I'm happy for you Brian.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Hey guys back home for the time being.

Spent the whole day out...visited my uncle in the hopsital for 4 hours. I am pretty patient...and wanted to stay so he felt cool...then helped my folks with grocery shopping, then headed to Best Buy to get the Sirius radio for myself..came home and walked Dante.

Might be headed out again to chill with Latoya and her friend Cynthia.


Andrew DID call me today but I was in the hospital, and had it on vibrate and genuinely didnt catch his call. He left no message.

I debated quickly whether or not to return his call...and I didnt.

Even though Im seeing a lot clearer now..a lot less nervous, emotional, etc...I do think before he leaves..we will meet face to face..and Im cool with that.

Im going to put closure on it. Not cry. Not get angry. Calmly tell him, things are done.

And he will be sad that he lost me as a friend. And I will tell him..Andrew...you will benefit from this..because now you will never officially pay me back..and you can tell everyone in your life about how much of a prick I was and twist the ending of our friendship with your little spin on it..those things things Andrew will be on your head and are out of my control.

But what I can control is me..and Im done and walking away.

I will tell him he did teach me to be strong and confident in myself and never let this happen to me again with anyone else.

~~~Bri~~~

 

[nihilis]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Even though Im seeing a lot clearer now..a lot less nervous, emotional, etc...I do think before he leaves..we will meet face to face..and Im cool with that.

I wouldn't pursue it, but if it comes up, then I guess you'll have to deal with it. Don't go looking for trouble, or aggravation, that you don't need.

And he will be sad that he lost me as a friend.

Keep in mind, this might take time, as in years. By then you'll have a guy, a family, a house, and will have long forgotten about him and all this. He, on the other hand, will have the rest of his life to think of what he lost with you, especially when he's alone. Either way, don't hold your breath. Now's the time to keep moving forward. It's not easy, but it will become so as time goes on.

I will tell him he did teach me to be strong and confident in myself and never let this happen to me again with anyone else.

Words are great, it's the action that's going to dictate whether we've learned anything.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(

Ok, I went out with Latoya and our friend Cynthia tonight and just had a fabulous time..we drove around, looked at hot guys, made fun of hot guys, and just overall had a great time....

When I ws sitting in the car with Latoya..I told her that Andrew called...and she told me that, although she knows how much of a dick hes been to me...that since he did call me...I should just call him back and be cool, calm and collected like nothing is bothering me and just say "Oh I saw that you called..Im just calling you back, I was visiting with my uncle earlier today.."

So pretty much the truth...I call him and he picks up and says whats up..I go nothing, how are you enjoying your stay...and he goes pretty good, I go thats great..he said hes playing cards right now with his friends(great more gambling)...Im like great...and he goes I was at your house before when I called...I told him I wasnt there I was out shopping...he asked what I was doing tonight..I said Im with friends and we gunna chill...and he goes OH...

When we going to hang out he asked..I go I dont know, maybe later on in the week, and he goes OH...I started to end the call and I go have a g reat night man, take it easy.

With that I hung up. No anger. No bitterness. No crying. It felt good. It felt good to know, that despite him being prick to me, that I took the higher road.

Latoya was laughing to herself because she said Andrew probably wasn't expecting that call from me..and he wanted me not to call him back so IM the one that seems like the bad guy.

But anywho, long story short...Im gaining the upperhand in this. When he speaks to me next I will just calmly say that with much consideration, I wont be attending his wedding. And then it will come and he will go, and that will be that. I have a feeling he is getting the message more clearly now.

Anyway, I know Im going to get the 20 replies saying I wass an ass for calling him. Truth is though..I wasnt. And I am not. I am not regressing. I am progressing. I feel that a weight is being lifted off of me as this goes on.

Latoya said, no matter how calm I am, that she knows I have anger toward him. And she is right. When and If I speak to him before he goes..I will get what I need to say off my chest and that will be it.

This week will be cathartic for me. I feel it already.

~~~Bri~~~