What are your Porn Pet Peeves?

[peeonme]

Most boys like the clean briefs.

Clean is ok, but I like them to look like they have at least been through the wash a few times.

 

[electricflame]

Agreed. Unused makes it seem weird and dirty because it smells like the plastic they come in!

 

[electricflame]

What about no dialogue? I need some talking. Especially at the end. If there Isn't any ATM or cum EATING I'm outback. I literally fast forward just to find that.

 

[G-Lexington]

I look for precisely one thing from my porn - chemistry. I want the guys to look like there's nothing they'd rather be doing than screwing each other. Their enjoyment is my enjoyment. I'd rather see two rather ordinary-looking guys really getting into each other, than two of the hottest guys I can imagine sort of half-heartedly going at it.

Luckily, it's usually pretty clear early on whether I'm going to get that or not.

Lex

 

[luckynumbah7]

Bottoms who lay there during the act looking like they have no feelings below the waist.

Some of them might not have feeling below the waist. Not a good thing, objectively speaking; those 'numbing lubes' used for anal mean there's a higher possibility of not realizing one's limits and injuring the area in question. All the numbing agents in the world aren't going to make you a decent actor, either.

I have quite the loathing for a bad soundtrack, though, and that includes people who don't sound at ease with their 'lines'. I also dislike films that have no dialogue or vocals. Good vocals are at least 3/4 of the enjoyment from where I'm at.

 

[EddMarkStarr]

I look for precisely one thing from my porn - chemistry. I want the guys to look like there's nothing they'd rather be doing than screwing each other. Their enjoyment is my enjoyment. I'd rather see two rather ordinary-looking guys really getting into each other, than two of the hottest guys I can imagine sort of half-heartedly going at it.

Luckily, it's usually pretty clear early on whether I'm going to get that or not.

Lex

I couldn't agree More!

I've let all my subscriptions to various sites expire because I'm fed up with men who don't like each other "going through the motions" for money.

 

[Laboyes]

Studio:
Elaborate and unbelievable stories before sex, bad chemistry, bad transitions between different clips, etc.

My favorite video for a while starts with a couple just kissing in moved pretty quickly to the standard porn stuff, which is honestly the way I prefer things. The cheesy music that starts it is kind of nice and forged its own memory that is a definite turn on. The couple clearly likes one another, and I've seen 'em in multiple different videos just as anxious to get at one another.

Amateur:
Untidiness in general kills me.

This is the worst for me when watching straight porn that is supposed to be taking place in the female's room. I know we're trying to move beyond traditional gender roles, but it just sets me off when shit is strewn all around a girl's room. It still sets me off in "solo wanking" videos and gay videos too.

If you had the time to set up a camera either stuff some of the stuff that comes from off of your floor into the damn closet or remove cleaning supplies so that I can convince myself that you have a way by which to combat being swallowed by the filth covering everything when the video reaches its end (I consider even the strange rat nests of clothing featured on some floors feculent despite not necessarily being soiled whatsoever). It makes me feel like I'm watching horror when the camera moves and I see the nasty state of a person's world.

 

[mcbrion]

-No Plot. The guy just comes in, looks at the other guy and in 3 minutes, they're touching each other.
- Bad Dialogue. Speaks for itself
- Bad Acting. Speaks for itself
- Quiet sex. How can anyone be enjoying themselves and not make ANY sound??? It kills any interest I have.
- Too many closeups. I want to see the guy fucking and the guy BEING fucked, and their expressions, and sounds. And to see good camerawork.
- Lack of affection. Sex without making out is tedious. I want to see serious kissing and making out (i.e., being turned on to the person, instead of just wanting to "get it over with.")
- Repetitious, boring. cliched sex. Unlike this:

http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1511243683

Now, THIS is sensuous sex!!!!!

 

[gsdx]

I want to see serious kissing and making out

Except when 10 minutes of a 20-minute video is all about the kissing. I fast-forward through it.

 

[mcbrion]

Except when 10 minutes of a 20-minute video is all about the kissing. I fast-forward through it.

Well, that's ok for you. I find watching guys passionately making out to be very erotic. I want the whole experience, not just the hole experience, so its okay with me if they spend 10 minutes kissing, as long as it doesn't look forced. Anything that's wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am is a turnoff for me. Especially fucking.

Now, THIS is a cool fucking video - with no kissing in the beginning, but the guy is obviously paying attention to how his thrusting affects the other guy.

http://www.xtube.com/video-watch/A-Good-Fuck-25040371

 

[eddielee]

I hate the "dingleberry" look when guys show ass or are fucking. The guys may be perfectly clean, but bad lighting, bad angles, too much lube can make the scene unappealing. I don't expect the guys to shave, unless they are so hairy that it never films well. Oh, get rid of the white crème lube, it never looks good, and no colored condoms, big turnoff.

 

[rareboy]

Oh. I forgot one.

Fake cum dribbling/oozing/shooting from some guy's ass and then being eaten out.

There is a whole eastern european porn industry built around fake jizz.

And fake penetration when 'str8' guys are pretending to fuck.

just stop it.

 

[barefootdude21]

^ And dirty soles of feet.

Really?

some of us get really boned seeing dirty bare feet

 

[Danash]

Before realizing i was gay I consumed tons of straight porn and it was the same thing then as it is now with gay porn:

I like corruption stories, where the innocent protagonist turns into a total slut. But I hate when the film makers clearly don’t care about the audience. When the innocent protagonist is shaven and pierced the first time he drops his pants it totally ruins the illusion. So many porn vids are done by lazy, careless people who don’t even try to stick to the (minimal) plot they have.

 

[rareboy]

Porn generally is a lazy medium.

The other thing and maybe I have noted it before is the ubiquitous porn throw pillows...all seemingly with the same dumb graphic design...totally useless for the action on the porn
couch that seems to travel from studio to studio.

 

[PalacePaul]

Do they still loop clips to make scenes/the action appear longer than it was? Do they still loop clips to make scenes/the action appear longer than it was? Do they still loop clips to make scenes/the action appear longer than it was? Do they still loop clips to make scenes/the action appear longer than it was? Do they still loop clips to make scenes/the action appear longer than it was?

I still see it sometimes, but maybe I watch outdated porn :

 

[Zeno Lorea]

Where do I begin?

1. Actors who cannot pretend to enjoy the sex. Goddammit, they have to appear horn dogs who can't control themselves, not workers following scripted procedures like a telemarketer on her first day.

2. Too much foreplay. You know when they lick ass for minutes and minutes? If I lick a cute young bubble butt for more than a minute I want to fuck it. If my ass is licked for more than a minute I need a big cock up it asap.

3. Music instead of sex sounds. Unless it was filmed in a disco and the music is the actual music from the disco. But even then I want to hear them fuck as well.

4. Too much talk. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh fuck. Yeah. Give it to me. Give it to him. Give it to that slut. Yeah. Fuck him. Breed him. Shoot your load inside. You like that, huh? Fuck Yeah! Etcetera. Even worse is when they don't speak their native language. You know the porn where gringos speak broken Spanish with actors from Brazil (no, really) or where Slovaks talk English to each other in a classroom. I don't mind a few phrases in Slovak, Czech or Hungarian before they start fucking.

5. Desperate attempts at a bit of a storyline. Unless you're JD Cadinot, you're likely to fail. Big time.

6. Porn actors who don't go all the way. And by this I mean that they have to kiss, suck, fuck and shoot inside or swallow.

7. Studio porn that imitates amateur smartphone clips. You know, tilted cameras, bros walking through the room, your average fake frat house.

8. Porn in which anyone who happens to be black has to play the straight-out-of-jail thug and every latino is a unilingual taco-selling wetback papi. I remember a clip of a white guy getting fucked by a few black men who were called 'thugs' in the trailer. But the white guy was wearing an ankle monitoring device! And no-one ever called him a thug! I hate SJWs, but this was offensive to me.

9. See post #22 and #25. Those guys nailed it.

10. Twentysomethings playing high school pupils. Priests with tattoos. Soccer players built like former weightlifters. Wrestlers who look like they just spent a month in the ICU after ODing on heroin once again. Policeman with a gay lisp. Anything Armond Rizzo squeals in his helium cartoon movie voice.

Now, I'd prefer to talk about the many things I DO like in porn, mind you.

I'm stunned my opinion hasn't changed in 10 years!

 

[Dargelos]

It's the bedside lamps. Each side of the bed is a small cabinet with a light on it. But not the sort of light that you would find in a real bedroom. These are over designed, piss elegant, look! at! me! luminaires that only belong in the windows of expensive department stores. The men might be beautiful but I could not ever imagine wanting sex with anyone who owned a lamp like that.

 

[Alistair]

Porn generally is a lazy medium.

The other thing and maybe I have noted it before is the ubiquitous porn throw pillows...all seemingly with the same dumb graphic design...totally useless for the action on the porn
couch that seems to travel from studio to studio.

They travel with the picture of trees that is in every porn living room.

 

[rareboy]

some of us get really boned seeing dirty bare feet

to each their own, I guess.