On Topic Discussion What do you think about bisexuals?

[mikemizanin729]

Speaking in sympathy with a group and using pronouns that are gender specific are two different things. I've met all sorts of people in this world, but I have yet to meet a woman who calls herself a bisexual, uses "us" in reference to gay men and distinguishes herself from lesbian women.

The post wasn't a trivial detail, but a telling one. And, it isn't judging -- it's considering the source when comments are forthcoming about who's what and why.

This says it best.

 

[luckynumbah7]

Speaking in sympathy with a group and using pronouns that are gender specific are two different things. I've met all sorts of people in this world, but I have yet to meet a woman who calls herself a bisexual, uses "us" in reference to gay men and distinguishes herself from lesbian women.

They're out there, and they have their own unfortunate psychological issues going on - usually relating to the 'lesbians are man-hating, everyone should/is actually bi and just ain't admitting it to themselves'. There's usually several of everything, even the most asinine combinations.

That said; look, I know it's tempting for cis people (and quite a few trans people, come to that) to latch on to any noted (or merely wished-for ) discrepancies in sex or gender and cling to those tenaciously as a reason to dismiss an op or a post but that way is not only damned rude but not in your own best interests.

It very, very rarely matters whether someone is a man, a woman or 'other' when replying to the content of posts. Focusing on an intrinsic trait (whether they are/have that trait or not) gives credence to the opinions in the op.

 

[Adrusek81]

Hey, this is Hot Topics -- what are you doing, bringing good sense in????

Oh, sorry! I forgot where I was...

MY opinion is that ALL bisexuals are sexual terrorist devils who want to enslave good cock-worshiping gay men and force us to watch their part-time beef drape-worshiping, right before they decide to cheat on us and dump us for one of those nagging baby factories and exercise full heterosexual privilege while voting anti-gay right wing parties.

And I am analyzing the situation OBJECTIVELY, because everybody knows that MY opinion is a sacred and incontestable dogma.

Thanks for reminding me to behave correctly at Hot Topics.

Phew! Thank God I dodged the bullet of rationality.

By the way, when are you going to betray us all by marrying a Doris Day prototype and denouncing JUB as a hotbed of homosexual sinfulness?

 

[mikemizanin729]

This is too much.

I'm actually speechless. The way Bisexual men are treated.

Its Biaphobic.

A new word.

 

[luckynumbah7]

Although I do agree that they (op, that is) was presenting themselves in the previous post that was dug up as being a man. Sokker also said something to that effect as well. The jub's board info may say they welcome women - And quite a few of the members do - but sexism is pervasive and it's easier to get someone to listen to your opinion if they think they have something intrinsic in common with the group that the group values highly. Like, oh, being a man.

If she changed some of her stats when she started out, like listing herself as a straight woman and dropping comparisons to bisexual women entirely, people would see the agreement about bi men being much more vociferous here from other posters than they have currently. Opinions wouldn't largely be changed, but the way most people express them would be.

That people feel taken-in that someone is/was/will-be interacted with as man or a woman in an online forum is, and remains, ludicrous.

 

[mikemizanin729]

Oh, sorry! I forgot where I was...

MY opinion is that ALL bisexuals are sexual terrorist devils who want to enslave good cock-worshiping gay men and force us to watch their part-time beef drape-worshiping, right before they decide to cheat on us and dump us for one of those nagging baby factories and exercise full heterosexual privilege while voting anti-gay right wing parties.

And I am analyzing the situation OBJECTIVELY, because everybody knows that MY opinion is a sacred and incontestable dogma.

Thanks for reminding me to behave correctly at Hot Topics.

Phew! Thank God I dodged the bullet of rationality

That's interesting were your pants around your ankles when you posted this...??? Were you doing the deed..???

 

[spooky]

Well, he's doubly susceptible to the wiles of men and women.

I have to say that I regret writing this... I guess I was just writing this at the top of my head simply from my personal feelings on the subject at that moment. Not really censoring or examing it beforehand... It was also kind of tongue in cheek.

Anyway, I went out earlier this evening with a friend and she and I had a discussion on the topic, or rather I brought it up.

I asked her if she ever dated one and she said no, otherwise she didn't ever think of it. It's never come up.
I asked her is she would, she said no only because of her upbringing. Fearing how her family would react if they ever found out, etc.

This got me thinking about it quite a bit...

I think I'd be lucky and honoured to be with a a man who was bisexual.
Because it makes you think that of all the people he would want to be with... he would choose to be with you, either just sexually or in a relationship.

So my apologies to all our bisexual friends and neighbours on here.

 

[ElmosToe]

Ok,

This very thread is yet another reason exactly why labels are bullshit.
Everyone seems to be hung up on the stereotypes and stigmas labels carry and it is utter insulting bullshit.

This shit is twilight zone bizarre.

First, dating someone does not mean you are in a committed relationship with that person, so why would you be concerned who else that person is involved with, regardless of their orientation or gender, unless they are in a relationship with you and have made an exclusive commitment to you? In order to reach that point with someone that can be considered a relationship where emotional connections can be fostered and developed or possible cheating could occur you really need to have some serious conversations where interest and love come into play and if you are concerned they can't connect with you sexually or romantically or are afraid they may cheat on you, then why would you bother getting into a relationship with them? This can happen with anyone regardless of orientation or gender. What you are doing by painting a broad stroke with a wide brush that bi men are too contradictory, conflicted, confused, can't commit either emotionally or sexually and may cheat because they need a little pussy on the side is no more insinuative than a straight man who fears gay men because they think all gay men will try to hit on him and want sex from him. More importantly, you shut yourself off to possibly finding that one person who was meant to be your partner for life if that is what you are looking for.

I don't date, but I do like to fuck my brains out and there is nothing wrong with that, I'm a whore who likes pussy and cock.
And here's where people will really get pissed....I don't consider myself bisexual. WHY? Because whatever fucking bullshit label I slap on myself will mean nothing to the person I meet and fall in love with who will be my life partner and I refuse to limit myself and conform to the bullshit of our society as perpetuated by the scorned ignorance in this thread.

I am one of those people who prefer to live without a label and it is working just fine for me and for all my very satisfied partners who enjoy repeat visits. As mentioned before if people insist on a label, the closest thing to identify myself with would be pansexual. WHY? Because if I AM going to pursue a relationship with someone, I much prefer to have an emotional connection to that person before my dick would ever get hard.

Meanwhile, I enjoy the single life and all the "dating" it affords. It's called playing the field...you can date people, aka fuck them without having to be in a committed relationship.

Unless I am in a committed relationship with you, your judgments of my desires, tastes, interest and sexual activity mean nothing. I have much respect for the OP but just feel sorry that this perception clouds the view of their interaction with bi men.

Although I may not be bi, most people will lump me into the category and regardless, because of my sexuality, many of these perceptions still apply to me, even more so.

Don't hold it against a bi man for being attracted to who he is attracted to, just as people have no right holding it against gay men for being attracted to other men.

 

[dereperez]

One thing that irritates me immensely is the "hiding under the 'bi' label" accusation, especially when it has to do with exploring one's sexuality. There's a black/white theme there that assumes everyone knows clearly what his or her sexuality is, and also assumes that a person's sexuality can be plotted on a chart with a point that remains in place. Both of those are not just false, but dangerously false! The more we learn about sexuality, the more we see how fluid it is -- and since sexuality is fluid, the admirable standard in xb's post above is essentially impossible to achieve: what is fulfilling in a relationship one month, or season, or whatever, may not be fulfilling in the next month or season.

I agree, which is why I added the quotation marks around "explore". There are people that are actually exploring, and what label they choose to use...more power to them. Whatever. Then there are people who are not really exploring but they just like to use the "bi" label...just cuz it's "the new black"...well then, they certainly fuck up the statistics. A cheating straight guy or gay guy might as well call themselves bisexuals just so the bisexuals will take the blame.

 

[xbuzzerx]

Aren't too many of the posters positing that one knows what one's sexual preference will be (and will stay that way). Sexual preference can change (for example, through therapy)

Eh the LGBT community has schizoid personality disorder on this topic, in some discussions it's treated as a given that sexuality is "fluid and can morph or change or evolve", and/or the idea that someone can go from not accepting their sexuality to accepting it via therapy. But when non-LGBT friendly organizations or philosophies suggest the flipside, that sexuality can morph or change and therefore a gay man can with counselling or training or prayer or rehabilitation become straight, we all flip out at how completely insane and offensive the very idea is.

I do accept that sexuality is more complex than is generally recognized. I'm not really as sold on the idea that it just up and randomly shifts at various times throughout one's life.

 

[mikey3000]

WTF?! Umm.. no. I don't have a problem with men.. hetero, bi or gay. Speaking just about bi/gay men, since this is a website for them, I just don't quite understand bi guys. I'm trying to, it's just.. it's difficult.

No offense, but maybe the problem is not with the men, but maybe it's with you and your attitude towards men? We all know people who bounce from relationship to relationship, always being the fault of the other person, when inside we say, man, maybe it's not them, maybe it's you.

 

[kev]

When it comes to discussions by gay people about bisexuals, I think the astounding thing is the amount of intolerance and downright hatred exuding from one of the most oppressed groups of people in history....the irony is totally lost on them.

 

[mikemizanin729]

Why do Bisexual men get kicked around like this?

 

[xbuzzerx]

First, dating someone does not mean you are in a committed relationship with that person, so why would you be concerned who else that person is involved with, regardless of their orientation or gender, unless they are in a relationship with you and have made an exclusive commitment to you?

I think it's safe to say the overwhelming majority of people's expectation in the dating scene is that it's two single people who are looking for the prospects of finding someone to build a relationship with.

Call that really old-fashioned if you like, but yes, it would strike me as more than a little treacherous to be "dating" someone and have them suddenly reveal that a boyfriend, husband, wife, girlfriend or whatever else are back at home in the wings.

This shit is twilight zone bizarre.

Could not agree more on that count.

 

[mikemizanin729]

I can imagine what the Bi bashing divas are like

 

[mikey3000]

This is too much.

I'm actually speechless. The way Bisexual men are treated.

Its Biaphobic.

A new word.

Actually it's not new around here sadly. I'm just tired of arguing the point. I've found a great men's bi board I'm starting to frequent more. BION they are more tolerant of everyone. For the gays here who defend us, thank you.

 

[mikey3000]

Why do Bisexual men get kicked around like this?

This is how it was explained to me by some gay gays...Because being gay is not just about who you love, for some it's a whole political thing, like being a part of a club. What's the fun in being in a club who accepts everyone, so they have to exclude others. It makes their 'property' more valuable. Even some gays get excluded from the club too. Overweight, short, coloured, blue collar, older, you name it. Just look around on here and see all the threads.

 

[dereperez]

Why do Bisexual men get kicked around like this?

Are you bi? I can't tell.

 

[xbuzzerx]

I agree, which is why I added the quotation marks around "explore". There are people that are actually exploring, and what label they choose to use...more power to them. Whatever. Then there are people who are not really exploring but they just like to use the "bi" label...just cuz it's "the new black"...well then, they certainly fuck up the statistics. A cheating straight guy or gay guy might as well call themselves bisexuals just so the bisexuals will take the blame.

There's an elephant in the room, too. We're all very familiar with it.

There are many people who identify as bi to escape the worst of the social tainting around the finality of identifying as gay. A bi person may experience suspicion around his sexuality were he to settle down long-term with a female partner, or when dating women, or when living an otherwise outwardly "straight" life. But there's total finality to identifying as gay. A gay person who then "went back to bi" or "went back to straight" would be universally regarded as a self-deluded joke by people of every orientation, and his actions would be universally regarded as fabricated. Identifying as gay (and all of the social repercussions or stigmas attached) is permanent in social perception to a rigid degree that bisexuality is simply not held to. No going back is allowed.

For many insecure people, or people coming to terms with their sexuality, or people who were brought up in very unaccepting environments and belief systems, "anything is preferrable to being a gay guy." Bi people remain at least partway (if not fully halfway) in the "socially normal club" from a straight point of view. I am sure you yourself have had the experience of friends or acquaintances occasionally "forgetting" that you are bisexual. Those kinds of situations aren't usually faulty memory imo... a bisexual label invites straight people to conceive of you in whichever way is most comfortable to them.... whether that's presuming you're really gay, or overlooking/"forgetting" the interest in men and conceiving of you as just needing to find the right girl-- or not thinking about it at all. "Well, he's not gay, we just need to find him the right girlfriend" (I'm sure you've likely heard this one many times). That type of "layered response" socially is a lot less like a sudden dive into a frozen lake that coming out as gay can often prove to be-- especially if you come from a community that is less than diverse and less than accepting. So that's a powerful motivation for struggling gay people to avoid a gay label as well.

I know this is a thin-ice thing to point out, because "bi as the halfway house of coming out of the closet" is one of the stigmas with which many bi people get painted or "accused" across the board. But this subcategory of bi-identifying people does really exist, and from what little data we can see such as the OKCupid messaging pattern study, they appear to be a very large proportion of all people identifying as bisexual, even if they are admittedly abusing the label.

 

[dereperez]

I know this is a thin-ice thing to point out, because "bi as the halfway house of coming out of the closet" is one of the stigmas with which many bi people get painted or "accused" across the board. But this subcategory of bi-identifying people does really exist, and from what little data we can see such as the OKCupid messaging pattern study, they appear to be a very large proportion of all people identifying as bisexual, even if they are admittedly abusing the label.

Of course these people exist as well...which all contribute to the clusterfuck of confusion. Unfortunately the term is a catch-all bucket.