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Why are other gay men so cruel to me?

Are you being inauthentic? Are you being who you think they'll like?
 
Toy-Boy said:
I'm a very nice, easy-going person, so I don't know what it is that's not making them respond to me socially. However, maybe I come off as too nice, and it borders into pushover territory...
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I dunno about this. It's hard to tell what's going on here but I suspect they're not reacting as you would want them to. How do you expect things to change if YOU don't change? Do you expect people to warm up to you immediately? You still didn't provide ay insights on your definition of cruel.

I think this is either a cry for attention or a self-esteem issue. If someone doesn't like me then that's their loss.
 
Honestly, face it, boys. Most young gay men will treat anyone they're not attracted to like shit. They're in the social gatherings to get laid, not to be friendly.
 
In truth, the reason why I am willing to give the the OP the benefit of the doubt is that I remember distinctly coming of age in a much smaller town and leaping into the gay bar scene in my early twenties with high hopes and expectations.

Some of the hottest gay clubs were right next door to straight clubs. The people in the straight clubs were generally cool, accepting, considerate, and even the cutest straight guys there were friendly and approachable.

The gay clubs were full of bitchy wannabe circuit queens; mean, nasty, and conniving. It was general knowledge that if you wanted to make friends, you ventured into the straight (mixed, really) side. But if you just wanted sex, you had to swim with sharks in the toxic waters of the gay clubs.

What's worse is that, in gay settings, I unconsciously became somewhat like the rest of them. I felt I had to do it to them before they did it to me. I put on the tight shirts and erected a bulletproof attitude. Thank goodness some wise lesbians recognized and understood what was happening. They befriended me and pulled me out of that mess.

And as I said, the scene in Toronto proved to be a big improvement for me.
 
well, if you say that gay guys in meat-market enviroments (like gay clubs and bars) can be nasty, then i fully agree. the atmosphere in such places can be very tense and even hostile at times. that must be even more true the further away you are from gay beauty standarts.

but thats not what the op said. he said that he never met any gay guy, anywhere, who could stand him.
 
^My point is that the OP may be in some provincial town where he has not been exposed to a large enough variety of gay men to know that we are not all like that.

And I'll say again, that in some localities the gay scene does seem to be controlled and peopled, primarily, by douche bags. That may be one of the reasons why gay men are so mobile: we're always running away from douche bags!
 
Oh, let's just face it, guys...

Young gay men are often bitchy, snarling, judgemental beasts. That's just the way it is....

I see it here on JUB all the time. Just yesterday I was reading a thread where some informed young man announced that no man over the age of 30 should be seen in public without his shirt on. :roll:

He truly believed that. Sure, at 30 you easily be here for another 50 or 60 years, but that thought never occurred to him.

Why ? Because he was young and dumb. Most likely all of us were, to one degree or another. But, for some reason gay men are just the worst.

Possibly because we have to deal with a large portion of society rejecting us, or maybe because a lot of us are just shallow and clueless.

Either way, I think the OP should not be blamed for feeling the way he does. All I would say is to hang on and find friends that can think outside of their own selves and realize that this stage will pass.

Eventually.
 
Joshua_me said:
Oh, let's just face it, guys...

Young gay men are often bitchy, snarling, judgemental beasts. That's just the way it is....

I see it here on JUB all the time. Just yesterday I was reading a thread where some informed young man announced that no man over the age of 30 should be seen in public without his shirt on. :roll:

He truly believed that. Sure, at 30 you easily be here for another 50 or 60 years, but that thought never occurred to him.

Why ? Because he was young and dumb. Most likely all of us were, to one degree or another. But, for some reason gay men are just the worst.

Possibly because we have to deal with a large portion of society rejecting us, or maybe because a lot of us are just shallow and clueless.

Either way, I think the OP should not be blamed for feeling the way he does. All I would say is to hang on and find friends that can think outside of their own selves and realize that this stage will pass.

Eventually.
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So true!

I was talking to a couple JUBBERS about how miserable and bitchy even some of the people in this forum can be, so I tried a little experiment just to see who is. It didn't work out as well as I hoped it would, but a few took the bait.

Just being nice to another gay man may lead them to believe you're hitting on them and like you said Joshua, too many shallow people are in the meat markets. People, like water, seek their own level. Make friends with the nice ones and ignore the shallow bastards.
 
I've had the same problem. But that's probably because I was never involved in the gay scene in Bloomington, Indiana that much and despite it being the 4th gayest city in the country per capita its quite cliquie.

I don't know. Maybe you just need to meet more people. If you don't like the queens then you don't have to hang out with them. I have no problem with any other type of gay that's different than me as long as they're nice to me :)
 
Most of this stuff is not worth reading. So people who are treated like shit for most of their lives, make a habit of treating others like shit. That Toy Boy will feel lonely in this community is almost a given. I am damned glad I did not have to face this group as a young person. I was in my mid forties, and by then I was not going to be put upon easily.

Shep+
 
Joshua_me said:
Young gay men are often bitchy, snarling, judgemental beasts. That's just the way it is....
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ok, that really inspires me to be less judgemental. from now on, im gonna be as non-judgemental as the people who say stuff like that.

but as much as my personal experience with gay men differs, i understand that the gay scene may be different (read: more unpleasant) in other places. so ok, toyboy: maybe its not you, maybe you need to look for friends somewhere else. still, it strikes me as a little dumb to look for friends in only one specific scene and then conclude that all gay men are bitchy... then expect sympathy from the same gay men you just classified as unpleasant. im exagerating here, i know, but its certainly what the original post here implies.
 
Before moving to Toronto, I came to realize that gay men are entirely different animals in different towns based on the types of guys who warmed to me in the gay clubs of my own small'ish city: They tended to be from out of town. From places like Toronto, Montreal, Quebec City, etc. And these were Xtremely attractive, well-built men.

I thought, why is it that I could not get arrested by in my own hometown, yet these gorgeous French-Canadian guys from bigger cities and other provinces were friendly and wanted to talk and hook up!

Unfortunately, in many cases, I think the place makes the people what they are. And if you want to be something different, you have to move or travel.
 
penay, something like you describe could happen, but even if it does you probably don't want to be with someone like that anyway.
 
NaughtyArousal said:
Críostóir said:
Honestly, face it, boys. Most young gay men will treat anyone they're not attracted to like shit. They're in the social gatherings to get laid, not to be friendly.
Click to expand...

Bullshit. Not every single gay man is like that. And we have no idea where he is meeting these men anyway.
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Fascinating. You do see that you're calling bullshit on something I didn't say, right? I actually agree that not every single gay man is like that. Just MOST of the YOUNG ones.

If you want to call bullshit on that, we can have that conversation. But please call bullshit on the right thing.
 
Let's see if I get this straight...

Its not OK to call gay men in general superficial judgmental beasts looking to get laid, because its not true.

But its OK to call young gay men in general superficial judgmental beasts looking to get laid, because its true?
 
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