A Gay Teen kills himself after being outed on the internet!

[Callum]

Is there any news from the guy Tyler was making out/having sex with? What is he saying about all of this?

 

[justmenow]

These kids died so young where is Obama?

 

[Críostóir]

Good question. Maybe he's up Rahm Emanuel's ass?

Maybe throwing a little farewell party for him?

I'm so fucking pissed.

Maybe he's carefully considering his response. I know we're used to Presidents going off half-cocked and pronouncing judgement ahead of, or even in direct contradiction to, the facts, but this one isn't that guy.

That said...I'd expect something by now, even from him. I'm just saying let's wait a day or two before we denounce him.

 

[altlover85]

Maybe he's carefully considering his response. I know we're used to Presidents going off half-cocked and pronouncing judgement ahead of, or even in direct contradiction to, the facts, but this one isn't that guy.

That said...I'd expect something by now, even from him. I'm just saying let's wait a day or two before we denounce him.

You have more patience than I do with him.

 

[Callum]

Well, he did call Kanye West a jackass not too long after that VMAs incident...I don't see why he can't at minimum release a one-off remark about this...

 

[Críostóir]

Well, he did call Kanye West a jackass not too long after that VMAs incident...I don't see why he can't at minimum release a one-off remark about this...

Well...that was obvious. I think the only thing that made him delay on that one was coming up with a sufficiently strong word that he could say on television.

 

[Bittersweet One]

I too am one the people who saw his post and when I saw the topic rushed in to tell him that he absolutely had to tell somebody. Though, when I read it, I saw that he had been told to do just that so never posted. Then I waited for more news and when he updated to say that he had told the RA and written a statement I did a sigh of relief, for the school would have to take his complaint seriously. I figured we'd get an update as to what they decided to do.

My heart's completely broken after learning what had happened.

It is possible to see his other posts and from what I saw, he was always willing to lend a hand and listen. He was very tech savvy and helped where he could. He was very intelligent and seemed to tried to bring reason into posts that needed it and just in general gave good advice.

Also, cause this seems to be an issue, based on one of his posts it seems as if he was out. I don't see how he could or would have been questioning someone else about being out, if he himself wasn't. I wish the media would pick up on this.

I have a feeling that the RA is potentially going to have a part to play in this whole thing.

Tyler, I know you are in a better place now and no one can cause you anymore pain. My heart goes out to his family, friends, and the man he had started to get close to.

 

[NedNickerson]

Tyler Clementi's Family Hopes Son's Death Will Serve as Call for Compassion

The parents of Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi said that they hope their son's death "will serve as a call for compassion, empathy and human dignity."

"The outpouring of emotion and support from our friends, community and family -- and from people across the country -- has been humbling and deeply moving," said Joe and Jane Clementi in the statement issued by their lawyer. "We thank each of you from the bottom of our hearts."

Full article:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/rutgers-un...ently-issue-roommate/story?id=11773331&page=1

 

[Concerned]

I decided to visit this forum because of the news I have read over the past 24 hours about Tyler Clementi. I visited hoping to find the thread to which Tyler posted, not because I am some morbid voyeur, but rather to see what warning signs he may have given (or not) prior to making the most hideous of decisions. Since I do not routinely peruse this forum, I am not sure if this is the best place to post my comments and questions.

I help run a forum that consists of discussions of religion, rationalism and atheism. We often find members who are young and dealing with the issues of their religion, their parents and their peers. Those of us who do not participate in religion, and dare consider speaking out about it, are also subject to derision from society at large. It is not my intent to compare the bullying of homosexuals to the floggings atheists receive, as there is a bit of crossover between the two; instead, I wish to say that I have some understanding of what homosexuals must be going through, whether they are closeted or not.

We have on many occasions received posts by members who have expressed more than just frustration with their parents and peers over the members' atheism. Many have used various kinds of words leading us to conclude that the members are about to make the wrong choice and commit suicide. To our knowledge, none has yet committed suicide, thankfully. However, as a person who is running a forum and has some level of responsibility to monitor what is posted on the forum, I have found it necessary to become involved in the private lives of those who seem likely to commit suicide.

I take the comments posted on forums rather seriously (meaning the ones that indicate that a person may harm him/herself). In one particular case, I managed to track down with fair certainty the identity of a member and the name/phone of his high school guidance counselor. (I also had what I thought was either the names/phones of his parents or another close relative.) I was about to dial the counselor to inject myself, however temporarily, into the life of this young man to make sure he still had a life. Fortunately, he replied to me via PM with something that strongly indicated he was not going to commit suicide and that his posts were somewhat of a joke (meaning not untrue, just that he was being too dramatic). I didn't dial the phone; he is still around. Perhaps we all got lucky with that one.

Of course, suddenly injecting yourself into another person's life can cause problems, especially when the family members or peers had no idea that one of their own was struggling with some deep issues. If I have to ask whether it is better to suddenly out a person (for whatever their closeted issue is) versus having them dead, I will choose to have a person outed. They can spit on me if they like, but at least they will be alive when they do it.

I used to be a resident assistant (RA) in college, and I had to deal with many a student who had suicidal thoughts. (I was glad to hear that Tyler's RA took the privacy issues seriously.) I was nearly spit on by one student who I reported for suicidal ideation, which was just fine with me. I was able to tell the warning signs not just in the words spoken by him but also because of face-to-face contact. You can tell when another person is in pain. This is not so easy in a forum. There is no body language to read, no sighs to interpret, no staring off into a corner to realize that you have just been tuned out of a conversation.

What warning signs, if any, did Tyler provide? From what I have been able to gather, he may not have provided any at all -- at least not to this forum -- but I could be wrong. Is there anything that we, as forum members or managers, can do to better detect when someone is about to make a very wrong choice? Forums are not a great place to discern the likelihood of suicide as the comments typed from a keyboard lack so many of the important signs of problems that a person may have. Perhaps my question is pointless as we can only know what someone else wants us to know. And, perhaps we will find out later what made Tyler's situation descend so rapidly from a position of asking for help to a position of making the decision to end his life.


Suicide is so ugly and unnecessary. I recently saw that Dan Savage created a new campaign (if that is the proper word) that is just amazing. It makes me wonder what took him so long to think up such a simple and, hopefully, effective way to reach out to those who need help.

EDIT: I thought I read that the thread to which Tyler had posted was moved into an area that was invisible to the rest of the forum. I do believe that I am wrong as this must be the thread: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=320377 Every forum operates differently and I assumed a moderator's area would be hidden from public view. I will amend my post after reading the thread.

 

[Concerned]

Since I cannot edit a post after 20 minutes:


EDIT 2: I finished reading the thread (thanks to the moderation team for keeping it public), and I see that there was absolutely nothing in his posts to lead anyone to believe he was going to commit suicide. Astonishing. What on earth could have happened to him in just a few hours to lead him to suicide? This is incredibly sad.

It's hard to me to imagine that, given the ages of those involved and a university setting, that this type of prejudice and behavior still occur, and that the results of it could cause this young man to take his life. I'm enraged by the behavior of Ravi and Wei. The circumstances of this suicide reinforce the fact that anyone can be prejudiced and cruel, even if their own races were subjected to prejudice and cruelty.

 

[barnbuddy]

Secretary of Education Arne Duncan's statement finally came today:

http://www.ed.gov/news/press-releas...ation-arne-duncan-recent-deaths-two-young-men

a press release? released on a friday night? are you kidding? I did PR for a bank that was sinking fast, and during the worst, we released the really bad stuff, the stuff we wanted no one to read on fri nights - a news graveyard. No one in this administration has the courage to say something on camera?

Does anyone connected to this admin read this forum?

Do you understand leadership? Kids are killing themselves, and you issue a press release from the dept of education?

 

[NedNickerson]

Friends remember Tyler Clementi as brilliant musician, bright student

Clementi, an 18-year-old freshman at Rutgers, was barely a month into his college career when his life was seemingly derailed by a secret webcam. Because it was so early in the semester, few on campus knew him well, but the slender redhead had already made an impression on Kynan Johns, associate professor and director of orchestras at Rutgers’ Mason Gross School of the Arts. Although Clementi was not a music major, he was an accomplished violinist and early in September auditioned for the Rutgers Symphony Orchestra.

“He played very well, and that qualified him for private lessons,” said Johns. “I informed him of it on the day he apparently did what he did...I had no idea what conflicts were going on inside him at the time.”

Full article:
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2010/10/rutgers_student_tyler_clementi_1.html

 

[Concerned]

Even if homophobia hadn't played a role in Ravi's decision to invade Tyler's privacy, the aftermath absolutely reeks of it.

You are correct. Even if Ravi wasn't homophobic, per se, what else are we to take from his (Ravi's) actions that he found Tyler's homosexuality objectionable?

 

[Concerned]

Then you read the comments on blogs and news articles and find a lot of the public sympathetic to the idea of this having been nothing more than a very 'unfortunate' 'silly prank by some kids.'

While Ravi and Wei may have viewed it as a prank, I can assure you that I have read about this story in numerous blogs and articles which do not view this merely as a prank. I have yet to read anything in which the writer isn't pissed off about how this situation could have developed in the way that it did. In this article by Kathleen Parker (I don't have enough posts on this forum to give you a URL, just go to WashingtonPost.com and search for Kathleen Parker), she questions whether this is a prank or something more. She reserves judgment for those who are in charge of prosecution. She is a conservative writer who finds the larger issue of invasion of privacy the biggest concern, even if Tyler were a heterosexual engaged in heterosexual acts.

Source Link (added by moderator): http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/01/AR2010100105619.html?sub=AR

I don't know the average age of members of this forum, but for people are 40+, it's hard for us to conceive why somebody would use technology to demonstrate such a lack of civility -- though we can certainly understand how one could do so. It is further perplexing that members of a such a young generation would do something like this. Is it common for 18yo's to broadcast heterosexual acts of their roommates? I really don't know what is considered okay amongst this generation, but I have to think (I hope to think) that this is not considered okay behavior. I also have to consider that both Ravi and Wei were not green to homosexuals or homosexual behavior, so I don't accept that Tyler's sexual orientation or expressions were some odd novelty for them. I could be wrong.

Sounds like they will get a year of probation and expelled from school. Maybe a small fine. Basically just a slap on the wrist.
A few years from now, the public will largely have forgotten about the specifics of this case, and they'll go on with their careers.

I can assure you that I have no love for what Ravi and Wei did, but to think this will be just a slap on their wrists is to not appreciate the full picture. From what I have read about these two, which I admit is limited, they didn't seem to be evil people. I may learn more in the days ahead that contradicts my current assessment. Nevertheless, I believe they are going to be haunted by Tyler's death for the rest of their lives. Nothing they do for the rest of their lives will ever undo the death of Tyler Clementi. That is going to hang around their own necks like a noose for years on end.

At my age I can conceive how someone who is 18yo cannot see the potential consequences of his/her actions. I'm beginning to suspect that whatever level of dislike they may have had for Tyler's sexuality, they likely never anticipated Tyler committing suicide. With respect to that, I hope I am not wrong because if I am, that means that the current generation of college students is largely uncivil and uncaring, and that would be a fault of my own generation.

Really pisses me off.

I am more than pissed off by this. I have a 14yo daughter to whom I hope I have taught sufficient sense and civility to never do something as heinous as this. The situation is unforgivable.

 

[altlover85]

I don't know the average age of members of this forum, but for people are 40+, it's hard for us to conceive why somebody would use technology to demonstrate such a lack of civility -- though we can certainly understand how one could do so. It is further perplexing that members of a such a young generation would do something like this. Is it common for 18yo's to broadcast heterosexual acts of their roommates?

When I first responded to Tyler's post, I thought it was a stupid thing for the roommate to do and it wasn't something that I would have done myself. However, I could see someone being stupid enough to think it was funny and to think that his being gay was something to be mocked. I don't think it's a common act, otherwise we probably would have seen more people posting things like this to Twitter.

With that said, I don't think the proliferation of sex tapes a few years back has placed sex in as high a position for my generation as compared to those who are older.

With respect to that, I hope I am not wrong because if I am, that means that the current generation of college students is largely uncivil and uncaring, and that would be a fault of my own generation.

I think that's a pretty big jump. Even if they were evil and malicious that speaks more to their mental problems than it does to a whole generation of people.

 

[AlmondMilk]

I don't know the average age of members of this forum, but for people are 40+, it's hard for us to conceive why somebody would use technology to demonstrate such a lack of civility -- though we can certainly understand how one could do so. It is further perplexing that members of a such a young generation would do something like this. Is it common for 18yo's to broadcast heterosexual acts of their roommates? I really don't know what is considered okay amongst this generation, but I have to think (I hope to think) that this is not considered okay behavior. I also have to consider that both Ravi and Wei were not green to homosexuals or homosexual behavior, so I don't accept that Tyler's sexual orientation or expressions were some odd novelty for them. I could be wrong.

It's interesting. Ever since social sites like xanga and myspace started to rise, young adults would begin to make accounts using them. Soon after, adolescents in middle school or even as young as late elementary school, would begin to use sites like myspace. Facebook then began to rise to those who were graduating high school and entering college. The popularity with facebook was that it weeded out everyone unless you had a legitimate email address from a college/uni/big name company. When facebook decided to open facebook to high school students, they just had to include their high school, and classmates who were already "in-network" in the high school could just approve people who wanted to include the high school as part of their networks.

Going back to xanga, it's a blogging site. There are really no limits as to what to right as long as it's within the use and terms. People would usually use the website as a journal to talk about their day. Myspace differed because it was more of a profile. It included areas for pictures, comments, and an "about me" section where you talk about yourself. There's also an option to create "bulletins" for all of your friends to look at. Some people would create bulletins to say they were bored or for people to leave comments on their pages.

Now with facebook, there's this option where you can post your "status." If you're bored, write bored and all of your friends can see it. What I'm finding shocking, as you said, is that people can be extremely explicit from threatening people to talking about sex they've had the night prior to almost getting arrested. I'm "friends" with my neighbor who just graduated high school, and he has no shame when it comes to posting this even rear-end shots on his pictures. I think people just begin to feel a bit narcissistic because there's this area on the internet that's "theirs". I'm really not sure how to describe it.

I guess a reason why people would use technology for such means is because it's quicker. It's less of a hassle to call friends or even text people. If you're friends with someone on a site or messaging service, just put up a message and everyone online can see.

Eh, I think I was just going around in circles in what I meant to say

Anyway, what really bothers me is that I found out today, that apparently Tyler was the second person to commit suicide this year at his uni. A professor apparently said that there was another. The uni does have an LGBT center... I just hope that people realize that there may be help closer than they expect.

 

[wysguymd]

I can't believe some people want to drag Obama into this. Is he supposed to comment on every news story? And are his words really going to make a difference to the bigots who bully?

I'm by no means minimizing the issue here, what happened is horrible. But this is nothing new. Gay teens have been killing themselves at a rate 5x higher than staight teens for the past 20-30 years (or more!). There are probably hundreds a month. Just so happens this month they have been getting press. It's good that the issue finally has the attention it deserves, but this is nothing new. We only heard about 4 this time.

 

[BearBoi]

I saw on the news report that he has been posting here at JUB. Anybody have a link to that thread, or has it been removed?

 

[wysguymd]

His posts are in the Garden of Memories forum (or something like that)

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6505712#post6505712

 

[mydrew1]

"I really don't know what is considered okay amongst this generation, but I have to think (I hope to think) that this is not considered okay behavior."

Well I recall once seeing a poll where most teenage boys think it's okay to get a girl drunk to have sex with them. okay, well that says that young people don't have a consensus 100% in favour of full privacy, even against rape. This was either in an Australian newspaper, or online, off the top of my head