A Hairy Gnome Companion: Lawn Decorum And Vacuum Tales

[DonQuixote]

Lefty,
I guess they're trying to be more inclusive for guys like you and me, since we're married (to women) and Curious, and the official moderator, he himself, is posted as Bi-.

That's mighty nice of you, Tzu and cummittee.

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

One of my lovers sent me this, and I patched a couple holes hung some drapes, and sprayed some Fabreze Dragon Fruit, so I hope he doesn't mind me sharing it with ye fine readers of warped mind and swift wit.

*********

A short neurological test. It should only take a few moments. Please extinguish all smoking devises and spit your gum out before we begin. Thank you. What was that? Strawberry kiwi? Smells good.
Here we go.

1- Find the C below.. Please do not use any cursor help or you will develop a yeast infection.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

Please try to hurry. Do you normally wear glasses?

3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult -- it's dressed in camouflage and been trained to not make eye contact.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

[final Jeopardy music playing]

You can't give up!
Look again, it's there...
KEEP TRYING DAMN IT!
[looking at wristwatch again]
Finally,...if it was a snake it woulda bit ya..

And we're almost done, just one more test....

Cover your left eye with your right hand and find the 44th President of the United States of America, and here's a hint, it's not George Dub-ya BuschLight or Martin Van Buren!

[too racist? yeah, I just couldn't resist, I'm weak people! But I'm sorry, and I'll try to be more sensitive to your needs next time, k?]

Now if you were able to pass these 4 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist.
Your brain is in mint condish, and you don't exhibit the early onset of Alzheimer's Syndrome by Proxy.
Oh, and if you start getting itchy and tugging at yourself, good! Maybe you'll think twice before cheating next time!

Thanks and get yourself a nice cup of OJ and a bologna sambich from Gretchen on the way out....​

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Tzu,
Here I thought that YOU, of all people here, would enjoy the concert at Carnegie Hall.

And I do Donny, I loved it. You've posted another classic entry that puts our humble thread one step closer to that elusive five star rating. hugzU

Alternative Lifestyle Writing Forum???????

Whats up with that?????????????????

Guess I will have to seek an alternative

or a life......

Don't make me get my paddle out mister! and stop eating the crayons, our budget is getting thin!

Lefty,
I guess they're trying to be more inclusive for guys like you and me, since we're married (to women) and Curious, and the official moderator, he himself, is posted as Bi-.

That's mighty nice of you, Tzu and cummittee.

[spreads brie on a Ritz and takes a bite]
What's a Bi minus? Now I'm curious.
[lifts leg and cuts a fart]

 

[Lefty]

I had a friend (loose term) submit this quiz to me for my

review.

The bastard also opted to change the C, the 6 and the N.

He is now making fertilizer in my garden....not without an

initial but fatal...um I mean futile protest I might add.

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

^murderer!^ hehe

All joking aside, what are you gonna plant after he decomposes?

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

I basically left the actual tests alone besides making the M three times as hard. I just had fun embellishing the greetings, rules and closing argument. The jury is still out...

 

[Lefty]

Most likely something of a green nature and five variegated leaves that

could provide buds for me and my buds while we sip buds bud.

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Guess I will have to seek an alternative

or a life......

Nonesense Lefty! You're fine, it's everyone else that's got the problems. Perhaps they fear your unmerciful honesty and forthcoming because it makes them look within and they don't want to see what they might find in that mirror?

That's not a bad thing at all, it's virtuous in fact, but maybe that's why you feel like that kid on the playground with lice that everyone's afraid to touch?

[snaps latex glove onto hand]
We gotta shave your head and get you back on the monkey bars!

 

[Lefty]

Better ............we get the monkey back on my bar and see if the chiquita dance

is still applicable

 

[Kyanimal]

I dane to read, but can not compare, nor (What's the Word? It starts with a "C"! I KNOW it's there! What IS it? ) ... Oh! ... Yeah! ... ConTEST!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

(HA! Eating the crayons ... chiquita dance ... )

 

[DonQuixote]

I dane to read, but can not compare, nor (What's the Word? It starts with a "C"! I KNOW it's there! What IS it? ) ... Oh! ... Yeah! ... ConTEST!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

(HA! Eating the crayons ... chiquita dance ... )

That's what I like about Chaz, he's so easily amused.

 

[Kyanimal]

That's what I like about Chaz, he's so easily amused.

EASY???

Well ... Yeah! I guess that's True!

Amused? HA! Usually!!

Oh! LOOK! A dancing banana!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[DonQuixote]

Hey, guys, did you know JUB had a talent show last weekend, and
Lefty, eJ, and Chaz all got together to perform Michael Jackson's "Thriller"

Here's a copy of the vid for you . . .

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eI6urwjKAeA[/ame]

 

[EJMichaels]

*plotting suitable response to implications about my age*

 

[DonQuixote]

*plotting suitable response to implications about my age*

Hi, eJ!

Well, um, you see, it was a trio, you see, Two Guys and One Gal, and, well,
there aren't too many Gen-U-Ine Bone-A-Fide Lady Like GALS on this site,
so I, um, sorta, um, HAD TO use you - ya' see?

 

[EJMichaels]

You actually did a good job. Feel free to use me anytime. Be sure to let me know if I ever need to bring special equipment or plan for an overnight stay.

 

[Lefty]

okay...okay...okay













i'll go quietly.

 

[EJMichaels]

This thread needs cheering up. It's not much, but this will have to do for now.

 

[DonQuixote]

In days of old,
When Knights were bold,
and Rubbers weren't invented,

Men wrapped their socks
around their cocks
and babies were prevented.

(Just thought I'd stay in keeping w/ eJ's theme for the morning.)

 

[Kyanimal]

I have NO Idea what y'all are talking about!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz