Discrimination against the older gay man

[tbonez]

^ I have NO problem believing I'd be unattractive to someone younger than myself. I deem it quite a realistic view and would never hit on a younger man.

I'd say I have no problem believing I'd be unattractive to someone my own age. Happens all the time.

My point was simply that some people jump to the conclusion that any time a younger guy is disinterested in an older suitor it must be the age issue. It is always easier to blame rejection on something over which you have no control and is inevitable (such as aging, skin colour etc.) rather than face the possibility they just aren't interested in us personally.

I think the whole idea that gay men are somehow disproportionately enchanted with youth is a tempest in a tea pot and is largely a fallacy. Gay and straight society and porn are equally fixated on long lean and nubile.

 

[Neji]

older men rule.

 

[M4P]

the old guys in gay bars scare me. they sit and stare, it;s like go home!

I've seen more old ppl in gay clubs/bars than in str8 ones.

If u ain't got anyone by that age, u should re-evalute yourself and your lifestyle.

If they're looking at you consider it to be a compliment. If you're not interested a polite "no thanks" is generally enough

Ahem, I'm a 42 year old guy who happens to get hit on by guys under 21 whom I have no interest in. I'm flattered but not interested. Maturity, experience, and manners are sexy

Also, don't forget a lot of those older guys in the gay bar blazed the trail so you can go in there without fear

 

[eddielee]

First of all, there's no need to be rude to anyone. This idea that older men are trolls that are lusting after young men is bullshit. Some of you young guys freak out if an older man even looks at you. Another thing, not all 40+ year olds are unattractive or look like your father. If an older man hits on you and you're not interested, politely say so.

When I was a young gay man I preferred men in their 30's and 40's. I actually pursued them rather than guys my age. Older men have a vast amount of sexual experience that young men don't have.

I'm middle aged now. I don't go after very young gays, but they have flirted with me. If I young gay man ever talked shit to me because I spoke to him, I would kick his ass until the cows come home!

 

[tbonez]

All one has to do is read the numerous Mature Men Bashing threads on JUB to learn the answer to this question

Please Louisa! The twink bashing is just as prevalent...and just as benign. Not even worth the trouble it takes to get offended, unless one gets off on being slighted.

Again, please substitute JUB Admin for old person. JUB Admins are thick skinned and do not mind this kind of post

It was pretty clear that the post (mine) was tongue in cheek. Anyone who was genuinely offended needs to grow some skin IMO.

If you are trying to tell me that any reasonable person could possibly be offended by the stuff you cited then I have an observation: Climb down off your cross, you look silly up there.

This idea that older men are trolls that are lusting after young men is bullshit. Some of you young guys freak out if an older man even looks at you.

I missed the part where anyone said ALL old men are trolls or all trolls are old. Being attracted to someone half your age and making it clear doesn't make you a troll...Gloaming on to them and hanging off them like a wet blanket does IMO.

I'll take flattery where ever it comes from, the is no age limit. That said I don't particularly like being leered at or pursued like a meat trophy. I don't care if you are 60 or 16 I just find it degrading.

 

[tbonez]

Bravo! This thread is descending into personal attacks.

WHERE!

Do you think you might have a persecution complex? Do you even understand what the words "personal attack" mean, I don't think so.

Crying for the admin to come molly coddle you isn't working, why not just cry out for your mammy and just get on with it.

If I ever get so bitter and hyper-sensitive I hope someone take me out behind the barn and puts me out of everyone else's misery.

 

[JSB_01]

I don't discriminate against older men. Some older guys are like wine.....aged to perfection!

 

[cellular]

If its any constellation, there are some good looking older men that i would like to be involved with...if they were gay. Look at Mel Gibson, or Harrison Ford, both have aged beautifully.

 

[spreadeagle]

Since Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford are stars I suppose it would be some constellation.

In the straight world we frequently see nubile and big titted young women hooking up with geriatric men. There are no standards of appearance for older men when money and power are the aphrodisiacs.

 

[Johnny Yen]

The thing these twinkies don't want to admit is that they only notice the old trolls looking at them because they aren't attractive to their own set. Far better to deflect your own shortcommings onto someone else than to recognize your own innate ugliness.

Damn! Those bitch pills are powerful...

Reminds me of a little ditty by the Violent Fems sometime in the late 80s... I'll do a lyrics search because the answer to all questions can be found in bad lyrics.

 

[Johnny Yen]

you are the one really upset at the situation and sort of yelling with your bold writing so dont point ingers at others, it goes either way, sometimes some older guys come off to aggressive and they dont hear NO, thus they get bashed , hey got wht they deserved, no means no

Maybe if they were hotter they would be surrounded by so many equally young hotties that the old men couldn't get close enough to ask in the first place. Old trolls are lazy - they usually won't hit on guys who are likley to see better action...

I think this is what bothers young guys the most, the fact that only seemingly old men are interested in them.

 

[tbonez]

I think this is what bothers young guys the most, the fact that only seemingly old men are interested in them.

That's it, you hit the nail on the head....Have me pegged. I never get approached by guys my own age because I so dammed fugly. I have face only a mother (or an octogenarian) could love.

It is all about age and I really am incapable of seeing anything else. If I'm not interested in bagging you and you are 40 it must be because of your age and my personal deep seated self-loathing. I mean what other possible reason could there be? None I'm sure.

Seriously, I'm quite prepared to admit that there are some (very few) younger guys who don't even like being stared at by certain older men. Can we also admit that there are some (few) older guys who are rabid for twinks and just won't accept a polite brush-off and move on?

 

[NickCole]

That's it, you hit the nail on the head....Have me pegged. I never get approached by guys my own age because I so dammed fugly. I have face only a mother (or an octogenarian) could love.

It is all about age and I really am incapable of seeing anything else. If I'm not interested in bagging you and you are 40 it must be because of your age and my personal deep seated self-loathing. I mean what other possible reason could there be? None I'm sure.

You are short-suited in your capacity to empathize.

Chances are, when you hit middle-age you will be broadsided by what you discover has descended upon you, and that includes the way some 20-somethings behave towards you. It is a jarring reality even for those of us who have exactly the life we want, with a loving and passionate LTR, lots of friends, good career, secure finances, and are generally better suited, temperamentally, to mid-life than youth. It's a smack across the face, one of those things one just has to take and move on from -- but somehow the worst sting of all is younger gay men being arrogant about it. What do you get out of such a snide attitude towards men who lived through gay discrimination you can't even imagine and fought for acceptance you take for granted, then lived through AIDS and their best friends and lovers dying too soon? What do you get from being so cold to men who want only to be acknowledged and treated with kindness and respect?

Seriously, I'm quite prepared to admit that there are some (very few) younger guys who don't even like being stared at by certain older men. Can we also admit that there are some (few) older guys who are rabid for twinks and just won't accept a polite brush-off and move on?

Sure.

And every one of those older guys has been young and knows what it's like to be stared at by older men. Not a single one of those young guys knows what it's like to be older, or what's behind those stares. Why are you so eager to shrug off someone else's need without even asking what it's about or how little it might take to satisfy it. Maybe a lot of those older guys who're staring are just lonely and would love it if you smiled and said, "Hey, hello. Can I buy you a drink and talk for a few minutes?" You never know what that man has seen, where he's been, who he's known, what he's done and heard and felt -- you might learn something you didn't even realize you wanted to know. And you might bring a little delight into someone's life -- and when you're middle-aged maybe the kindness will be returned.

 

[BrandonSBCA]

So does this make me a troll because I want older men?

 

[TinyToeOut]

So does this make me a troll because I want older men?

No, it makes us alike!

 

[jsd62]

Remember, girls: "Age and treachery will overcome youth and skill every time"

 

[Spiff]

Lol, it sounds like someone is trying to make it sound illegal for people to discriminate when looking for romance. I don't recall any laws making it mandatory for any type of person to be forced to be attracted to another type.

If I was a 40 year old hitting on a 20 year old, I certainly wouldn't seriously expect anything positive to come of it. But then again, I would never do anything that silly to begin with. Whatever happened to common sense?

 

[quasar]

You are short-suited in your capacity to empathize.

Chances are, when you hit middle-age you will be broadsided by what you discover has descended upon you, and that includes the way some 20-somethings behave towards you. It is a jarring reality even for those of us who have exactly the life we want, with a loving and passionate LTR, lots of friends, good career, secure finances, and are generally better suited, temperamentally, to mid-life than youth. It's a smack across the face, one of those things one just has to take and move on from -- but somehow the worst sting of all is younger gay men being arrogant about it. What do you get out of such a snide attitude towards men who lived through gay discrimination you can't even imagine and fought for acceptance you take for granted, then lived through AIDS and their best friends and lovers dying too soon? What do you get from being so cold to men who want only to be acknowledged and treated with kindness and respect?

Great post Nick. I think I need to print it off and show it to some of my younger friends who want to know why I don't go out on the scene too often, and why I choose instead, to socialise with my straight friends whose ages vary from 18 to 80 and who are far less discriminating and much more open-minded!

 

[tbonez]

You are short-suited in your capacity to empathize.

That simply isn't true.

As it happens I'm actually a MSW student and if my practicum evals are any indication then I have good capacity for empathy. That said, I do try and separate the wheat from the chaff. Some people strike me as being not interested in empathy so much as pity. There is a world of difference BTW. Just because someone feels sorry for themselves doesn't mean that everyone else is going to or should.

Chances are, when you hit middle-age you will be broadsided by what you discover has descended upon you, and that includes the way some 20-somethings behave towards you...

I doubt it very much. I'd say it is much more likely that by the time I'm middle aged the only 20 year olds I'll be particularly obsessed with are my children. I have this crazy notion that I have some control over my destiny...choices matter. I'm in school, not out on the party circuit. I'm in a stable long term relationship, not chasing everything in pants. More to the point, if for some reason in middle aged I find myself trolling bars looking to men young enough to be my children for sexual favours, I fully expect that blunt rejection will be the norm, not the exception. IMO that is as it should be.

This in particular I have something to say about:

What do you get out of such a snide attitude towards men who lived through gay discrimination you can't even imagine and fought for acceptance you take for granted, then lived through AIDS and ....

I have the utmost of respect for men who fought discrimination, not simply lived through it. Respect, you will note, not sexual obligation. Their are currently only two surviving Canadian WWI vets. I may owe my freedom to them and possibly my very existence...It doesn't mean that I'm obliged to give them head if they want it.

As for the AIDS crisis, it's a legacy, yes legacy, that my generation was born into and deals with every day. Not a single day goes by when we don't think about it, talk about it, read about, learn about it. Don't presume to lecture me about the cost and consequences of HIV/AIDS. I have never know a time when it didn't exist, you did.

 

[tbonez]

NickCole, just to clarify... in case you still have the wrong idea:

I hang out with people in every age bracket. I have a few younger friends, the closest are around my age and a few much older. As for the older guys, I like the ones who are likable, respect the ones who are respectful and do my best to be clear with the ones who are looking for something more physical than conversation.

The same guidelines apply regardless of age. I do try never to be rude when I'm approached by a stranger but sometimes being blunt is required particularly when they have a few drinks under their belt.

No one, save the incredibly vain, likes to be stared at. I don't care how old the guy doing the staring is, 16 or 60. While you'd never know it I'm actually painfully shy in person and awkward around strangers such as in a bar. This can be misread as aloof or arrogant particularly if that is what you are expecting from "my generation".

Chances are if you walked up to me in a bar and said hello we would have a good conversation. We might even become friends. If however, you proceeded to put your hand on my ass my reaction would likely not be what you were hoping for...to put it mildly.

I hope you see where I'm coming from. I am trying to see you POV.

Peace