Embarrassed about looks and body-need help!

[birddog7]

I've been embarrassed, ashamed, insecure, etc., about my looks, body, and especially penis size for years. After reading some on the subject, I fit the description of having "body dysmorphic syndrome", "small penis syndrome", "locker room syndrome", or whatever term one wants to use for it.

This has caused me to be socially reclusive for many years. I've never had a real relationship, and have never had sex. I have few friends, and no "best friends", nobody I really trust, or have any emotional connection with. Others on here talk about stuff they've done with friends, but I can't imagine myself trusting someone enough to jack off together, or go skinny dipping.

I'd like to change this before it's too late. At my age, time is running out fast. I don't want to die without experiencing a real, meaningful relationship with someone, or with out having sex. Not just sex, but sex with someone I care about, and who cares about me. I've already heard enough about paying for sex, and I will not do that.
I even had a psychiatrist suggest I visit a prostitute. No way I'll do that.

Have any of you guys ever been through something like this? If so, how did you get better or get over it?

Thanks for your insight on this.

 

[boxerdudeuk]

spend a few days at your house naked. get used to your body and how it moves, etc. at least when you start feeling comfortable in your OWN skin, you can start letting other people into your life a bit more

 

[neruda]

Look, EVERY human being is beautiful one way or the other.
For some its voice, others smile, in some cases just the eyes or even the shyness..
Being too engrossed in just the physical is just not a good idea.
Just go out there, get involved with others and the rest will follow. What I mean is enjoy people's company and make yourself a pleasure to be with.
If you are going to compare your body with the gorgeous physiques that are bombarded upon us all the time in a gay porn site like this one .... you'll end up much more embarrassed than necessary.
Not worth it.

PS I forgot to mention, I'm not pretty myself

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Ugh... I really do feel your pain.

I've always thought I'd be happier if I was taller... thinner, more muscular, maybe a bit better looking. Had a smaller nose, had a better voice, didn't have hands so small they're more like paws..

Seriously, no matter what, you're never going to be happy if you're wanting to be "happy" with your looks. Eventually you have to stop trying to be better than this guy or that guy and just allow yourself to be "just like everyone else."

It's a very liberating feeling when you stop only seeing your flaws and instead learn to just make what you have work for you.

Just put yourself out there as you are, lumps and all... because a confidant guy who loves his imperfections is SO much sexier than a perfect guy who obsesses about being perfect, anyway.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Oh, and I hope you don't see that psychiatrist any more. He was an idiot.

 

[Wcw10891]

I think everyone has some case of the dysmorphic disorder, cause if you say your big and you lose weight, then its wow my nose is huge

then you get a rhino plasty, then its wow by cheeks are invisible.

and thats how all the plastic surgery nightmares happen cause ppl will keep finding thing wrong about themselves.

and unfortunatly it comes from what society says you should look like and act like.

like the famous david beckham poster where he is in just some white briefs, they packed his bulge to make it look bigger and then put it all over bill boards, so now we subconsciously think thats how big our bulge is supposed to be.

it sucks and ive gone through it as well, but i can just put the i dont give a fuck face on for a little while.

but i think no amount of therapy can help how YOu yourself look at you it has to come from you and yourself only.

**

sorry for the rant,i have gripes about society, hope every thing works out

 

[glorff]

If you can learn to love yourself, then someone will come along and love you.

If you can't figure out how to love yourself, then try to become someone that you could love. Care for others without worrying about what you will get out of it. The rest will take care of itself.

Look at the variety of types of people that someone finds attractive in the forums on this board. Not the perfect ones, but the everyday guys and you will see that what most people expect and hope for is not someone spectacular, but someone they can love and trust who will love and trust them back.

 

[birddog7]

If you don't mind my asking, what exactly do you dislike about your physical appearance?

Penis size has always been worst physical concern. However, I have never thought I was good looking in general. My second worst dislike is some belly flab that I cannot get rid of. I'm 6' and weigh 180, I do various exercises, but nothing helps my belly. I Have been told by doctors that I'm going to have to live with it.

I also have a nasty surgical scar after having a pretty major illness last year. I had to have a pretty major emergency surgery. I won't go out in public without a shirt. I lost weight due to the illness, and after I got better, I gained some back, my surgeon said that was good, apparently he didn't think I should lose weight.

I have never weighed less than something over 170 since finishing puberty. I weighed about 172 when I graduated high school, and I'm more muscular now. By all these height weight charts, I qualify as being large framed. I still feel too fat.

I'm in good physical condition. I walk, including some really steep hikes, ride a bicycle nearly everyday. I bicycle to work unless it's ice and snow, then I walk.
I do various exercises, including weights. On this 3 day weekend, I've walked, and biked every day. I did 200 abdominal crunches Saturday, 145 push ups Sunday, and 105 barbell curls so far today. I'm okay with my arms, and upper body. I'll wear a muscle shirt in public, but I won't show that belly. I'm not too thrilled with my butt either. I'm okay with my legs, and I'll wear shorts in public. I want to be more muscular in general, and I'm working on that, and I think that's obtainable. I am afraid I'll always have the flabby mid section, though. I'm getting some better, I used to not wear shorts in public, and wouldn't wear anything less than t-shirt for years.

I have been told by many that I'd look better with long hair. I've been tempted to try it. I work as a mechanic, and hate to think about trying to keep long hair clean around all that grease, oil, soot, dust, etc. I don't know if I look better with or without the beard. I guess some would say yes, others no.

Penis size is still my biggest insecurity. I certainly don't want anyone to see me nude. Especially anybody that I actually know. I used to be embarrassed around doctors, and just hated to go for a physical. Twenty years of truck driving cured me of that. After all those DOT physicals, I don't mind medical professionals now. I know they won't make comments, or laugh at me. If I were bigger it would help my confidence a lot. I especially don't like my flaccid size. I don't show much of a bulge, and I'd like to. I think a nice bulge is so sexy. I'd never shower in a public setting, such as at a gym, or pool. I'd never skinny dip where anyone could possibly see me. I'd never wear a speedo, or anything that revealing in public. I always worry about intimacy, and would the other person laugh when they see my package.

That's why I've been so reclusive all these years. I found that if I immersed myself in work, and buried my head in machinery, I didn't think about this crap so much. When I think about it I get all depressed. If I stay away from people, I doesn't bother me as much. When I see people having fun, and that look much better than I do, that bothers me. From what I've read, these behaviors go along with "body dysmorphic syndrome. I've gotten so sad, and lonely lately, that something has to give. I don't want to go on like this.

I want to get over this and possibly enjoy a normal life during the few years I may have left. I don't know if I can change or not. Being one way for 35+ years, won't make changing easy. That's for sure.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Well, as I see it, you have two choices.

You can choose to wallow in your "I'm not good enough" pity or you can pitch it and just put yourself out there. Which one sounds more fun?

I'll tell you that some of the hottest porn stars I've worked with - like Dean Monroe - have huge scars right across their abs... and nobody gives a shit. I just did a video with Landon Mycles about his "average size" dick and the feedback has been pretty much 100% "are you fucking kidding?" because nobody cares.

Bo Dean has a scar on his face. You ever heard anyone complain about that?

I think it was Winternight who told me that the video I posted of Ross from Fratmen talking with his very noticeable stutter was the reason he stopped giving a shit about his stutter.

And I'm 5'6". I'd KILL to be 6' tall.

I've worked with plenty of hot men who have any number of problems and they just let it be what it is... makes them hotter.

 

[CowboyBob]

Everyone has something about themselves that they don't like. People say they wish they were taller, thinner, more muscular, different hair, smaller butt, bigger arms, better skin and on and on.

I'll bet you're much better looking than you think you are. Penis size is irrelevant. It's what you do with it that counts. I don't know what size penis you hope for or think is acceptable, but enjoy what you have.

To me your problem isn't with your looks, but it's with your self-esteem. You have to learn somehow to love yourself and accept the fact this is who you are. When you have the ability to do that you'll find yourself attractive.

<----- and Hell, I don't think I'm attractive at all. But others do. I've never been one who cares that much for outward physical appearance. It's superficial.

 

[birddog7]

Would you elaborate?

I've had this problem as well. In my case, it seems to be from gluten.

Would you ever consider going to a nudist resort? It might be a good way for you to confront your fears and an experience that would allow yourself to become less inhibited.

I think the average guy is better looking than I am. Most guys I see are more handsome, and have a better body type. In my opinion.

I don't think gluten has much to do with mine. It's just external flab that I can't get rid of, but not for lack of trying.


I would be way to insecure to even think about that.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Tell you what... post a picture of yourself... let's see you.

Because I'd be willing to bet that you're not anything like the man that you describe.

 

[birddog7]

Tell you what... post a picture of yourself... let's see you.

Because I'd be willing to bet that you're not anything like the man that you describe.

I'm not suggesting that you should post a picture of yourself so that we can all agree or disagree with your self image, but i bet that if you did show a picture, no matter what you look like, you would get at least ten guys here thinking that you're hot.
If JUB has truly taught me anything (no, this is not my first time here ) it is that regardless of what you look like there will always be someone who finds you attractive.
And if you don't believe me just check the Amateur Showcase

I have several pics in the "Amateur Showcase", have a look, and see what you think.

 

[birddog7]

Well, as I see it, you have two choices.

You can choose to wallow in your "I'm not good enough" pity or you can pitch it and just put yourself out there. Which one sounds more fun?

I'll tell you that some of the hottest porn stars I've worked with - like Dean Monroe - have huge scars right across their abs... and nobody gives a shit. I just did a video with Landon Mycles about his "average size" dick and the feedback has been pretty much 100% "are you fucking kidding?" because nobody cares.

Bo Dean has a scar on his face. You ever heard anyone complain about that?

I think it was Winternight who told me that the video I posted of Ross from Fratmen talking with his very noticeable stutter was the reason he stopped giving a shit about his stutter.

And I'm 5'6". I'd KILL to be 6' tall.

I've worked with plenty of hot men who have any number of problems and they just let it be what it is... makes them hotter.

Very interesting. I had to do a search on these guys, I didn't know who they were.
Just out of curiosity, what size is Landon Mycles? One site list him as 7", which I wouldn't consider small. Maybe it is for a porn actor though. If I were 7", I'd think I was John Holmes!

What you've said is exactly right. I do need to get over this, get out, and enjoy life. After all this time, that won't be easy for me, though.

 

[birddog7]

What do you like about yourself physically?

I like my arms, and upper body. Years of hard physical work, along with weightlifting has made for pretty muscular arms and upper body.

 

[neruda]

^ 6 feet tall, strong upper body, muscular arms, runs, bikes, lefts weights .....baby you're already a dish I can slurp over

Pardon me, but my own image of you is pretty hot and heavy already.

And don't worry lover boy we ALL have penis envy....
Now if you roll over to my side we can get some mean frotting going

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

OK, now I'm totally baffled.

I saw your pictures and you're just as handsome as most of the guys who hang out at my favorite bar. No, you don't have a perfect underwear model body. Nor do I. Most people don't.

I was just at a pool party with about 40 gay men... all body types... everyone just hanging out and having fun.. some naked.. some not... some playing around.. you'd have fit right in. And none of them were obsessing about not looking like Chris Evans.

 

[Yooper]

Dude, come here.



I'm with Jasun on this one. I found your pictures, and you've got nothing to worry about.

So you're not an underwear model. Not many of us are.

1. Your p-Dr. is is a dick. Pay for a prostitute? Big moron.

2. You look like that and FIX CARS? You can come fix the ol' K Car ANYtime, and we'll work out the payment arrangements. Remember I'm broke.

3. You are the kind of guy I'd buy SEVeral beers for just to chat with you. You actually write with full sentences that are spelled correctly on the internet.

Get OUT there. Join a club. Find a Gay Potluck Group. Find a Gay Underwater Basketweaving group or something. You're fine.

*le sigh*

Oh, and PS: Your p-Dr. is a dickhead.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

I'm sure there are gay car enthusiast clubs that would LOVE to have a man like you join up to get their engines humming.

Ignore the bar scene... go out and find men who share your interests.. THAT's how you meet men and put yourself out there.

 

[altlover85]

I'm sure there are gay car enthusiast clubs that would LOVE to have a man like you join up to get their engines humming.

Ignore the bar scene... go out and find men who share your interests.. THAT's how you meet men and put yourself out there.

I think that is great advice, especially in light of the OP's self-confidence issues.

birddog7, I think you look fine. Your second picture is especially flattering as it shows off your arms and upper body. You definitely don't need to pay for sex as I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there that would be interested.