Everybody Knows You're Gay!

[Lube]

There.

I've said it.

Unless you live in a country where they'll hang you for being gay, just come out already.

Everybody suspects, anyway.

Everybody will be like: *yawn* tell us something we didn't know. Oh, sure, they may be titillated to know for sure that you're gay, but don't think for a minute that they didn't suspect. Friends, family, fellow students and coworkers have been talking about you for years. Seriously.

Yes, even if you think you're totally straight acting and blah blah blah.

Just get over it. You're not nearly as good an actor as you think you are.


Hugs all around!

 

[Corny]

Um .. no I have had enough people initially not believing me and thinking it's just more of my sarcasm.

 

[Lube]

OK, everyone except you.



(To be followed by a line of posts of guys saying "not me either!" "not me!").

 

[Corny]

(To be followed by a line of posts of guys saying "not me either!" "not me!").

it seems you just discovered the problem of generalizations ..

 

[Fire]

Um .. no I have had enough people initially not believing me and thinking it's just more of my sarcasm.

You're sarcastic? Guess it doesn't translate well.

Friends, family, fellow students and coworkers have been talking about you for years. Seriously.

I knew it!

By and large, I think you're right. Unless you're actively dating women as a cover, anyone who has a passing familiarity with the details of your life will probably suspect. And if you're one of those "I'm just a private person/I don't like to talk about my personal life" kind of guys, well, you might as well just wear a t-shirt, because that's as good as an admission in most people's minds (see: Ricky Martin, Anderson Cooper, etc.)

 

[88Jockstraps]

There.

I've said it.

Unless you live in a country where they'll hang you for being gay, just come out already.

Everybody suspects, anyway.

Everybody will be like: *yawn* tell us something we didn't know. Oh, sure, they may be titillated to know for sure that you're gay, but don't think for a minute that they didn't suspect. Friends, family, fellow students and coworkers have been talking about you for years. Seriously.

Yes, even if you think you're totally straight acting and blah blah blah.

Just get over it. You're not nearly as good an actor as you think you are.


Hugs all around!

Who the fuck do you think you are? It's people like you who want to control everybody!! I hate people like you!! You're the scum of the earth!

Why don't you mind your own shit and get the fuck out of other people's business??

It's MY choice to come out and it's MY choice if I want to stay in the closet for 200 fucking years!! And it's my choice if I'm in the closet and the whole world fucking knows I'm gay!!

Who are you to tell me what to do? You might as well tell me to kiss your ass and put a swastika sign on your head you fucking dictator!

 

[treanir]

(To be followed by a line of posts of guys saying "not me either!" "not me!").

Thank you for saying it so I don't have to.

I have to say this: coming out is a process that everyone needs to go through at their own pace. Some people come out early, some later in life, and it cannot be forced. You need to be ready. And until you are, messages urging people to come out will fall on deaf ears. I think that's the basis of 88Jockstraps' lashing out.

That said, I do believe that everyone owes it to themselves and the people around them to come out. The closet is an unhappy place.

 

[altlover85]

I think you're right in general, Lube.

88Jockstraps, overreact much?

 

[justright25]

Lube, unfortunately many people refuse to see what is right in front of them and therefore coming out is not always an easy process. This is what truly leads to people's fears and makes the coming out process so tough. The lack of understanding on all sides can be baffling but unfortunately everybody's path is different. You are definitely correct, life is much better after the closet and though people may suspect, not everybody does.

 

[altlover85]

I think he's just saying that it's not worth the effort of staying in the closet because a lot of people might be suspecting your gay in some cases.

I also thought the post was light hearted and that he isn't demanding that people come out.

 

[hylas]

i love lubes intentions and general message (just come out already, you big pussy!) and the light-hearted tone of the post. but i dont think hes right, strictly speaking. im pretty sure everybody suspected me to be gay, but i have gay friends who could easily pass as straight without much effort.

also, im out to everybody and i think its pretty easy to see im gay, but i still have women cluelessly hitting on me every now and then.


all that being said... jockstraps! this is the first post i read by you and i already love you dearly! im looking forward to more unintentional hilarity and crack-smoking crazy rants! do not disappoint me!

 

[swerve]

No -- they don't...

My family TRULY believes that I am living with a "friend" -- and that we own a home and business together...

They UNDERSTAND that we sleep in 1 bedroom so that we can have 2 guest bedrooms...

They think we attend PRIDE festivals to show support towards human rights...

They LOVE the rainbow stickers on our vehicles ('cause rainbows are pretty)...

They are TOTALLY fooled!!!

 

[FirePhoenix]

You go girl... honey don't hide your true colors. We all know you are a fudgepacker

No seriously I think this is true on alot of levels but it truly is about how emotionally and financially (in some cases) secure they are. What is right for some is not right for everyone.

I gotta tell you though... being out of the closet is so much better, sure not everyone is going to like you but who cares. At the end of the day they do not have to look back on your life. It is going to be you that will regret the secrecy and hiding in that cramped little closet.

 

[fetaby]

The thing is we're dealing with individuals here. And as such, individual situations. We are not cookies pressed out of molds.

The amount of time it takes for a person to readjust to a lifetimes worth of heteronormative brainwashing depends on that person.

It's easier to pull than it is to push.

Pull them out with support, camaraderie, and community.
Pushing with insults and attacks of character are likely to be met with resistance, ex. post #7

$.02

 

[gmoney]

There.

I've said it.

Yes, you did. Just remember some folks have to come out to themselves first!

I won't go into all the similarities that you and I have, but just to say neither of us were out in our early adulthood.

It's quite true, that many times when we (in general) come out, that most of the ones who really know us are not that surprised.

At the same time, no one should feel pressured to come out. Everyone has their own set of circumstances that let them know when they feel the time is right.

I will say that once I did, I felt 1000 times better about myself and the relief of this burden I had been carrying around for so long.

 

[Lube]

Yay! I love the replies! All of them. One unintentionally funny, even.

Yes, I am being at least partially tongue-in-cheek, of course. I certainly can't force anyone out of the closet.

Yes, everyone needs time to come out, but so many guys think they're fooling people while they scrounge up the courage. And my point is simply that you're not fooling them, so why don't you scrounge up the courage a little sooner?

And, really, ethnic minorities and people with disabilities don't have the luxury of hiding in a closet. They have to deal with hatred and fear and ignorance every day. So why can't gays man up and do the same thing.

Especially when you're not fooling anyone?

 

[BINOWGAYLATER]

OK, everyone except you.



(To be followed by a line of posts of guys saying "not me either!" "not me!").

Everybody knows i'm GAY? NO THEY DON'T !!

gAWD - I KNOW str8 guys who are WAY MORE GAY than I am -

 

[BINOWGAYLATER]

OMG 88JOCKSTRAPS - I HOPE YOU WERE KIDDING -

IT'S lube -- FOR GOD'S SAKE !!

LUV HIM TO BITS - BUT PLEASE REALIZE that sometimes he forgets his meds.

 

[BINOWGAYLATER]

No critical need to cum out of the closet if I can get FETABY IN it wit me !! I'm just sayin........

 

[Ephemeral]

While you're intentions are good Lube, I disagree.

I make it a rule that people must come out on their own terms. You can persuade and encourage, but never 'lance' them. Even if it's clearer than a mirror or brighter than a drag queen's makeup.

Case in point, my best friend. He's in a glass closet. People have known he was gay since middle school. I've known since elementary school. I don't tell people he's bi out of respect for him. He's not ready to be out of the closet all the way yet. He's also staying with his parents, who're ultra-Christian, during college. They threatened to disown him when he first told them. His mother told him not to tell anyone else. He must pretend that he's straight now when around his family. If I go bulldozing his glass closet for the sole reason of, "Get over it!", how would that make me look?

People have various reasons for staying in the closet:

-Financial reasons; they may depend on their parents or fear being fired from their jobs (which still happens)

-Personal safety; in diverse, gigantic metropolitan areas, being gay is met with little opposition. In small towns, it can be an entirely different story.

-Fear of rejection; we all know about this.

-Uncertainty; some people aren't sure if they're gay, bi, or just curious. They don't wanna say one thing and have to come out a second time.

-Personal comfort; some people simply may not be at that stage when they're ready to be open about their sexuality.

For some, forcing out of the closet works. Not for everyone. Just because they're in America doesn't mean they're gonna be accepted with welcome arms, rainbow flags, and a gift card to Macy's.