If you ever say you are "straight acting" that is a copout

[G-Lexington]

Re: If you ever say you are "straight acting" that is a copout

Well my belief is that someone who puts on a "straight" persona, whether you want to call it acting, behavior, image, they have a problem with their sexuality. I am not speaking of someone who just appears to be "straight" by general societal standards, I am talking about men who put out their masculinity because they think it makes them more "straight" and/or manly to other people, people trying not to appear "gay."

But where's the difference? As I said in my post, I have plenty of masculine characteristics. And as I said, they certainly SEEM to be "genuine" - at least, I don't feel any sense of self-betrayal when I exhibit them, anymore than I feel I'm not being myself when I cross my legs, or do anything that might be deemed effeminate. But there are those that insist that all such behaviors and traits ARE in fact "acts". Or, to sum it up in a quote - "There are two types of gay men - flamers and liars."

Lex

 

[eastofeden]

I think that the phrase is cool if it is how you want to describe yourself.....I would probably avoid the person who described themselves that way myself because a lot of the guys I met along the way who were self described "straight acting" were smug uptight conservative oppressive jerks....and I would appreciate the warning I have had sex with lots of self described "straight" guys though..and I liked them.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

This phrase is only used on dating or hookup apps. If you don't like it it's a great indicator of who to avoid.
The term in itself is not offensive and trying to attribute all sorts of meaning and psychological background says more about the accuser than the accused.

 

[Latimer]

The words are descriptive, and we all know the continuum they describe. Whether they are used in a neutral, laudatory or pejorative fashion depends on the context.

 

[journo25]

Who decides what constitutes "masculine?" Society... and it is entirely subjective. Is a straight man who prefers opera to sports less masculine than a gay man who is a rabid sports fan? I suspect many people would think so based on stereotypical beliefs of what "regular guys" should be into (bowling over bridge; beer over wine...).

 

[Rolyo85]

Buzzer, my problem is not with the "acting" part but with the fact that it equates "straight" with "masculine" and worse - with "not gay". No gay man should describe himself as "not gay". That's spitting in the face of everything about the fight for equality. It ABSOLUTELY doesn't matter what random ignorant breeders think when they hear "gay". The folks who use "straight acting" are gay men communicating with other gay men. The term really has nothing to do with straights' perception, even if some of them might have a notion of what "acting gay" is.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

Who decides what constitutes "masculine?" Society... and it is entirely subjective. Is a straight man who prefers opera to sports less masculine than a gay man who is a rabid sports fan? I suspect many people would think so based on stereotypical beliefs of what "regular guys" should be into (bowling over bridge; beer over wine...).

Yes he's not a guy's guy. And it's a dating profile. It's supposed to give as much information in as few characters.
It's not a thesis.

 

[xboxfan34]

Honestly, I find terms like "straight acting" kind of a stab at gays like me. I identify myself as a part of the bear culture, chiefly due to the fact that masculine gay men turn me on one would believe I'm straight acting because of the fact that I don't act stereotypical. I don't say that everything is fabulous or wear pink or drink Pink Ladies or whateverthefuck people associate gays with. It's not my personality, it's not who I am.

In the end, I believe it's just semantics.

 

[GamerBear]

Honestly, I find terms like "straight acting" kind of a stab at gays like me. I identify myself as a part of the bear culture, chiefly due to the fact that masculine gay men turn me on one would believe I'm straight acting because of the fact that I don't act stereotypical. I don't say that everything is fabulous or wear pink or drink Pink Ladies or whateverthefuck people associate gays with. It's not my personality, it's not who I am.

In the end, I believe it's just semantics.

Believe it or not, some of the bears I see look masculine but when a Madonna or show tune plays in a bar.... Damn, they went from butch to dancing queen.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

Believe it or not, some of the bears I see look masculine but when a Madonna or show tune plays in a bar.... Damn, they went from butch to dancing queen.

Agreed. Masculine and straight acting aren't the same to me.
But most "straight-acting" guys definitely aren't straight

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

Re: If you ever say you are "straight acting" that is a copout

But where's the difference? As I said in my post, I have plenty of masculine characteristics. And as I said, they certainly SEEM to be "genuine" - at least, I don't feel any sense of self-betrayal when I exhibit them, anymore than I feel I'm not being myself when I cross my legs, or do anything that might be deemed effeminate. But there are those that insist that all such behaviors and traits ARE in fact "acts". Or, to sum it up in a quote - "There are two types of gay men - flamers and liars."

Lex

I could imagine that there are plenty of straight people who think that any gay person exhibiting any sort of behavior that isn't "normal gay behavior" is acting, but that is just a matter of perception and ignorance. The difference is someone being comfortable with themselves regardless of what others think and the other are people who embrace being seen as "straight" and being that way to seem "less gay."

--

To add I personally don't have a problem with people who are either masculine or feminine or whatever, whether they're gay, straight or whatever else. I don't attribute either of those being specifically gay or straight qualities either.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: If you ever say you are "straight acting" that is a copout

I could imagine that there are plenty of straight people who think that any gay person exhibiting any sort of behavior that isn't "normal gay behavior" is acting, but that is just a matter of perception and ignorance.

To the best of my knowledge, no straight person has ever accused me of "acting straight". Oh, I might have had a stray ignorant person say "I thought all gay guys loved Cher" or something, but they didn't claim the masculine traits I exhibited were phony. I've only heard that from other gay guys. Usually phrased in ways like this: "Oh, look at your wearing your football jersey, acting like a straight guy. Who do you think you're fooling with that?" (Um, nobody?)

Lex

 

[bankside]

When I emphasise the sense of "dramatic portrayal" in the word "acting," I'm not unaware that it has other meanings. It's actually a deliberate choice to recast a commonly and unthinkingly used expression in a way to provoke thought about its underlying meaning.

What is it to be a straight-behaving gay male? How straight-behaving is a guy when his balls are resting on another guy's chin?

"No, no, no, that's not it. I mean people perceive me as conforming to their stereotypes of heterosexual identity. That makes me straight-behaving!"

Oh really? Well that suggests living up to the audience's perception of enacting a dramatis personae, and the term fits. The somewhat unfair joke about Keanu Reeves is that his acting skill comes from being cast in roles where he only has to play himself. But it's still a role and still an actor. And in a way I'm also obliquely referencing the ideas of Judith Butler though it pains me to do so. I have no use for "post-structuralist philosophy" and much of it and of queer theory is marxist claptrap and utter nonsensical bunk. But the idea of "performing gender" is not exactly vacuous. In referring to acting in the dramatic sense, I'm poking fun at a narrow idea of what "straight" or "gay" actually means. Or masculinity for that matter. I'm advocating for a broader definition of masculinity, because that stereotype is brutally narrow.

 

[xbuzzerx]

When I emphasise the sense of "dramatic portrayal" in the word "acting," I'm not unaware that it has other meanings. It's actually a deliberate choice to recast a commonly and unthinkingly used expression in a way to provoke thought about its underlying meaning.

What is it to be a straight-behaving gay male? How straight-behaving is a guy when his balls are resting on another guy's chin?

"No, no, no, that's not it. I mean people perceive me as conforming to their stereotypes of heterosexual identity. That makes me straight-behaving!"

Oh really? Well that suggests living up to the audience's perception of enacting a dramatis personae, and the term fits. The somewhat unfair joke about Keanu Reeves is that his acting skill comes from being cast in roles where he only has to play himself. But it's still a role and still an actor. And in a way I'm also obliquely referencing the ideas of Judith Butler though it pains me to do so. I have no use for "post-structuralist philosophy" and much of it and of queer theory is marxist claptrap and utter nonsensical bunk. But the idea of "performing gender" is not exactly vacuous. In referring to acting in the dramatic sense, I'm poking fun at a narrow idea of what "straight" or "gay" actually means. Or masculinity for that matter. I'm advocating for a broader definition of masculinity, because that stereotype is brutally narrow.

If you choose to interpret it that way, sure.

Doesn't universalize it into being a fact of everyone's intent.

I would say I'm pretty ordinary and that people don't usually have a specific or marked prejudgment of my sexual preference from seeing or meeting me--- which, due to the heterosexual majority of the human population, typically means people default to assuming you're straight until you tell them otherwise.

And I would say that my ability to say so is not a sign of a dysfunction or -any- deliberate effort on my part to "be" something unnatural to me.

Like your post and many in this thread are claiming.

 

[Rolyo85]

Also, to say "it's just semantics" is like saying "faggot" and "bigger" are just words. What words we chose and what actually stands behind both the choice and the origin of the expression.

 

[xbuzzerx]

Also, to say "it's just semantics" is like saying "faggot" and "bigger" are just words. What words we chose and what actually stands behind both the choice and the origin of the expression.

So as I said in my previous post, we agree the word is bad/awkward/inapt.

So what would you suggest instead? Or is any cognizance of any difference between effeminate and less effeminate gay men inherently offensive to acknowledge in any form?

 

[eastofeden]

So as I said in my previous post, we agree the word is bad/awkward/inapt.

So what would you suggest instead? Or is any cognizance of any difference between effeminate and less effeminate gay men inherently offensive to acknowledge in any form?

I prefer ...I am an individual who is gay...versus a gay individual.

 

[eastofeden]

Now I am wondering...do any straight guys say they are "gay acting"? It would seem they should since a lot of straight women like gay guys.

 

[Rolyo85]

I would say I'm pretty ordinary and that people don't usually have a specific or marked prejudgment of my sexual preference from seeing or meeting me--- which, due to the heterosexual majority of the human population, typically means people default to assuming you're straight until you tell them otherwise.

And I would say that my ability to say so is not a sign of a dysfunction or -any- deliberate effort on my part to "be" something unnatural to me.

Like your post and many in this thread are claiming.

It's not about how you act or how others think you act. It is about what words you use to describe it - to yourself and others.

 

[Adrock-JD]

Society decides these things. It isn't really what a person does or doesn't do but rather how they act or behave while doing them. There are traits associated with masculinity that arose simply because that is how the majority of males typically behave. It isn't some rule or requirement but it is the societal norm. Anything outside the norm can result in ostracization.

Some gay/bisexual men are attracted to typical masculine behaviors and are turned-off by feminine ones. Yes, it can be taken to another level by shunning behaviors they don't like but that's not entirely the same issue.

I don't have a problem with someone requesting "straight acting" because I know what they mean. They aren't necessarily intending to insult or put down anyone. It's merely a simple way of stating what you are into. Faking this behavior oneself is very difficult to manage and another matter altogether.