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just venting, airing out, talking shit, personal beefs, problems, anger management, and etc thread

  • Thread starter Thread starter refujiunderground
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Thanks for your advice. I'm not really a DIY ( do it yourself) kind of person. I may end up doing a terrible job out of it.

The servicemen insist he needs to "smoothen" the entire flooring after replacing new wooden parquets.

I don't think that's really necessary - especially if you did what I suggested with the closet pieces. I think he's just trying to hit you up for more money doing more then he has to. His suggestion seems like some major over kill.
 
A way to deal with the temper:

find a place where it's safe to scream, jump up and down, break things.... I liked out in the woods by a river. I'd go out with a notebook, and write down whatever came to mind that made me mad. After writing, I'd throw rocks (sometimes into the river, sometimes into the brush), break driftwood, yell, curse, say whatever came to mind "to" whoever I was mad at. When the anger about that ran out, I'd hit another item. Then when I ran out of things I was angry about, I'd make a fire and throw in all the things I'd written.

I'm to the point I sort of need such a place again.

Thanks, Kulindahr. I've actually thought about that. Unfortunately because I live in the city, there's nowhere I could go to do that without arousing real suspicion of foul play/a crime in progress etc.

Back when I was assistant manager at Dollar Tree back home, when I felt I needed to let my temper out, I would drop $5 or $10 bucks at a time on glass vases. Then on break, I'd go back to the wooded area behind the store to the dumpster and just let er rip! I enjoyed the gift to myself of just being able to go ape shit Kathy Bates-from-Misery psycho. Just gave myself permission to just go completely thermal and absolutely lose it!

I so miss being able to do that.
 
Image

Really? :##:


On an unrelated note, today is the day we find out if my Governor can force a pardon upon someone. I'm curious to see how the court rules in this case.
 
I'm not sure about male vocals, but you should check out DomitiusTV on Youtube.

He uploads uplifting/progressive/vocal trance mixes semi-regularly. I don't think you'll enjoy his vocal mix uploads as they mostly include females, but you might like the others. :)

O wow! Now..this is how complain fruiting result ..| Thanks!!

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Give em to wuvable oaf :badgrin:
 
Thanks for your advice. I'm not really a DIY ( do it yourself) kind of person. I may end up doing a terrible job out of it.

The servicemen insist he needs to "smoothen" the entire flooring after replacing new wooden parquets.

What, do you live in a mansion, where guests will be on the lookout for the most unnoticeable little visual flaw?

The only issues are that the new pieces may not be the same exact thickness as the old, and that a small area of new finish can leave an optical flaw along the contact edge. But any serviceman worth his title knows how to smooth locally and not need to do the wod floor, and how to feather the layers to make the optical flaw undetectable by the human eye.

BTW, even if you did a terrible job, once you're out the floor can be sanded and a new coat put on top and all would be well... except to anal perfectionists.
 
Thanks, Kulindahr. I've actually thought about that. Unfortunately because I live in the city, there's nowhere I could go to do that without arousing real suspicion of foul play/a crime in progress etc.

Back when I was assistant manager at Dollar Tree back home, when I felt I needed to let my temper out, I would drop $5 or $10 bucks at a time on glass vases. Then on break, I'd go back to the wooded area behind the store to the dumpster and just let er rip! I enjoyed the gift to myself of just being able to go ape shit Kathy Bates-from-Misery psycho. Just gave myself permission to just go completely thermal and absolutely lose it!

I so miss being able to do that.

I suppose it depends on the size of the city.

I never paid for glassware to break -- I just raided recycling bins. :D
 
First day of summer and.....fog/rain/cool. I guess in the northwest it iS summer. My god....
 
you know something. i realized two things yesterday; i need to move out of new jersey and philadelphia, just like new york, is WAY better than nuked jersey. :##: the last time i went there which was 12 years later for some trip to the mint museum, i was like 14 years old and the people that were in charge of that shit didn't really do anything much. they didn't even show us around the city or whatever. they just took us to the place where benjamin franklin chilled at, some old spot or whatever the fuck you call it. it was called some alleyway or whatever the hell. either way, i wanted to GET the fuck outta there. went there with my mom for the hell of it since she wanted to go to wilkes barre and philadelphia so i tagged along with her. somehow, someway, i ended up missing the damn wilkes barre exit and what do you know, we ended up driving down to philly instead. :( i thought philly was going to be boring as fuck like how it was 12 years ago BUT it was actually some laid back spot. the funny thing is that it seems a bit TOO nonchalant where some of the drivers seemed to be complete fucking airheads. i'm NOT used to dealing with that @ all. hell, i seen one dude block the road on the way to the highway looking on his cell phone for directions. he just had his head down looking as if he was parked on the side of the road, absolutely going nowhere. there were like 4 people in back of him and he was chilling. :lol: i was like "are you serious?" could not imagine what would happen to dude if he was in new york or new jersey. they'd let him have it.

with that said after going down to dc last year and now philly for the fuck of it yesterday, i realized that my environment really HAS had a negative impact on me. folks in jersey REALLY are that miserable. it was strange to see how folks in pa were just easy going, folks in dc just go about their life like whatever, folks in new york pretty much go about their business where folks can dress up and act however they want BUT jersey, everybody is up in everybody's fucking business. you have folks literally studying your ass and eavesdropping in your conversations to the point where they'll be like "yo.... i seen you up in walmart or down in penn station waiting for the bus" or when you're talking to your friend on the bus about music, someone will just jump into the conversation all up in your business. :##: it's like damn... no wonder why my ass has some serious anxious issues because i'm around some fucking negative nosey motherfuckers with nothing better to do than to be up in my business or be miserable with life. there's really nothing to do out here and to top it off, north jersey is in the shadow of new york and south jersey is in the shadow of philly.

so i decided that by 30, i'll either be moving to somewhere else out of new jersey and will NEVER come back or i'll be dead. i cannot see myself living like this and being in one piece. something is going to have to give sooner or later. i can't take this shit.

another thing too.. this is like an essay but i had to get this out. last night, besides having some weird dreams (dreamed something that could have been out of a comedy sketch skit or out of seinfield involving a cell phone exposing the truth about somebody and this girl catching the full brunt of someone elses humiliation. that and two people getting gunned down outside the irvington bus depot like 5 minutes within each other.), i figured out what i really needed. i don't need zoloft. i don't need sex. i don't need a new job. i don't need to travel. i don't need a boyfriend. i don't need to start dating. i need to basically figure out how to love myself. the thing is i'm depressed right now and i realized that zoloft and antidepressants only mask suffering. whether i have sex, get a boyfriend, a new job, life still goes on where the problems that were there BEFORE i even got into that are going to be there DURING and AFTERWARDS. like if those things came into my life, i think that they would only keep my mind away from the problem BUT not take the problem away @ all. so now here i am trying to figure out, how do i actually LOVE myself or let LOVE into my heart. :##: my mom basically shows me love, my friends, my brother, and etc BUT i just can't feel it within me. i don't know how to show love to myself for whatever reason. i simply hate myself. i simply feel as if there's NONE there in my heart or within me so i get depressed, feel alone, unhappy, and etc where i basically look into things that don't matter where i'm basically projecting my feelings. that's why i get paranoid and usually expect the worst out of folks. i'll basically say to myself that nobody likes me or i'll basically have my ears all turned up whenever i walk past people where i'll hear someone laughing thinking they're laughing @ me when they're not even acknowledging my existence.

i would say that i'm basically hurt, damaged, and loveless where i've been struggling to basically not let my sadness, anger, and lack of love for myself get to me to the point where i start getting into drugs, abusing alcohol, and getting involved with self destructive behaviors.

i've been off zoloft since yesterday and the ocd has gone away BUT the depression that went away momentarily has come back and is even five times worse than what it was before. it's not that i feel lazy, well, i haven't ate my breakfast yet and i've been up since 11. i've managed to masturbate and brushed my teeth though since then.

i also have to say that i'm disgusted with my father who decided to be a fucking vial human being, wiping his boogers all over the fucking sink as a ploy to get attention from all of us once again. i can't stand him and don't want to be around his fucking disgusting and disturbing ass. i plan on spending all day in my room. actually, i plan on going to the gym. today, i gotta do the 750 words thing too. been on a 80 day streak so far. okay done.
 
It's called "The Garbage State" for a reason....

can see why now. tried to have jersey pride since i grew up here but more of those years have been hell. the moment i came into this state since a child over from new york, i went through hell.
 
call me stella because i got my groove back. *|* was able to jerk off 2 times today already. ZOLOFT WAS HOLDING ME BACK!!!! it's a fucking celebration. damn....

[video=vimeo;41814435]http://vimeo.com/41814435[/video]

that ass. i don't think i'll ever fuck with zo to the loft again. not with how i been shooting nuts all damn day on the second day of summer. YESSIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Refuji, are there friends or relatives nearby that you could visit and/or stay with for a few days? Not only would it get you away from the same old routine at home, but it would also give you a good travel opportunity and a break. Can't remember if you said you had a driving licence or not. If not then maybe you could tag along somewhere with your brother or something.
 
Refuji, I have something to say to you. You might not like it, but that's okay.

I am willing to bet there are any number of JUBbers here who recognize that you have love in your heart. Set aside all the rants and raves and shit talking you do, you care about others and that comes across. I know I am not alone in recognizing that.

As far as loving yourself goes, fuhgeddabouddit! It's overrated. For those like you who tend to be overly introspective, you can always find things about yourself that depress you. This leads you to believe you don't love yourself. If you want proof that you love yourself and don't need to work at it, just consider how much you want to be better, healthy and well. You give a damn about yourself and others.

I'm glad your peener is back in good working condition, too. :D
 
Refuji, are there friends or relatives nearby that you could visit and/or stay with for a few days? Not only would it get you away from the same old routine at home, but it would also give you a good travel opportunity and a break. Can't remember if you said you had a driving licence or not. If not then maybe you could tag along somewhere with your brother or something.

no, unfortunately. there's pretty much nowhere to crash my head away from here. all my relatives are far as hell and make themselves distant as well. it's messed up, man. :( it would be nice to have a relative that was in another state that wasn't too far from here that wouldn't mind letting me stay with them. majority of my relatives are over in the uk or jamaica so it's like me doing to elsewhere is like going on vacation or traveling. it sucks having little to no family in the states and the little family that is here basically don't even keep in touch like that. they might say something or whatever when something happens but other than that, that's about it.

Refuji, I have something to say to you. You might not like it, but that's okay.

I am willing to bet there are any number of JUBbers here who recognize that you have love in your heart. Set aside all the rants and raves and shit talking you do, you care about others and that comes across. I know I am not alone in recognizing that.

As far as loving yourself goes, fuhgeddabouddit! It's overrated. For those like you who tend to be overly introspective, you can always find things about yourself that depress you. This leads you to believe you don't love yourself. If you want proof that you love yourself and don't need to work at it, just consider how much you want to be better, healthy and well. You give a damn about yourself and others.

I'm glad your peener is back in good working condition, too. :D

thanks, sixth. honestly though, i'm a bit too negative for my own good where i drag others down and etc. plus the folks that i'm around pretty much have problems as it is so they're pretty much trying to look for support from someone who seems to have an ear or willing to listen to them so they turn to me. :( so what ends up happening is they basically tell me about everything about what's wrong with their lives, what makes them unhappy, vent about things and the whole nine but when i do the same thing to them, they're like whatever. so i pretty much have to deal with the mess by myself. i found myself having to go to the shrink basically talking about my issues, willing to pop pills and although, it helped with the ocd. it didn't help with the depression or not feeling sad.

hell, i honestly think the best case situation would be to move to elsewhere where i was by myself away to an answer by myself so i can get a little air. basically be in a strange land or somewhere that i'm unfamiliar with and stay there. getting a chance to start over and no longer be burden with all these problems and things that keep following me around.
 
call me stella because i got my groove back. *|* was able to jerk off 2 times today already. ZOLOFT WAS HOLDING ME BACK!!!! it's a fucking celebration. damn....

[video=vimeo;41814435]http://vimeo.com/41814435[/video]

that ass. i don't think i'll ever fuck with zo to the loft again. not with how i been shooting nuts all damn day on the second day of summer. YESSIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats :=D:

http://photosex.biz/imager/w_500/h_500/3ea11a3746c1a44c9466d7d8ce33a375.jpg
 
I despise every gay that starts wearing "designer" tank-tops come summer season. 80% of guys don't have the body-builds to look semi-attractive in them. And another 10% just look completely douche-bagy in them that follow a trend to look "hip and sexy." Some of these fashionistas look clown-like when their tank tops are so deep cut that their no-chests are completely exposed to the belly-button. Please can this trend die for at least 1 season?? :mad:
 
I had my younger cousin come out to me recently. I understand that he's been fighting himself over it for awhile before he finally decided to tell me. I am proud of him for taking this big initial step and I told him that I will always be available for him to talk to...about anything. He's the only child and looks up to me as his big brother...I definitely want to be there for him. :)
 
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