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Life sucks- somebody help

E

evanrick

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i think finding a career or going to school is going to help you in the short and long term.
 
If you are gay, you cannot get happy by finding a girl to marry. If you are not sure, you need to figure out you sexuality. The best way to get over an old boy friend is to find a new one.
It would be hard to find a girl for a serious relationship without a job and without a car.
I agree that furthering you education is the best answer.
 
It is difficult for a healthy 24 year old man to be happy without sex. If you are gay, a female will not make you happy for long, it will just be another problem and she will be unhappy when she finds out. Find ways to meet gay guys. Bars, craigs list, backpage, etc.
 
Sometimes Life just sucks and there's no candy-coated way else of saying it. There's pain, loneliness and failure.These things help strengthen who we are and exemplify the good things in life so we can eventually achieve bliss. Time will help things get better, but also how you react and handle things. Don't give up, the best things in life are worth fighting for. You're not stupid for failing your road test, clearly it's important to you so you should keep trying. Study, ask help from people and use references online if you can. Some people have a harder time with certain things as opposed to others. You have a master's degree which is a great accomplishment, far from being stupid. Remember you're not alone just because no one is directly beside you. The people on JustUsBoys are very supportive and there are other resources that can help. If you have a homosexual attraction don't fall into a backwards motion. Date someone you have an attraction to and want to date. It's unfair to you and the other person if you conceal a part of you such as sexual orientation. Take things one day at a time, find your motivation and stick with it and smile even through tough times. Even superheros have their dark days.
 
You are young, well educated and certainly not the only guy who lost a boyfriend or is having difficulty these days finding a good job. Things will get better if you work at it, and counseling certainly would be very helpful and is usually available at your local gay support center. Find another boyfriend. There are lots of other guys out there who would be interested in meeting another young, educated man. Again, your local gay support center is a good place to start finding other guys for you to meet. If you do have a same sex attraction forget the idea of finding a girl because it is a recipe for a disaster for both parties. You have received some good advise above. Listen and act on it. Private Message any of us JUBers if that would be helpful. Many of us have shared what you are experiencing. Good luck!
 
sexymo123 said:
Time heals, but it still hurts.
Click to expand...

I know it sucks, but that's about all I can tell you. I felt like you a few years ago. I lost my best friend, and a lot of other things. I was ready to kill myself. I can now honestly look back and say that I'm glad I didn't. Life has a way of throwing things at you...you gotta learn to duck.
 
I was going to say naughty stuff and have fun,
so therefore life is not sucks anymore.
 
ConfusedJew said:
Since coming on here and being more interactive, I'm just getting more confused. I like guy, but I like girls too. I don't know what I want. I don't know what to do.
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Sweetheart, it's okay to be confused. I've known I was gay my entire life, but even at 24, I occasionally feel a little something for girls - like VERY RARELY - it feels like more of a 'moment' thing than an actual part of my sexuality. The point is, when this happens, I'm curious about it, happy about it... sexuality is not something to fear. Or to be scared of the confusion. It's a sign to explore, and get to know yourself, and what turns you on! And that's fine!

You need to ask yourself, though, do you really like both guys and girls? Do you think of girls when you jerk off, do you like to watch porn with girls in it? Do you like to kiss girls, etc.? Or is it just something you are telling yourself because it's easier to go from being perceived as straight to bi than it is straight to gay?

If you're bi, that's fine. If you wanna go around telling people you are bi-curious, that's fine too. Just be honest with yourself, and be proud of who you are. And don't let your religion - which is largely cultural - influence your sexuality. You can choose your religion, but you can't choose your sexuality.

I think you should try and have more experiences with guys, and see if you like it. And if you want, have experiences with girls too. Really, you should have been doing all of this exploration during college, but better late than never. One thing is for sure is that you should NOT be looking for a girl to marry - that wouldn't be honest to you, or to her.

I feel bad for your friend too, and he should really seek help - you can't "run away" from homosexual feelings. Imagine a straight person forcing themselves to be gay - it just doesn't work like that.

As for your job hunt, take a deep breath - everyone is frustrated with that, so you can at least rest assured knowing you're not alone. And for your relationship with your father... my best advice, honestly, is that I'm sure it's hard to still live with him at your age. That may explain the lack of privacy needed to explore during college (when I think of college, I think of sexual exploration, intellectual and artistic exploration, and lots of parties and some drugs - it was a fucking blast, I learned a lot). So maybe you should consider moving out... on your own, to a city if possible. A city will offer you more anonymity and more room to explore and experiment.
 
No one is going to call you homophobic. What you are dealing with is actually quite common and the reason a lot of the most boisterously homophobic people are secretly gay and live their entire lives in denial and in the closet. It's called internalized homophobia, google it and read about it. The fact that going to a gay bar in NYC "freaks you out" and that a lot of gay things "freak you out and scare you" even though you have an attraction to guys is very telling. You sound like a rational guy. It sounds like you should be smart enough to know that an attraction to guys is not a bad thing, so why would exploring it freak you out? Maybe because we live in such a homophobic society/world and you've been taught since day 1 that being gay is bad or wrong. You need to work through your cultural programming. And think about what you mean by "it's not the person I want to be" - what does your sexuality have to do with being the kind of person you want to be? Those kinds of qualities should be defined by personal character traits, not your sexuality. Whatever kind of person you want to be, you are going to end up being that person regardless of if you are gay or not. Being gay doesn't mean you have to be a certain kind of person. You'd just be who you are, and gay would just be a part of that. If you like guys, you like guys, dude. It's not that big of a deal.
 
Weirdly, it wasn't the person I wanted to be either. I wanted to be the guy with the wife, two kids and the nice house. Guess how much that mattered when I came out to myself. Why not get angry at the fucking ignorant assholes who made you feel like you should be "freaked out" and not wanting to be who you are? Do you know what's wrong with promiscuous gay party culture? Absolutely nothing. If it's not your thing, it should be not your thing simply because you're into different type of entertainment, not because somehow it's a stigma of being less than pretentious straight people who can only dream of having a fraction of the freedom of expression we gays do.
 
Rolyo85 said:
Weirdly, it wasn't the person I wanted to be either. I wanted to be the guy with the wife, two kids and the nice house. Guess how much that mattered when I came out to myself. Why not get angry at the fucking ignorant assholes who made you feel like you should be "freaked out" and not wanting to be who you are? Do you know what's wrong with promiscuous gay party culture? Absolutely nothing. If it's not your thing, it should be not your thing simply because you're into different type of entertainment, not because somehow it's a stigma of being less than pretentious straight people who can only dream of having a fraction of the freedom of expression we gays do.
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Very well said! Not to mention you can be gay and still have the nice house (probably nicer...), the great partner, and even two kids. Not my thing, but plenty of gay people are into that.

And just because someone is into that, doesn't mean they never had there "gay party" days. And just because someone *isnt* into that means they're only into gay nightlife stuff. Lots of people fall in between.
 
That's internalized homophobia. You are who you are. This is the life you can have. You can either learn to love it, or you can hate yourself until you die. I know which one I'd choose. But ask yourself - WHY do you want to live with a girl and not with a guy? Answer with as many words as possible.
 
Rolyo85 said:
That's internalized homophobia...
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Rolyo. Nail. Head.

There are none so blind as they who will not see. OP, your issues are with yourself and the negative bigotry you've accepted about your own gay.

You'll deal when you do, and until then, you'll insist that's not the case. Most of us have been there. This is incredibly common.
 
alright boys. we've done what we can. this is a grown man we are talking to. you need to go see a therapist dude. your reasons for not accepting your sexuality are so meticulously planned out that it's actually kind of creepy. "i don't want to seem too genuine" - because ingenuity is such a great trait. then you go on and talk about how your straight friends are homophobic... um, then stop being friends with them. you're a grown man. you can make your own decisions. if you are really attracted to girls too then it is hard to understand what the problem is. then just be bi. and what is with this almost obsessive desire people have to procreate? you keep saying it's not the life you want to live etc., well you are into girls too, great, so then why are you here making such a big fuss about it? it doesn't sound like you are being totally honest with yourself. and to be honest, you're being kind of offensive to us out and proud gays. it really makes me feel like we would sometimes be better off if some people just stayed in the closet. if you think it is that big of a deal to be attracted to other guys but you are into girls too, then why is it even an issue? it sounds like you want the gay sex but you haven't accepted the social and emotional part of your attraction, which is typical of someone first coming to terms with things.
 
A few things.

Firstly, I am seeing a therapist.

Secondly, many of you clearly have an agenda. Just because someone has some attraction doesn't make them "gay".

Thirdly, I am attracted to both. Which is more? I think females, but I'm not 100% sure. And, yes I can live with a female for the rest of my life.
 
Oh come on. The only agenda is a bunch of guys who have said what you're saying, done what you're doing and come out the other side.

Unfortunate reality. It doesn't matter to anyone in here if you are a big ole Nancy boy or a raging heterosexual. You are reacting the way you are reacting because this is painful to deal with, and you don't WANT to be gay.

If it worked that way, we'd all be straight.

You've hit all the classic markers, said all the classic things, gotten defensive, accused us of "agenda." Guys who are straight, or hell even straight leaning bi do not come in here "confused." They ignore and live straight lives mostly.

We've all seen this before a thousand times. So instead of getting defensive and declaring how much you lust after twat, you might consider that some of us have been you and we know wherof we speak.

You are one of the guys that needs to be in here talking to us, even if you end up bi. WE CAN HELP YOU.

But not if you dismiss everything you're hearing because you don't want to hear it, that's not uncommon either, I did it for years, while I was dicking twat and insisting I wasn't a faggot.
 
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