Maintaining Your Friendship with a "Snow Queen"

[DiamondSkin]

DiamondSkin the only thing that FAILS here is your ability to understand the OP's point. Take off your Rose Colored Glasses for a minute and try to accept what is being discussed.

Good Day....

His point is clear as a neon, glow stick in the blackest night.

If you're a black man, and you prefer to date a white person than you are inwardly racist, have self-acceptance issues, do not like black culture, black communities or black people in general, and suffer from a pseudo-Michael Jackson syndrome in which you want to 'lighten' yourself and stop being black.

Oh and you're betraying your black identity.

I understand it clearly and I find it laughable.

Now put the word 'white' in place of black, and I'm sure you would think the man was a white supermacist.

I don't think in terms of race. I like people. I'm drawn to certain types of people.

If a black man prefers to date white men, I don't think he's inwardly racist. I think maybe, just maybe he prefers them.

However, you would think he's a traitor to the black people, of course...

I think it's just sad that you're obsessed with being 'black' and being 'black enough'.

Guess what? You're gay.

Being gay in the black community is a no-no especially with it's strong emphasis on conservative religious values and family.

In your logic, you're as much a traitor to the black community as a snow queen simply by being gay.

And I think your hatred towards 'snow queens' just stems from this insecurity and you know it.

 

[VenomGGXX]

Thankyou Diamond skin. I have been getting so much shit from neo and moe about this topic. I have actually dated two black girls before but yet I somehow hate myself? Their logic is just hypocritical and sad.

 

[Homothug]

*shakes my head at this thread*

 

[BabiGayPimp]

If I have a friend that only dates black men does that make him a mud queen?
Does that make him not like his 'whiteness'? My thought is its your dislike of white people that makes you think the way you do.
Terms like Snow queen etc is no better than using the N word. This snow queen shit is so 1950's when whites didnt want their woman dating them 'Coloreds'
So what makes you any different then those racists?

Jayden, "snow queen" is an apt and well understood description of black, gay men who view every other black man as beneath their standards for dating and friendship by virtue of race alone.

Some are proud to call themselves that.

If you think "snow queen" is the same as the "n" word, you should brush up on your history.

In any case, I remained friends with my "snow queen" second best friend for years, respecting his preference for whites, until his growing disdain for other black men, on multiple levels, became impossible to ignore.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

At the outset, I stated that this thread is concerns the dilemma of black men growing apart as their interests, priorities, and values diverge.

This is not about white men, or how well liked or disliked they are by blacks. But about how black men feel about each other, and--by way of extension-- themselves.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

If you're a black man, and you prefer to date a white person than you are inwardly racist...and you're betraying your black identity.

I understand it clearly and I find it laughable.

Being gay in the black community is a no-no especially with it's strong emphasis on conservative religious values and family.

In your logic, you're as much a traitor to the black community as a snow queen simply by being gay.

DiamondSkin, you are so far from "getting it" I couldn't find you with a telescope. You understand little about the subtle interpersonal dynamics of black, gay male multi-year friendships, and I am trying to enlighten you (no pun intended).

And you are wrong to state "being gay in the black community is a no-no. You are stereotyping the black community that I know, love; that has accepted and nurtured me throughout my life.

It's beatitiful to be gay and black and to recognize that beauty in brothers who share your history and core identity. I'm just curious to find out why some of our "brothers" are drifting from that mutuality.

 

[irydion]

I don't get what's so horrible in this friend dating white men, other than that the OP can't get into bed with him because of that.

 

[MisterMajestic]

I just read over this thread...The Topic discussion went left-field..It's comical that White posters continue to think this thread is about Blacks having issues with interracial dating...

 

[BabiGayPimp]

I don't get what's so horrible in this friend dating white men, other than that the OP can't get into bed with him because of that.

It might help if you actually read what I said. My friend sleeping with white men is not what derailed our friendship. It was the derision he continually showed towards black culture and other black men.

 

[G-Lexington]

You seem pretty convinced that your (ex)friend is a snow queen, and given what you say, I'll agree with that. But you obviously didn't think he was at the outset. It wasn't until he continually derided other blacks that you came to that realization. And although I've never been placed in a similar situation, I'm wondering if I wouldn't feel the same. Not because someone is or isn't dating a particular race, or even never dates a particular race, but displays a specific negative attitude towards a particular race. Hell, I might go a step beyond race and move into any other group, as well. I mean, I don't date women. You know, 'cause I'm gay and all that. But I don't think I'm superior to them, or that there's something wrong with them. Just not interested in hopping into bed with them. If a friend continually showed - not by who he dated, but in other ways - that he had a problem with women, I'd probably not think much of him as a friend, either.

Lex

 

[80KGold]

Gotdamn! Are y'all serious? Do some of you even read what you type before you click "Post Quick Reply" or "Submit Reply?" Are you really not able to respond to the original message without posting a vaguely related polemic that--obviously--you've had pent up inside of you for god-only-knows how long?

Fuckin' amazing.

Ah, but I guess it's all just more masturbation. Wank away fellas!

 

[80KGold]

You seem pretty convinced that your (ex)friend is a snow queen, and given what you say, I'll agree with that. But you obviously didn't think he was at the outset. It wasn't until he continually derided other blacks that you came to that realization. And although I've never been placed in a similar situation, I'm wondering if I wouldn't feel the same. Not because someone is or isn't dating a particular race, or even never dates a particular race, but displays a specific negative attitude towards a particular race. Hell, I might go a step beyond race and move into any other group, as well. I mean, I don't date women. You know, 'cause I'm gay and all that. But I don't think I'm superior to them, or that there's something wrong with them. Just not interested in hopping into bed with them. If a friend continually showed - not by who he dated, but in other ways - that he had a problem with women, I'd probably not think much of him as a friend, either.

Lex

Well hot damn! Dude! I'm gonna bake you some cookies! What kind do you want?

 

[bankside]

In order to respond to the original question about maintaining a friendship, it's not off-topic to wonder where the friend's values are emerging from or what the divergence in values is from that of the original poster, or even what the friend's values actually are.

But the way this is developing, and based on which responses get answered, ignored, or derided, the original post might have been cast as "I am forlorn. Someone who I used to see eye to eye with has moved on. I am sad. That is all."

And first, that isn't a question, but second, even if it were, figuring out why involves knowing details.

 

[bankside]

...and if you don't like him because he's too cauca-centric for ya...then that's your problem, not his.

interesting points huntneo - about this one in particular, here's me, white guy still trying to figure out exactly what being cauca-centric would involve. Not to show false modesty but as a white guy I'm still trying to grasp what part of me anyone would feel compelled to revolve around.

 

[slyfer]

I just thougt this quote needed to be seen again in case some might have missed it.Here is a PROUD Snow Hoe who epitomizes the entire argument made by the OP. These Queens are Self Loathing Mental Migets with no true Soul to be found. Even white men can readily spot a FAKE inauthentic Negro; and guess what? even they are turned off by a Snow Hoe. My white friends adore me because I don't compromise my personality for the sake of social comformity or acceptance by those who are from different backgrounds. A Snow Hoe on the other hand will trade his mama if it means being accepted by the subject of his white lust.

Lets all hope Universal Health Care passes this fall. That way, Snow Hoes will get the psychiatric treatment they need in order to live less shameful lives..

Except for the part about "self loathing." I fucking LOVE me. And at the end of the day, I feel that I'm pretty well off because I could look worse, have a terrible personality thus having no friends. But I don't, well in me and my friend's point of view. They(the ones I call my closest friends, and a do have a couple black ones) find my dislike of stereotypical black society to be somewhat of a conundrum, but laugh it off anyway as it's not the fact that I am worshipping the feets of white people but am generally just embarrassed by society's in general out look of black people and I just connect on levels with whites than I do blacks.

I don't alter my behavior one bit for the white people. There is no social conformity. My friends love me because I'm myself. Not liking the stereotype is basically just a quirk of mine. It's about as significant as me being picky about the food I eat. Just a part of my personality. If those are primarily my friends, I have no need to pretend to be something I'm not. On the contrary, I was heckled as a child when I was in elementary school by the blacks for being myself. Then I went to a mostly white middle and high school and all of the sudden I was accepted for being me. Perhaps this is where my dislike began, but there's one thing I've never done and that's be anything but myself. And noone cares about "Inauthentic Negros." Noone in the real world CARES about what your preference is. It's an old negro thing to obsess to such a point about. You're not into your own race, and you're a traitor. FUCK YOU! What have you done for me exactly to want to be a part of that culture? Not a damn thing.

 

[DiamondSkin]

Well, it is a common trend in the black community for general disdain for persons of their own race to prefer other races than their own.

Which is why many black women hate on a black man if he's dating a white woman.

 

[DiamondSkin]

At the outset, I stated that this thread is concerns the dilemma of black men growing apart as their interests, priorities, and values diverge.

This is not about white men, or how well liked or disliked they are by blacks. But about how black men feel about each other, and--by way of extension-- themselves.

Well, no. It sounds like you have a problem with one of your friends preferring white people over black people as a black man.

If he's truly a black person who hates his own racial identity than fine.

However if you're using the context of your friend preferring white man as evidence that he hates his racial identity than no, I'd say it's mainly your problem.

As you said, you don't have a problem with interracial dating in the black community....as long as they continue to date their own race and not prefer another race over their own.

And if they do, than they hate themselves and black people.

Which is bullshit...

 

[DiamondSkin]

It might help if you actually read what I said. My friend sleeping with white men is not what derailed our friendship. It was the derision he continually showed towards black culture and other black men.

Such as?

Examples?

Situations?

Your only evidence to this point and main arguement is that he strongly prefers to date white men.

To play the devil's advocate, I could argue that this preference of his is something irks you. And it leads to you search for things that might give you a conclusion that he hates his racial identity.

If it were really about a black man hating black culture, than you wouldn't have mentioned him being a 'snow queen' or his interracial relationships. You would have mentioned examples of his self-racial hatred.

But you brought his preferred interracial dating to the forefront and at the title of thread which leads me to believe that is one of the main points that makes you believe that....

 

[DiamondSkin]

You can date outside your race all you wish, really-good for you. I don't have a problem at all with interracial dating, it's wonderful imo. But when you start passing up and looking down upon prospective partners b/c they don't fit your snow queen agenda, don't come running to me looking for sympathy when a white guy does the same exact shit to you. Now THAT is a scenario that I myself both find hypocritical and sad.

What is this 'snow queen' agenda? It makes me thinks there's some vast conspiracy of self-hating black people or something.

Again, it seems you define a 'snow queen' as a black person who prefers to date white men and seems strongly endeared to having a white partner because they prefer their physical characteristics like brown hair or blue eyes.

You label them as snow queens due to this fact.

However I think you create this stereotype and a false one at as labeling any black person who prefers white men and may not like to date black men because it doesn't float their boat as having an agenda against black people and a symptom of self-racial hatred. Which I find ridiculous.

Again, if a white person prefers Latinos and idealistically would want a Latino partner than he must be a 'Taco Bell Queen' or whatever offensive stereotype you could label them.

Again, the black community pretends to like interracial dating but only to their benefit.

If you don't prefer to date black men and you're white, than you're a racist.

If you don't prefer to date white men and you're black, than that's part of your culture.

If you don't prefer to date black men and you're black, you hate yourself as a black person and hate black culture.

If you don't prefer to date white men and you're white, you're just practicing a fetish and it's a-okay in the eyes of black community.

It's a ridiculous, double-standard in the black community that it hasn't grown out of yet and it's sad....

 

[slyfer]

Such as?

Examples?

Situations?

Your only evidence to this point and main arguement is that he strongly prefers to date white men.

To play the devil's advocate, I could argue that this preference of his is something irks you. And it leads to you search for things that might give you a conclusion that he hates his racial identity.

If it were really about a black man hating black culture, than you wouldn't have mentioned him being a 'snow queen' or his interracial relationships. You would have mentioned examples of his self-racial hatred.

But you brought his preferred interracial dating to the forefront and at the title of thread which leads me to believe that is one of the main points that makes you believe that....

He's given ambiguous examples like "he's said some things." or "you can just tell." He hasn't given a specific situation where something happened and then given his reaction afterwards. But that's also what I've been waiting for this whole thread from him.