POLL IT:- Straight-acting

[youfiad]

Mitchymo. Nobody is saying "regular" vs "Irregular" gay. That's not how it should be interpreted. SA is not claiming to be better or worse than any other descriptor. I have transexual friends. I have "extremely gay" friends. I identify as SA. It's just who I am. I don't even use that as a self-descriptor on gay meeting sites. At least, I don't think I do. Not often if I do.

Other than that, your post seems to be the most well written, thought-out and accurate post I've read on these threads.

I actually thoroughly enjoyed reading your post.

 

[bankside]

It's really quite simple. "Straight acting" isn't referring to actual acting. It's referring to a gay guy who isn't obviously gay.

The term is meant as a positive thing. This is where those who are obviously gay take offense. They assume they're the negative side of this. This is where some people analyze something to death which really simply isn't about them.

The whole point is, there is no way to tell if someone is obviously gay unless we're buying into stereotypes about different kinds of people

 

[RaKroma]

It's really quite simple. "Straight acting" isn't referring to actual acting. It's referring to a gay guy who isn't obviously gay. The term is meant as a positive thing. This is where those who are obviously gay take offense. They assume they're the negative side of this. This is where some people analyze something to death which really simply isn't about them.

On most hook up sites, the guys that drop "straight acting" self label will follow with terms like "no fems or "you be masc too." And why do these guys need to point out that they are not "obviously gay" on a hook up site looking for some dick to suck? What is so not "obviously" gay about gay sex than to exclude a certain population of gay men?

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

I think one of conversationalist desired to get anecdotal proof of his point but because of all the oppressed emotion and 'I'm a better fag than you' holier than thou bullsit in the other thread everyone avoided saying they are masculine. Perhaps JUB is feminine but online and in real life the majority of gay men are masculine and average everyday folks not Bunsen burners of rainbow pride.

I have no idea to whom directly you are speaking but if someone saying "I'm masculine" makes someone else say "that's a separation, I'm offended", it's not an unreasonable conclusion.

Though no I do not recall anyone saying "everyone with a problem with the term is femme." That's your inference.

Kind of took that as implying that.

 

[youfiad]

On most hook up sites, the guys that drop "straight acting" self label will follow with terms like "no fems or "you be masc too." And why do these guys need to point out that they are not "obviously gay" on a hook up site looking for some dick to suck? What is so not "obviously" gay about gay sex than to exclude a certain population of gay men?

People have sexual preferences... Everyone does. Would you suck off a 90 year old? 80? 70? 60? An obese person? A bear? A twink? Is all dick equal? you be the judge for your own preference.

 

[eastofeden]

the whole point is, there is no way to tell if someone is obviously gay unless we're buying into stereotypes about different kinds of people

^^^this^^^

 

[eastofeden]

It's really quite simple. "Straight acting" isn't referring to actual acting. It's referring to a gay guy who isn't obviously gay.

The term is meant as a positive thing. This is where those who are obviously gay take offense. They assume they're the negative side of this. This is where some people analyze something to death which really simply isn't about them.

I am not "obviously gay" ...and if someone said I was "straight acting" it would definitely NOT be a positive thing. It would be an insult because it IS an insult. I am gay...so anything I do would be the actions of someone who is G A Y. Quoting you...It really IS that simple. Nothing to analyze.

 

[JayHawk]

It's most certainly GAYER than mine if you can get drunk on beer. Ha! ^_^

I will call you on that. Anytime you can drink 120 beers of this size (see pic)....and of typically 7 to 8 % and higher then I will publicly agree.

Hell I couldn't even come back and be snarky... I had to settle for snoring.....

 

[RaKroma]

People have sexual preferences... Everyone does. Would you suck off a 90 year old? 80? 70? 60? An obese person? A bear? A twink? Is all dick equal? you be the judge for your own preference.

Ye I don't have a problem with that. What I'm saying is if people use this "straight acting" label, they need to cut through the bullshit on how it's not about masculinity or fem gays. The term is mainly used for "preferences." Own the term, that's all.

 

[youfiad]

It's interesting how perception is so subjective. For me, I don't even get offended when people call me a faggot. My brothers call me a faggot all the time..

 

[eastofeden]

It's interesting how perception is so subjective. For me, I don't even get offended when people call me a faggot. My brothers call me a faggot all the time..

Subjective indeed. I wonder how "subjective" it was to all the gay men who were having their heads bashed in...and faggot was the last word they heard before they died.

 

[JayHawk]

The whole point is, there is no way to tell if someone is obviously gay unless we're buying into stereotypes about different kinds of people

Agree. My "God-Parent" is extremely well dressed, loves art, good music, fine dining and flower arrangements. He also has a soft southern lilt to his voice. He is married to a playboy bunny and quite satisfied in life with women but by stereotypes he could easily be considered a gay man. Peoples errant perceptions need changed and words do play a part. I just refuse to let a few words stop me from getting to know someone.

 

[RaKroma]

It's interesting how perception is so subjective. For me, I don't even get offended when people call me a faggot. My brothers call me a faggot all the time..

The context of words changes its meaning depending on who uses it and how. Having a stranger call you faggot is different than a brother.

 

[xbuzzerx]

I am not "obviously gay" ...and if someone said I was "straight acting" it would definitely NOT be a positive thing. It would be an insult because it IS an insult. I am gay...so anything I do would be the actions of someone who is G A Y. Quoting you...It really IS that simple. Nothing to analyze.

That's the beauty of it East. You get to self-describe and self-conceptualize in any way you want. No one is saying you need to use the term. I'm certainly not going to assign to you a list of correct or acceptable ones... or tell you that some of the ones you do use are wrong.

 

[eastofeden]

That's the beauty of it East. You get to self-describe and self-conceptualize in any way you want. No one is saying you need to use the term. I'm certainly not going to assign to you a list of correct or acceptable ones... or tell you that some of the ones you do use are wrong.

I agree...except that post #135 suggested that being referred to as straight acting is a "positive thing". None of the straight people we both know (me and my BF) ever think we are gay...and they also think it is a "positive thing" to share with me...

I can sort of understand a straight person thinking that....but a gay person suggesting that to me?

 

[youfiad]

Subjective indeed. I wonder how "subjective" it was to all the gay men who were having their heads bashed in...and faggot was the last word they heard before they died.

That's precisely the point. Different time, different place, different situation. Intent and perception are completely different in my situation. I'm not saying that for some, "faggot" isn't a nightmare. However, with straight-acting, I don't think that's really comparable.

 

[eastofeden]

That's precisely the point. Different time, different place, different situation. Intent and perception are completely different in my situation. I'm not saying that for some, "faggot" isn't a nightmare. However, with straight-acting, I don't think that's really comparable.

We will definitely have to agree to disagree. If your use of the term brings you what you desire and you have self respect and are being true to yourself....then you will have a successful life.

I have had a successful life and in order to be true to myself I would not use that term nor would I respect the use of the term. I may possibly respect the person using the term provided I know where they are coming from. Using the term "regular or normal" to describe yourself if you are gay is not something worthy of my respect. I feel it is harmful to other gay people and since I don't think it is "all about me"...how my words affect other people does matter to me.

 

[Kahaih]

That's the beauty of it East. You get to self-describe and self-conceptualize in any way you want. No one is saying you need to use the term. I'm certainly not going to assign to you a list of correct or acceptable ones... or tell you that some of the ones you do use are wrong.

That's not really the whole truth, though, is it?

I mean, if you were to use a dating site, surely you would have limits. Surely there would be, in your assessments, wrong terms - terms that you would pass over - a list of terms that you would advise people to not use.

Let's believe that these threads may actually help some of our fellow JUBbers get laid. I believe they might.

Would you be interested in an ad/date that self-described as 'straight-acting'? Would there be any hesitation?

 

[xbuzzerx]

That's not really the whole truth, though, is it?

I mean, if you were to use a dating site, surely you would have limits. Surely there would be, in your assessments, wrong terms - terms that you would pass over - a list of terms that you would advise people to not use.

Let's believe that these threads may actually help some of our fellow JUBbers get laid. I believe they might.

Would you be interested in an ad/date that self-described as 'straight-acting'? Would there be any hesitation?

Actually what I have told people is that I would probably use dating apps more if the way they worked was that everyone submitted an essay on a random topic and you picked the authors you'd like to go on dates with.

But, before we get too self righteous Kahaih, everyone uses search terms on those apps-- for a wide variety of personal qualities. You think this one is the only one people pick out matches with? Come on.

 

[Kahaih]

Actually what I have told people is that I would probably use dating apps more if the way they worked was that everyone submitted an essay on a random topic and you picked the authors you'd like to go on dates with.

But, before we get too self righteous Kahaih, everyone uses search terms on those apps-- for a wide variety of personal qualities. You think this one is the only one people pick out matches with? Come on.

This one - "straight-acting" - it the subject of this thread.