Straight white couple adopting a black kid, your thoughts?

[Corny]

Corny, you're one of the people on here I give a lot of respect to. That said, you're completely missing the point of the original post.

Seriously .. reductio ad hitlerum in this thread?

No, I think you are missing my point. Let me turn it the other way around.

Should straight couples raise queer kids then? After all they know nothing of the challenges that it will go through.
Granted, they will start later and it's not that obvious as the color of its skin .. but so what?
Parents will never be ready to deal with every situation. Love is not enough, I never said that. But parents who love their kid and stand behind them, fight with them and for them, no matter that - will help their kid to grow up as a strong individual no matter what hardships in life it will face.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

I spent much of my childhood in a white neighborhood/white school/white church, it's very likely that the child will be alienated or taunted for being different and having an unconventional family. He(she?) could face an identity crisis not having anything familiar readily available, and when this child does inevitably run into other af. americans he may feel uncomfortable or isolated.


All the lovey dovey stuff about a good home being the only thing that matters, that stuff is pretty and sounds good in font but in reality this country is still not mature enough to handle multi-racial families. If you don't believe me, I invite any of you to drive down to Alabama with a black female friend. Walk around town holding her hand. See what happens.

 

[Corny]

^ keep in mind that we are talking about switzerland here ..

 

[Fire]

Gosh, the forums are so acrimonious this morning.

Can't we all just get along?

 

[strangepoetry]

All the lovey dovey stuff about a good home being the only thing that matters, that stuff is pretty and sounds good in font but in reality this country is still not mature enough to handle multi-racial families. If you don't believe me, I invite any of you to drive down to Alabama with a black female friend. Walk around town holding her hand. See what happens.

Huh? What? I've been to Alabama and a dozen other states in every kind of inter/multi-racial situation you could name and nothing ever "happened." What was supposed to happen?

Granted, I'm pretty oblivious to ignorant people but I think I would've noticed if they were at my heels with torches and pitchforks...

IMO, you're spending too much time wondering what other people are thinking...FACT: 95% of the time people are thinking about THEMSELVES! True story.

 

[rareboy]

Jesus christ, don't you guys know how to properly interpret someone else's thought? The original post isn't questioning interracial adoption. Go back and read it again, for christ sake.

Your response tantamounts to saying "I know plenty of people who drive and never crashed their car before" as a response to a post about DUI. Interracial adoption is just 1/2 of the point of the original post.

Added by edit.

A while back, I discovered that there was an incident response code to cases of consensual incest. I was new at the job so I wasn't expecting it to be in the response codes. While out for lunch, I told one of my colleagues that I had just discovered there was an incident code for incest. He didn't know it was in the book either. Later that week, I was called into the office and disciplined for having conversation about incest while on the job. Someone overheard us and reported me. I wanted to explain that we were not talking about incest. We were talking about an incident code about incest that nobody we knew had noticed it before in the book. The code was probably put there back in the old days when this was an issue... you know when christians controlled everything. But my boss didn't want to hear it. The word incest was in our conversation and that was all he cared about.

That's what you guys are doing. Instead of properly reading the original post and respond appropriately, you picked out the words "adopting black kid" and then you assume the thread is about the rights and wrongs about interracial adoption. NO, IT'S MORE THAN THAT!

Sorry, I always have a mental breakdown everytime I see people willfully misinterpret someone's words.

No.

It is you who don't understand.

I repeat.

Why is this even a question?

It should go without question or concern that any family would adopt a child of a different race.

You are the one misunderstanding the vehemence of my response.

If someone even feels the need to question whether others should have thoughts on whites adopting balcks or chinese or vice versa or whether it is Switzerland or Alabama, I think it indicates that the problem lies with the person asking the question. And with anyone who sees it as a problematic or negatively challenging situation.

It should not be an issue. It wouldn't be an issue if people didn't see it as an issue.

No one I've ever known who has ever adopted a child of another race has ever had a problem.

Now maybe that is because Canadians are so much more open to welcoming any child into our hearts and homes. But I doubt it.

And your incest example is just bizarre.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Granted, I'm pretty oblivious to ignorant people

Nuff said.

IMO, you're spending too much time wondering what other people are thinking...FACT: 95% of the time people are thinking about THEMSELVES! True story.

FACT? In big bold letters? Really? That statistic that you pulled out of your ass is a fact?

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Get a life Mikami. When you're ready to put on your big girl panties and discuss this like an adult let us know.

 

[strangepoetry]

FACT? In big bold letters? Really? That statistic that you pulled out of your ass is a fact?

Actually, you're right. I googled it. Says FACT: ninety-SEVEN percent of the time people are thinking about THEMSELVES.

My bad, Mrs. Beaverhausen.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

If you're uncomfortable discussing race (and I will bet my niece and nephew that you are), perhaps it might serve yourself as well as the rest of us to stay out of such topics. Unless you have more psycho babble I'd like to get back ON TOPIC.

Interesting how race plays differently in countries outside the US. (I had no idea we were talking about Switzerland).

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Actually, you're right. I googled it. Says FACT: ninety-SEVEN percent of the time people are thinking about THEMSELVES.

This would be easier to swallow if history hadn't, time and time again, suggested the exact opposite. There isn't any point in recent or distant history where people were "only concerned with themselves." Maybe small indigenous tribes in remote locations, but when you get large groups of people together they do nothing BUT concern themselves with one another's affairs. Big city, small country town, it always plays out the same. People are always wondering what the next man is up to.

You think people aren't going to stare and sneer and gossip when they see two white parents walking with a black child? You CAN'T be that naive.

 

[strangepoetry]

This would be easier to swallow if history hadn't, time and time again, suggested the exact opposite. There isn't any point in recent or distant history where people were "only concerned with themselves." Maybe small indigenous tribes in remote locations, but when you get large groups of people together they do nothing BUT concern themselves with one another's affairs. Big city, small country town, it always plays out the same. People are always wondering what the next man is up to.

You think people aren't going to stare and sneer and gossip when they see two white parents walking with a black child? You CAN'T be that naive.

You can't think people aren't going to stare and sneer and gossip about ANY AND EVERY THING YOU DO! You CAN'T be that naive!

"Oh dear lord, I can't have a black child...what will the NEIGHBORS think?" What a ridiculous way to live your life. Just think where little Pax and Zahara and Tonto or whoever would be if Angelina had thought that way. You're busy gossiping about his skin color while he's walking around with BRAD PITT as a daddy. I'm sure he doesn't give a shit what you think about his family's color scheme.

(By the way, my family HAS adopted outside race, so I'm not speaking out of my ass.)

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

I'm not actually, I was going to respond to this thread earlier. But other people have said it better than I could.



This in a nutshell is pretty much how I feel about the subject.

I echo the sentiment in theory, in reality there could be a canyon ten miles wide between the child and his/her parents. Unfortunately this world doesn't rotate on good intentions and well-meaning. In fact the child may grow to resent the parents for pulling him into a world where everything seems alien.

I, like the rest of you, want this story to have a happy ending where the kid grows up healthy and happy and goes off to college and gets a degree in something and ends up with a good job, nice salary and a family of his own.

But there could be harm in viewing this from such a Barney, Lamb Chops Singalong perspective, these parents need to understand that there are REAL (meaning not something karen_walker imagined) challenges that mixed-race families face and those challenges will transform and grow as the kid gets older.

Of course the same could be said of parents who adopt a disabled child, or a single parent who adopts ten children, but that's not what this topic is about, is it?

 

[strangepoetry]

Actually, you're right. I googled it. Says FACT: ninety-SEVEN percent of the time people are thinking about THEMSELVES.

(and just to clarify: I didn't google a damn thing, that came right out of my ass. However, I was quoting something I'd read but I can't recall the source. )

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

"Oh dear lord, I can't have a black child...what will the NEIGHBORS think?" What a ridiculous way to live your life. Just think where little Pax and Zahara and Tonto or whoever would be if Angelina had thought that way. You're busy gossiping about his skin color while he's walking around with BRAD PITT as a daddy. I'm sure he doesn't give a shit what you think about his family's color scheme.

Are you seriously comparing the average mixed-race family to the Jolie-Pitt brood?

This isn't about caring what others will think, it's about caring about how your child will be treated, it's about caring if your child will have a healthy social life, it's about caring whether or not your child has a strong sense of identity, all of which can be compromised in such a situation.

Maybe when you get older you'll realize that life isn't as simple as "To hell with what other people think!" I feel the same way, but this child will not have OUR brains in HIS head. Who knows how he will respond to this new environment and new family. In all likelihood, the fact that he's up for adoption could mean his well-being has already been compromised (was his mother on drugs? were his biological parents neglectful? did they abandon him at somebody's door?). A child that could already be fragile is being thrust into a medium-risk situation. Not being a Negative Nelly, just being REAL. Sometimes we lost all aspects of reality when we dream of these rising-above-all-odds stories.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

(and just to clarify: I didn't google a damn thing, that came right out of my ass. However, I was quoting something I'd read but I can't recall the source. )

Go to California and get married. OH WAIT! You can't because a majority of Californians not only concerned themselves with the affairs of others, they took time out of their scheduels to drive to the polls and VOTE on the affairs of others.

It'd be nice if we could all do away with bullies by simply brushing them off, but the world is much more complicated than that. Believe me, no one wishes differently more than I do, but it's just not how things work. In fact, if there weren't the potential for things to go awry, the author wouldn't have made this thread in the first place.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

You can't think people aren't going to stare and sneer and gossip about ANY AND EVERY THING YOU DO! You CAN'T be that naive!

"Oh dear lord, I can't have a black child...what will the NEIGHBORS think?" What a ridiculous way to live your life. Just think where little Pax and Zahara and Tonto or whoever would be if Angelina had thought that way. You're busy gossiping about his skin color while he's walking around with BRAD PITT as a daddy. I'm sure he doesn't give a shit what you think about his family's color scheme.

(By the way, my family HAS adopted outside race, so I'm not speaking out of my ass.)

is not cultures toon public ends up only thing a leftins fors a their boredoms do

like this thread BLACK WHITE again again

Obama just discova egypt on da map or Rome still watin fa da locksmith

' ooh what nice gay child ya got! do it do tricks? '
look down this machine gun barrel ya see it made in super educate country '
' OOH ma country make these is we not cleva '

ooh da temptation but

@ okay troops movvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeee out @



with da power of electrics be say 3 times ans post submit
& get hammer just hit computer &
OOOH IT WOOOOORK!



littull earthy

 

[strangepoetry]

Are you seriously comparing the average mixed-race family to the Jolie-Pitt brood?

This isn't about caring what others will think, it's about caring about how your child will be treated, it's about caring if your child will have a healthy social life, it's about caring whether or not your child has a strong sense of identity, all of which can be compromised in such a situation.

Maybe when you get older you'll realize that life isn't as simple as "To hell with what other people think!" I feel the same way, but this child will not have OUR brains in HIS head. Who knows how he will respond to this new environment and new family. In all likelihood, the fact that he's up for adoption could mean his well-being has already been compromised (was his mother on drugs? were his biological parents neglectful? did they abandon him at somebody's door?). A child that could already be fragile is being thrust into a medium-risk situation. Not being a Negative Nelly, just being REAL. Sometimes we lost all aspects of reality when we dream of these rising-above-all-odds stories.

No matter what life you're brought into you're gonna have struggles and tribulations...such is LIFE...that's what happens. Seriously, race has NEVER been the big issue in my family. It's always an alcoholic, a bad relationship, what's going on with grandma/grandpa, etc... shit like that. Maybe I live in a fairy tale (which is sometimes arguable when I witness some of my friends' lives) but I don't think so. I think the bond of familial love is what determines the trajectory of our emotional and psychological lives. Race relations is far down the list of our normal everyday concerns.

If you want to know the truth, I sorta think it's cool to undermine peoples' expectations of the norm. I'm kind of proud to be a rebel in that way.

 

[SexyKev]

Um....I would just highly recommend that the couple go and educate themselves on the black culture more and educate themselves on BLACK HAIR and how to maintain it...lol

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

But there are kids that resent their actual blood related Parents. So that could happen regardless of adopting a kid out of race or not.

Is this topic not about a straight white couple adopting a black child? You can insert "That could happen regardless" in ANY topic but it removes all the context and fails to address the heart of what the author is asking.

Either way, it's about how that Parent goes about the situation and issues if and when they come up. Race doesn't play there part there, it's the way the Parent handles it that is going to have the lasting effect on the child.

I'm going to take a wild venture here and guesstimate that you don't have any kids of your own. That you've never raised kids, that you've never been in charge of a kid for more than a day.

And I think people who acknowledge the issues of whatever problems could occur when it comes to any kind of family, and challenges the challenge will probably ending up being fine.

Wanting things to be ok doesn't make it more probable. But keep on wishing twinkletoes!