Straight white couple adopting a black kid, your thoughts?

[cariblk]

I don't think this should be an issue. If not it only helps general race integration in society and reduces racial prejudice. If a white couple is willign to adopt a black child i doubt there would be any sort of race squabbles.

 

[sixthson]

I'm still trying to figure all this out, but for me this is not a question of love. This is a question of what is the best fit for the child. It's good to hear all the differing opinions.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Um....I just recommend they go and educate themselves on the black culture more and educate themselves on BLACK HAIR and how to maintain it...lol

yes! i'm sick of seeing these black kids w/white parents and their hair looks a shitty mess.

herbal essennce does NOT work on nappy hair.

 

[SexyKev]

yes! i'm sick of seeing these black kids w/white parents and their hair looks a shitty mess.

herbal essennce does NOT work on nappy hair.

LMAO. Right!

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

I'm still trying to figure all this out, but for me this is not a question of love. This is a question of what is the best fit for the child. It's good to hear all the differing opinions.

Finally some obective...ness? Anyone with a child will tell you that sooo much more goes into parenting than loving your child. With the right support and guidance their family can be just as happy as anyone else's.

What raises my eyebrow is people confusing their imaginary race-free world with the one we live in where race has been dividing people for centuries and continues to do so this very moment.

Good parents will understand this dynamic and tackle it head-on rather than playing stupid and going "White parents? Black child? Gee, what could possibly go wrong?"

 

[pat grimshaw]

Karen, so sensible

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Karen, so sensible

Thanks. I did a bunch of coke this morning so I'm feeling pretty mellowed out.

 

[rareboy]

^ You do realize that being complimented by Grimshaw is the kiss of failed arguments don't you?

Or do you just have too much powder up your nose.

And yes people, I finally have a response back from my friends in Zurich who have a black adopted child and have two asian/european mixed race children themselves.

While they find Switzerland a scary place in many respects, they reassure me that they have never experienced any problems with their children or themselves being accepted.

So are they the norm? Or are they just better at dealing with this in their normal stride?

You all tell me.

 

[strangepoetry]

Listen: I wouldn't want to be raised by pat-grimshaw or karen-walker respectively, no matter what race I happened to be...both of you are too focused on either dishing or suffering prejudices anyway (that's what I sense anyway).

The parents attitude has a helluva lot to do with it. Of course there are ignorant racist people in the world. But there always will be, so what. Why make them an integral part of your life. Screw them, adopt a fucking rainbow of babies.

People will treat you however you allow them to treat you. No matter who you are or what color you are, you're gonna be confronted with people that don't like you. How do your parents equip you to handle it?

What's one hater if you've got ten supporters behind you? ANSWER: he's insignificant in the larger scheme of your existence.

Most people hate SILENTLY (or else in the comments section on YouTube). Have a positive support system.

Half the negative shit in your world is because you're encouraging or creating it.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Or do you just have too much powder up your nose.

I'm too out of it to dispel this argument. So... maybe I do?

So are they the norm? Or are they just better at dealing with this in their normal stride?

You all tell me.

Could be either/or. I've never been to Switz and won't pretend to know their culture.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Of course there are ignorant racist people in the world. But there always will be, so what.

What you have to understand is everyone, least of all a child, isn't able to just "So what" these things away. This will all become more clear to you once your ego subsides and you realize that the entire world doesn't share your values/strengths/etc...

For many people, what others think of them is a weakness that can take years to dismember, if they ever do. I imagine you would NOT do well with such a child because, according to you, the problem lies within the child rather than the child's detractors.

Here's to hoping you never... EVER have to raise a child of another race. Or any child that has less than elephant-thick skin.

 

[strangepoetry]

What you have to understand is everyone, least of all a child, isn't able to just "So what" these things away. This will all become more clear to you once your ego subsides and you realize that the entire world doesn't share your values/strengths/etc...

For many people, what others think of them is a weakness that can take years to dismember, if they ever do. I imagine you would NOT do well with such a child because, according to you, the problem lies within the child rather than the child's detractors.

Here's to hoping you never... EVER have to raise a child of another race. Or any child that has less than elephant-thick skin.

What I'm saying is I wouldn't put my child around people or in a situation where he'd have to endure overt racism. In school, the child is gonna be confronted with the reality of his own race no matter what color he is. Did you raise a confident and healthy child or a child that's gonna go around whining "My parents are of a different race...oh woe is me, " a child who's constantly consumed with "What's it like having black parents, black child?" Likely, your child is gonna be more worried about having the latest version of the Iphone.

Adopted children are more invested in the "I'm adopted" than the "I'm [insert race]"

You DEFINITELY don't have the right attitude to raise a stable, racially diverse family. You'd subconsciously pass your fears and insecurities down to the child. A proper environment is one where being seen as "different" is looked at as a positive, special thing and it's celebrated rather than shamed. Your child will take cues from you in dealing with negativity.

Nobody's life is rainbows and giggles 24/7 but don't make it all shit and mud either.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

What I'm saying is I wouldn't put my child around people or in a situation where he'd have to endure overt racism.

Which should be very easy to do since there's usually a loud siren that rings when you enter an overt-racism zone.

Slow down there tiger, at this point you're so eager to find that elusive "right answer" that you're saying anything and everything that sounds good to your own ears.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

What I find appalling is how many people are pissed at even the suggestion that this is more complex than yes or no.

That's all I've been trying to get it. Might they pull this off without a hitch? Certainly. This issue may never ever ever ever ever come up in the child's life.

But is there more to be considered than "Be extra nice and supportive and the child will be fine?" Absolutely. This kid is gonna grow up in a world where he looks different from every other person he sees. Such a situation is fine when you're our age, when you have established a sense of identity, but a child is at the stage where the identity is being built. These are formative years and even the slightest negative experience can taint their self-image or attitudes towards race for the rest of their lives. This is where a mere "Get over it" probably won't cut the cake.

So I'm not a fan of the simple "Give 'em a good home and everyone will live happily ever after."

But of course there will always be people who SWEAR that their truth is the ultimate truth and anything contrary is due to some incapacity of the disagreer.

 

[strangepoetry]

Which should be very easy to do since there's usually a loud siren that rings when you enter an overt-racism zone.

Slow down there tiger, at this point you're so eager to find that elusive "right answer" that you're saying anything and everything that sounds good to your own ears.

Nah, I'm not trying to find an elusive "right" answer I'm just too done with the topic to rehash and relate every single aspect of my personal experience on the topic in this thread, so I was speaking in generalities. I'm trying to avoid laying out the particulars of my specific situation.

But, anyway, if you think interracial families are bound to face impossibly harsh disadvantages, so be it. I'm not gonna change your mind. But my family will keep on family-ing while you stand back wondering how we're able to continue in the face of ALL THIS UNBEARABLE OPPRESSION SUFFOCATING US. [insert: sarcastic eyeroll]

Better yet, watch the film The Kids Are All Right...quit watching Glenn Beck...

 

[rareboy]

Listen: I wouldn't want to be raised by pat-grimshaw or karen-walker respectively, no matter what race I happened to be...both of you are too focused on either dishing or suffering prejudices anyway (that's what I sense anyway).

The parents attitude has a helluva lot to do with it. Of course there are ignorant racist people in the world. But there always will be, so what. Why make them an integral part of your life. Screw them, adopt a fucking rainbow of babies.

People will treat you however you allow them to treat you. No matter who you are or what color you are, you're gonna be confronted with people that don't like you. How do your parents equip you to handle it?

What's one hater if you've got ten supporters behind you? ANSWER: he's insignificant in the larger scheme of your existence.

Most people hate SILENTLY (or else in the comments section on YouTube). Have a positive support system.

Half the negative shit in your world is because you're encouraging or creating it.

I tried to send a comment that said 'I have to agree'. You won't see anything but 'I have'...before I sneezed and hit post.

But I have to agree.

The folks I know are powerful strong when it comes to projecting their own confidence and goodwill. They won't allow themselves or their kids to be victimized or to grow up either playing a race card or having it played against them.

 

[strangepoetry]

If you don't believe in interracial adoption, don't do it.

If you do, and you end up raising a normal well-adjusted adult, well then, what a glorious miracle we've beheld. /sarcasm

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

The folks I know are powerful strong when it comes to projecting their own confidence and goodwill. They won't allow themselves or their kids to be victimized or to grow up either playing a race card or having it played against them.

This isn't just about "playing the race card", in fact that doesn't even make much sense.

There are essentially two discussions here; SHOULD race matter and DOES race matter? We can all agree it shouldn't, but addressing racial issues is pertinent to understanding one another, to be frank widdling this down to "playing the race card" is a knee-jerk, idiotic oversimplification. You do REALIZE that there's more to the black experience than "playing the race card," don't you? I only ask because I haven't seen a discussion about race yet that you haven't summarized as "There they go playing that victimizing race card again."

Your opinion of your child becomes less and less important as the age. When they're 12, 15, 18 they don't care if they're "Daddy's little superstar," they care if their peers like their shoes and hair, they care about why that stranger across the street is staring at them.

Look at all these hosiptals full of girls with eating disorders. Did their parents do something wrong? Did they "not teach them to be strong?" No, such a deduction is an imbecilic simplification of something that we all KNOW to be true, yet vehemently deny; what others think of us and how they treat us matters.

What do you do if you get such a child who cares what others think? If you're so cock-sure of yourself, walk up to every single girl with an eating disorder and tell her "You're beautiful, to hell with what others think." That should work, right?

 

[Mstrshake]

why is this thread 3 pages long