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On Topic Discussion Taralen's 2018 Random Musings About Life...

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Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

OP needs some cock like right now. Any takers? Never put your dick in crazy!!

I'm a "side" (ugh I hate that word), so, jokes on you. I hate anal sex. I mean I'm not totally against it, but I just don't like anal sex at all.

Thank you for reminding yet again on another issue I have ot deal with.

Black
gay
feminine
mentally ill
ghetto
high attitude

and now I don't like anal sex
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Hey Taralen... I'm sorry that you are struggling, and like I've said before I agree that being gay is like some kind of a curse... especially in particular situations... but try to be positive... don't let the pessimism control your life. I won't believe you don't have things that make you happy.

It's not true we don't care. Everyone is cool enough here in their own way, so many funny threads and thoughtful posts in the help section. I remember asking you something in a post comment but never got a reply.

Sometimes it's our choice we want to look more at the negative side. Not true bears only like bears. Not true a black feminine guy can't be attractive ;)

I see you like music (haven't been able to post in that thread yet), make friends through your hobbies, be nice and don't be obsessed with the idea of finding a partner.

I'm just getting impatient.

I like music, but I'm not necessarily a musician.

I also don't' want my boyfriend to necessarily enjoy my music taste.

I'm not at all into Heavy Metal, but if a guy I was interested in, then that's dismissive and I don't care.

I'm just getting very impatient.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Taralen said:
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FINDING A GUY ON AN ONLINE FORUM DEDICATED TO GAY FUCKING MEN. UGH.
True there is certainly nothing wrong with finding a guy on a forum...
...but there is also the simple fact that it may not happen.



I've went to a few meetups from local groups, and there was never anything like that.
but I guess things would vary allot from one location and/or group to the next.



I've went to events too (like pride) in the past & didn't notice anything like that. I ofcourse never made an effort to to try to meet or talk to anyone or anything like that when there...I was for all practical purposes just another invisible face in the crowd :lol:

It's just the fact every queer group (I guess for reasons I can understated)

Always put. "We will not give you the meetup location unless we see a picture or bio of you." etc. and shit like that.

I'm like okay damn. I see right through this shit.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

OP, I'm beginning to think you feel people don't like you rather than they actually don't like you. In other words, it's internal rather than anything else.

The thing about crowds like pride and dance clubs or bars is most people tend to stick with their friends. Don't get me wrong, I have my own insecurities just as much as anyone else. But the few times that I actually had the guts to insert myself into another group, they have always accepted me with open arms.

It's more of your own psychology than anything else.

What's the fucking difference? It's the same damn thing.

If I smile back at a guy and he gives me an ugly look (this happens always. Possibly because I'm a geeky and dorky feminine black man I ask a guy out, if i ask to join a group of queer men, If I feel they are clicking and ignoring me.

I can think of one situation to where someone did something out of the ordinary by societies standard kind of obscure. This white guy, he was an older army vet. I don't know if he was gay or not. It was on a Friday evening, and I was at a bank here in Los Angeles and he walking in front of me, and I wanted to test and try him. So I stopped and wasn't expecting for me to open the door for me, and sure enough he held the door open for me like I was a woman, and that man didn't have to do that at all. But that was nice that he did.

Oh there's another situation to where I went for a job interview to be a waiter at this very high profile restaurant in the LA/Hollywood area.

The interview went to bad. They weren't at all liking me, so I left kinda feeling upset and depressed.

I go out to this back courtyard to smoke a cigarette before I head home. While I'm smoking, one of the manager chefs comes out and he smokes his cigarette. Because he's an open minded guy, he started a conversation with me.

Long story short, I told him I had an interview at the restaurant to be a waiter and it didn't go so well in my opinion. He then right there on the spot hired me to be a busboy.

He didn't have to do that no, but that was nice that he did. I sadly had to leave this restaurant under situations I'm not going to mention, but I was so happy for that opportunity.

But those are rare exceptions to the rule.

But those are just rare exceptions to the rule.

But generally people aren't that nice to me at all.

No they don't seething hate me, but I'm sorry, they just don't' like me.

Not liking someone doesn't mean you hate them though.

But it's the same damn thing.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

If you're not happy then you're just screwed.

People can sense negative energy and bad vibes from a million miles away. If that's what your giving off then no wonder you're not having much success.

This is why you gotta work on yourself first before putting yourself out there.You gotta build that foundation first before the tree can grow..

Why can't I be happy the way I am?

I wouldn't be negative around my man.

I'm not gonna be perfect, but I'm' always gonna have that ghetto nerdy special snowflake attitude sorry.

The only thing we have in common is that we are both gay black men in the United States. Other than that, we are polar opposites. Hence being a special snowflake.

I'm happy you have a system that works for you, but that might not work for me.
 
Re: What kind of music do you like?

I just love this so much. I listen to it all the time.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Why can't I be happy the way I am?

I wouldn't be negative around my man.

I'm not gonna be perfect, but I'm' always gonna have that ghetto nerdy special snowflake attitude sorry.

The only thing we have in common is that we are both gay black men in the United States. Other than that, we are polar opposites. Hence being a special snowflake.

I'm happy you have a system that works for you, but that might not work for me.

Because you aren't happy the way you are.

And your negativity is something you wear like a hairshirt.

This is what you need to work on first. You need to find a way to love and empower yourself. And to be able to function in the real world. You need to resolve your anger issues. And to learn how to respond positively to social cues. And to learn patience. And how to listen.

So we are back to the beginning. You aren't going to do this on your own and you aren't going to to it on the internet. You need real face time with an actual qualified counsellor and stick with them. You need to become a full partner in achieving your best mental health.

When you do these things and accept that you are the one who needs to adapt to the world instead of the whole world adapting to you, you will have the greatest chance of finding real happiness.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

I just don't like meetup.

I want to meet a guy who knows me from the fucking antics on here, and that's final.

Like Harke The Boeotarch or FPNY or MakeDigitalLove OMG. Yes Lord.

I want a fucking bear daddy like that.

Oops already said it, can't take it back. In 10 minutes the post is gonna lock. Haha.

Berlin, Germany is a little far from LA, USA. Otherwise I'd be glad to come and see you.

When you do these things and accept that you are the one who needs to adapt to the world instead of the whole world adapting to you, you will have the greatest chance of finding real happiness.

When you adapt to the world, the world will often adapt to you, I've found.

I believe happiness is an overrated state that can't be attained directly and often lies in the opposite direction of pleasure.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

I believe happiness is an overrated state that can't be attained directly and often lies in the opposite direction of pleasure.

Oh, good luck there, people hate hearing that kind of wisdom. Involves more work than showing up, y'see. Some people would much rather link their happiness to a pleasurable goal they're not able to attain in their current incarnation. That way they've set themselves up for failure and they don't have to worry about achieving shit and can continue to blame outside interference for the lack.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

I just don't like meetup.

I want to meet a guy who knows me from the fucking antics on here, and that's final.

You are racheting down your list to just the impossible and then complaining that it is impossible.

This was a good example. You threw out a wild accusation about Meetup.com, and when it was refuted/disproven, you just dismissed it and focused on one tight example of something you are fixated on now.

You said you wanted to meet someone. Meetup is great for that. If you join enough of them, go to enough of them, and work on your social skills, it is much more likely to happen.

Meetup isn't even one thing to dislike. It's a broad collection of special interest circles that allow you to meet folks who share similar interests. You can include gay or not, square dance or break dance, art or sports, or whatever.

Meeting people increases the chances. If you're just going for hookup, why all the rant? You can hookup without your personality coming into it almost.

If you want someone who "knows me from . . . JUB," then meet someone and introduce him to JUB.

You're building your own prison walls. Stop it.

And finally, as a footnote, I think the unemployment is a definite issue. It's not that unemployed men cannot find a relationship, but it is obviously harder with no money to go anywhere and not having any income yourself. I don't think having a poor job would be a strike, but it is easy to imagine a guy would be put off by someone not working.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Taralen said:
72-Jay said:
I've went to a few meetups from local groups, and there was never anything like that.
but I guess things would vary allot from one location and/or group to the next.
It's just the fact every queer group (I guess for reasons I can understated)
Always put. "We will not give you the meetup location unless we see a picture or bio of you." etc. and shit like that.
I'm like okay damn. I see right through this shit.
ok makes sense...I've seen a couple groups on there that as one of their requirements for joining you need to post a face pic.
Since I don't post pic's anywhere online, my thought is f--k that, I know which group not to join :lol:
A little bio is fine by me as long as there's nothing too personal.


----
Taralen said:
I can think of one situation to where someone did something out of the ordinary by societies standard kind of obscure. This white guy, he was an older army vet. I don't know if he was gay or not. It was on a Friday evening, and I was at a bank here in Los Angeles and he walking in front of me, and I wanted to test and try him. So I stopped and wasn't expecting for me to open the door for me, and sure enough he held the door open for me like I was a woman, and that man didn't have to do that at all. But that was nice that he did.
In general i've always had people hold the door for me at a store/bank/whatever. I do the same for people...guy or girl doesn't matter its normal for people to do that here. Maybe LA is different though?
 
Re: What kind of music do you like?

I like rock, metal, punk, country, pop, some classical, even disco and rap sometimes. Soundtracks, ambient. Mainly the first ones I've mentioned though.

I learned this when I was playing the flicorno:


The classics:




So many...
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Meetup has pics mostly for security. When the group meets, they know who they are looking for at the restaurant, hike, etc.

I think the profiles can be set to be seen by members only.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

NotHardUp1 said:
Meetup has pics mostly for security. When the group meets, they know who they are looking for at the restaurant, hike, etc.
I think the profiles can be set to be seen by members only.
I'm just glad its only some groups that do it
Otherwize I'd have zero interest in the site...
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Because you aren't happy the way you are.

And your negativity is something you wear like a hairshirt.

This is what you need to work on first. You need to find a way to love and empower yourself. And to be able to function in the real world. You need to resolve your anger issues. And to learn how to respond positively to social cues. And to learn patience. And how to listen.

So we are back to the beginning. You aren't going to do this on your own and you aren't going to to it on the internet. You need real face time with an actual qualified counsellor and stick with them. You need to become a full partner in achieving your best mental health.

When you do these things and accept that you are the one who needs to adapt to the world instead of the whole world adapting to you, you will have the greatest chance of finding real happiness.

But fuck that.

Why is it not okay for me to hate being black and gay which is not adapting to the world.

But it's okay for me to change myself and adapt to the world.

I'm so confused.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

You are racheting down your list to just the impossible and then complaining that it is impossible.

This was a good example. You threw out a wild accusation about Meetup.com, and when it was refuted/disproven, you just dismissed it and focused on one tight example of something you are fixated on now.

You said you wanted to meet someone. Meetup is great for that. If you join enough of them, go to enough of them, and work on your social skills, it is much more likely to happen.

Meetup isn't even one thing to dislike. It's a broad collection of special interest circles that allow you to meet folks who share similar interests. You can include gay or not, square dance or break dance, art or sports, or whatever.

Meeting people increases the chances. If you're just going for hookup, why all the rant? You can hookup without your personality coming into it almost.

If you want someone who "knows me from . . . JUB," then meet someone and introduce him to JUB.

You're building your own prison walls. Stop it.

And finally, as a footnote, I think the unemployment is a definite issue. It's not that unemployed men cannot find a relationship, but it is obviously harder with no money to go anywhere and not having any income yourself. I don't think having a poor job would be a strike, but it is easy to imagine a guy would be put off by someone not working.

So it's not okay for meet a guy off JUB for an interpersonal relationship, but it's okay to meet a guy off meetup?

I don't understand.

The unemployment is not an issue.

I'm looking for work, and I'm going to work eventually.

I'm okay financially. That's not any of your business, thank you.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Meetup is a social website that coordinates local in-person activities. It's basically a scheduling clearinghouse for many types of social meetings.

It's not a gay site, not a hookup site, and not any one thing. It's expressly there to enable people to find like-minded people locally.

JUB is a forum where ideas are exchanged on national and international level, and with almost no focus on the local or in-person connections. JUB Meetups are essentially a thing of the past and were always the exception. I have met members in person as I travelled, or they did, but it was in complement of the site's purpose, not because of it.

If you think being unemployed isn't a factor, it is likely you are in the minority on that topic. It is hard to imagine many guys dating someone with no real income or career. Whereas few are looking to date up into any income, even fewer are looking to find someone to possibly support. It's not that there isn't or can't be dating when you are unemployed, but it will definitely limit your prospects.

And, I'm sorry for your nasty retort, but you made it our business when you shared that you were unemployed and fired from your job. You made it our business when you resurrected four of your necro threads and began to pump every one of them full of piss and tears about your misery until the boards could see little else but the Taralen Show as you raged against supposed injustices in your life while you kicked and screamed and bit anyone who came near. Finances become the problem for most couples that break up, straight or gay, for most, so it's highly relevant.

Implying that I asked about your finances is off. I mentioned that the appearance of idleness and not working is as big an issue as the likely shortness of expendable income.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Meetup is a social website that coordinates local in-person activities. It's basically a scheduling clearinghouse for many types of social meetings.

That is extremely besides the point.

The point was, to me there is virtually no fucking difference between a site like this, and a site like that for making relationships.

Really you're supposed to make relationships naturally, and both this site and meetup are both unnatural means of finding relationships.

But many things like the internet are natural, yet are still useful, so.

In other words, I don't see the difference and to me one is not better than the other or vice versa.

It's very dismissive that you can say maybe the people on meetup would be more friendly to me, and the people here wouldn't, or vice versa. So it's complicated.

It's not a gay site, not a hookup site, and not any one thing. It's expressly there to enable people to find like-minded people locally.

My experience doesn't agree with that. It seems very artsy and hippy dippy and all that. Ugh. No thanks.

I can tolerate reddit though. I don't know. I wouldn't mind having a reddit boyfriend. I've gone to reddit meetups before. One of my ex crushes was this straight guy on reddit who would bully me all the time. Meeting him in real life he's my type too, being this big bear guy, so it's tough.

But no. I can just picture what people on meetup are like. Just ugh.

No thank you. My mind is made up.

JUB is a forum where ideas are exchanged on national and international level, and with almost no focus on the local or in-person connections. JUB Meetups are essentially a thing of the past and were always the exception. I have met members in person as I travelled, or they did, but it was in complement of the site's purpose, not because of it.

Yeah, I was much too young to go when they had them. I was in school and stuff. Shame.

But what better way to know someone than their opinions on stuff.

On meetup, you guys just meet once a week for an hour doing yoga or ceramics or whatever. Then you guys go home. So I don't know.

If you think being unemployed isn't a factor, it is likely you are in the minority on that topic. It is hard to imagine many guys dating someone with no real income or career. Whereas few are looking to date up into any income, even fewer are looking to find someone to possibly support. It's not that there isn't or can't be dating when you are unemployed, but it will definitely limit your prospects.

And, I'm sorry for your nasty retort, but you made it our business when you shared that you were unemployed and fired from your job. You made it our business when you resurrected four of your necro threads and began to pump every one of them full of piss and tears about your misery until the boards could see little else but the Taralen Show as you raged against supposed injustices in your life while you kicked and screamed and bit anyone who came near. Finances become the problem for most couples that break up, straight or gay, for most, so it's highly relevant.

Implying that I asked about your finances is off. I mentioned that the appearance of idleness and not working is as big an issue as the likely shortness of expendable income.

And I also said I'm doing fine financially.

If I wanted to go and paint the motherfucking town red right now I could.

I don't have any children or anything like that. I have a cat, and I want to get a dog soon. So it's just me.

To me I mostly want a job so my ass isn't at home all the time, and I'm contributing to society.

As there (with you being proof) a stigma of people who don't work as being lazy and lowlifes. That's not true.

This is a competitive job market, that's all.

No I'm not Donald Trump rich, no. But I'm fine financially, and money is not the issue.

I don't care if a guy makes less, at the same level, or more money than me. I just care if he loves me.

I'm not on welfare or any of that shit.

But I'm not going to explain it any further than that.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

So it's not okay for meet a guy off JUB for an interpersonal relationship, but it's okay to meet a guy off meetup?

I don't understand.

The unemployment is not an issue.

I'm looking for work, and I'm going to work eventually.

I'm okay financially. That's not any of your business, thank you.

Many people would kill to have the opportunity like what you have. You say you currently do not have a job but you are financially fine. Start a business.

Once upon a time, I was in a similar position. I had money. But I did not have a job. So I started a business. It was fun while it lasted but eventually I killed it off because I wasn't earning enough from it to replace a full time job.

My partner and I both work and we have started a business together using the experiences I got from my previous attempt. We are nurturing it steadily so that hopefully we can one day quit our jobs and do nothing but that.

Dude, you have a great opportunity here. Don't waste it.
 
Re: Why is everyone so oblivious here? YOU GUYS EXIST AS GAY MEN IN REAL LIFE

Many people would kill to have the opportunity like what you have. You say you currently do not have a job but you are financially fine. Start a business.

Once upon a time, I was in a similar position. I had money. But I did not have a job. So I started a business. It was fun while it lasted but eventually I killed it off because I wasn't earning enough from it to replace a full time job.

My partner and I both work and we have started a business together using the experiences I got from my previous attempt. We are nurturing it steadily so that hopefully we can one day quit our jobs and do nothing but that.

Dude, you have a great opportunity here. Don't waste it.

A business doing what?

I wouldn't mind owning my own liquor/wine store. I'm not that knowledgeable in spirits and liquor, but I know some stuff. That seems nice. But I would like to have a boyfriend, and other people to help me run it.

It seems kinda difficult though.

I don't know anything about business.

You mentioned the fucking word partner. I'm happy for you, but I'm starting to get jealous and envious.

I'm getting agitated again. Ow. I'm gonna start to cry. This soul music isn't helping either. :(
 
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