On Topic Discussion Taralen's 2018 Random Musings About Life...

[gayvga]

Re: Do you believe race/culture plays a factor in your gay lifestyle?

My race? No.
My culture? Yes, but I don´t like the word "lifestyle". I don´t have a gay lifestyle. It is not like wearing clothes. I was born gay. That´s all.

 

[gayvga]

Re: Do you believe there is tension between masculine and feminine gay guys?

Between masculine and feminine gay guys? Generally, no.
However, between masculine bisexual guys and feminine gay guys, yes, I do believe there is a very unhappy tension. It´s sad to say that, but I saw many masculine bisexual guys dissing feminine gay guys because they didn´t show a manly image. It´s shocking to see how people who don´t like to be judged have a so judgemental attitude.

 

[gayvga]

Re: Do you believe there is tension between masculine and feminine gay guys?

Between masculine and feminine gay guys? Generally, no.
However, between masculine bisexual guys and feminine gay guys, yes, I do believe there is a very unhappy tension. It´s sad to say that, but I saw many masculine bisexual guys dissing feminine gay guys because they didn´t show a manly image. It´s shocking to see how people who don´t like to be judged have a so judgemental attitude.

 

[gayvga]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I think people buy standards, sold by media or whoever.
It´s irritating when some gays want to oblige others gays to have an erratic behavior, drinking so much, maintaining a "party animal" attitude and being sexually liberal. If the person likes it and if he can faces the consequences, it´s his life. But some persons prefer to live a calm life, some are religious, some dream with wedding. So, there isn´t a recipe for being gay.
The comment above made me think. Sometimes, it seems there is no gay community. I need to agree with that comment, partially, because, sometimes, I really see some isolated communities: the "Party Animals", the "Fashion/Make up bloggers/Youtubers", the "Fitness obsessed" and others.
There are stereotypes who are sold by media and the worst is that most of persons, gay and straight, buy them! For example, one of those stereotypes is that a gay necessarily needs to like some Music Divas like Britney Spears, Madonna and Cher. I liked Madonna in the past, I don´t know much about Cher´s work and I recognize there are some Britney´s songs that are catchy, but, as artist, I don´t think she is especially talented. I never bought her albums. Why am I obligated to like her just because I´m gay? Come on! It makes no sense. There are gays who like Heavy Metal, or Rock, or Indie, or Classical Music. Just because someone is gay he doesn´t need to like the current Pop Divas. But a part of the gay "community" buys this stereotype ... and reproduces it! Another stereotype is, just because I´m gay, I must be a Fashion expert. Once a person said: "- So, you are gay. Then, we need to talk. I want some Fashion advices". Why do people say things like that? I´m not a Fashion expert. I don´t know much about it. Why would I need to have all this knowledge about Fashion just because I´m gay? But it´s a portrait that is sold by media!
But, talking now about straight persons, I also think the straight "communities" (?) have difficulties to accept alternative lifestyles/personalities because they also buy those prefabricated ideas of an ideal life.
So, I don´t think it is not necessarily about the gay "community", I presume it´s all about stopping buying cliches.

 

[rareboy]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I don't even get the premise behind the thread title.

The LGBTQ world is made up of individuals with about a million different 'alternative' lifestyles and personalities. Just like the hetero world.

And they are all accepted.

Seriously. I don't get this thread premise or the logic behind it all.

 

[Dominus]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I don't even get the premise behind the thread title.

The LGBTQ world is made up of individuals with about a million different 'alternative' lifestyles and personalities. Just like the hetero world.

And they are all accepted.

Seriously. I don't get this thread premise or the logic behind it all.

I agree. Deserves reposting.

OP, I seriously think it is all in your head. Please get some help. Know that we love you.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I think people buy standards, sold by media or whoever.
It´s irritating when some gays want to oblige others gays to have an erratic behavior, drinking so much, maintaining a "party animal" attitude and being sexually liberal. If the person likes it and if he can faces the consequences, it´s his life. But some persons prefer to live a calm life, some are religious, some dream with wedding. So, there isn´t a recipe for being gay.
The comment above made me think. Sometimes, it seems there is no gay community. I need to agree with that comment, partially, because, sometimes, I really see some isolated communities: the "Party Animals", the "Fashion/Make up bloggers/Youtubers", the "Fitness obsessed" and others.
There are stereotypes who are sold by media and the worst is that most of persons, gay and straight, buy them! For example, one of those stereotypes is that a gay necessarily needs to like some Music Divas like Britney Spears, Madonna and Cher. I liked Madonna in the past, I don´t know much about Cher´s work and I recognize there are some Britney´s songs that are catchy, but, as artist, I don´t think she is especially talented. I never bought her albums. Why am I obligated to like her just because I´m gay? Come on! It makes no sense. There are gays who like Heavy Metal, or Rock, or Indie, or Classical Music. Just because someone is gay he doesn´t need to like the current Pop Divas. But a part of the gay "community" buys this stereotype ... and reproduces it! Another stereotype is, just because I´m gay, I must be a Fashion expert. Once a person said: "- So, you are gay. Then, we need to talk. I want some Fashion advices". Why do people say things like that? I´m not a Fashion expert. I don´t know much about it. Why would I need to have all this knowledge about Fashion just because I´m gay? But it´s a portrait that is sold by media!
But, talking now about straight persons, I also think the straight "communities" (?) have difficulties to accept alternative lifestyles/personalities because they also buy those prefabricated ideas of an ideal life.
So, I don´t think it is not necessarily about the gay "community", I presume it´s all about stopping buying cliches.

My main issue is that, okay so a gay guy likes to listen to Britney Spears and likes feminine things and fashion.

Why is it, that gay guy who likes to listen to Britney Spears and likes feminine things and fashion, tries to immerse himself into a more macho queer male space, like I'll use maybe a gay leather bike community or club, he goes in there to get a cocktail, and he's punished so harshly for that.

 

[gayvga]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

My main issue is that, okay so a gay guy likes to listen to Britney Spears and likes feminine things and fashion.

Why is it, that gay guy who likes to listen to Britney Spears and likes feminine things and fashion, tries to immerse himself into a more macho queer male space, like I'll use maybe a gay leather bike community or club, he goes in there to get a cocktail, and he's punished so harshly for that.

I don´t think he needs to be punished. Each of us can be what wants. When a person has a clear mind, he sees those "boxes" don´t exist.
But, if I go to a place and feel there is no hospitality, I try another. And I think it´s bad for them that lost my presence.

 

[luckynumbah7]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

My main issue is that, okay so a gay guy likes to listen to Britney Spears and likes feminine things and fashion.

Why is it, that gay guy who likes to listen to Britney Spears and likes feminine things and fashion, tries to immerse himself into a more macho queer male space, like I'll use maybe a gay leather bike community or club, he goes in there to get a cocktail, and he's punished so harshly for that.

I doubt it's the drink. Sounds more like they went to a leather biker bar with neither a bike nor leather. Not everyone wants to be someone else's 'immersive experience'. But I suspect you'd be misinterpreting neutrality for hostility in any case.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

My main issue is that, okay so a gay guy likes to listen to Britney Spears and likes feminine things and fashion.

Why is it, that gay guy who likes to listen to Britney Spears and likes feminine things and fashion, tries to immerse himself into a more macho queer male space, like I'll use maybe a gay leather bike community or club, he goes in there to get a cocktail, and he's punished so harshly for that.

I mean, people shouldn't be treated "harshly" for liking different things but at the end of the day there are people who just don't like the same things we all like, nor do they accept them. There are plenty of people who do though, so I don't understand why the focus on the people who don't.

I mean, if you're walking into a "macho" place and expecting people to generally like Britney Spears and feminine things, then you're generally just looking in the wrong place. I personally don't like Britney Spears or "feminine things", whatever that entails, so it's not so much I'm not accepting of it but I can't really have a conversation with someone about those things because I just don't share that interest.

 

[Dominus]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

Taralen, are you speaking from experience or did you just imagined all the intolerances?

A few months ago, myself and 2 other guys flew on a business trip. When we got there, we got a rental car and I drove us to our hotel, which was about 45 minutes from the airport.

The other 2 guys from my office are married straight masculine guys in their 40s. One of them had a full beard. I connected my phone to blutooth and half jokingly put on Britney Spears and Lady Gaga. To my surprise, those two guys started singing along the Britney Spears and Lady Gaga songs I put on. Word for word.

May be they knew I was playing around with them or may be they genuinely liked those songs. The fact that they could sing along word for word says a lot.

I'm very sorry that this is how you feel. But in my experience, and yes honest to god real life experience, there is no problem whether you are out or not.

 

[Daximus]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

Gurl you need some cock so bad. I’m kinda the type you’re looking for. White and bear’ish. I’ll stick it in you if you promise not to murder me afterward.

 

[Dominus]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

Gurl you need some cock so bad. I’m kinda the type you’re looking for. White and bear’ish. I’ll stick it in you if you promise not to murder me afterward.

Unless you live near him, I believe it is unwise to fuel his fantasies in this particular case. Most people know the difference between fantasy and reality. I'm not sure the OP can.

 

[rareboy]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

My main issue is that, okay so a gay guy likes to listen to Britney Spears and likes feminine things and fashion.

Why is it, that gay guy who likes to listen to Britney Spears and likes feminine things and fashion, tries to immerse himself into a more macho queer male space, like I'll use maybe a gay leather bike community or club, he goes in there to get a cocktail, and he's punished so harshly for that.

Punished? Really?

There is also a huge difference between going into a leather bar in order to immerse yourself in it and arriving like something out of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and trying to wreck their vibe.

But I have to say that I've seen over the top drag queens in a leather bar camping it up and no one gave a shit.

 

[Alistair]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

Unless you live near him, I believe it is unwise to fuel his fantasies in this particular case. Most people know the difference between fantasy and reality. I'm not sure the OP can.

the first time you've made me laugh, and I agree with you

 

[Dominus]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

the first time you've made me laugh, and I agree with you

But it's true. We have all flirted online at some point with the complete understanding that it's all good fun. But what if the other side doesn't understand it's cloud talk and actually took what was said seriously?

I say this from watching an acquaintant falling for an online fantasy talk with a dude on the other side of the country. That dude said on such and such date he was going to drop everything and drive across the country to meet my acquaintant. I knew it was cloud talk. Everyone around him knew it was cloud talk. But he took it serious enough to cancel his lease and got ready for that dude he met online to come. And since that dude claimed to be independently wealthy, my acquaintant thought he was going to be taken care of the rest of his life.

I think sometimes those of us who can differentiate what's fantasy and reality have trouble understanding that some people honest to goodness can't.

 

[luckynumbah7]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

^^^I dunno, I'll grant the independently wealthy bit was/could be suspect. A long term relationship that moves from online to off not so much. I know quite a few people who met online and progressed from there, myself being one of 'em. That includes moving cross-country.

If you're no good with online relationships, however, I'd think you'd be at least as bad offline with 'em. The inverse is, curiously enough, not quite as applicable, depends on where the difficulties lie. I believe it has to do with the addition of the other senses in use in 'the real world' for cultural cues, among other odds and ends, like a much, much shorter time to formulate replies.

- believing everything you read, ect, is a bit of a different matter and you can teach for that, sort've. The op clearly doesn't believe everything he reads. He believes nothing he reads and should not be using the board as a substitute for therapy and a way to prop up his illusions about where the issues lie.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is it hard for gay men to network?

Do you feel its everything combined having equal portions, or one thing more than the other - like if we were to pull just one factor out of the equation:
* Say for example you were a straight black man (& everything else remained as is) would that be the deciding factor?
* Or say you were a gay white man (again everything else remained as is) would that be the deciding factor?

I'm saying it's hard for black people to network by itself. It's hard for gay people to network by itself.

I'm both, so I really think it's hard to network altogether.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

This is really a sad thread, because of the mindset of those who think that sexual orientation prohibits or ensures friendship. There is much else that goes into the forming of a friendship, and sexual orientation is not the be-all or end-all of that friendship.

I have friends and I have more casual associates and whether they are straight or gay or pansexual or asexual does not figure in to the picture, although early on in the process of becoming acquainted it may play a small part.

This thread really makes me feel sorry for the OP and I am not very hopeful that he will ever find the love and happiness that he seeks and certainly needs and deserves as a human being.

Or maybe I've just had different experiences than you, and it's okay.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Do you believe there is tension between masculine and feminine gay guys?

Between masculine and feminine gay guys? Generally, no.
However, between masculine bisexual guys and feminine gay guys, yes, I do believe there is a very unhappy tension. It´s sad to say that, but I saw many masculine bisexual guys dissing feminine gay guys because they didn´t show a manly image. It´s shocking to see how people who don´t like to be judged have a so judgemental attitude.

Interesting.