On Topic Discussion Taralen's 2018 Random Musings About Life...

[72-Jay]

Re: Why is it hard for gay men to network?

We just live in a racist and homophobic society.

I'd say that can be true ...but... it also depends very much where you live.

 

[72-Jay]

Re: Do you believe race/culture plays a factor in your gay lifestyle?

I don't have a 'gay lifestyle'
I keep things quiet, nobody needs to know that I'm not straight.

Oh and for friends, I wouldn't just automatically reject someone simply because they were black.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

High heels or heeled boots? Because the former takes some real skill; making me swoon over here.

High heels. A couple pictures in my gallery here. Feel free to swoon - I'm here to catch you.

Lex

 

[72-Jay]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Dude, you saw me running in heels. More than once.

Well true, I can't deny that
But it was also for a good cause

High heels or heeled boots? Because the former takes some real skill; making me swoon over here.

Not boots!
And .. he won the little race atleast one of those times!

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_sexual_orientation#United_States

I mean, lookit this; go take a gander at the lovely map. Do you see those colors? Orange for Cali and Purple for 'lil ole me? If I run into queer black guys (and they're not exactly scarce here), that means there's more in your area. A lot more. This isn't an 'only gay eskimo' scenario.

Mind you, that's just based on people who have had "same sex experiences". Not identifying as gay or queer on it's on.

But I'll be nice and kind and assume that did mean they identified as gay.

Now I'm going by that map. It says 5 percent of people in California identify as LGBT.

I'm gonna give two percent of that to queer men. I think that's fair right?

So if there are 40 million people in California. I'm gonna say 20 million are men.

20 million divided by the two percent of queer men.

Which is 40,000. I'll be nice and say that maybe during the figuring and calculations and exceptions are added and such, and round that up to 50,000.

That's still quite a low number still.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

Does that make you feel more isolated or is it just something else to bitch about? Why would it matter if there are 70 gay black men on the planet or 452 billion? All you need is one to date, if casual is your thing let's say 50 to fuck, and maybe 10 friends? I dunno what else to tell ya but other than the street booty hoes who have to travel across 3 counties to find someone they haven't already fucked, I can't imagine why the population size is relevant.

Because it gives you motivation and time to settle down.

Especially as I am looking for love.

Straight men have many women to choose from and still be optimistic.

Straight women can have that "Someday my prince will come" attitude, due to the amount of men that would come to them.

With gay men, it's just a low number, and it seems scary.

That's including men who are closeted, don't' want relationships, only want hookups,

Also the fact gay men have preferences and needs and wants as well, and woudln't find you attractive for friendships or whatever. Hence the whole point of this thread. Smh.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I hang out with people I mesh with. Which includes (yes) effeminate homosexuals. Guys I've had minimal interaction with a thousand miles away, not so much.

I'm saying generally. If I met you IRL, based on my attitude from this forum. Then what?

Of course I wouldn't. Because I don't fucking know you. There are currently a thousand people at hospitals within a ten mile radius that I ain't visiting, either. Not because I think I'm too good for them, but because I don't know them.

I'm saying generally. If I met you IRL, based on my attitude from this forum. Then what?

I know of at least three dozen gay guys in my area, and I'm only friends - as in "visit in the hospital" friends - with maybe half a dozen. And I'm cool with the others. Just never ended up connecting in any meaningful way. And I can't imagine Denver has more gays than LA.

Well it's hard for me to connect to people.

Get this shit though;

I'm saying generally. If I met you IRL, based on my attitude from this forum. Then what?

I spent at least seven years as an advisor on Empty Closets, helping LGBTQ youth and adults across the globe. That includes suicide watches and lengthy semi-therapy sessions. But happy to have had your hypothetical help.

I been banned from Emptyclosets five times, so I don't know.

My usernames were Domosuke, Outphase, Boaxy, Offset and Suomi.

It's precisely the same. The bear spot was just a big bar that served food. It wasn't a get-to-know-your-neighbor event. We went, got a booth, ordered, chatted, and went home.

It's not. At the bear bar, it's more queer male inclusive. So there is no excuse, none at all for that shit.

Is this the real issue? Because yeah, there's no excuse for the former, although "I don't feel like it" is a completely valid excuse gor the latter. I'm on another site where I've gotten a ton of "friend requests" but only accepted four. Just because I'm not interested in building friendships there.

I see. But the shady and rude attitude is not needed.

No. I wouldn't hang out with a straight guy who approached me like that, either, though. My friendships have all developed fairly organically, I think.

Lex

Of course not, because you seem like a wishy washy and wicked man anyways. You give this friendly facade online, but I see right through all that shit.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is it hard for gay men to network?

And yet we have black people in government and owning businesses, and gay people in tv, movies and music and we can now get married. I'm not going to waste my font telling you to appreciate not living in a country where you can be stoned to death just for someone thinking you're gay, let alone having proof, because I know your cup is eternally half-empty, and the water in the cup is room temperature, and the cup is kind of dirty, and the waitress who brought it to you was such a bitch, and you don't even like this restaurant, and you're missing an episode of Love and Hip Hop so you don't even wanna be here in the first place, and their lettuce isn't non-GMO and the carpet pattern is.... ok even faking it I can't muster THAT much negativity.

You think you're the first person to experience challenges in life? Eating disorders, cancer, divorced parents, disease, poverty. there are lots of people in the world who have shitty situations but the difference between them and you is they don't spend every waking moment seeking out misery like it's the last piece of edible food on Earth. You don't make threads to discuss anything, you make them so you can "educate" us about how the world sucks and nothing good ever happens and no one will ever be happy and blah blah blah. With a personality like that you can't possibly be egotistical enough to think the problem is everyone else, that we're all just too stupid to realize how sad we are. Even if that's the case, is it any worse than being smart and miserable?

You know what else makes it hard to network? Anxiety. Stuttering. Being ugly. Being too fat. Being too skinny. I hate to sound like one of those cheesy bosses at orientation but the key word there is WORK. It's not easy, it's not meant to be easy that's why it's work. If it was easy everyone would do it. You could do it in spite of being gay and black, but gosh then you'd have to find something else to whine about.

Lol. You know what, I needed that, your right.

The only issue is, you add being black and gay to all of that. Then what?

My mother died when I was 9, and my identical twin brother died when he was 14.

I'm 27 now and I feel so alone and I don't have anybody to turn to. I really wish I had a boyfriend.

I'm autistic, and I hate my high voice and my speaking voice, and have other mental disorders such as being bipolar. It sucks.

The fact I'm gay and black as well, makes things harder though.

 

[72-Jay]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I been banned from Emptyclosets five times, so I don't know.

Five
Other than the homepage, I've been blocked in such a way that I can't see anything but an Error 403 .. I don't even have to try logging in to get the error, just click any link on the page. (don't even know what I did there to get that sorta block/ban)
Weird thing is, it still occasionally sends one of those thread-update emails...


-------

Of course not, because you seem like a wishy washy and wicked man anyways. You give this friendly facade online, but I see right through all that shit.

Actually Lex is a nice guy in person.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

Because it gives you motivation and time to settle down.

Especially as I am looking for love.

Straight men have many women to choose from and still be optimistic.

Straight women can have that "Someday my prince will come" attitude, due to the amount of men that would come to them.

With gay men, it's just a low number, and it seems scary.

That's including men who are closeted, don't' want relationships, only want hookups,

Also the fact gay men have preferences and needs and wants as well, and woudln't find you attractive for friendships or whatever. Hence the whole point of this thread. Smh.

This just in to the news room..... life doesn't always suck! When you're focused on the right things you become the type of person others gravitate towards for friendship and romance. It's good that you have this forum to vent but if you're even a fraction of a percentage of a portion as negative in person as you are here, I can't imagine anyone enjoying your company except a narcissist too self-absorbed to notice your disposition, or someone really dark and sinister who probably used to torture their cats with matches.

You know what you could be doing instead of always whining about how terrible the world is because you're black and gay, you could be learning a new language, working towards a masters degree, helping a village in South America build a medical center, biking, wine-tasting, apple-picking, there's more to do in this world than even the richest person could cram into a lifetime, things that uplift and enrich your experience, put you in the company of other people with similar interests who want more than to fuck, you could make greet friends maybe even a boyfriend. OR... you can sit on JUB all day singing this ballad we've heard remixed a dozen times since you joined.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

Of course not, because you seem like a wishy washy and wicked man anyways. You give this friendly facade online, but I see right through all that shit.

Worst. Judge. Of. Character. Ever. Lex is arguably the nicest person on JUB, in the hottest hot button issues when even the cool-heads have lost their shit Lex is still there, sensible and composed. And very friendly. You assume it's a facade because you wouldn't trust Jesus Christ himself if he offered you wine yo u'd think he put poison in it because he secretly hates you for being a black homo. I really hope you're not one of those weirdos who dates an abusive jerk because you feel like you never have to worry about the other foot coming down cuz it's already down, and stomping you in the face, spares you the inevitable let-down moment when the good guy sheds his skin. God please don't be that.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

This just in to the news room..... life doesn't always suck! When you're focused on the right things you become the type of person others gravitate towards for friendship and romance. It's good that you have this forum to vent but if you're even a fraction of a percentage of a portion as negative in person as you are here, I can't imagine anyone enjoying your company except a narcissist too self-absorbed to notice your disposition, or someone really dark and sinister who probably used to torture their cats with matches.

Well I don't know. You make that sound so bad. Not everyone is perfect.

You know what you could be doing instead of always whining about how terrible the world is because you're black and gay, you could be learning a new language, working towards a masters degree, helping a village in South America build a medical center, biking, wine-tasting, apple-picking, there's more to do in this world than even the richest person could cram into a lifetime, things that uplift and enrich your experience, put you in the company of other people with similar interests who want more than to fuck, you could make greet friends maybe even a boyfriend. OR... you can sit on JUB all day singing this ballad we've heard remixed a dozen times since you joined.

So all of that to you makes you a good person?

I'm not in the mood to learn a second language right now. I'm just not motivated.

I do like languages though. I love Japanese, Spanish and German. I just don't have the time or attitude to learn them right now.

I dropped out of college/university, and I'm not going back. I don't know what to study. A masters degree does not mean you're a smart person either.

I have my hobbies which are hip hop dancing, breakdancing, and doing gymnastics and dance.

I love urban music and R&B and hip hop music and house and disco and jazz and funk. I like collecting vinyl music records.

I'm kinda ghetto and black and feminine, but I'm into more bear and roughneck bigger type guys who don't like me.

I would like to try other stuff, just I'm more comfortable around queer men, who don't' like me ass so you see why I"m in this infinite vortex?

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Why is it hard for gay men to network?

Lol. You know what, I needed that, your right.

The only issue is, you add being black and gay to all of that. Then what?

My mother died when I was 9, and my identical twin brother died when he was 14.

I'm 27 now and I feel so alone and I don't have anybody to turn to. I really wish I had a boyfriend.

I'm autistic, and I hate my high voice and my speaking voice, and have other mental disorders such as being bipolar. It sucks.

The fact I'm gay and black as well, makes things harder though.

Use some of that melanin, why don'tcha? Before you expect anyone to bask in your radiance you need to enter the phase of life where refinement begins. teenage years -mid 20s we think the problem is everyone else, once you approach 30 you start to see yourself for who you really are and not the crown-wearing, cancer-curing, 6'11, bullet-proof mathematician/scientist/archaeologist/coach/motivational speaker/know-it-all that you thought you were.

All I'm sayin is our ancestors dealt with a helluva lot worse, not to invalidate your experience rather as a reminder of what we are capable off with a lil elbow grease.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I'm saying generally. If I met you IRL, based on my attitude from this forum. Then what?

No way of knowing. Next time I'm in Los Angeles, let's grab a drink and find out, shall we? (I was just there a few weeks ago to visit some friends - no idea when I'll head back out that way.)

Well it's hard for me to connect to people.

I don't form bonds that well, either. I tend to be a bit oblivious to my surroundings, enjoying what's going on in my brain, so sometimes I miss out on opportunities right in front of me. I've managed to get a decent stable of friends, though.

I been banned from Emptyclosets five times, so I don't know.

QPWC

It's not. At the bear bar, it's more queer male inclusive. So there is no excuse, none at all for that shit.

Um, it was at this one. If it was an icebreaker, a big party, an underwear night...sure. It wasn't. It was like five o'clock on a Wednesday.

Of course not, because you seem like a wishy washy and wicked man anyways. You give this friendly facade online, but I see right through all that shit.

I'm unclear why you think so many guys are such assholes...and how upsetting it is that we won't befriend you. It kind of reminds me of back when I was a judge for an artistic thing here in town. It seemed everybody whose artwork I rejected found me a clueless bitchy philistine...but if I accepted them the next year, I became a true patron of the arts, and a real asset to the scene.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

I love urban music and R&B and hip hop music and house and disco and jazz and funk. I like collecting vinyl music records.

See, there we go. There's our common ground, where we might mesh. You come to Denver, come over and I'll break out my disco and funk 45s, or go to one of several funk and soul vinyl parties that I like going to.

Lex

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is the gay community not accepting of alternative lifestyles/personalities?

See, there we go. There's our common ground, where we might mesh. You come to Denver, come over and I'll break out my disco and funk 45s, or go to one of several funk and soul vinyl parties that I like going to.

Lex

I also like guys into music I fucking hate. I can't stand fucking hard rock and metal music and all most emotional rock music. But if a guy I like is into that shit, then I don't care.

 

[Taralen]

Re: Why is it hard for gay men to network?

Use some of that melanin, why don'tcha? Before you expect anyone to bask in your radiance you need to enter the phase of life where refinement begins. teenage years -mid 20s we think the problem is everyone else, once you approach 30 you start to see yourself for who you really are and not the crown-wearing, cancer-curing, 6'11, bullet-proof mathematician/scientist/archaeologist/coach/motivational speaker/know-it-all that you thought you were.

All I'm sayin is our ancestors dealt with a helluva lot worse, not to invalidate your experience rather as a reminder of what we are capable off with a lil elbow grease.

Yeah, but I'm getting impatient and unmotivated.

The type of guys I like, being bear guys and bigger full figured roughneck guys, if I were anything but gay and black, I could have and want.

 

[Georgiadude]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

Of course straights and gays can be friends. I have several straight friends and we hang out and do the stuff friends do. Im closer to some than I am with the others the same goes for my gay friends. I really dont get why this is such an issue for you. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it can't work out for others. I think you're speaking in very broad generalities. everyone is different and we have different experiences. Just because you assume straights and gays can't be friends doesn't mean that others can't. That's your experience... not mine.

Steven

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Why is it hard for gay men to network?

Yeah, but I'm getting impatient and unmotivated.

The type of guys I like, being bear guys and bigger full figured roughneck guys, if I were anything but gay and black, I could have and want.

I see LOTS of couples like that.

 

[NotHardUp1]

Re: Can gay and straight men be friends?

^ Maybe you're not adding enough subtext.

"Can a flaming gay man be friends with phenotypically straight men?"

If you add the subtext and make it all impossible, it becomes impossible.

It also becomes impossible if you use your persona to trigger straight homophobia instead of allow vanilla straight men to find some common ground and learn friendship with someone very different.

There are all sorts of gays, all sorts of straights, and all sorts of friendships. They all have to be developed, as any friendship.