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Think of a Song About Masturbating

We've had a lot of good shows in town lately. I saw these guys (for the first time) just last Thursday, and while I expect it's all in my mind (and pants), it seemed to me all their songs were about masturbating. At least, I'm pretty sure these three are. What do you think?

Skank/Wank on, my fellow Onanists!


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H59UP1jUH7Q"]Jerry/Not Again/Miss Michigan Mustard Plug[/ame]


'What were you thinking when you took all these lives in your hand...' ~ Jerry

'Got to learn just to let it go/Instead of fighting the undertow...' ~ Not Again

'Well, I've done it before, and I'll do it again/I've seen the path, and I've seen the end/I've said it before, and I'll say it again/I think I'm better off just dating Miss Michigan...' ~ Miss Michigan
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All Reved Up With No Place To Go by Meatloaf
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJANJEAKic0&feature=related"]do ya know what it's like[/ame]
all reved up with no place to go?

Sweating Bullets by Megadeth
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOnKCcjP8Qs"]my palms are getting wet[/ame]

5 Minutes Alone by Pantera
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m7njvwB-Ks"]I've spilled my guts out... [/ame]
taken advantage of because you know where I've cum...
 
^_^ Yo, Yo, Yo, I think there's a moral to all these stories, and it just might be...

'“Good girls (boys) go to heaven, but the bad girls (boys) go everywhere,” somebody told me...'

Or, then again, it could be, simply, “Don't let your meat loaf!” *|*


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kZ2ufuKob0"]Pandora's Box, 1989[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPTblJlTUX4"]Meatloaf, 1993[/ame]


'Hey Johnny, Johnny, why are you shaking?/When a boy should do whatever he can/You've been nothing but an angel every day of your life/And now you wonder what it's like to be damned...

'You don't have a lot, but it's all that you've got/And you can turn it into more than it seems/Just give it a shot/Fantasize every movement/And imagine every inch of your dreams...

'Every time I try and dream you/I can't believe how hard it's been to/Conjure up your face/And trace your body in the air/All the seconds go on forever/But the third and fourth ones are even better/Every time I do it just a little bit longer/Every time I dream/It's just a little bit stronger than real life...' ~ Jim Steinman, The Mastur of Li-bations and Cheese(amonies)
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[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJWM52RS7Cg"]Thinking of You A Perfect Circle[/ame]


^_^ This is the much better sounding, album version of the song cos VEVO totally fucked the sound – and, most moronically, the picture – of a once, really good video that would have tied in well with the previous one I posted from Pandora's Box. But here it is anyway, in its pathetically wrecked state...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUiFBp6cCV8"]Thinking of You, VEVO Fuckers![/ame]


'Lying all alone and restless/Unable to lose this image/Sleepless, unable to focus on/Anything, but your surrender/Tugging a rhythm to the vision that's in my head/Tugging a beat to the sight of you lying/So delighted with a new understanding/Something about a little evil that makes that/Unmistakable noise
I was hearing/Unmistakable sound I know so well/Spent and sighing with that look in your eyes/Spent and sighing with that look on your face like/Sweet revelation, sweet surrendering/Sweet revelation, sweet.../Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking/Sweet revelation, sweet surrendering/Sweet revelation...' ~ Maynard – the first of his several, excellent songs with several, different bands that touch on the subject of masturbating, that I probably will end up, having to post myself – who else here is a fan of Green Jelly/Jello, Puscifer, Tapeworm or Tool, for example?
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Who remembers vinyl records, LPs, reel-to-reel tape recorders...? They're all making a comeback in the aftermath of the Age of MIDI.

Here's couple of old 'Fairlights,' sitting around in their outrageously expensive, analogue splendor. And an E-MU II Emulator, a Yamaha DX1 Electric Piano, amplifiers, speakers... all humming in the background at 60 cycles per second...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XL2CsXZgKg&fmt=18"]The Old Grey Whistle Test, 1986 or so[/ame]


'And you wait till later/Till later tonight/You wait till later, till later/Till later tonight/And tonight always comes...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk40vUaJS60"]Wembley Arena, London, 1989[/ame]


'And you wait till later/Till later tonight/Sooner or later, or later/Later tonight/Cos tonight always comes...'
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[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSDiKx1nzWg"]Blind Vision Blancmange[/ame]


'Blind hope/Blind vision/Blind centre/One centre/Blind living/And seeing/Blind hell, blind hell/Blind visions/And no reasons/For actions/Blind words/Blind visions/And no reasons/For actions/Blind words/Words/Worlds/Apart...

'Blind visions/And no reasons/No reasons/For actions/In a dream, when I'm reading pages full of words/And the harder you look/It's getting hard/It's getting hard/It's not/A dream's a dream/In a dream, when I'm reading pages/Pages full of words/It's/It's getting hard/It's not/It's not/It/It/It's getting harder/Ooh/It's getting hard...

'Hold me closer now/Hold me closer/Blind vision/Pull me harder now/Harder, pull me harder/Blind hell/Keep me spinning/Round and round/Blind centre/Keep me turning/Miles above the ground/Blind hell/We're/Worlds/Apart/Ah/Ah/Ah/Ah/Ah/Ah/Ah/Ah/Ooh/Ooh/Ooh/Ooh/Ooh/Ooh/ Ooh/Ooh/Uh/Uh/Uh/Uh/Uh/Uh/Uh/Uh/Ooh/Ooh/Ooh/Ooh/Uh/Uh/Ah...

'Blind visions/And no reasons/For actions/Blind words/Pull me harder now/Harder, pull me harder/It's blind hell/Keep me spinning/Round and round/Blind centre/Keep me turning/Round and round/It's blind hell/Blind visions/And no reason/For actions/Blind words/Blind visions/And no reason/For actions/That's blind words...' <light hand of applause> “Thanks very much”
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Here's yet another song that, in reality, is probably about drugs instead of...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snILjFUkk_A"]Never Let Me Down Again Dépêche Mode[/ame]


'I'm taking a ride with my best friend/I hope he never lets me down again/He knows where he's taking me/Taking me where I want to be/I'm taking a ride with my best friend...'

These next two are somewhat less ambiguous... But, really, who knows? Who cares? I'm just digging those crazy synthesizers!



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2objMR_gUk"]But Not Tonight Dépêche Mode[/ame]


'The moon/Is shining in the sky/Reminding me/Of so many other nights/But they're not like tonight.../Oh, God, it's raining/And I'm not containing/My pleasure at being/So wet/Here on my own/All on my own/How good it feels to be alone/Tonight.../And I haven't felt so alive/In years...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIrm0dHbCDU"]Strangelove Dépêche Mode[/ame]


'There'll be days/When I'll stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practice what I preach/I'm not trying to think/I'll have it all my way/I'm always willing to learn/When you've got something to teach/Oh, I'll make it all worthwhile/I'll make your heart smile...' ~ David Gahan (Ugh! Jesus! Even Jim Steinman isn't that over-the-top!)

Again, for vids that come up 'Enabling disabled by request,' just click the 'link' (song title/artist) at the top of the video window frame. Cheers!
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Well, Shit (or 'She-it,' as we'uns say in Mur'lyn)! I feel as if I ain't done posted a Kuntree Toon in a coon's age, so how's about it?

Yee Haw, y'all!


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIqttbRlJUQ"]Dear Penis Rodney Carrington[/ame]
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How-dee!


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V26jNIUWJw"]Masturbation Blues David Allan Coe[/ame]


No comment, you Outlaw, Red Neck Mothers if there are any on JUB ;) – if so, you know who you are! But heed this man! He's been to prison, after all, and surely knows what he's talking about.

Now, who wants to hear Cum Stains on the Pillow (On the Middle of the Bed), or Fucking in the Butt?
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Way-ell, now, Waylon, looky here, it says this song was written by one 'R Carrington' and a certain 'DA Coe.' Now, ain't that sumthin? Who'd a-figgered?


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sS_STVCRsyM"]Too Much Sex, Too Little Jesus Drive-by Truckers[/ame]


'Too much sex, too little Jesus/Too much sex, too little Jesus/Too much sex, too little Jesus...

'Stop that dope smoking/Stop that masturbation/Take the Lord into your heart/And stop that fornication/We're buildin' us an army/Gonna knock out Satan/Visa or MasterCard/Our operators are waitin'...'
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Wut Ho, mis amigos?

Well, you – all three or four of you, that is, my 'constant weeders,' er... 'readers' – probably saw this coming a mile away, so let's just get it out of the way, and later pretend it never happened, OK? My best advice is, stay drunk for the next week.

¡Feliz Navidad!


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P37xPiRz1sg"]Merry Christmas from the Family Robert Earl Keen Jr[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdRcgGQVJF8&fmt=18"]C H R I S T M A S The Vandals[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSkOMU_4suQ"]Christmas Time For My Penis The Vandals[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WO-J5xLqXc&fmt=18"]White Christmas Stiff Little Fingers[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqfZUX5svCg"]Fuck Christmas Eric Idle[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bJvAU3RZWU"]Merry Fucking Christmas Mr Garrison[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gddlNth2-_A"]Yes, Kenny, there is a... Mr Hankey[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aEEhN7_ZTw"]Mistress for Christmas AC/DC[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKcwjs4iZc8&fmt=18"]Silent Night The Dickies[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZInrcEM5V0"]Little Drummer Boy Bright Eyes[/ame]


*|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*
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'Oh, when we come...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYM7UZclvOI"]It's Christmas Again King Diamond[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=In3sApWlY1s"]Santa Claws Alice Cooper[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a5fHMlb4V0"]No Presents for Christmas King Diamond[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsFTBNqWDV8"]Christmas with the Devil Spinal Tap[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoJS_95HWGI"]Homo Christmas Pansy Division[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC3hJJCkAMw"]Oi to the World The Vandals[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-d-Vg3wzLnI"](China?) White Christmas GNR & AXL?[/ame]


Real or fake?


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkYED6vtHBk&fmt=18"]T.Rexmas[/ame]


1972 fanclub 'flexidisc'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgOqKTmPejg&fmt=18"]Supersonic Christmas Finale[/ame]


December19, 1976, Theatre Royal, Drury Lane (in the presence of HRH Princess Margaret)


*|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|* *|*
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'There's a party in my pants/And I want you all to come <Boop bah, nowanna bop bop>...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXA7yklaANo&fmt=18"]Party in My Pants Barnes & Barnes[/ame]


And this is just for lagniappe, as they say in New Orleans...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_-qGc5cAT4&fmt=18"]Touch Yourself Barnes & Barnes[/ame]


Now, get ready for two weeks of even more silly than usual postings from me! Feel free to join in, however...

Happy Christmahanukahkwanzaaum! (The 'Aum' bit is for the Buddha, BTW, whose 'enlightenment' – Bodhi – also is celebrated in December.)
.
 
´


.............................. Captain Beefheart: 'Lick My Decals Off, Baby!'



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zc0QkQWl4w[/ame]




Rather than I want to hold your hand,
I wanna swallow you whole
'n I wanna lick you everywhere it's pink
'n everywhere you think
Whole kit 'n kaboodle 'n the kitchen sink
Heaven's sexy as hell
Life is integrated,
Goes together so well
'n so on
Well, I'm gonna go on 'n do my washing
Well, now you may think I'm crazy but I want you to
Lick my decals off baby
'n I don't want you to be lazy
'cause it's drivin' me crazy
'n this song ain't no sing-song
It's all about the birds 'n the bees
'n where it went all wrong
'n where it all belongs
'n the earth all go down on their knees
lookin' for ah little ease
She stuck out her toungue 'n the fun begun
She stuck out her toungue 'n the fun begun
She stuck it out at me, 'n I just thumbed my nose
'n went on washing my clothes



1970. From the same-named album - which some critics rank
even higher than the freaky 'Trout Mask Replika'. (My Van Vliet
top faves are the early 'Safe As Milk', the late 'Dog at the Radar
Station'; plus the bluesy 'Clear Spot' & 'Spotlight Kid' (1972,
available together on one DVD.))

´
 
´

................................ 'Neue Deutsche Welle' , early eighties:


................................ Der Moderne Man(n) - Blaue Matrosen



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFyzL674eDE[/ame]




................................ Late thirties:

................................ Zarah Leander - 'Heut' abend lad' ich mir die Liebe ein'



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vHnRmlSSuM[/ame]




............................... Roaring Twenties:

............................... Paul O'Montis: Was hast du für Gefühle, Moritz ?



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGcr-wZ_s3M[/ame]




.............................................. The Revelers: 'Blue Room'



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0AuFAvjnG4&playnext=1&list=PL1D8454E1027A9B26&index=69[/ame]

´
 
hungprep said:
................... 1972 fanclub 'flexidisc'....
Click to expand...



...................... Not bad. But I prefer Sha-Na-Na... .... (!)


[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDxaLLwyr6I[/ame]




.................................................... ....and 'The Smiths'



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3hSDODDNs4[/ame]

´
 
´


............................................. Wire - live in Germany, 1979



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL_tKYL0UDs[/ame]




......................................................... I hide my shaking
......................................................... Thus protect my pride
......................................................... I can surely manage
......................................................... To tremble inside
......................................................... Gathering myself
......................................................... And spreading it around




´
 
^_^ Wow! Vielen Dank für das, Barolojoe, ich bin praktisch sprachlos. Was für eine breite – und gelehrt – Spektrum der Musik! (Haben Sie traf Meister ShihTzu Tylenol, durch Zufall?) Vielleicht ist jetzt, werden einige der älteren Mitglieder der JUB haben Grund mehr, in diesem Thread posten.

But I, too, enjoy older forms of music – by which I mean, 'jazz standards' and popular music from the first half of the twentieth century, and not just 'classic rock from the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties,' as they say on the radio. In fact, I just might surprise you in the next few days with a couple I've had in mind to post for a while...

In the meantime, here are three German songs from the more recent past that definitely fit the bill. The first one was wildly popular in Germany when I visited six years ago – everywhere we went, people knew all the words and would lustily sing along – and I had intended to post it here last summer – found a good video on YouTube, translated the lyrics and everything – but just when I went to double check the vid, this is what I got...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm50AjtVvmE"]Masturbation in der Sonne Mutabor[/ame]


So, I scrapped my plans in the hope the band soon would resolve the issue, but as they apparently haven't yet, here's the only other video on YouTube that more or less contains the whole song, as you can see... Which is to say, you can't really see much of anything, including the fact the lead singer looks a little like a more scrawny Zach de la Rocha (Rage Against the Machine; One Day As a Lion) – complete with dreadlocks...

Live, Objekt 5, Halle, Deutschland, 11 Oktober 2009


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji1Ewm_sWZk"]Masturbation in der Sonne Mutabor[/ame]


'Masturbation in der Sonne/Was für eine Wonne/Wie geil is' das denn?.../Ich lege selber Hand an mich/Und spüre dabei keine Pflicht/Lass den Hormonen freien Lauf/Ich nehm auch euren Spott in Kauf/Ich muss nicht mal alleine sein/Nein, ich tue es am liebsten im Frei'n/Gefalle mir als Bürgerschreck/Wenn ich mir danach die Finger leck/Ich machs mir selbst/Das tut nicht weh/Ich machs mir selbst/Und tu dabei keinem weh...'

'Masturbation in the sun/What a delight/How cool is that, then?.../I take myself in hand/And thereafter feel no inhibition/Let the hormones run free/I also accept your mockery/But I don't have to be all by myself/No, I'd rather do it with somebody else/Who liked me for my free spirit/And if I then lick your fingers/I'd do the same to myself/It's harmless/I do it to myself/And it won't hurt you...'

The next one doesn't require much explanation, as the band sings auf englisch and, like Mutabor, also is a German Ska band...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51wBIH3qZpU"]Masturbation BeNuts[/ame]


'Masturbation/All you really need is your hands/Masturbation/You don't have to pay for/Masturbation/And that's what I call independence/Masturbation/Let's have an Independence Day...'

Today's final selection is... Well, here it is! Tell me what you think, Barolojoe, anyone else, about the song(s), my translations of the lyrics, anything else – I don't shy from human contact, you know, just because I indulge in my solitary pursuits...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li2t_XbXaRY"]Alles aus Liebe Die Toten Hosen[/ame]


'Sobald deine Laune etwas schlechter ist/Bild ich mir gleich ein, dass du mich nicht mehr willst/Ich sterbe beim Gedanken daran/Dass ich dich nicht für immer halten kann/Auf einmal brennt ein Feuer in mir/Und der Rest der Welt wird schwarz/Ich spür wie unsere Zeit verrinnt/Wir nähern uns dem letzten Akt/Und alles nur, weil ich dich liebe/Und ich nicht weiß, wie ich's beweisen soll/Komm, ich zeig dir, wie groß meine Liebe ist/Und bringe mich für dich um...'

'When your mood turns slightly worse/I picture a time when you no longer want me/I die at the thought that/I cannot keep it up forever/Suddenly, a fire is stoked in me/And the rest of the world goes black/I feel like our time is running out/We are approaching the last act/And it's all because I love you/And I do not know how to prove it/Come, I'll show you how great my love is/And I'll kill for you...'

That's it for now. Genießen Sie alle! Viel Spaß! Tschüss!
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^_^ Ivor Biggun and the Deathly Hallows

(It's been posted before; use 'Search this thread' if you don't want to bother reading the whole thing through – and can't say I blame you, BTW; did you ever get a look at the size of those Harry Potter books? Oi! – Vay!)

But that's a story for another thread – and possibly a whole other Website ('a hole' indeed, but also, without going into details… been there, done that).

So, what moral can we take from this song? That 'there will always be an England?'

Well, we already know that, but what exactly is that green and pleasant land anyway? A nation of… Shopkeepers? If so, would that be just another word for… Wankers, do you suppose?


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UbApLud2Po"]Have a Wank Kunt and the Gang[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FBwTuJLlu0"]Let's Have a Wank for England Kunt and the Gang[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zjdyg3mxmV0"]Wank the Dog Kunt and the Gang[/ame]


And that's how England won the war!

<Puts on a bowler hat, scowls and defiantly juts out his lower lip, pretends to hold a cigar in one hand, while throwing the 'V' sign with the other, and declaims in orotund, plummy tones> Churchill said, 'We shall not flag or fail, but go on to the very end! We shall do it on the beaches… We shall do it on the landing strips, in the fields and in the hills… We shall do it in the towns and in the streets… We shall do it on the rooftops… And when we do it, we shall never stop! God save the queens!'

Any questions?
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