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Think of a Song About Masturbating

Not scared now, but I could've been a little while ago, couldn't I?




I should control this empty delusion
If one's cum-running, my eyes should be open

Cum, cum, cum to my bitterly sweet melody.
 
Two more on a slightly different tip, though they kind of tie it all together...

First up, a pretty much self-explanatory nod to GWAR... and the Pentagon/Pentagram


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r39f1lKQV9U"]Masturbating the War God Nile[/ame]


Second, an ugly slug of revisionist foulness from the Cursed One himself


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVfeLavkFso"]Bullet The Misfits[/ame]


'The dirt's gonna be your dessert/My cum be your life source/And the only way to get it/Is to suck or fuck/Or be poor and devoid/And masturbate me/Masturbate me/Then slurp it from your palm/Like a dry desert/Soaking up rain/Soaking up sun...' ~ Glenn Danzig, Spawn of Satan

Happy Hallowe'en, all you bloodthirsty, psycho fucks! Ah oohh...
.
 
Final, last tunage to dance in the Witching Hour...

Hope your party is/was as much fun as mine – and I have school tomorrow! Ee yow!


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PR61UVA3gZk&feature=related"]The Hippy Hippy Shake Swinging Blue Jeans[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKJ_X89iRfU&feature=related"]The Hippy Hippy Shake Chan Romero[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG7BB6ZtAWc&feature=related"]Yeah Yeah The Revillos[/ame]


If you have to ask what these tunes have to do with masturbation, well, you just have no imagination.

Dance Naked!
.
 
Back to the theme of songs about 'Touching Me, Touching You'...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-a6pb9fwr0"]Squeeze[/ame]


'I'm always touching myself/I've got nothing else to do/And when I'm touching myself/I'm always thinking of you/Touching me, touching you/And I've got nothing else to do, ooh...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neD2rY4eBKo&feature=related"]Alphabeat[/ame]


'I'd like to get to know you, Baby/Touch me, touching you/If that's what you wanna do/You have to/Touch me, touching you...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igFwFm9b6m4&feature=related"]Chrome[/ame]


'Featuring' Damon Edge – Nuff said, though, fuck, I always thought he was Chrome...

Next, from House and Garage (a new Condé Nast magazine – sorry, only available in the UK) ;)


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2ybF9yvKb4&feature=related"]DMT[/ame]


'Touch you in the morning/Touch you in the morning/Touch you in the morning/Yeah...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF56rVkFwPk&feature=fvw"]Dicso Music[/ame]


Rui da Silva remix (2000), featuring the fabulous Cassandra Fox, everyone...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr5XRKocc_Q&feature=related"]Dubwise Remix[/ame]


Luke Holden and Tony Fizzle, 2009 – <Low Frequency Geek Alert> CTK4x4 bass line on the video edit (it's a little like sitting on a sub woofer in the backseat of a tricked out Chevy Nova...)


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk9hd4Z9W7s&feature=related"]KD Posse Remix[/ame]


Totally Sick! Auto Tune pitch shifting done right! Touch Me!

Finally, it's All Souls Day, all you sinners, so put down your dicks for a moment, and assume a more prayerful attitude...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMYBQeukrJk"]New Order[/ame]


'I never looked at you in a sexual way/In my life before/But I've never woken up like this/So desperately before...

'And I was touched/By the hand of God/Never knew it/But, of course, I was...'

Video directed by Kathryn Bigelow (The Loveless). Starring that famous, eighties synth band, Sirhan Sirhan...

Man, did I ever have a headache when I woke up this morning!
.
 


'Nuff said.





































But just in case you get the right idea:

Slinky slimy lotus eaters jeepers creepers get a load of those peepers

he slip she slide she don't know why she hide

these are the people in your neighbourhood,
She slips she slides she don't know why she hide,
Poking peeking sneaking cheating sniffing sliding,
A running and hiding

Creeping crawling feeling and mauling,
Fickle little tickles brains like pickles​
 
Two by 'They Might Be Weenies'...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8sCanf29Q8"]Touch My Tooter Ween[/ame]


'Buddy, why's my brain so muddy?/Why do I feel like putty/When she walks into the room?/Touch my tooter, Smoocher/Sonny, it ain't all milk and honey/And I don't think it's funny/When she starts that groove/Baby, ain't it lazy?/And I don't think it's crazy/When you think it's all smooth/Touch my tooter, Smoocher/Ahhh.../Yeaahh/Gimme 'at/Le' me lick it/Le' me/Ahhh.../Yeah/Touch my tooter, Boozer...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqmwTcroUmo&feature=related"]Mr Richard Smoker Ween[/ame]


'Mister Richard Smoker, you're a chicken choker/Tonight, you're gonna let it all hang out/Pantyhose and Aqua-net/Smoking menthol cigarettes/Tonight, we'll tango in the street/You eat/Dark meat/Biddley bah boo, biddley bah boo, biddley bah boo bow/Smoke/Yeah!'
.
 
You'd think I'd be aburrido by now... and I am. But I'm so aburrido that this is fee fi fo, fun for me.

Tit for fap.



Je rêve à toi
à mes heures perdues

L'hôtel est coi
Les volets rabattus

Combien des heures sont perdues comme ca, trop je crois. Mais, faut il combattre feu avec fou dans ce cas?
 
I saw these guys last August in Baltimore when they were on tour with Apocalytica (Cellos!). And while I don't think they did this song, they were – in an overused word – amazing, especially the drummer who had a twin kick-drum setup like Slayer's Dave Lombardo (whom I saw a week later). The game, depicted in the video – while awesome :) in its own right – has nothing to do with the song, which is more about some of the less fun (and far less convincing), metaphysical implications of 'masutaabeshon'...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geGZrWzL4wA"]ピンクキラー Pink Killer Dir en grey[/ame]


'Bust daiichi no kimi/Chimeiteki ketsubetsu noirohze/Bust daini no kimi/Wa kuranke tsuke de mo masutaabeshon/Bust daisan no kimi/Shokkaku kirete danchi/Bust daiyon no kimi/Taion wa shinde yuku hennou sekkai...

'Bust daigo no kimi/Ni sanso wo ataezu shinderu/Bust dairoku no kimi/Setsu danmen okashiteku masutaabeshon/Bust dainana no kimi/Hairan kinou ketsuraku kimi/Bust daihachi no kimi/Haisuikou ni daisan zouki...

'Bust daikyuu no kimi/Chimeiteki ketsubetsu doutai/Bust daijuu no kimi/Shikkin nure de mo masutaabeshon/Bust daiichi no boku/Ryuusan majiri no kategoraizu/Bust daiichininsha wa sennou sareteru kanoke zaijuu...

'Giri giri no boku/Fukan jintai/Giri giri no boku/Fuzen jintai/Giri giri no boku/Fushoku jintai/Giri giri no boku/Furan jintai...

'Jintai kara oyobosu aijou/Jintai kara oyobosu kanjou/Jintai kara horobosu kanzou/Jintai kara horobosu taiji...

'Dead and dead, killing child/Dorokeru kara hajikeru kara/Ikimashou...'

Translation:

'Bust You Number One/A fatal neurosis of departure/Bust You Number Two/A long term patient but masturbating/Bust You Number Three/Cut the antennas, cut off the blood/Bust You Number Four/The temperature is dying, cut open that odd brain of yours...

'Bust You Number Five/Dying, deprived of oxygen/Bust You Number Six/Even after the cross section, you're still masturbating/Bust You Number Seven/A tendency for ovulation function failure/Bust You Number Eight/The third organ into the drainage canal...

'Bust You Number Nine/Completely dismember you down to the trunk of your body/Bust You Number Ten/Masturbating, even though you've soiled yourself in your incontinence/Bust Me Number One/Classifying with sulfuric acid/Bust the recognized authority, brainwashed, in a coffin...

'This duty is pushing me to the edge/An unfeeling body/This duty is pushing me to the edge/An incomplete body/This duty is pushing me to the edge/A rotting body/This duty is pushing me to the edge/A decomposing body...

'Affection born from the body/Feelings born from the body/Get rid of the liver from the body/Get rid of the fetus from the body...

'Dead and dead, killing child/Cos they'll melt apart, cos they'll burst/Let's go...'
.
 
Re: Tit for Fap

My heart may have dried, but my brain hasn't. Aburrido? I guess so!

She's right about those Americans though, at least the kind in her video. It'll never work.



You left a note saying 'twas nice stopping by... Now I know I don't mean anything to you.

She's got a new MICROPHONE
She's got a new MICROPHONE
She's got a new MICROPHONE
She doesn't need you(rs) anymore!

Boku no atarashi-mike ga ii, ne? Kikenai noni, o-diensu ga iranai utau no toki ni.
 
^_^ Not yet, Sensei!

<Hee hee> You just did!

'So, I'm packing my bags for the Misty Mountains, where the spirits go, now, over the hills, where the spirits fly...'

Cos the weather here has suddenly turned chilly (especially at night), I, too, wanted to post another metal tune – this one, mostly an instrumental, called, 'Warm Hand on a Cold Night (A Tale of Onesomes)' – by the killer band Cephalic Carnage (from their 2000 album Exploiting Dysfunction), but I discovered, to my dismay, there was no video of any kind available on the Wild Wild Web...

Nevertheless, it begins, 'When you cuddle up to a warm hand on a cold night...'

Instead, I've opted to post two other songs of theirs that'll work – one vid is from a live performance at a local rock club I was not privileged to attend (it was in 2006!).

First up, though, is my answer to dynk's contribution of a week or so ago, and, no, it's not a cover of the Celine Dion song...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjdEUWjl6iU"]Touched by an Angel Cephalic Carnage[/ame]


'The church/Is all powerful/They influence/The entire world/Amass/Great wealth/The pope is like the president/The bible is/A book of rules/Explaining/How to live/The trials/Of those before/Beliefs for you to explore/Priests/Read scripts of faith/Take a vow/Of celibacy/To be pure/A man of god/Not to bring pain on man/For centuries/Imposing their will/Molesting the youth of the world/Exempt from the law/Papal supreme/Scarring their minds/Cure you of sin/Destroy from within/Tormenting their dreams/Touched by an angel/Blessed by the hand of God/Victims/Of clerical abuse/Live in fear/They can't escape/The rage inside/It burns in their minds/Pontiffs/Disregard/The allegations/Settlements/Are paid/He's sent/To a new congregation/To spread his plague/The cycle/Is repeated/Silence/Is their way/Of dealing with it/Another kid/Gets touched/A pedophile is made/For centuries/Imposing their will/Molesting the youth of the world/Exempt from the law/Papal supreme/Scarring their minds/Cure you of sin/Destroy from within/Tormenting their dreams/Touched by an angel/Blessed by the hand of god...'

Next is from a live performance at the Ottobar in Baltimore, May 14, 2006


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uT2XuW82WY&feature=related"]Black Metal Sabbath Cephalic Carnage[/ame]


'Crab cakes? We'll give you crabs!'

'...Is there nothing scared?/Is there nothing pure?...

'Satan, summon kaput ancients/Forces arise/Beelzebub, suck my balls/Beelzebub will suck my balls...'

*|*
.
 
'CA/CD' – one of my favorite bands from my childhood – before I got diagnosed with Dyslexia (see 'scared' in the previous post; that, of course, is supposed to be 'sacred').

Anyhoo, this vid is with the band's original line up – Bon Scott on vocals – live, in Colchester, England, 1978


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQWJog7eYqY&feature=related"]Whole Lotta Rosie AC/DC[/ame]


'Never had a woman/Never had a woman like you/Doing all the things/Doing all the things you do...'

And, just for fun – at least I hope someone besides me enjoys this, too, but as you all should know by now, I'm easily amused (and self-abused)...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlLXniOVmVI&feature=related"]Whole Lotta Willie[/ame]


Original Slayer drummer Dave Lombardo with members of Anthrax (and Megadeth guitar tech Willie G) 'wanking' – I'm not sure what else you'd call it – on AC/DC's 'Whole Lotta Rosie,' during a break in the amazing 20th Anniversary, 'American Carnage Tour' (Slayer, Megadeth and Anthrax), which I got to see when it came to Baltimore on October 3 (as, I think, I already, somewhat immodestly, mentioned – sorry about that).
.
 
Another famous 'Rosie' song...

From a live BBC broadcast, 1978


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgOuWnlTJ7Y"]Rosie Jackson Browne[/ame]


'But Rosie, you're all right/You wear my ring/When you hold me tight/Rosie, that's my thing/When you turn out the light/I've got to hand it to me/Looks like it's me and you again, tonight/Rosie...'
.
 
Whee, who! Or, rather (for this song, not 'Song 2'), 'Wuh, ho!' It's Blur (or, rather, 'blur'), caught 'red-handed,' as it were (or would that be, 'rosy-palmed?')!

Did you see what I just did there? Based on my previous parenthetical asides, you might have thought, when I rhymed 'were' with 'blur,' I was going to add, parenthetically, 'Or would that be 'wur,' but since 'wur' isn't actually a word (or 'wurd') in the English language, I confounded your expectations, by going for the jocular/jugular, whole-point-of-the-punning, title word reference ('Rosie')... <Whee, who!>

Man, is Adderall a great drug, or whut? Jeez...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvzRmi6KqzE"]Villa Rosie blur[/ame]


'Wuh, ho/Wuh, ho/Practice doesn't make perfect, when you're interbreeding/Speaking drivel, can it get confused with heavy breathing?/Mixing drinks at water holes get snarled up in the suburbs/Meandering through this and that, you're suspected of vagueness/When work is done, go to Villa Rosie every night/So <dicey?>/Go form a queue at Villa Rosie every night/So tasty...'
.
 
Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, Come on in – join the circle jerk/group grope... er, party!

So, Denmark eh? I hope you brought some Carlsberg – for the Jarlsberg, of course...

And when 'rosy-fingered Dawn' appears over the 'wine-dark sea,' let's all give Dawn the rosy finger, shall we?

'Rose, Darling, come to me/Snake Mary's gone to bed/All our steaming sounds of love/Cannot disturb her in her night/Or raise her sleeping head/All I ask of you/Is make my wildest dreams come true/No one sees, and no one knows/Rose, Darling, come to me/Snake Mary dreams along/I would guess she's in Detroit/With lots of money in the bank/Although, I could be wrong/You must know it's right/The spore is on the wind tonight/You won't feel it till it grows/Rose, Darling <Rose, Darling> my friend/With only you and what I've found/We'll wear the weary hours down...

'Rose, Darling, come to me/The clock is close at hand/All my empty words of love/Can never screen the flash I feel/Or make you understand/Oh, Honey, can't you see/I know it's real, it's got to be/Why not chase it where it goes/Rose, Darling <Rose, Darling> my friend/With only you and what I've found/We'll wear the weary hours down...' ~ Walter Becker and Donald Fagen


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gD8YGJARmY"]Rose, Darling Steely Dan[/ame]
.
 
^_^ Godley and Creme – there will always be an England...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQr6FYFEjI8"]An Englishman in New York Godley & Creme[/ame]


'I came, I saw/What manner of beast is this?/New York/You talk a little bit left of center/I scream, I shout/New York is throwing its weight about/Walk tall, walk straight/Spit the world right in the eye/The stronger the wood, the straighter the arrow/Dismembered, hopeful, My-Lai veterans, queuing for sleaze/“Sorry, No Dogs, No Fags, No Shriners, and No Amputees”/Sexual athlete applies for audition/Willing to make it in any position/Just one of the extras with blood on their faces/In “Snow White and the Seven Basket Cases”/I'm Happy and Dopey, and dirty in places/No Way Street/No Way Street/No Way Street/Lock up your daughters, Avon crawling...'
.
 
Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Pat Benatar
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JRgHol94Xc"]before I put another notch in my lipstick case[/ame]
*|*you better make sure you get it on my face
 
^_^ On your face, your shoulders, your chest, your arms, but if my aim is any good at all, around your neck...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne3XojNonEU"]Pearl Necklace ZZ Top[/ame]


'She gets a charge out of being so weird/Digs getting downright strange/But I can keep a handle on anything/Just this side of deranged/She was getting bombed/And I was getting blown away/And she held it in her hand/And this is what she had to say/“A pearl necklace”/She want a pearl necklace...'

Next up, it's The Swingin' Medallions, doing their... line dance, live at the Jasper County (SC) Farmers Market, June 18, 2010


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkcd9Ps25eA"]Double Shot of My Baby's Love[/ame]


'It was such a thrill it was hurtin' me <Ooh>/I was sufferin' in ecstasy/He had me turnin' flips and shoutin' out loud <Yee hah>/A sip of his love, and I was walkin' on a cloud/One night a week is plenty enough/It's a good thing for me they don't bottle that stuff <Pop>/Well, my heart begins to fly like a dove/When I take a double shot of my Baby's love...

'Double shot of my Baby's love/Yeah, yeah yeah/Double shot of my Baby's love/Yeah, yeah yeah/A potion that I had too much of/It was a double shot of my Baby's love...'
.
 
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