Think of a Song About Masturbating

[wenchine-mahtapasikan]

I hate today's male R&B, but I love you and this thread.



"I even touch myself sometimes"

 

[hungprep]

Ah, shucks... (Really?)

Ooh, way, oh!

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2XJDeFuYmg"]New Toy Lene Lovich[/ame]


'I want a New Toy <Ooh, way, oh>/To keep my head expanding (Ta)/I want a New Toy <Ooh, way, oh>/Nothing too demanding (Ta)/Then, when everything is in roses/Everything is static (Ta)/Yeah, my New Toy <Ooh, way, oh>/You'll find us in the attic...'
.

 

[wenchine-mahtapasikan]

Your mention of lacrosse took me down memory lane.
In middle school we had two teachers who were as gay for each other as two straights could be. One was Mr. Harding, the other was Mr. Cox. I made a funny about them when we were talking about our school having a mock trial "Mr. Harding calls Mr. Cox to the stand." I thought it was important for you to know that. Mr. Cox mighta been a lax coach. (Hell, every other teacher in our school was.)


I promise we'll talk more later, especially when I get through exams. I'm saving it as a reward for finishing my paper and this fucking physics problem set.

On the more serious side of things:



It's a tangential, but relevant, topic, and a grave one.

Hope that wasn't too much of a downer. I'll post a happier one when I get back, hopefully one that is more diverse from my last ones (I'm just now noticing the pattern.)

 

[hungprep]

Back to the question of one's being in the hands of angels for a mo...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tz6VMmEYOso&a=GxdCwVVULXdhkYh2PBwW-4s9NgsSFGOA&list=ML&feature=BF"]Cherub Butthole Surfers[/ame]


'Cherub/Cherub, the angel/Roll back the hands of time/Cherub/Enter the angel/Aaaaahhhhh!'
.

 

[hungprep]

Now that I've managed – somehow – to induce someone else into posting in this thread, I don't want to seem as if I'm monopolizing it... But inasmuch as America's most favorite holiday, Hallowe'en (Candy! Zombies!), is coming up Sunday, I propose that anyone who wants to post this week, look for appropriately spooky, or funny, songs about masturbation that fit the mood.

Since I already started with one song about the possible, rough treatment one might receive at the hands of angels – by those art-damaged, drug fiends from Texas, the Butthole Surfers – I'll add to the holiday mix the following:


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNAkbbKycCM&feature=related"]Who Was in My Room Last Night? Butthole Surfers[/ame]


'I'm Flying.../All night long, my body burned/The sheets were wet and cold/The lights were on, my eyes were gone/Any second, lose control/The pounding on my window/Is just the pounding in my head/I wonder who was in my room last night/Who the hell was in my bed?/Ahhh!

'There must have been a body there/I swear I felt some flesh/It took a little time/But I figured they were mine/There were fingers goin' down my chest/My mouth went through the ceiling/And my body fell through the floor/I couldn't find the key cos/There was no one I could see/And someone had moved the door/Ahhh!

'The cops, the priest, the Crisis Line/And no one really had a clue/No one could tell who abducted me/Or exactly what I should do/My throat was dry and my hopes were high/But nothing really ever got said/About who was in my room last night?/Who the hell was in my bed?/Ahhh!'
.

 

[wenchine-mahtapasikan]

I couldn't find the funny one I was looking for, but I'm glad. This will more than do.

Well, this isn't explicit. But it's very arguable.


As well as fitting as all hell.





Mensonges and idees indeed.

 

[hungprep]

^_^ Oui, d'accord! «Songe» est un beau rêve!

Mais 'Mensonges et idées' – des vieilles idées, des idées usés, des 'idées dépassées?' (De 'La Parti québécois,' par exemple, si vous étiez au Canada?) – je ne sais pas, je suis trop occupé à se masturber...

«Onanisme» (Cela, aussi, n'est pas drôle du tout, mais je vais faire pour plus tard)


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsY1lSotdfA"]Eaunanisme Mylène Farmer[/ame]


'C'est si doux la brûlure/Là où ta main me touche, Eau/Et coule cette écume/De ma bouche...'

Translation: 'Your hand is so hot/Where it touches mine, Flow/And I start to foam/At the mouth...'
.

 

[hungprep]

Now, back to the serious business of Hallowe'en...

'So, if any of us die tonight... Let them be about... A bloody, bloody business!'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DqvSqcJkNU&feature=related"]Ham on the Bone GWAR[/ame]


'Can you hear the whispering wind/Over the screams of your dying friends?/Did you know your life is mine?/You know what I got?/Ham on the bone/A little thing I just can't leave alone/Now, I feel the purpose of/My life defined/Ham on the bone is mine/Go/Now, you're on call/To the desperate scene/At the throbbing ball/And you'll do it all/Now, you've become my Geni-thrall/You know what I got?/Ham on the bone/A little thing I just can't leave alone/Now, I feel the purpose of/My life defined/Ham on the bone is mine/Whoa/Ham on ham <unintelligible>/Ham on ham <unintelligible>/Ham on ham <unintelligible>/Ham on ham <unintelligible>/Ham on ham <unintelligible>/Whoa/Now, my hand grasps/My throbbing root/And shan't unclasp/Go to the head of the class/As I madly stoke my flaccid shaft/Yeah/You know what I got?/Fuck it <unintelligible>/Ham, ham, ham, ham/Ham on the bone/Ham, ham, ham, ham/Ham on the bone/Ham, ham, ham, ham/Ham on the bone...'
.

 

[wenchine-mahtapasikan]

Ca varie varie, c'est vrai, mais qu'c'est qui va "varier"?


Desole, vous devrez deja vous ennuyer avec mon kiffe kiffe, mais j'ai un autre.

Voila

​

My heart has dried.

 

[hungprep]

^_^ I would wear my hair like that for Hallowe'en (if I could). It must take hours to do, though, so I'll just continue to dye mine purple and chop it off in irregular hanks with a pair of blunt pinking shears, reflecting my preference in this election season (of the witch) for...

Anarchy!


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKcUcex8wgM&feature=related"]Friggin' in the Riggin' The Sex Pistols[/ame]


'It was on the good ship Venus/By Christ, you should've seen us/The figurehead/Was a whore in bed/And the mast was a mammoth penis/The captain of this lugger/He was a dirty bugger/He wasn't fit/To shovel shit/From one place to another/Friggin' in the riggin'/Friggin' in the riggin'/Friggin' in the riggin'/There was fuck all else to do

'The captain's name was Morgan/By Christ, he was a gorgon/Ten times a day/Sweet tunes he'd play/On his fucking organ/The first mate's name was Cooper/By Christ, he was a trooper/He jerked and jerked/Until he worked/Himself into a stupor/Friggin' in the riggin'/Friggin' in the riggin'...

'The second mate was Andy/By Christ, he had a dandy/Till they crushed his cock/With a jagged rock/For cumming in the brandy/The cabin boy was Flipper/He was a fucking nipper/He stuffed his ass/With a broken glass/And circumcised the skipper...'
.

 

[wenchine-mahtapasikan]

How frightfully, delightfully disturbing.

Uyesabisile kakhulu ne?

Since it's backs we lack, why can't we make the beast with four heads?

 

[hungprep]

Here are a couple of genuine 'Toss Tunes' from a bunch of deluded, white guys who used to call themselves – The Darkness...

Oooh! Spooky, kids!


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwn_cm3CkoQ"]Holding My Own The Darkness[/ame]


'Baby, everything has fallen into place/My life is so exciting, now I've got my space/Like a splash of water on my face/Lately, I'm doing what I can to pleasure me/I'm finding time to focus on my fantasies/I'm satisfied in my own company/I don't need your permission/To take this matter in my own two hands/Cos I'm holding my own/Give or take a tear or two/I'm holding my own/No matter what I put myself through...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRYNYb30nxU&feature=related"]And... I Believe in a Thing Called Love[/ame]


'Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel/My heart's in overdrive, and you're behind the steering wheel/Touching you, ooh-ooh/Touching me, eee-eee/Touching you, God, you're touching me, ooh-ooh...'
.

 

[wenchine-mahtapasikan]

Hmmm... Seems like my thread tread kills dead,

What's to say for what's been said?

How about some freak chic for the creep's eve?



A chaque fois that we're together
Je me sens comme un parasite

 

[wenchine-mahtapasikan]

Hmmm... Seems like my thread tread kills dead,

What's to say for what's been said?

How about some freak chic for the creep's eve?



A chaque fois that we're together
Je me sens comme un parasite



Sorry, double post.

 

[hungprep]

^_^ Oooh, look out! Freek! Le Jique! [Actually pronounced, Hee-kay]

'Jique çe soir?

'Sunday's OK, son...' [It's Hallowe'en!]

Verset source d'inspiration:

'You’ve got a nose and that feeling/Cio che si dice il/Feeling/Ich sag'/T’es comme un parasite/Plus je gratte plus ça pique!'

Hell, you know how I feel about 'Jiquing,' Ich bin immer – always – jiquing myself. 'Jiquing Me, Jiquing You'...

Hmm, does that sound like a cue for another song, pray tell, one beloved by our grandparents?


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oKikBbyGxo"]Touching Me, Touching You Neil Diamond[/ame]
.

 

[hungprep]

'Hey, Boys and Ghouls! Are you ready to raise the dead?'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=squwjCN9RTI"]Mean Machine/Strange Love The Cramps[/ame]


From the Beverly Hillbillies 90210 Hallowe'en episode, 1995

And, of course...


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKj04naydFY&feature=related"]Let's Get Fucked Up The Cramps[/ame]


Which, naturally, brings to mind... (With Let It Rock by Kevin Rudolf)


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WabhiMAiNAg&feature=related"]Lets Get Fucked Up Start Trouble[/ame]


Higher Education! OMG, Jenny! Two guys, dancing together!
.

 

[hungprep]

One more by the Cramps!

'Well, this whole mess, useless now/As a whistle on a plow/If your pussy can't do the dog...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBbBiWHo2xw"]Can Your Pussy Do the Dog? The Cramps[/ame]


With a Betty Page short

And yet one other, this one a fave of John Waters (not that Betty Page also isn't one) – to the tune of Ça plane pour moi by Plastique Bertrand – Jet Boy, Jet Girl by 'Elton Motello' (seriously!)


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQlsfsypBi8"]Beverly Plattenküche 90210[/ame]


'Can you tell what's on my mind?/She's with him, it drives me wild/I'd like to hit him on the head/Until he's dead/The sight of blood is such a high/Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh/He gives me head.../Jet boy, jet girl/Gonna take you 'round the world/Jet boy/I'm gonna make him penetrate/I'm gonna make you be a girl/Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh/Jet boy, jet girl'
.

 

[wenchine-mahtapasikan]

To a costume that is outside the box:




Oh Casanova Model 616 (Copyright, All Rights Ever-so-Reserved)

Why bother [STRIKE]there's[/STRIKE] with so much love?

Why do I want more when what I need is [STRIKE]less[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]nun[/STRIKE] none?

 

[hungprep]

Variations on a theme...

'OK, so we're about to kick it, we're gonna kick it, all of this is building up, the whole night... has been a big buildup for what we're about to do...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbW7DT3uUic&feature=related"]It's Time to Party Andrew WK[/ame]


'It's time to party/Let's Party/Hang out with yourself/And have a crazy party/Hey, you/<Let's Party>/Have a killer party/<And Party>/Don't even try to deny it/Cos you're gonna have a party tonight/And, you know, we're gonna do it tonight/We're gonna lose it all/When you open your door/<Party>/What?/<Party>/There's gonna be a party tonight/Tension in my hand/When you're standing there/Not thinking anything/<It's time to Party>/Doing it fast/When you're doing it long/Keep getting your <unintelligible>/<It's time to Party>/Pounding on one/Touching yourself/It's not too late/<It's time to Party>/Open your mouth/We're all gonna come/<In>/<Your>/<Face>/Oh.../<It's time to>/<Party>/<Let's Party>/<There's gonna be a party tonight...>'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WccfbPQNMbg&feature=related"]Party Hearty[/ame]


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npCVJQRCfl8&feature=related"]Aqua Teen Hunger Force[/ame]
.

 

[hungprep]

Boo!

What? I didn't scare you?

Well, then, how would you like some real mean, nasty shit, muthafuckas?

'Now, I'm all up in the place/And in the bedroom, masturbating/Cumming on the sheets and pillow cases/Fuck that bitch/She's just a cunt/And her mother's nothing but a slut/Can't wait to seal her mouth shut.../Murder, murder, murder/You never heard of 'redrum' in reverse?/Body's in the hearse/Now, your life's gone cos we wanted you to die/Time to kiss your ass good-bye/Don't ask why...'


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_s7GH2hzoVI"]Murder Murder Murder Twiztid[/ame]


This version of the song differs from the one on the Twiztid album, BTW, in that the second verse – written by drum programmer ROC (Brian Jones) of the House of Krazees (whose song this originally was) – has been restored, in all of its violent, lurid, meticulous, vengeful, murderous 'krazeeness'

Scared yet? No? Then, check this shit, y'all...

Featuring Hitman and Ms Roq


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrQhvvTwwpU"]Murder Ink Dr Dre[/ame]


'Peeped all the stash drop/In exchange of the dough/Lookin' through the turf/Thinkin' how much it's worth/Give 'em chase to the crib/And, Yo, he properly laced/Stepped out the car/Put my steel to the side of his face/Murder, this the fuckin' case/Rob this Nigga and shake/The fuckin' spot/Cos in a few it's gon' be crawlin' with cops/Who's the bad bitch now?/You crept on/Paid the piper/Who'da thought a sexy bitch could be a murderous sniper?/Detrimental to your health/Shoulda learned yo' lesson/But it's too late, Nigga, bye-bye/Better count yo' blessings/I been watchin' you watchin' me/Yeah, you ballin'/Was, Nigga/Now, you finger fucked/And steady fallin'/A thug wit' no love/But Bitch Niggaz die fast/Thug Niggaz die young/Oh, what, you thought you would last?/Blast two shots to the dome/Slide back to the pad/And jack my Nigga off/Till his dick get soft/Resume the wifey boo shit cos/Yo, my man don't know/That his bitch is straight ill/Servin' ass with a fo'ty-fo'/I'm a motherfuckin'/Murderahh/Bitch disses anybody/Murderahh/Yeah, Nigga, all y'all/Murderahh/Uh, uh, for real/You'll fuck around and get killed/I'm a motherfuckin'/Murderahh/Uhh, bitch disses anybody/Murderahh/Yeah, Nigga, all y'all/Murderahh/Uh, uh, for real/You'll fuck around and get killed, killed...'
.