Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wow! I'm gone for a couple of days, and the place goes wild!
LostVegas, I'm amazed at the openness and definite maturity of what you told him, in the conversation about moving on and everything. I'm betting it shocked him, because it doesn't leave thinbgs clear just what you mean.
I do have to disagree about the calling at 3 am says he isn't straight. My best bud is straight, and he calls at 3 am his time, because he's a night owl and knows I'm usually still up then, too. He just doesn't have anyone where he is who he connects to, and really misses the silly things we used to do together.
I've been saying for weeks that you need to tell him. It's getting to the point that if you don't, no matter what you think, you're going to be poisoning the relationship. Dude, I think he can tell there's something you aren't saying, and that's got to be eatling at him -- so talk, already!
You asked about e-mail. In this kind of situation, there's only one e-mail message you should send, if you send any -- like this:
Andy, bud, there's something I have to tell you next time we talk.

Then you're committed.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey whats up all....extremely nervous over here.

For the most part my buddy and I do not talk on Saturdays.

Im gunna chill out here tonight and get some housework done.
I also will be waiting for his call. Im nervous. I feel like I want to tell him and Im deathly afraid to at the same time. I think I will answer the phone and see where it goes. I know for sure the first thing he will ask me..is "I been trying to get in touch with you the past few days..whats up?"

Im nervous. If I do not hear from him I might even call him late tonight. Brian

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It will be a great weight off your chest, and his, too. You'll be able to express your affection foir each other openly, finally, after all this time. Your life starts now, Brian. Even if it doesn't work out to where you're together, at least this issue won't be driving you apart and you will have saved your friendship. You two love each other...even if you have to rechannel that into just being friends, at least you'll be able to express that to each other without worry. And that's the worst case scenario.

Don't be afraid Brian, you ARE right, he WILL be ok with it. You have nothing to fear from your best friend, whose only thought will be for your well being.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I found this great quote from your very first post:

I keep telling him that I have something important to tell him and that its pretty big about me, and he goes "this isnt some jerry springer thing and your secrelty in love with me are you?" we both laughed it off but I was dying inside.

That was when you should have told him. He was hoping right then that you would say "yes, I am secretly in love with you". He was tyring to guage what your reaction would be. So you're a little late, do it already!

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Im gunna chill out here tonight and get some housework done.
I also will be waiting for his call. Im nervous. I feel like I want to tell him and Im deathly afraid to at the same time. I think I will answer the phone and see where it goes. I know for sure the first thing he will ask me..is "I been trying to get in touch with you the past few days..whats up?"

And you say....

"There's something I have to say that I haven't been saying and should have told you weeks ago when you almost asked me, and I've been scared."

All true -- and then you frakkin' TELL HIM!

Or get a plane ticket and go tell him in person.
But DO it!

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Actually I started going through a bunch of the old posts again. He already knows! He's hoping! He plays you freakin' love songs, dude, and you're afraid to tell him? It's like being afraid to tell him that the sky's blue.

"Hi Andy, I just called to tell you that McDonald's makes hamburgers."

"Hi Andy, I just called to tell you that water is wet."

If you had told him before he left, he would have dropped his girl and you'd be together today. instead you let him get invested in a new life. Don't wait one more minute!

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I kinda hope that CGHJ is right, but... people can be obtuse. I could never tell, and still can never tell, if someone is interested in me. Or, he may know, just not consciously, and it could all fall into place when you tell him. There's no way to know but to just do the deed -- tell the man!
And yeah, it should be as easy as, "Andy, I've always had this thing about clouds... rain comes from them."

 

[Lestat62]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

I just had to reprint the dialogue that CGHJ stated so perfectly. This is it!!! You've been asking for insight, and here it is. I know you have to work up the courage but when you do, this will cover your bases. Also, when you're ready to have this coversation with him, you need to initiate the call. You know that he's going to ask you if everything is ok when you call him. So just start here...

"Andy, you can tell I've been holding something inside, can't you."

"Yes Brian, yu know you can tell me, I'm your friend."

"I know I know, but I was afraid that if I told you it might hurt our frienship."

"nothing can hurt our friendship Brian, just tell me."

"I'm really afraid that if I tell you this, it will fuck things up."

"I promise you Brian, noithing you say is gonna fuck things up. Just say it"

(believe me, he'll know exactly what's coming at this point, unless he's beyond stupid. In fact, I bet he'll be thinking "please say you love me please say you love me")

"Andy, we've been been such good friends for so long, it's really hard for me not to have feelings for you. I know that we can't be together, I really hope that you'll still want to be my friend after you hear this...but I love you. You're just one of the most amazing guys I've ever met, and if there was ever any one person that I could be with, it would be you. There, I said it. I know you are straight and you love your girl and I do too. I didn't want to burden you with this, I don't expect you to ditch your girl and come to NY to be with me or anything like that, but I'd rather you know the truth about this than think I was secretly angry with you. I don't think I ould be angry with you, I love you too much.

Joe.

 

[Lestat62]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

CGHJ,

The conversation that you wrote between Brian and Andy was perfect. That is exactly how Brian should talk to Andy. If Andy says that he's not in love with Brian, then Brian has his answer and can get on with his relationship with Matt. If Andy is in love with Brian, then I think we're in for alot more posts with Brian to help him decide where to live, etc.

Joe.

P.S. to Brian, when I move to Vegas I'm going to find Andy and have a long talk with him. J.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey, thanks guys. but I discovered going through the old posts that they've already covered it:

He said "my reaction!?!? I still love you the same way and now I think we can be closer because of this...In fact the only reason I was getting mad at you was because you were not telling me..." He said "and if I did react bad..that would mean Im ignorant..but Im not reacting bad..its ok..I want you to be happy"..and he said "you are going to be judged by many people and called many things..but never by me" He also said "you can always come to me about anything and if this is the biggest thing that has been bothering you all this time, you dont have to worry..we are brothers for life..." He said "I was getting a littler nervous that not that you were gay but that you were in love with me.." and I said "no thats not the case at all" He then said "but bri even if that were the case I would not be mad at you, I would just tell you thats no my thing and we would still be cool"....

See, you were supposed to say, I do love you, I love you very much. How's he going to admit that he loves you if you can't admit that you love him?

He may still be so far in the closet that he can't come out even when you open up. It may kill him that he knows you love him and he can't say anything about it. But he knows, and indicated in that excahange above that he was hoping you were, even though you were too nervous to realize it at the time.

Brian, you listed in your first post about a dozen reasons why he seemed gay, and 2 really lame reasons why he seemed straight that actually sounded to me like reasons he might be gay.

He is gay. He may be in denial about himself, you may have to live with him continuing to be in denial about himself...it may be all he can do to convince himself that he's still str8 even though the only person he thinks about is you. you may have to deal with the fact that it'll be another 5 years before he comes out...or never.

But the fact is that he loves you and you have to tell him how you really feel...and I mean, "I love you and I want you here in NY." Don't namby pamby around like I suggested in my earlier post. He WANTS to hear you say, "come be with me". Even if he says "no, I can't do that," that's what he wants to hear you say. If you have the balls to say it, then the ball really is in his court.

He then said "but bri even if that were the case I would not be mad at you, I would just tell you thats no my thing and we would still be cool"....[/B]

Translation: "I wish you were."

It's SO obvious. I'm belaboring this point because you're both going to get scared and step back from what you really want to say. One of you is going to have to have the guts to just say it, and I think it's going to have to be you.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

AMEN! awesome dialogues CGHJ!!!

Thanks I've actually been through this like 10 times, the two examples I gave were just hilights. So I have it down by now.

In every case, I turned out to be right in the end, and none of those guys were even a fraction as sweet with me as Andy is with Brian. And yes I was totally brothers with them. no str8 brother has ever cried with me, played me love songs, etc.

In no case did it hurt my friendships, only helped them...the only things that ever fucked those situations up was when I failed to totally honest. One took 10 years to finally admit that I was right and wanted to take a shower together...only by that time I was the one that had completely moved on. But we stayed friends in any case.

 

[hotspot]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, it's 1 AM central time right now, and I am hoping that you are on the phone with Andy right now.
I agree 100% with all the comments above and join in the group to give you moral support. In my personal opinion you've been holding back too long and you're kinda running out of time here. With all that you said in the last phone conversation and you not answering his calls for the last couple days, i think there is a big chance of things going downhill if you don't tell him now. So please.................
Tell him !!!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well...It is 3:07am here....and Hotspot yeah, I just got off the phone with my buddy after about two hours. He is supposed to call me back again...So I will make this a very small quick update.


We talked. I started to open up to him a lot more about my feelings. Then he said something back to me, that has me even more confused than ever.

Will post and update my phone call with him soon. Too tired now, but will write all the details soon.


Just for now...I will say that I hung up the phone with him In a better mood. Talk to you all soon, Bri

 

[looseliam]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Bri, it's started. Don't back out now.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Looseliam has it right -- don't back out. Don't freeze, either. I'm waiting to hear what the confusion is about, but usually I have one recommendation for confusion: more communication.

 

[cumluv]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey I just wanted to say good luck with him. I hope he loves you the same as you. I agree with lil_c_boy that you just tell him and don't stop. Don't so much worry about his girl. I think if she is a good friend or even family to you this shouldn't change it. Because I would want whoever I'm with to be happy even if it's not me.
P.s "lil_c_boy" That's my second post here. If your counting

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian, good start...let us know what he had to say...we can help you make sense of it before you talk to him again. Better mood though, that's good!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well...back from my masters class...So I figure I would update you before I walk Dante and start dinner.

My buddy called me at 10:30pm his time...1:30am my time.

I stared at the phone while it was ringing, and for a brief moment I thought not to answer it..but that subsided and I picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey buddy, where you been? I been trying to reach you for a few days now."

"I know buddy...I know..." I mumbled, still half asleep.

I asked him how things were going and he said ok and he passed an aptitude test for a casino valet job. I said thats good and that things are starting to look up for him.

He said things are still very hard but he is trying. He got worried that I was not going to be able to help him with the money...and why I did not speak to him the past few days. I told him I was just taking a break from things a little and clearing my head.

He asked how I was and I said I was down . He then asked why I didnt call him if I was feeling this way. I said we are too co dependent on each other sometimes and he said he agrees, but he didnt care, because he wants to help me with my problems if he can.

I mentioned that my back was hurting me...he said it must be from all that Broke-backing with Matt..a joke I didnt really get, but I assumed he was referring to the movie. He asked how Matt is and I said hes ok. I told him I was supposed to watch some of the Final Four with him last night but I stayed in because I was down. I told him Matt was starting to see that I get down a little.

He was making a meal and asked if he could call me back. I said sure. I was sitting in bed thinking of what to say to him. He called back 20 minutes later.

When he called back I told him that I need to start financially saving over here and although Im here for you always, this time has to be it for a while with the money. He said he understood. I told him that I do not like the way things are. He agreed.

I told him it is hard to get close to Matt...hard to start and continue life over here if he is not part of it. He said "you dont even have to explain, I already know" He said he had the same problem with him and his girl and where he is at right now. I told him buddy, this is hard to explain, but I grew attached to you and became close to you and for some odd reason things do not feel whole unless we are near each other. He agreed and said that he doesnt feel whole or happy either unless I am around.

He said a few things that shocked me. He told me that he is a lot smarter than I think he is and that he understands a lot more than he lets on. He said "Bri you know when you were worried about coming out to me and telling me you were gay and when you told me , I wasnt shocked, because I already knew?"

I said "yeah?" He goes well this is like this. He said he was speaking low because if his girl heard him she would get into a fight with him and be mad.

I told him I was very down and him leaving NYC broke my heart and that I dont feel like my life is full unless he is here. He agreed with me saying "you think your problems are bad?? Trust me I have it much worse..and it doesnt involve money if thats what you are thinking...this is a problem that is bad"

I said "what is it?"

He goes" I cant even tell you or say it..that it might be wrong and it would affect other things.

I was so nervous when he said that..what is he talking about??? Is this what I think hes talking about?? Am I hearing this right??

There were moments of silence and I just repeated that I have this odd feeling that things aint right..and he said he agreed and that we have the rarest of friendships.

He said he could have used a phone call from me the night before because he was real down. He said earlier that that he and his girl took a drive through the mountains...I muttered a half ass "oh yeah? thats cool"

He said he got home at 10pm and needed to call me and talk...

I said "alright buddy", trying to close out the phone call...and he goes "I really dont want to go to bed..I dont want to hang up with you" And I go bro, Ill stay on as log as you want and he said cool.

I told him I would help him out with money and re-assured him things would be ok, he seemed a little down. I told him I would call him Monday, and he said why wouldnt I call him today(Sunday)..he said he wants me to update him how Im doing...I said sure buddy.

Ok guys...so I kind of chickened out of flatly saying "I LOVE YOU", but I think I couldnt drop many more clues..and I was surprised at what he told me tonight..you think that all of my wishful thinking is possible?..or am I so beyond delusional..help me out guys....Brian

 

[GayBoiJared]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I have always thought the you were not the only one coming to terms with their feelings.

Isn't it ironic, all this time you have been stressing about telling him, and now he may tell you first?

Let us know what happens.
J.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

What is your address so I can come over and beat you?

HE LOVES YOU! HE'S AS TERRIFIED TO TELL YOU AS YOU ARE HIM!!

He flat out said that he already knew what it was.

He flat out said he was having the same problem.

He wants to leave his girl and come be with you. He thinks the same way about Matt as you do about his girl. you're both afraid of disrupting each other's lives, but that's what you both want more than anything.

Briann, he wants you to say I love you come to NY more than anything. Don't wait for him to say it, he won't be able to do it. He doesn't have a chorus of guys analysing your words to tell him that he's right.

He loves you so much, I swear to you if you just hike up your balls and tell him, you'll be together forever. TELL HIM. Just blurt it out. Just blurt it. "Andy, I love you and I want you to come to New York. If you can't I'll understand but that's what I want."

Right now all he can think about is how much he hopes that you want him to come back to New York. He's praying that this is the case. Oh my god it could not be any more obvious!!! Call him right now! tell him you love him! AND THAT HE SHOULD COME BE WITH YOU. Do not puss out on this very important issue!!!

Even if I am totaly wrong, and he is straighht and staying there with his girl...it's tearing him up to see his friend tore up. He wants, at the very very least, to help you. At the least. He already knows what you're going to say though, he's already thought about what his answer will be, all you have to do is say it. So call him up and say it.

I'm not even going to wish you luck, because you don't need it.

He said a few things that shocked me. He told me that he is a lot smarter than I think he is and that he understands a lot more than he lets on. He said "Bri you know when you were worried about coming out to me and telling me you were gay and when you told me , I wasnt shocked, because I already knew?"

He even remembers that night, because that's the night he asked if you were secretly in love with him, hoping beyond hope that you might say yes, and you said no. But that's his way of saying, again, "Are you secretly in love with me? Because I already know"

That he said he was smarter than you think...my first guy said the same thing before I denied it, which was insulting to him, as that said A) no I don't think you're smart enough and B) I don't trust you.

Call him, tell him. Let us know what happens.