Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Isn't it ironic, all this time you have been stressing about telling him, and now he may tell you first?

It ism too...but Brian, that's how obvious it is to Andy, and how strong his feelings are for you.

However, don't fall into the trap of waiting for him to say it...you need to just call him up and blurt it out. If you wait for him to say it, he'll be scared and hold back from saying all that he really wants to say. You're scared too, but you have a panel of experts helping you out. He's all by himself, about to get married to some girl when all he wants is you. They aren't married yet, right?

BTW, I get to be best man at your wedding

 

[GayBoiJared]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

CGHJ, you hit the nail on the head. I hope Bri will take your advice. Suppose we'll find out tomorrow.

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, you know in your heart what you've got to do. I'd suggest you call him tonight and the first thing you say to him is that you love him. He'll probably say: "yeah, I love you too" or something similar...but then you have to lay it for him. "no, no, you don't understand...I'm in love with you. And have been for a long time."

This is like coming out all over again. It's going to be difficult, but I think it's necessary. I have no idea what Andy's big problem is. It could be anything. But to be honest, I hope his big problem is the same one as yours.

Stop dropping the hints Brian. If Andy is indeed feeling the same way as you, he'll take your hints as "wishful thinking." Unless one of you just steps up to the plate and says "I love you," the two of you will continue to skate around this unresolved issue.

Bri, he's your best friend. He already told you that there isn't anything that you could say or do that would end your friendship. Believe in your friendship and trust in Andy. Just tell him the truth.

I went to church today, and the sermon was about the sacrament of confession. For someone who hasn't confessed in years, I didn't think I would get much out of it. But, what I took from the sermon was this: When you confess, you are released from carrying all the mental baggage that you had accumulated since your last confession. Although the priest was talking about sins, confessions in general can have that therapeutic effect.

You have all this pent-up frustration and it's bringing you down. You want to tell Andy that you love him, but you're scared to do so. Andy's been down ever since he moved to Vegas and it's because you're not near him. Imho, I truly believe that confessing your love for him will not only help you find closure (this is the last unresolved issue you have with Andy), it will also give him a boost. The fact that SOMEONE in his life truly LOVES him will make him happy. He loves you above all other people, including his girlfriend. I'm sorry to say, but if he loved his girlfriend more or even as much as you, he wouldn't be depressed that you're so far away. I mean, I love my friends dearly, but I've never gone into a depression because they were so far away. And to my knowledge, my friends (with gfs or bfs) have never missed me so much to fall into a depression either.

Andy's baring his soul to you to the best of his ability. You need to do the same. He loves you and he really needs to hear those words from you, regardless of if he's gay or straight.

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I'm too slow a typer...There were no posts after LV's, now there are 4! lol.

 

[GayBoiJared]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I'm too slow a typer...There were no posts after LV's, now there are 4! lol.

Yeah, I know the feeling. Sometimes you read a thread and you want to add something, and in the time it took you to type a reply someone responded with exactly what you wanted to say.

Suppose that's what happens on a big forum like this.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Let's analyse:

I told him it is hard to get close to Matt...hard to start and continue life over here if he is not part of it. He said "you dont even have to explain, I already know" He said he had the same problem with him and his girl and where he is at right now. I told him buddy, this is hard to explain, but I grew attached to you and became close to you and for some odd reason things do not feel whole unless we are near each other. He agreed and said that he doesnt feel whole or happy either unless I am around.

He said a few things that shocked me. He told me that he is a lot smarter than I think he is and that he understands a lot more than he lets on. He said "Bri you know when you were worried about coming out to me and telling me you were gay and when you told me, I wasnt shocked, because I already knew?"

Translation: I know that you are in love with me, and I feel the same way. The problems I know you're having, I am having as well. I'm too nervous to press you on it, but remember that time you really opened up and I already knoew, well i already know about this too so please open up.

I said "yeah?" He goes well this is like this. He said he was speaking low because if his girl heard him she would get into a fight with him and be mad.

Translation: I want you to know that I already know, and like that previous time, it will work out well no matter what because I am your friend. However, since I already know you're gay, that just leaves one thing...which we already talked about on that same occasion, you being secretly in love with me. However my girl suspects and if she hears me I'll be in trouble, because we fight about this all the time...prolly cuz she can tell that I would leave her for you if I could.

I told him I was very down and him leaving NYC broke my heart and that I dont feel like my life is full unless he is here. He agreed with me saying "you think your problems are bad?? Trust me I have it much worse..and it doesnt involve money if thats what you are thinking...this is a problem that is bad"

Translation: I'm stuck in Las Vegas with this girl, and I can't find a way to tell my friend that I'm in love with him because I'm too scared. If my buddy Brian doesn't save me, I'm going to end up married!

JUST TELL HIM. You won't be hurting his girl to break them up, you'll be saving Andy from a loveless marriage that will end in a messy divorce. Andy loves you. TELL HIM NOW! It's gotta be killing him, waiting to hear you say it...he's surley more scared that you WON'T say it than that yu will. He's hoping beyond hope that HE'S not delusional. Put the poor kid out of his misery and tell him you love him already, so you can both start making plans. Sheesh!

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Yeah, I know the feeling. Sometimes you read a thread and you want to add something, and in the time it took you to type a reply someone responded with exactly what you wanted to say.

Suppose that's what happens on a big forum like this.

It does happen. I just don't want to be accused of being one of those guys who disregard everyone else's advice and just post my own.

That said, since the advice given so far is similar in regards to the course of action that has to be taken, LV hasn't many options from which to choose. In this case, I think that's a good thing. Lol.

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Bri! Listen to CGHJ! Tell Andy. Don't wait for him to call you either. Call him first. Call him soon. Call him at the first opportunity that you think he's going to be alone.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It does happen. I just don't want to be accused of being one of those guys who disregard everyone else's advice and just post my own.

That said, since the advice given so far is similar in regards to the course of action that has to be taken, LV hasn't many options from which to choose. In this case, I think that's a good thing. Lol.

Happens all the time! It only bugs me when I drop a rambling post cuz I'm trying to get all my thoughts down and someone drops like a really witty one-liner that sums my thoughts up perfectly

I think in this case even though we all basically agree, it helps Brian to know that we all agree. We're unanimous that Andy will be deeply supportive and loving even in the worst case scenario, and I'd stake a good bet that Brian's buying a plane ticket for him or Andy sometime within the next week. They love each other so much, I don't think I've ever seen a situation where it was more clear that two people were truly in love. It's so sweet!

Freakin fall in love and be happy together already!

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Freakin fall in love and be happy together already!

The Optimist Eternal concurs. Fall in love dammit!

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

He said he could have used a phone call from me the night before because he was real down. He said earlier that that he and his girl took a drive through the mountains...I muttered a half ass "oh yeah? thats cool"

He said he got home at 10pm and needed to call me and talk...

Translation: I was down because I am so in love with you and want to be with you, which is really fucking up my realtionship with my girl because she can tell. We took a drive to try to deal with some of this, but I can't tell her what's up, and so the drive just made things sadder. Only you can make me happy, so as soon as I got home I naturally wanted to call you..I muttered a half ass "oh yeah? thats cool"

You're envious of him getting to drive thru the mountains with his girl...when the reason they're taking that drive is cuz he can't get his mind off you. Trust me, you were in that car, whether you realize it or not.

He is going to be so happy when you tell him...I can't wait to see the post after the call. But you mustn't chicken out or wait for him to say it! Don't doubt what you know to be true! Accept that you can be that happy! You lucky bastard

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

And to add to CGHJ, it was usually you and Andy who'd go for those long drives. So, I have to agree that you were in that car with them too. You were supposed to be in the passenger seat...not his girlfriend. The car drives are your special thing. Andy seems to have tried to get the same feeling from that drive with his gf that he normally gets from his drives with you. But I'm sure he realised the whole time that it wasn't the same.

You can do this Bri! You came out to him already and you thought that you never could or would. You can also do this. Take a leap of faith my friend. Just take the plunge and trust that Andy will catch you.

 

[NameTaken]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Reading these posst and realizing that you haven't told him yet makes me want to bang my head against the wall! He's already said that he loves you (and it seems he'd like to take it to the next level as well). If the guy I loved said asnythnig liek that, even a few notches down on the scale I'd DEFINITELY TELL HIM I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM. I'm gonna wirte him a letter and send it to him within the next month anyway.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

The support on this board in truly uplifting. Whether it is stuff Im blind to, stuff I need to hear but no one has told me, etc..you guys have really helped me out tons and now words can thank you enough.

Im hoping on hearing from Andy tonight, if not I will call him. I want to tell him that I need for him to be here in NYC. And I want to tell him that I want to be out there with him and that something has to change soon. I also want to try and peck at what he was getting at last night.

Even after all of this Im not sure what hes going through and feeling. Im still not sure if he loves me loves me or is gay or bi. I know your going to bite my ear off for that, but I still do no know.

I still close my eyes and simply cannot believe I came out to my buddy. There are still days I get chills about it. It was so freeing for me. And after all those years(since I was 9 or ten) I finally admitted it to someone, makes me feel great. I have you all to thank for that.

I know some of you think Im taking ti slow..but I am really not. It seems slow on your end but Im trying not to scare him away from his thoughts and feelings.

I dont know what hes going through. See things are tough for us..say best case scenario we both express what we feel to each other...he cant move back here..my family will not allow it at all. And the only other choice is to move out there...but then again his girl is there..its a rough spot.


I cant pretend to know what problem Andy might have that might be worse than mine. I got nervous and excited and my head went crazy last night when he said this, I wont lie. It made me feel happy. But thats because I am projecting maybe what I want to hear from him.

I will see how the phone call goes. Its going slow on your end guys but going quick on my end...My Andy left me pretty quick and broke my heart...before he left I came out to him with help from you guys..and now this...in such a short time span this is all happening.


One thing I know about my buddy..I know he likes having me near him..I think I provide for him the other part of his relationship that he doesnt get. So I think he has the sex with her and the emotion and feelings and all that stuff with me.. In a way he wants both worlds...you guys think this is true? ...talk to you all in a few..bri

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Bri, yes this is a slow process. Telling someone you're in love with them, especially when you don't know where they stand, is a difficult and slow process. The thing is, at this particular point in time, the two of you are vulnerable. The two of you are so dependant on each other, it's like you're on life support. But this isn't going to last forever. This co-dependency situation is not tenable.

After all the tears have been shed and all the warm fuzzy messages have been passed around, your co-dependency will come to an end. Either you're going to come to terms with a NY life without Andy, or he's going to come to terms with a Vegas life without Bri. In other words, you're going to get comfortable without each other. Yes, you'd still be special friends, but you would come to realise that you can live apart from each other. Maybe that's what you want? And I can appreciate that. But what do you want more? A life where Andy is your soul mate or a life where Andy is just your friend? The former is a very real possibility, but it requires one of you to say something more than just "I want you to be nearby...so we can talk...we can have long drives together...so I could talk to you face to face...etc" Dropping hints is obviously not getting either of you anywhere.

And btw, I really wouldn't peck away at what that "big problem" of Andy's is. I mean, if I had a big problem, and I don't want to tell you, I'd make something up. And let's face it...you've done that on quite a few occasions with Andy already. You haven't been completely truthful with him, don't expect him to be completely truthful with you. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but the two of you are very similar in that regard.

I still say you should just tell him that you truly love him. He wants to hear that someone loves him. And from what you've told us, you're the only one that does.

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

So I think he has the sex with her and the emotion and feelings and all that stuff with me.. In a way he wants both worlds...you guys think this is true?

Possibly Brian. But you know that can't happen. And he might have come to realise that when you told him what you did on Wednesday night. You said that you needed to invest your emotions in someone who's going to be with you for the rest of your life. He's not stupid. And you can't be there for him emotionally, if you find yourself a partner. Otherwise, you're not giving your partner the emotional support he needs.

In the end, what would you rather have? True love from that one special person, or sex with the same person you have no feelings for?

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Listening to this song right now, and thought I would just post it...hope no one minds...sometimes I see my life in music, very often actually.


Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don’t patronize - don’t patronize me

Chorus: cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel the power
But you won’t, no you won’t
’cause I can’t make you love me, if you don’t

I’ll close my eyes, then I won’t see
The love you don’t feel when you’re holding me
Morning will come and I’ll do what’s right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Chorus: cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel the power
But you won’t, no you won’t
’cause I can’t make you love me, if you don’t

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

What a great song Bri! I'm particularly happy that it really doesn't describe your situation at all. Really, it doesn't...

Now THIS song does...I really don't like TATU all that much, and the lyrics were obviously changed from she to he:

All the things he said
All the things he said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)

All the things he said
All the things he said
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)
This is not enough

I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost
If I'm asking for help it's only because
Being with you has opened my eyes
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?

I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free
Nobody else so we can be free

All the things he said
All the things he said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)
All the things he said
All the things he said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things he said
All the things he said
(All the things he said)
This is not enough
Ya Soshla S Uma - Ma!
This is not enough
All the things he said
All the things he said

And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want him so much
Wanna fly him away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for him what he's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head

All the things he said
All the things he said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things he said
All the things he said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things he said
All the things he said
This is not enough
This is not enough
All the things he said
All the things he said
All the things he said
All the things he said
All the things he said
All the things he said
All the things he said
All the things he said, he said
All the things he said
All the things he said

Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I've lost my mind

Daddy looking at me
Will I ever be free?
Have I crossed the line?

All the things he said
All the things he said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things he said
All the things he said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things he said
All the things she said
This is not enough
This is not enough
All the things he said
All the things he said
All the things he said
All the things he said
All the things he said
All the things he said.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

The car drives are your special thing. Andy seems to have tried to get the same feeling from that drive with his gf that he normally gets from his drives with you. But I'm sure he realised the whole time that it wasn't the same.

I hadn't even noticed that and that is so obvious.

Tell him you love him and want to be with him. Then you won't have to peck away at his problem, because he'll just be able to answer.

What you say about being in both worlds may very well be true. But he's having sex with her because he can't have sex with you. That may be because you're not together, or it may be because he just can't go there yet. I would bet almost anything...maybe one of my nuts again because I don't think I'm going to lose my bet that Andy would be OK with this, so I still have both...I'll bet the right one this time that he's thinking about you when they have sex, and they prolly don't have sex all that often.

That's prolly part of his big problem...he may have thought he could cram his sexulaity back in the box, but being apart from you has made it clear to him that he loves you.

People want to have sex with the people they love, which means he has sexual feeling for you whether either of you want to believe it or not. He may not be able to deal with it yet...he may not be able to even concieve of ACTUALLY being with you (what do he tell his parents, etc), but it is what he WANTS, so it's something you should at least be able to talk about openly, even if all you're talking about is the fact that you have to remain separated. At least you'll be able to talk about your feelings for each other.

But no, he doesn't WANT to have sex with her, he prolly doesn't WANT to have a foot in both worlds...he wants YOU Brian, you just have to be understanding that as difficult as this is for you, it's way more difficult for him. Not difficult that YOU love HIM, but that HE loves YOU and he had prolly convinced himself that he was straight because he had a fiance...only to realize that he actually loves just one person and that's a man he can't figure out how to be with. He needs your love and understanding as much as you need his. Him being in love with you is actually much harder on him than you being in love with him is on you.

You're not providing the side of the relationship he doesn't get from her, she's providing the side of the relationship he doesn't get from you. Because he asked you point blank and you told him you weren't interested, so what's a poor guy to think? And yet, all that he can think about is you, and right now his heart is leaping into his chest at the prospect that you're finally going to say the words he's longed to hear. The time to fix this is right now.

I know it seems like you're moving quickly Brian...but you were supposed to have had this conversation with him months ago. He left you pretty quick because you didn't say "I love you" when he asked, so he didn't know he had anything to stay for. You only have to say three words to make your dream come true: "I love you".

Then, right after you've told him that you love him and want to be with him...ask him what his big issue is. I guarantee you it's that he'd rather be with you than with her, and asking him will give him a chance to tell you how much he cares.

Can't wait to hear how it goes!

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Great song halubtsi, or the lyrics are anyway.

I also agree that dropping hints and pecking isn't going to get you anywhere. He's too afraid that if he tells you what he wants he'll scare you away forever. He'll lie...not because he's a liar, but for the same reason you did when he asked you point blank if you were secretly in love with him and you said no. Only if you just drop the bomb and come clean about your true feelings will he feel like he can come out with his.

You must, I repeat must, trust Andy and just tell him the truth. He already knows. If you can't tell him how you feel when he's being so clear that he already knows and is cool with it, how is he going to tell you how he feels when you have NOT indicated that you would be cool with him being in love with you. You have every indication, he has none.

Stop torturing the boy or I'm going to stop giving you advice because you're torturing the poor guy and you do need to move on.

Either you trust your friend or you don't. And Andy loves you more than anyone else in the whole world...it's the most beautiful love story I've ever heard, and I'm so afraid that you're going to mess it up by being too scared when the time comes. For god's sake, call him and don't hold back. Poor kid must be dying right now.