Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[texpatriot]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I've read this thread from beginning to end.

I completely emphasize with you in a lot of areas.

Coincidently, I had a similiar relationship except actually had the sex and the intimacy. When his family found out they shipped him to Las Vegas.

It wasn't long before he met this girl, but yet I was all that he ever talked about, and we talked nearly every day.

The whole thing ended very tragically.

So I say, good on you for doing what you can to move on!

It sounds like Andrew is a really great guy, who probably has some issues. But you honestly need to take care of you.

I'd be thankful for the geographical distance at this point.

Have you considered how you're going to break that to Andrew? From what I've read it looks like you've tried, but it doesn't seem to be registering with him.

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian!

Great to hear from You! And it sounds as though "things" are looking up! Not "easy", I'm sure! But, seems You are making more of an effort to get back to YOUR Life, and let Andrew take care of His!

Yes! Andy's situation sounds truly "pitiful", but DO NOT let Him drag You down!! YOU are the one that is progressing, and that, my friend, is a "Good Thing"!!

Will He always have a spot in Your Heart? Of course He will! And, You can still be a "supportive", Loving, Friend to Him! The question is ... when will He become the Supportive, Loving, Friend that You so much deserve? Before He can become fully that, He needs to get his own act together! Just as You are doing with yourself! I truly do wish the Best for Him! But, let's face it, You should keep doing what YOU need to do, even if it's "inspite" of Him.

Carry On, Brian!!

And ... of course ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[backpacker]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

Good to get an update. There are many positive things in it. I'm glad you are finishing school, that your friendship with Latoya seems to be growing stronger and that you are actively looking for someone to date. Just be careful not to let Andy suck you back in with his emotional blackmail. The more you pull away, the more malipulative he will be. You need to recognize that and put little stock in what he says. It's concerning that you put enough stock in his comments to even write them down. I also think it's insulting that he tries to blame his failures on you. I hope you are still seeing a therapist so you have a professional to help you avoid the pitfalls in your relationship with Andy.

Good luck finishing up school and keep us updated.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

4. He said his life will be incomplete without me and he is finding it hard to move on, even at times not taking job offers and trying to fail out there, so he could be back here with me again.

On his side of things, that's the biggest positive sign I've seen -- the honesty is kinda astounding.
In your place, I'd be tempted to tell him, "If you're okay with sharing a double bed, come share an apartment."
But... prolly not a good idea.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Just thought I would drop a line and say my Masters Degree is all completed. Im looking foward to rennovating my bathroom next week...ttyl guys BRIAN

 

[rareboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It sounds like Andrew is a really great guy, who probably has some issues. But you honestly need to take care of you.

-Texpatriot

On his side of things, that's the biggest positive sign I've seen -- the honesty is kinda astounding.
In your place, I'd be tempted to tell him, "If you're okay with sharing a double bed, come share an apartment."
But... prolly not a good idea.

-Khulindar

It is this kind of advice that worries me. Andrew is not a great guy. He is an emotional Vampire. He is not being honest, he's rationalizing why he's a failure. He'd be just as much of a failure no matter where he was. It's just that if he lived with Brian, he could freeload off of him. I always hope that Brian is getting his head back on straight and then we read about the 9 hour phone call. I only hope that Latoya is friend enough to help keep Andy from dessicating Brian.

 

[backpacker]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Congratulations on completing your masters. That's a big accomplishment. It must feel good to be able to start the renovations on your place. I hope everything is going well in your life and that you are still in counseling. Take care.

 

[rareboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Yes, warmest congrats on completing your Masters and starting renos. It is promising that you were able to see this through, given your preoccupation with Andy and all the shit he's dumped in your lap over the last year. Now, for a nice vacation in Europe too.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well it is funny you mentioned vacationing. I dont have everything in my life that I want...no guy yet, no furnished apt, etc..but I do want to travel. Latoya and I are traveling to Hawaii and Jamaica this winter...and I promised myseflf, be it with a friend or two, or even alone..I will begin to travel my ass off.

A week or two ago Andy asked me if I was havign feelings for him stll..and I said yes...I told him I try to deal with it daily and it is not like a light switch that I can just turn those feelings off..soem days are beter or worse than others I tod him.

I got into a heated conversation with Andrew today. I told him I destroyed my life for puting him first before me the past few years..and I put him ahead fo me for he wrong reasons...and I told him I'm done, not with our freindship but with everything else..and Im backing off..I am having a mental breakdown from him and I need the rest to focus on me..

He called me a few days ago crying like you wouldnt believe. I know I have said that in the past when he cried to me...but this time I mean it..I mean sobbing for at least two hours..he said that hes ready to walk away from everything over there...that Im the only one who cares for him...that his fiancee for the most part is not affectionate with him, and thats because of her upbringing...

He kept saying sweet shit..youare m emptiness...I need you to be complete with my life..I dont to live a life a life without you...even if I had money and a decent job lif will be hell without you..Im willing to come back home..or wait for you to come here...but it needs to be quick..I cant wait any longer.

I said "Stop saying this stuff its messing with my head, you have to stop..dont you think its wrong to say your willing to leave your girl for our friendship..dont you think its wrong to say you cant move on and live without me...dont you think thats wrong to say???"

He yes in a way but he feels what he feels..

But Andy said some things that night that pissed me off too..he said he looks up to me, and how we are so much a like..and HOW HE WANTS TO BE LIKE ME FOR THE MOST PART, EXCEPT FOR SOME THINGS...and I'm assuming those things meant BEING GAY. WHATEVER.

The second thing that stuck in my craw is that everytime I talk to him about talking to a guy, he goes "well did this guy see your picturte yet?"

Like WTF is THAT supposed to mean..that if he saw my picture he would head for the fucking hills??? I mean that's what I took out of it...wouldn't you??

He called me yesterday to help him out with 45-50 bucks, and he asked again today....and I was stressed out...think about it..IM STRESSED OUT OVER 50 bucks...MY LIFE SHOULDNT BE LIKE THIS....I told him I'm not done with our friendship but IM SURE AS HELL DONE WITH EVERYTHING ELSE...I'm done with the money, I'm done putting him first and while I didn't tell him this I'M DONE THINKING ANYTHING WILL EVER BE...

I FINALLY figured out why he says sweet shit to me...because he can't say this shit to his girl, she is as cold as a fucking fish...she shows him no affection, so he gets that outlet from me..so he gets to fuck her and have me emotionally...and he has gained everything from having me and her in his life..and I have gained nothing..in fact I have lost financially, emotinally, and mentally....IM DONE.

While I will still be closest of friends with him...I'm pulling back..I'm thinking about ME NOW....not falling for his sweet shit talk..


And if he truly means the shit he says.... then I'll call his fucking game..I'm moving on with my life here...and if he is so miserable and cannot move on, move back here and be with me, break up with your fucking girl and be with me...UNTIL THEN I GOT NO TIME TO WASTE EMOTIONALLY ON HIM ANYMORE.

I told him I'm willing to share my life, my apt, my future house, all my money with the man of my dreams...and if Andy doesnt want to be the man in my life...well then he GETS NONE OF THAT.

TTYL BRIAN

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

WAY TO GO, BRI!!!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[backpacker]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Good job Brian! I'm glad to see you are standing your ground and worrying about yourself.

 

[frankfrank]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)



This is, finally, the post that SO MANY OF US have been waiting to see, I think. You have finally told him, in no uncertain terms, that you cannot spend the rest of your life waiting for something he is unwilling or unable to deliver, and that you can't keep funneling money to him, etc. Not even an amount like $50. Didn't you loan him $1,400 quite a few months ago, which he promised to repay you in April 2007? Of course he never followed through.

I'm guessing that you ARE continuing the therapy, though you haven't said so. You are more in touch with your own value and your own relevance, you firmly recognize that you must look out for yourself.

Thank you so much for the update, and continuing to share with us. I think this hints at a better future for you...AND for Andy, as he finally realizes that he must face some of his own issues that he seems to avoid so stubbornly.

AND, BY THE WAY, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SCHOLASTIC ACCOMPLISHMENT!!!!!!!!!!

 

[rareboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It is always about the money and control with raggedy Andy. The moment that you yield to him, it just raises the stakes in the game. He is truly one of the most perverse and pathological people that I've read about in many years. He is a textbook case. How truly pitiful that a grown man is trying to put the touch on someone for fifty bucks.

Surely it must be evident by now that there is actual friendship. What you have now isn't even a pale reflection of a healthy relationship. He gives nothing; it is all about feeding his ego and wallet.

I still think the best thing would be to change the phone number and not talk to him anymore if you really want to save your own soul and get your life back. If you want to correspond, do it by email or even better, by letter. It would do you good to not have to listen to his emotional blackmail.

Like most people with the same mental condition, Andy is getting more nervous and upset that there is a chance that you might just make a break from him and is willing to almost promise everything. I can also assure you that he will become increasingly irrational and abusive/persuasive as he descends into his final madness.

I am delighted to hear that you and Latoya are travelling and hopefully this will be the first of many trips you take now.

Somewhere out there is a really good guy for you. Start looking.

 

[oops]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

What happened next LV? I've been checking your updates for some time now. Are you letting this thread go?

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Nothing really is happening at the moment...I have decided to stay here in NYC for the immediate future, my bathroom is being rennovated, and then I will be doing some other rennos with the rest of the apt.

Andy is very sad. I am very sad. And we both dont want distance and any other factor changing our friendship.

Staying in NYC will benefit me, but not having Andy here is a big drawback. I am trying to convince Andy to come back to NYC..and he doesnt seem to mind coming back...only thing is how? And we are stuck on that.

I think if he came back here he could get his old job back and she can get her old job back and they can get an apt near me and they can be making more money. This way I dont have to give up a higher paying job here as well as my rent free apt and my pension. I would like to move in a bout 5 years maybe but not now...

Andy made it clear that he is ready to walk away from his relationship just to be back near me again...it is hard not to hear that and look deeper into it...and I have been trying to protect my heart from the nice stuff he says...I'll be honest..I still have my ups and downs in terms of that.

I'm looking foward to making my apt nice and settling down...Im not looking foward to missing Andrew all the time. He told me today this is a pain he has never experioenced in his life and he wishes it on nobody.

If thing stay the way they are..the plan is to visit Andrew for a week between Christmas and New Year's.

He is 600 behind in bills and they are looking now to take his second car. Things are bad for Andy out there.

His girl just got a raise..and his live-in friend Mike works almost everyday at 7-11.

Andrew is working with 2 temp agencies to get something now and has a job interview next week for a job that pays 140k a year. He said even if he got that salary he would give it up if I wasn't out there.

Update you soon...BRIAN

P.S.-I graduated with 4.0 in my Masters Program...I checked with the school and got 3 A's for my last 3 summer classes I just recently took. ttyl

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, Dude! Great to hear from You!!

It's good that you seem to be on the "right track"! You're taking care of Yourself, first! And that's Great!! Super Congrats on You 4.0!!!

From all that I've read, over the past year, or so, I'm sorry to say I have severe doubts about Andy getting, let alone holding onto, the 140K job that he's talkin' about. It would seem He's all about "Pie in the Sky", and doesn't "Get" the idea that what really matters is all about what actually "Hits the Pavement"!

However, YOU, on the other hand, have a much clearer focus!

I'm just sayin' ... be careful what You might continue to "buy into"!

I know it might not always be "Easy"! But, I'm thinkin' your Brain is maybe being more TRUE than, perhaps, Your Heart, right now! Know what I mean?

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[oops]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

4.0? NERD...just kidding. Very admirable. Congrats!

Thanks for the update. I'm sorry things haven't really improved since your last post. But it seems you're moving on in your life and have let ration prevail. Congrats!

Meanwhile, i find it hard to believe someone w/ no high school degree can make 140k --the only entry salary that is about this high is investment banker and lawyer, and i know b/c i work on wall street. Are you sure andy's been honest with you?

 

[backpacker]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, congrats on the 4.0. You obviously have a lot of book smarts, now you need to get some street smarts. Why would you give any creditability regarding Andy's dream (or BS) about a 140K job is beyond me? Andy wouldn't even quality for a $140K job as a drug dealer. His work history just isn't good enough. No one is going to hire him for a $140K job. You really need to ask yourself why you would believe that even for a second.

For some reason you can't seem to let go of your fantasy about Andy. He's not the person you build him up to be in your mind. Not even the slightest bit close. You have a serious problem dealing with reality. You seemed to be making great progress when you were in therapy, but based on the last two posts I would say that you stopped going. The best thing you can do for yourself is get some intensive therapy. You are in for a life of heartache unless you get yourself some professional help.

I'm sorry to be so hard, but you just don't seem to get it when it's sugar coated. You're a wonderful person and have a big heart, but your emotional maturity level is not that of someone your age. Please get some help.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I got an e-mail notification of a post Brian did objecting to vetteboi's -- don't know why it isn't here.

A sudden $140k job possibility seems a little suspicious, but this is Vegas we're talking about, where all sorts of strange things happen. I do think he's crazy to say he'd reject the job if you're not there, Brian; it would be far more sensible to take it, live on $20k a year and sock the rest away in hopes of a future where he could be in the same town.

I'll stay tuned.

 

[rareboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I guess my earlier post got lost or something.

So what I reaaaalllllly meant was, your bathroom is being renovated. How great is that?!!! Maybe a little selfish though when Andy needs the money so bad?

Andy's sad. That's so sad..... and when Andy's sad everyone suffers. You know everyone who reads this thread just hates it when he cries. I think you should take all the money you can scrape together and fly Andy and his girlfriend and maybe that other guy back to NYC as soon as you can. I just dunno how you guys can be stuck on how he can come back. Seems kinda selfish not to do everything you can to have him close to you, particuarly when it is only money and in this case money could definitely buy you happiness.

Wow, rent free apartment and a pension? Why can't Andy and his girlfriend come back and live with you? At least until they're settled again? All you really need is Andy back now and I would do everything I could if I were you to get him to dump that skank he took up with and just come back and be near you so that you'd never have the pain of being apart from him again for even one minute of a single day.

You know, despite earlier misgivings I just have to say that like so many other people who breathlessly await your updates, I just have to finally admit that the love you have for one another is so incredibly pure and honest; not like that whore who's just using him for sex. I'll bet that just hurts so bad, knowing that she's getting all his physical love while you are actually his truest soulmate.

How absolutely totally wonderful that you are going to visit him, but why not send him the ticket so he can visit you? Right Now. As you say, he's only 600 behind in his bills and surely you can't be so hard up that you wouldn't do this for a guy that is closer than a brother to you? And who are these meanies who are threatening to take his car? Don't they understand that he's trying so hard but just is being dealt a bad hand at every turn? Why don't they love Andy?

Don't they know that he has the most amazing job waiting for him? Once Andy is makin' the serious dough again with 140K a year, those guys who take his car are gonna feel like such complete idiots.

Wow and he would give that job up for you? I guess I was so totally wrong about him all along if he loves you so much that he'd sacrifice his career in Vegas just to be with you.

I hope that you guys are able to talk to one another every day for at least a few hours at a time. It sounds like it is the only thing that keeps both of you going and makes the tragedy of your separation even bearable. I just don't even know how you can drag yourself through a day with the pain of this separation just eating at you. I know I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed knowing that there is just nothing out there for me without a true blue friend like Andy being there to share every minute with.

Life is short and you're just wasting time while you're apart from him.

Oh, and remember to keep us posted daily................everyone is just so worried about the two of you that it is sometimes hard to remember that we have other stuff to do as well.

You need to do everything you can no matter what it takes to create and preserve the perfect world with Andy in your life and by Jupiter there are just so many out here that will apparently do everything possible to help you make sure that there is nothing that gets in the way of that reality.

Better?