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Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Relationships of any kind suck as much as they are great. The thing about any relationship though, is that it needs to be two way and it needs to be mutually beneficial. Look at your posts over the past year or so, would you consider this relationship to be mutually beneficial based on what you've written? I'd vote no.

Sadly, I think you're coming to the realization finally that you're the only one carrying the load of this relationship. Friends help each other, or at the very least realize when those around them are unable to give any more than they are. It comes to a point sometimes when you have to just let go, let the other person carry the load for a while and do some of the work, and hope that love will do what it needs to. You will never know the true nature of your friendship with Andy unless you let go and stop trying to force it. By giving in every time, trying to be the knight in shining armor, and trying to be there, you're just putting yourself in his presence all the time so he doesn't even need to do anything, let alone actually fight to keep your relationship going. This needs to play out without your intervention, one way or another.

Don't ever lose hope. Ever. Things could turn out better than you could possibly expect, with or without Andy. However, you'll never know if you keep trying to force things. Let them be. See if he comes to you, see if he fights for you. Let him be the one to worry, to think of you every five minutes, to have to wonder if he's losing you. Your mind and emotional health are exhausted, and you've done more than most ever would. Be proud of that, but move on from it as well. I've seen your picts, you're a really good looking guy and you obviously have an enormous heart. Work on yourself, your health, and your career, and I honestly believe that love will find its way back to you. If I didn't believe what I was telling you (because I'm going through it myself), then I'd honestly be dead right now. Have some faith and some hope, and in the meantime start to heal, you deserve the rest.

It's not going to be easy, but as others said, let him be. You're too important to live for someone else. You're going to be just fine, as long as you let go of the wheel and try to enjoy the ride for a bit. Good luck.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It has been a whilE since I posted. I must have dropped in this forum 3 times since my last update, and I coincidentally popped on today and saw the thread..I said to myself it couldnt hurt to offer up a little update.

Andrew played the "stop calling and be cold game" with me for a while. Then one wekend I went to Delaware and went camping. That weekend he called my house and left several messages. He called my cell, but since I just bought it(Blackberry Curve, awesome) I left it home so I wouldnt get it dirty or lose it. He called andl eft messages there. I came home to find out he was very depressed and having a breakdown.

He started work that Monday. For the first week he worked everyday and now, starting tomorrow(10/1) he will be working 3 days a week part time. We have spoken very few times since.

He has spoken to me during the week briefly when I am in class and when he is driving to work. One night the phone rang and it was his number on CALLER ID, I pick up to find out it is his fiancee and she wants me to help her do his GED work so he can pass..I sat there with her on the phone for 2 and a half hours until I caught wind that he was playing games downstairs with his friends. I said I was too tired to do the rest and proceeded to call him on his cell. I told him it is pretty fucked up that I am sittign here for 2 hours doing your shit while you are playing games and stuff...you didnt even say a hello to me before when I was doing work with your girl..anyway thats when we started talking. He said when I didnt pick up the phone over the weekend he got pissed, because he really could have used a chance to talk to me.

It has gotten a little cold on both our parts. I think we do that to keep it from being so painful. He said he cannot believe things are changing and that he never thought with me that it would. He said he feels like he is being replaced.

His girl said they are trying to come down for Thanksgiving and Christmas...she said wedding plans were going well. At this point I dont even feel like going at all.

He asked if I was coming out there for XMAS and I said I do not know. In February I am going to Hawaii with my friend and in December I might go to Canada. He said he feels like I am replacing him with my friends over here.

When he left almost 2 years ago I got used to the fact that he is not physically here. And recently, mentally I have sort of been able to phase out the pain, but in my heart I will never forget Andrew or get over him in some ways.

I dont know where this is going to go. We have not spoken since Wednesday morning...by far the longest we have gone without talking to each other. I think we are in a mexican standoff, seeing who will be the one to cave in first with his feelings...Unfortunately, beause of my past...I am great at putting up walls...getting over Andrew and moving on while still having him somewhat in my life has been hard...one day at a time. BRIAN
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Ah ... my weakness has been "Daves"! #-o But, I ended up with a "Kev"! :luv:

Brian ...

Sounds like YOU are doing much better! Going places ... doin' "stuff" ... etc., etc. Getting "out there", and movin' on! This is ALL Good!! ..|

This recent "thing" with Andy "playing games", while YOU, and his Girl, are workin' for him? Well ... think about it ... really any different than his "usual pattern"??

Yes! This guy is always going to be in your Heart! And we all know he has some "Endearing" qualities ... if not some actual "redemptive" ones. But ... that also seems what he is "best" at! He certainly knows that! And, plays it to the hilt! But ... now YOU, and "Us", know that so much better, now, too! As regrettable as it may be, and as much as it may "hurt", though, not, nearly, as much as before, as all of us have learned more, and more, YOU are the One headed in the "Right" directions!

Keep it up!! (group):hurray:(!w!)

And ... of course ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Yes! This guy is always going to be in your Heart! And we all know he has some "Endearing" qualities ... if not some actual "redemptive" ones.
Click to expand...

Oh please. This creep doesn't have one good quality. What a classic. He's still smart enough that he can get his girlfriend and boyfriend to do his homework while he is downstairs playing games....in more ways than ten.

...and he's having a breakdown. right. but he is working 3 days a week. wow. Is this the job paying 150k?

...as usual, I can't believe what I read. He still can yank everyone's chain by playing all kinds of little head fuck games, including now, the 14 year old girl's favourite, 'I won't call you first'.

Think of all the great opportunities that Brian has likely squandered over the past 3 years where he might have found real friendship and love instead of this sad parody of it, pining away for some guy that should be in a forensic mental health unit.

He said he cannot believe things are changing and that he never thought with me that it would. He said he feels like he is being replaced.
Click to expand...

He said he feels like I am replacing him with my friends over
here
Click to expand...

It must be just killing him to find out that his power to absolutely control someone isn't as good as he thought it was. I expect that he's going to try to figure out a way to make a personal appearance to make his pitch.

If Andrew (yes the one who is straight and getting married to a woman) really loved Brian as a friend, he would be encouraging him to get out and find the guy of his dreams and to make as many new friends as possible, not pissing and wailing about how he's being replaced.

Dear Lord.........just let this be over in my lifetime.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, just tell him to stop acting like a vicious little child. Just make that clear to him. His pathetic need to keep you a loner with no friends is just sickening, and to be honest, no real friend would do that. And if someone was using me to do their homework I would have to give a serious thought if I wanted to keep someone like that in my life.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, Andy is still playing head games with you. His real character shows when he asking people to cheat for him on his GED while he plays games.

I'll restate that you really should just cut him out of your life, but I realize you probably won't do that. Therefore, next time he starts his "I feel like you are replacing me" BS, tell him he's right. Tell him that given the way he has treated you, why wouldn't you? Remind him of all the lies and broken promises.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

After reading this, I'm wondering why this chick wants to marry him!
He wants help from his "best friend", but he won't ask himself, he's got her doing his work and calling?

Brian, at this point I think you should tell the chick that Andy will do nothing but play games and make her do everything if she marries him, that she should ask if he really loves her. And tell Andy to grow up, get a pair, tell the chick he doesn't really love her, and stand up on his own.
There's a point at which letting yourself be used can be a calculated thing, a way to keep a connection while you try to help. But there comes a point where letting yourself be used is just letting yourself be used, and it isn't helping anyone, it's just building pathological dependencies.
Tell him you'll talk to him again when he turns back into a man, and shows it by getting his GED on his own, not having others do the work, tells the chick the truth, and starts seeing someone about the depression.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian,

I sense a bit of self-realization. Try not to fight it, and keep letting go. Imagine all of the time and energy spent on Andy, when in fact, it could've been better spent on you! You're on the way to recovery - keep us posted!

Also, ditto what rareboy says - I tend to agree with his perspective.

Take care.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

This thread been laying low for a decent while, so I thought I would come back an update.

Andrew: Miserable, needs cash, wants to desperately come home, is complaining of lack of communication between him and his fiancee.

Me: Totally fucking great, been working on my health, work rocks, fixing my place up and.....


Took the plunge and actually met a nice guy I had been talking to off this site. He is younger than me, but such a gentlemen. I was nervous waiting for him to pick me up the other night...it was raining so we went out to eat.

When he drove me home, right before I got out of the car, I shook his hand good night and told him it was a pleasure meeting him..he took my hand and pulled me in for a hug...

He texted me a half hour later saying he was dying to kis my lips..we have been speaking on the cells and texting the past few days and things seem to be heating up..we are meeting tomorrow night and going out to Manhattan...

Im not putting all my eggs in one basket or too much stock in it yet, but it gives me butterflies to be around him. He makes me want to fix up my apt even faster and come out faster to all I know...and worst case scenario I have found a great friend in him...and hes opening my doors to getting my ass out there and meeting men.

My friend Latoya couldnt be more happy for me..and I couldnt be more happy either, even my kids see it in me...

OH AND BY THE WAY...I have now gotten over Andrew..it is odd what it took, but my feelings died then to all but nothing before I met this guy and when I did, I was like Andrew WHO??? This guy has all the qualities of Andrew and then some...and lets not forget, HES INTO ME AND GAY....

I guess the perfect cure for Andrew was getting my ass out there and meeting someone who would love me for me....Im glad to finally put some positivity into this thread....

I told Andrew about my date and he was like I wish I was there to see you happy, it seems since I been gone you have gotten happier....AINT THAT THE FUCKING TRUTH...HAPPIER AND MOVING THE FUCK ON!!

Peace

BRIAN

P.S.-The guy I met is a total hottie :-)
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

I haven't posted here for a while, but I have been keeping up with the thread.

Just want to say congrats on the new developments. :=D: Sounds like you are getting happier and healthier, both physically and emotionally.

And I'd like to wish you a happy belated birthday. I was out of town and incommunicado on your big day.

birth.gif
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wow ,this thread has been on my mind on and off throughout the day and lo and behold its on the front page! (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

This is the best post you've ever made.

I hope you're able to continue moving on in this healthy way.

Best of luck in your new relationship, whether it leads just to friendship or something more.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Congratulations Brian!!!!! I couldn't be happier for you. This is the best update you have ever given. I'm so glad to see you moving on with your life.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

:hurray::wow::wow::wow::goodluck(!w!)

\:/
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

omg 46 pages later, finally, some real progress. :rolleyes: Good for you!..|
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

(UU):hurray::hurray::hurray::hurray::hurray::wow::wow::thewave:

This may be the best news of the *YEAR* in JUB - well, that and way back in January when Soilwork's bro came home.

A lot of us have been waiting for this post, and some of us were beginning to think we might not ever see it happen. Any of us who may have thought it to be a pipe dream or fantasy, well you're proving us wrong. That's fantastic!

You will surely continue to move on. You've already taken the biggest step (yes, probably even a bigger step than a possible eventual commitment to somebody).

[edit: seems there's always one of the smileys that doesn't want to text properly, by picking up a "phantom" space in it, but y'all know what it's supposed to be]
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

You know my thoughts on this.

Enjoy some happiness.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

OMFG!! Absolutley F*CKING AWESOME!!! (group):hurray:(!w!)

Brian!! I am SO HAPPY For YOU! I can't put it into Words!! :wow: (ww) :=D: ..|

For "Heaven's Sake" ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz :luv2:
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thank you all for the support...Latoya and I went shopping today to update my clothes to this CENTURY lol, I must say she did a great job...Im meeting the guy tonight in Manhattan, wish me luck...love you guys and once again thanks for the support....BRIAN
 
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