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Undying love for my best friend...please read(long
- Thread starter LostVegas
- Start date
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Alberto_15
Slut
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
OMG when I read the good news I screamed like a little girl... I NEVER DO THAT!
I'm so happy for you!!!
OMG when I read the good news I screamed like a little girl... I NEVER DO THAT!
I'm so happy for you!!!
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Well here is the update.
That night I met they guy I was seeing in front of MSG in NYC(Madison Square Garden).
We then decided to walk to some of the bars, which meant going to Christopher Street, pretty much the Village or Chelsea...it was so odd how a lot of the people and establishments, after a few blocks were all gay oriented.
We got the first bar, called Gin Bar I think. It was a sports bar. He got me a shot, I got him a shot. We ordered more drinks.
Some guys started talking to me. This is a place I like, as well as the clientelle. It was sports oriented, the guys were masculine and down to earth, good looking guys, but no attitude, t-shirt and jeans were cool here.
Then we headed over to TY's. The crowd leaned a little older and it was more laid back than even the sports bar. More crowded and smaller too.
We got a slice of pizza after this. We would walk and hold hands a little, and even touch each others asses while walking..was so odd to do out in public but freeing.
Lastly we wnet to Dugout, which is much larger(3 floors) than I expected...first 2 floors a lot of nasty shit was going on, third floor was on the roof which was cool..the guys seemed a little more attitude-y there so we didnt stay long..only thing I liked about it was the roof setting actually.
It was Halloween weekend, a lot of the freaks were out, which was cool..they took some pressure off the evening..
As we were walking back to MSG to end our night...we held hands and kissed..it was a pretty cool evening.
A few days later he told me he wanted to remain friends..and it hurt a tiny, tiny bit but I didnt let it get to me too much...after all I really dont know him too too well and there are other guys to be had...but I thnk him very much for cracking open my shell even wider.
I have another date coming up with another guy(more my age) on the 17th, so we shall see how that goes.
It was great rubbing up against all those hot bodies in the bar...Im so nasty.
On the Andy front he called me at work 5 times this week, bawling and crying...he had a nervous brekdown on he phone with me one night and said that I changed on him, and he never thought that would happen, he says what we had/have is like a marriage, thats how close we are and he doesnt want i to go away...he says new people are starting to take over his spot...
Anyway, thats it for now, ttyl guys
Well here is the update.
That night I met they guy I was seeing in front of MSG in NYC(Madison Square Garden).
We then decided to walk to some of the bars, which meant going to Christopher Street, pretty much the Village or Chelsea...it was so odd how a lot of the people and establishments, after a few blocks were all gay oriented.
We got the first bar, called Gin Bar I think. It was a sports bar. He got me a shot, I got him a shot. We ordered more drinks.
Some guys started talking to me. This is a place I like, as well as the clientelle. It was sports oriented, the guys were masculine and down to earth, good looking guys, but no attitude, t-shirt and jeans were cool here.
Then we headed over to TY's. The crowd leaned a little older and it was more laid back than even the sports bar. More crowded and smaller too.
We got a slice of pizza after this. We would walk and hold hands a little, and even touch each others asses while walking..was so odd to do out in public but freeing.
Lastly we wnet to Dugout, which is much larger(3 floors) than I expected...first 2 floors a lot of nasty shit was going on, third floor was on the roof which was cool..the guys seemed a little more attitude-y there so we didnt stay long..only thing I liked about it was the roof setting actually.
It was Halloween weekend, a lot of the freaks were out, which was cool..they took some pressure off the evening..
As we were walking back to MSG to end our night...we held hands and kissed..it was a pretty cool evening.
A few days later he told me he wanted to remain friends..and it hurt a tiny, tiny bit but I didnt let it get to me too much...after all I really dont know him too too well and there are other guys to be had...but I thnk him very much for cracking open my shell even wider.
I have another date coming up with another guy(more my age) on the 17th, so we shall see how that goes.
It was great rubbing up against all those hot bodies in the bar...Im so nasty.
On the Andy front he called me at work 5 times this week, bawling and crying...he had a nervous brekdown on he phone with me one night and said that I changed on him, and he never thought that would happen, he says what we had/have is like a marriage, thats how close we are and he doesnt want i to go away...he says new people are starting to take over his spot...
Anyway, thats it for now, ttyl guys
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Told you he'd implode if he thought he'd lost control over you........you see it isn't you the person he's afraid of losing, it is only the control over the person that he needs........god, he's pathetic.
Enjoy the hot dates!!!!!!!!!
.....and do hang onto the one you've just dated as a friend.
Told you he'd implode if he thought he'd lost control over you........you see it isn't you the person he's afraid of losing, it is only the control over the person that he needs........god, he's pathetic.
Enjoy the hot dates!!!!!!!!!
.....and do hang onto the one you've just dated as a friend.
backpacker
fka "vetteboi"
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Hi Brian, I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out with they guy you dated. As you noted, there are other fish in the sea. You have also discovered some new bars that you can frequent.
With regard to Andy, he is getting more and more desperate as his control of you slips. This is exactly what many people on this post have warned you about. Stay strong and continue with your progress. Andy isn't going to change unless he wants to change. There is nothing you can do about that and there is no reason to allow his to keep you down.
Hi Brian, I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out with they guy you dated. As you noted, there are other fish in the sea. You have also discovered some new bars that you can frequent.
With regard to Andy, he is getting more and more desperate as his control of you slips. This is exactly what many people on this post have warned you about. Stay strong and continue with your progress. Andy isn't going to change unless he wants to change. There is nothing you can do about that and there is no reason to allow his to keep you down.
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
WOW...as usual, I'm very happy to read an update from you. This is the *ONE* thread on this whole site when, if I see I've been e-mailed an update, I think "YES!!!" - and sometimes I'll even shout it out loud as I think it.
I took particular notice of your reaction here, and I think it bodes very well for your maturity and your future. You had a really great time with a very nice guy who you met, who you were hoping you would see more, and "a few days later" he told you it would be just a friend thing at best. Your reaction was that it stung a little, but you got past it right away, and you realized that life goes on, and it's really a rather massive ocean of guys out there. You also recognized that your shell has been opened up more, AND you're grateful for the experience you had hanging out with him.
I think this kind of reaction would have been impossible for you even a year ago, but it's the BEST of all possible reactions under such circumstances! You didn't fall apart, you didn't think you've lost your only good chance, and you're as willing as ever to meet other guys and be open to where things may lead.
This is great news! Your last two or three posts have been some of the best news I've seen in this entire thread. You are definitely headed in the right direction, and even though there will be more disappointments along the way, you're gonna prevail and eventually find the man you truly deserve.
Many of us always hoped that we'd see postings from you that were like this, and you haven't let us down. Clearly you realize that you're a person who's worth caring for, and you're acting on it. Good-on-ya!
And thanks for keeping us up to date on this. You have a huge cheering section.
No smilies were harmed in the posting of this message LOL.
WOW...as usual, I'm very happy to read an update from you. This is the *ONE* thread on this whole site when, if I see I've been e-mailed an update, I think "YES!!!" - and sometimes I'll even shout it out loud as I think it.
I took particular notice of your reaction here, and I think it bodes very well for your maturity and your future. You had a really great time with a very nice guy who you met, who you were hoping you would see more, and "a few days later" he told you it would be just a friend thing at best. Your reaction was that it stung a little, but you got past it right away, and you realized that life goes on, and it's really a rather massive ocean of guys out there. You also recognized that your shell has been opened up more, AND you're grateful for the experience you had hanging out with him.
I think this kind of reaction would have been impossible for you even a year ago, but it's the BEST of all possible reactions under such circumstances! You didn't fall apart, you didn't think you've lost your only good chance, and you're as willing as ever to meet other guys and be open to where things may lead.
This is great news! Your last two or three posts have been some of the best news I've seen in this entire thread. You are definitely headed in the right direction, and even though there will be more disappointments along the way, you're gonna prevail and eventually find the man you truly deserve.
Many of us always hoped that we'd see postings from you that were like this, and you haven't let us down. Clearly you realize that you're a person who's worth caring for, and you're acting on it. Good-on-ya!
And thanks for keeping us up to date on this. You have a huge cheering section.
No smilies were harmed in the posting of this message LOL.
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Just by the way, I'm sure that it is nakedly clear that what you had is nothing like a marriage. The fact that he sees your realtionship in this light is the clearest demonstration of the depths of his mental disturbance. He is seriously delusional and may eventually start to pose an actual threat. If he sounds like he might become violent, act on this immediately.
Just by the way, I'm sure that it is nakedly clear that what you had is nothing like a marriage. The fact that he sees your realtionship in this light is the clearest demonstration of the depths of his mental disturbance. He is seriously delusional and may eventually start to pose an actual threat. If he sounds like he might become violent, act on this immediately.
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
You know, this train of thought crossed my mind as well--especially the delusional aspects. You know him better than any of us, Brian, so maybe this is (or is not) an issue. Keep your antenna primed, though. He's voicing some things for which there is a very thin line between weird and dangerous.
texan_slant
Sex God
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Hey Brian,
I'm really happy for you! These are some giant steps that you've taken to realize how important your life really is, and that only you can live it, and not through the eyes of someone else.
Now that you have taken a step back to observe Andy's behavior, I hope that you realize how toxic it really was. The distance helps you right now, however, be really cautious if he somehow decides to move back to NYC.
You take care.
Hey Brian,
I'm really happy for you! These are some giant steps that you've taken to realize how important your life really is, and that only you can live it, and not through the eyes of someone else.
Now that you have taken a step back to observe Andy's behavior, I hope that you realize how toxic it really was. The distance helps you right now, however, be really cautious if he somehow decides to move back to NYC.
You take care.
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Having kind of ignored this thread for a while, I see Andy in a somewhat different light now. I don't know that I'd call him delusional, but rareboy is right: your relationship was nothing like a marriage. And he is treadiing close to the line between weird and dangerous, as averageguy said.
I'm seeing fixation, idealization, dependency, and obsession. Andy and you hit it off so well that he became fixated on you as the high point of friendship in his life. He idealized your relationship, sort of after the Platonic model: seeing your friendship as the defining one that all other relationships have to be measured again. Whatever relationships he had before, the friendship with you became all that counted. It wasn't long before he became dependent on you; that dependence has only deepened. His clinging to this idealized friendship, and his felt need for it, have become an obsession. He's gone from manipulating you for things like money to trying to manipulate you so he can keep "possession".
That state of obsession isn't itself dangerous -- just obnoxious and annoying. But if he picks up the other half of a common pair -- compulsion -- there's a significant possibility of acting dangerously.
Keep alert.
Having kind of ignored this thread for a while, I see Andy in a somewhat different light now. I don't know that I'd call him delusional, but rareboy is right: your relationship was nothing like a marriage. And he is treadiing close to the line between weird and dangerous, as averageguy said.
I'm seeing fixation, idealization, dependency, and obsession. Andy and you hit it off so well that he became fixated on you as the high point of friendship in his life. He idealized your relationship, sort of after the Platonic model: seeing your friendship as the defining one that all other relationships have to be measured again. Whatever relationships he had before, the friendship with you became all that counted. It wasn't long before he became dependent on you; that dependence has only deepened. His clinging to this idealized friendship, and his felt need for it, have become an obsession. He's gone from manipulating you for things like money to trying to manipulate you so he can keep "possession".
That state of obsession isn't itself dangerous -- just obnoxious and annoying. But if he picks up the other half of a common pair -- compulsion -- there's a significant possibility of acting dangerously.
Keep alert.
backpacker
fka "vetteboi"
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
I have to disagree with Andy having an obsession with Brian. Andy has always placed everyone else in his life ahead of Brian. Brian has been relegated to the late night phone calls when nobody else is available. Remember when Andy visited New York last year, he barely gave Brian the time of day.
It's very important to Andy to control Brian so that he is available whenever he wants. Andy will say whatever he thinks he needs to in order to push Brian's buttons and control him. Andy also relies on Brian for emotional support as he's been the one person who hasn't held Andy accountable for his actions. Andy also still has hopes of conning Brian out of more money. I'm not saying Brian will fall for it, but Andy definitely thinks he can get more money from him. Andy's a classic user, both emotionally and otherwise.
Andy's definitely has some mental health issues, but his primary issue is that he's a user. I wouldn't be surprised to see him elevate his control tactics to threats of suicide. I don't think he would make threats against Brian, but if he does, Brian needs to take those seriously.
I have to disagree with Andy having an obsession with Brian. Andy has always placed everyone else in his life ahead of Brian. Brian has been relegated to the late night phone calls when nobody else is available. Remember when Andy visited New York last year, he barely gave Brian the time of day.
It's very important to Andy to control Brian so that he is available whenever he wants. Andy will say whatever he thinks he needs to in order to push Brian's buttons and control him. Andy also relies on Brian for emotional support as he's been the one person who hasn't held Andy accountable for his actions. Andy also still has hopes of conning Brian out of more money. I'm not saying Brian will fall for it, but Andy definitely thinks he can get more money from him. Andy's a classic user, both emotionally and otherwise.
Andy's definitely has some mental health issues, but his primary issue is that he's a user. I wouldn't be surprised to see him elevate his control tactics to threats of suicide. I don't think he would make threats against Brian, but if he does, Brian needs to take those seriously.
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Hey guys, just thought I would come back and give you guys an update...been a little while.
Firstly, I hope everyone's Thanksgiving went well and had a great time.
It is so completely odd how 300% diferent my life is today compared to just even a year ago.
I invited my best friend Latoya over for Thanksgiving and to my nephew's Christening and after party). I know most of you are saying, well so what? Thats a huge step for me...my family and friends and extended family see how muhch more outgoing and sociable I am now. They notice the change. I have also lost 25 pounds and everyone notices the difference..I plan on losing more and more weight.
I went on a date with a guy Friday, different guy than the last one. We met for coffee and saw This Christmas...afterwards we kissed for a half hour..we met up again yesterday and went out to eat and afterwards couldnt keep our hands off each other..Im into him, hes into me..its just almost too good. He is looking for a LTR so we will see where that goes...I have yet another date this weekend with another guy...again Im not playing games, just getting myself out there.
Andrew is the same person. Broke, unhappy, and looking to move back.
It is amazing the friendship we now have. I know now he needs me much more than I ever needed him. I realize now that I have good friends in my life how mad I should be at him for what he did to me..friends dont do that to friends...Andrew is lucky I am a forgiving person. My family is not and they hate him.
I told him about Latoya and the holidays and my nephew's christening and he was like "I wish your family would accept me like that.." I told him Andrew, you used me for money, they are smart enough to know that..they are looking out for me...I understand why they hate you.
I told Andrew about my date yesterday and he was like "I see you have the fever.." referencing the fact that I was on a date with a black guy...and he had me on speaker with his fiancee....and Andrew goes "once you go black you never go back right Bri?"..I shot back why dont you tell your fiancee that..and I left it at that.
Andrew keeps asking me how my dates are going and if it is getting getting serious with any of these guys..why does he want to know so bad? He is not asking to be friendly, hes asking to see if anyone will take my attention away from him..it's all about Andrew.
Andrew is having a hard time and I have to be honest. I dont really care. I think he still lies to me. I think he will never pay me what he owes me..I dont think it is a priority for him. When he talks about coming back to NYC to save our friendship and to hang out again, I have nothing inside me that cares..it is cold and empty to him now. I will still talk to him here and there but I dont see us being the friends we once were.
At this point had Andrew even come out of the closet..I still would have no feelings for him..because he possesses values that I beleive a man should be...I am seeing him for the loser(and I mean that in the nicest way) that he really is.
I cant wait for the next few months to come..I love Christmas, my apt will be done in a month or two..I am buying a car in January..and I am signign off for boxing and kick boxing lesons in january as well as training sessions..
Andrew asked me if I was going back to Bally's to get my training(where I met him)..and I said no, I already fucked up my life once by doing that...I plan on losing a decent amount more of weight..I guess the best payback I can give Andrew is to look good for his wedding and for be to bring my best friend Latoya..I want him to see first hand how my life has moved on...
BRIAN
Hey guys, just thought I would come back and give you guys an update...been a little while.
Firstly, I hope everyone's Thanksgiving went well and had a great time.
It is so completely odd how 300% diferent my life is today compared to just even a year ago.
I invited my best friend Latoya over for Thanksgiving and to my nephew's Christening and after party). I know most of you are saying, well so what? Thats a huge step for me...my family and friends and extended family see how muhch more outgoing and sociable I am now. They notice the change. I have also lost 25 pounds and everyone notices the difference..I plan on losing more and more weight.
I went on a date with a guy Friday, different guy than the last one. We met for coffee and saw This Christmas...afterwards we kissed for a half hour..we met up again yesterday and went out to eat and afterwards couldnt keep our hands off each other..Im into him, hes into me..its just almost too good. He is looking for a LTR so we will see where that goes...I have yet another date this weekend with another guy...again Im not playing games, just getting myself out there.
Andrew is the same person. Broke, unhappy, and looking to move back.
It is amazing the friendship we now have. I know now he needs me much more than I ever needed him. I realize now that I have good friends in my life how mad I should be at him for what he did to me..friends dont do that to friends...Andrew is lucky I am a forgiving person. My family is not and they hate him.
I told him about Latoya and the holidays and my nephew's christening and he was like "I wish your family would accept me like that.." I told him Andrew, you used me for money, they are smart enough to know that..they are looking out for me...I understand why they hate you.
I told Andrew about my date yesterday and he was like "I see you have the fever.." referencing the fact that I was on a date with a black guy...and he had me on speaker with his fiancee....and Andrew goes "once you go black you never go back right Bri?"..I shot back why dont you tell your fiancee that..and I left it at that.
Andrew keeps asking me how my dates are going and if it is getting getting serious with any of these guys..why does he want to know so bad? He is not asking to be friendly, hes asking to see if anyone will take my attention away from him..it's all about Andrew.
Andrew is having a hard time and I have to be honest. I dont really care. I think he still lies to me. I think he will never pay me what he owes me..I dont think it is a priority for him. When he talks about coming back to NYC to save our friendship and to hang out again, I have nothing inside me that cares..it is cold and empty to him now. I will still talk to him here and there but I dont see us being the friends we once were.
At this point had Andrew even come out of the closet..I still would have no feelings for him..because he possesses values that I beleive a man should be...I am seeing him for the loser(and I mean that in the nicest way) that he really is.
I cant wait for the next few months to come..I love Christmas, my apt will be done in a month or two..I am buying a car in January..and I am signign off for boxing and kick boxing lesons in january as well as training sessions..
Andrew asked me if I was going back to Bally's to get my training(where I met him)..and I said no, I already fucked up my life once by doing that...I plan on losing a decent amount more of weight..I guess the best payback I can give Andrew is to look good for his wedding and for be to bring my best friend Latoya..I want him to see first hand how my life has moved on...
BRIAN
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
very interesting story but I didn't read the whole thread.
This thread is way too long.
LostVegas, which page did you told him you are gay so i may go and have a read.
And is he 100% str8 or he don't wants to tell you?
very interesting story but I didn't read the whole thread.
This thread is way too long.
LostVegas, which page did you told him you are gay so i may go and have a read.
And is he 100% str8 or he don't wants to tell you?
backpacker
fka "vetteboi"
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Great update!!! I'm glad to see you are moving on with your life. Good luck with both your dates.
Great update!!! I'm glad to see you are moving on with your life. Good luck with both your dates.
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Brian, thanks for the update. Glad to hear things are working out so well. Really glad to see that you're continuing to be over Andrew. You have a good perspective on him.
All the best. Keep us updated.
Brian, thanks for the update. Glad to hear things are working out so well. Really glad to see that you're continuing to be over Andrew. You have a good perspective on him.
All the best. Keep us updated.
texan_slant
Sex God
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Hey Brian,
I am VERY HAPPY for you! You are on the road to thinking of yourself as the numbero uno priority.
Hey Brian,
I am VERY HAPPY for you! You are on the road to thinking of yourself as the numbero uno priority.
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Brian ...
You're latest update is one of the best "presents" I could have received this Season!! WAY TO GO!!!!
Keep smilin'!!
Chaz
Brian ...
You're latest update is one of the best "presents" I could have received this Season!! WAY TO GO!!!!
Keep smilin'!!
Chaz
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
I just heaved a huge sigh of relief.
It's resolved: you've taken ownership of yourself, cut the cord, and are flying free.
Andrew, OTOH, will most likely never be free. If I read him right, he will find another guy to latch onto dependently, for refuge from his foolish marriage, if nothing else.
I think your blank emotions will pass, and healthy ones grow up -- gladness at what you had, sadness that it had to go, appreciation of what he did for you, resignation toward what he did to you, and joy in the freedom you've given yourself.
Oh -- just in case, write down on a piece of paper what he owes you, with dates if you can get that detailed. And if he ever shows up wanting something, just hand him the paper and look him straight in the eye, without saying anything. If he complains or protests or whines in any other way, tell him, "You were the best friend I ever had. But now... grow up." Then give him a hug, and close the door.
I just heaved a huge sigh of relief.
It's resolved: you've taken ownership of yourself, cut the cord, and are flying free.
Andrew, OTOH, will most likely never be free. If I read him right, he will find another guy to latch onto dependently, for refuge from his foolish marriage, if nothing else.
I think your blank emotions will pass, and healthy ones grow up -- gladness at what you had, sadness that it had to go, appreciation of what he did for you, resignation toward what he did to you, and joy in the freedom you've given yourself.
Oh -- just in case, write down on a piece of paper what he owes you, with dates if you can get that detailed. And if he ever shows up wanting something, just hand him the paper and look him straight in the eye, without saying anything. If he complains or protests or whines in any other way, tell him, "You were the best friend I ever had. But now... grow up." Then give him a hug, and close the door.
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
FRZBGLFR;3387282 I think you are right in your thoughts of him said:
nihilis
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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
It depends on how you define friends. Sometimes it gets to a point where the relationship is one-sided and it's no longer a friendship, but a parasite-host relationship. Losing that is no real loss.
Life is dynamic, not static. Sometimes you just have to change things in a relationship to test its strength. Sometimes outside factors cause change, and sometimes things just change for no other reason than change itself. The point is that if the people involved are unwilling and unable to roll with the punches and adapt to different situations, then the relationship is not real, and both are better off without it in the long run.
It depends on how you define friends. Sometimes it gets to a point where the relationship is one-sided and it's no longer a friendship, but a parasite-host relationship. Losing that is no real loss.
Life is dynamic, not static. Sometimes you just have to change things in a relationship to test its strength. Sometimes outside factors cause change, and sometimes things just change for no other reason than change itself. The point is that if the people involved are unwilling and unable to roll with the punches and adapt to different situations, then the relationship is not real, and both are better off without it in the long run.
Exactly. I've found lately that the best way to see what's really there is to stop trying to see at all. Things will reveal themselves on their own without effort from the observer.
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