Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[PieRules]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It sounds like your having emotions similar to what happens when parents have children move out on their own (Empty nest syndrome or something like that) and you end up constantly worry about what is going on and how your children are doing without your help or support. And if they are doing well, you end up being mad, sad, happy, and a combination of other emotions at once because you want them back in your house, but at the same time, you are happy they are doing fine without the physical support. He maybe having the same emotions.

I don't think you ever need to worry about your buddy ever forgetting about you. There is too much history between you two for that to happen .

Similar to Halabutsi, when I go visit my friends in Vancouver, my friends and I do stuff that we have done in the past and it's like nothing has changed. I don't think there would be any awkward moments between you and your buddy , unless you smell bad, have something stuck between your teeth, or have a booger hanging out of your nose . Cheer up, brighter days are ahead...and with computer access and a phone at his place, your communication with each other will increase.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys whats up? I hope all is well with you guys..a small update for you...or me....


My day at work went well...I found out today they corrected the money problem I have been having ...I came home to a message from my buddy saying that he got his phone and this is his number and to call him when I get a chance...

I saved the message and signed on aol about 15 minutes later...I saw that his girls screenname was logged on..Ii didnt say hi because me and her rarely talk on aol..she IMed me "Hey whats up?" and I responded back "hey" and she then asked me to foward her some email I have been saving for her until they get their aol up and running again and I did...then he said "**** said to call the house at the number she gave"...I didnt respond..In fact Ii put my away message up...I logged off a little later..and then my buddy called...


He said whats up and he was waiting for me to call and he got the phone up and running and now we can talk for a long time if we wanted to he said..I said cool and asked him whats up...whats new...how are things...he said he was applying to the job that that guy was helping him get..and that later on tonight they are going to a hockey thing and then out to dinner, all on comps that this guy got and so he just gave them to my buddy and his girl...

This guy I am talking about is a friend of my buddys girl's mother...who I apparently found out was out there when we were out there last....so I asked him where were these people when we were out there last..and he said they were here but the mother in law said not to associate with them because they were bad people...truth be told, they are nice people and the mother in law just said that to be a prick....so anyway I just find myself getting more and more frustrated with what could have been if we gotten this kind of help last time when I was there, we would all still be together..anyway..he asked me what was wrong and I said, nothing at all...I wasnt even in a bad moo,d I was pretty happy because my pay at work as gone up...but maybe he noticed something in my voice???...He said it sounds like I am angry at him and I assured him that wasnt the case...I just said I wish that guy was fucking helping us out like he is helping you out now..maybe all this shit wouldnt have to happen....but anyway he asked me if I could come out there sooner, like this weekend, and I told him I couldnt...which I cant...he said he misses me and I said, yeah I know, I do too...we ended the call shortly after that...and he told me to call him later if I want...


I don't know guys...I just see things changing already..I see myself staying here another year more, because my pay went up and I need to save money..It finally sunk in today that I have to get my shit together and my money and then move out there...but it hurts...It will hurt when he gets a job..when he finds new friends...when he gets married..when he has a kid ...all this stuff will hurt and also make me happy at the same time...Im going through several emotions right now...I just do not want things to mess up and deep down I know they wont mess up...I guess what I am afraid of is change...and I know with life comes constant change...but i never want to lose the feeling I have for him...this bond...brian

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, you're right about life and change. Change is inevitable, yet there are always constants in your life. You determine what those constants are. For me, it's Faith, Family and Friends. But one thing I noticed, is that you can't force something to remain a constant in your life...You just have to put your trust in those constants, then weather the storm of life.

A lot can happen in a year...and not necessarily bad things either. I realise that you'll be hurt when he "succeeds" without you, but ask yourself if that's really fair. Do you feel that your relationship is totally based on his dependency of you? Imo, that's not a good state for any friendship to be in. From what you've told us, your friendship goes much deeper than that. So...be happy for your friend. Be happy for yourself. I know it seems easier said than done, but look at it this way: If he's successful, he becomes more independent. You, being away from your buddy, become more independent as well. I mean, the two of you can either get depressed and weak from this experience, or you can use it to make yourselves happy and stronger. The choice is yours to make.

As an optimist, I always look for the silver lining in everything. I moved to a village of 1000 people from a city of a million. ALL of my friends are elsewhere. My social life went from full weekends to nil. You want a shock? Come to rural New Brunswick. I'm sure Soilwork can attest to the amount social activities available to 20-somethings in rural NB communities. But did I sit and sulk in my room when I arrived in September? No. Did I miss my friends? Absolutely. But I also knew that they were always going to be there for me. I took advantage of the solitude to put my life in order. I've got no social life to speak of now, but I don't feel sorry for myself either. I make due with what I've got. And I find joy in everything that I do.

What it all boils down to Brian, is perspective. The fact that you're going to be happy and hurt when good things happen to your buddy shows that you're looking at things from 2 perspectives. I suggest, forget the negative perspective and throw EVERYTHING behind the positive side. When you find yourself thinking about how you're going to feel hurt...smile. Force yourself to smile and then let yourself have happy laughter for your friend's success. Use your friend's success and happiness to propel your forward. In turn, your buddy can feed off of your happiness. I know it may sound absolutely ridiculous, but never underestimate the power of happiness and positivity.

Take some of my happiness if you'd like. I've got lots. And have a hug. Hopefully, it'll give you a little warmth.

 

[tpeezy101]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I remember in 6th grade I had a best friend who went to a different school the next year. So i had to make new friends on my own, and he was at a completely different school. We used to talk at school and on the phone everyday, but once he changed schools we lost contact. I'm not saying thats what's gonna happen with your friendship, b/c my friendship with my old friend was nothing like that. But we lost contact and we haven't talked since. I tried calling and keepin in touch but our conversations never went anywhere so eventually i stopped trying, b/c he would never call me. Funny thing is I saw him, and stopped and we had a conversation(a good one) He gave me this excuse of why we never called me. I gave him the benefit of the doubt b/c our numbers changed over the years, but we exchanged numbers AGAIN and he still hasn't called me yet. I want to call, but I don't want to be the one putting all the effort in our friendship like last time.

But I guess I said this b/c, he's on a different side of the country. I think, eventually you will not speak as often as you used to. It's natual, and i think thats what is happening. Your conversations are already becoming "hey hows it goin? nothing much, I miss you." But you seem to be fine. I hope you get to see him soon though.

 

[ok455]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I guess you should start breaking ground and try to make some new friends and a possible boyfriend . you never know you might end up being happy in ny then moving down to lv. i feel if you move to lv with your bestfriend u might end up feeding you being inlove with your bf. and then your going to be jealous with him and his girlfreind. like i said and im always going to say this your a strong person for putting up with him and his girlfriend and being inlove with him. i think if i had a friend like that i would get away from him as fast as possible


And are you sure u want to leave having a job and everything to move to lv and not have a job?

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

And are you sure u want to leave having a job and everything to move to lv and not have a job?

Actually I am finishing up my Masters this spring/summer..plan on staying here till Summer 2007 to save more money up and then Ill go..Brian


My family owns a house here so Ill be getting some of the rent money from the house also..Hopefully so I can eventually buy my own house in Vegas..talk to you all later tonight, enjoy your Saturday

 

[strangelittleboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wow. I am blown away by this thread. I couldn't stop reading. I am new here. I would like to give you my opinion, to you, Vegas.

From all that I have read, I have to say that there is more here than meets the eye. I think he loves you in a way he's not ready for. You never know, he could tell you the same thing a year or 2 years from now. I am not trying to get this back on your mind or put thoughts in your head for you to obsess about.

It's so engaging to read. I don't know. If it were me, I would assume that he was gay too. I mean, come on. He played Madonna songs for you. I don't know. I see all the mixed signals and even I can't give you anything to go on. I guess I just have to keep saying that there's something more.

I experienced something like this, but with a childhood friend. I was a boy, she was a girl. It started in second grade. She just came up to me after I moved where I was and wanted to be my friend. I went over to her house every day and every weekend. We did everything together. I was invited to thanksgiving parties, christmas parties, etc... I remember one day we were in her basement (we liked to do role playing games). I don't exactly remember why, but she started crawling on her knees towards me looking provocatively. She came towards me, acting like she was going to kiss me. And then, she stopped and said, "I'm just kidding, I would never do that." Then, it got quiet. I wanted her to, but I told her, "yeah, that's crazy." I still wish she would have.

God, I'm sorry for rambling. But, I know the type of relationship you're talking about. Everybody thought we were dating, but we weren't. I haven't spoken to her in 5 years.

Anyway, it seems like you're struggling with a different secret. He knows but he doesn't know everything. I think your next move should be to admit your feelings to him. If you don't, can you really guarantee that you can move on? I mean, that sounds cold and that's NOT my intent, but just think about how great it felt to tell him the other truth. Think about how great you would feel if you told him this truth. He already told you he wouldn't be mad if you were, but if you don't tell him soon, he may resent you later (if you decide to tell him in the future) for keeping it a secret for so long.

I've never read anything so complicated before. If it were me, I would just tell him that you had feelings for him. Ask him if he feels anything for you. Maybe you should be the one asking questions now. Ask him hypothetical questions, "what if..." I know it could be disastrous. It's up to you. But if you don't tell him or ask him why he feels so close to you, then you'll never know.

I will keep reading anything you post here. I almost cried reading all of this.

strangelittleboy

P.S. If you want to send him a song, I suggest: "Don't Make Me Come To Vegas" by Tori Amos

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

It's pretty clear you've invested a lot in him. Seeing that brings to mind what a doctor told me when I was in a similar situation -- invest in other people. THat's not a betrayal, because it won't change your love for him, but it's like having more feet on the ground -- think of a horse; it's almost like you're a horse with just one leg, so with that leg disturbed , you're threatened and scared. Making other friends will be like getting more legs under you, and give you balance.

That's an important concept... and you are 'WAY out of balance! Don't take this wrong, but one way to approach it would be asking yourself, What would I be doing if he'd been killed in an accident going out there? I'm not saying write him off, it's just a way of looking at what you can do to keep your equilibrium right now.

I really feel for you, since I'm in a very similar boat. With just three "pre-out" friends left, and none of them I can really talk to about this whoile new adventure, I'm 'way off balance myself. It isn't easy! And I don't see any way to go except make new friends and get my balance back.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys, what's doing?

Been a little while since my last update...just started a masters course today (I hate school)


The past two days have been weird. I have not spoken to my friend. He has not called. And I have not called him. The last time we spoke was on Friday afternoon and I detailed that call on my last post or two....I miss him...I don't want to call him for some reason..I dont know what it is...I guess I just dont wanna be in pain and be sad and I also in some way want to show him I can be strong out here by myself...He knows sometimes I could be a loner and not call and distance myself and that always scared him about me because he always wants to be talking to me..I think he has not called because lately hes been the one calling and I guess he wants to see when or if I will call..plus I think in some ways he also wants to show me he has a life out there now too...Im so sad guys...talk to me..Im feeling alone tonight...Bri

 

[PieRules]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I don't think you show weakness if you gave him/them a phone call tonight. You are still in the transitionary phase of life without your second family and they are probably going through the same thing. From all your postings, they both care for you and you them.

Just chat on sweet nothings if that will bring you some comfort. Sounds like they are getting their lives in order in Vegas and I'm sure the comfort of your voice will bring them happiness. I'm sure they want to hear about what went on with your life for the past week as you are interested in what is happening with their lives down in Vegas with the big move and all. (Wish him well on his job interview! and that you miss him/them) Please take care of yourself ok?

 

[halubtsi]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

LV, to some extent it's probably easier to not call him. I can relate to that. But don't let your pain get in the way of your friendship. You probably still think about him often...and you probably wonder if he thinks about you as often as you do him. And even though you already know the answer, you still question.

Rule of thumb: Do what your heart tells you. If you want to talk to your buddy, pick up the phone and call him. Don't wait days or weeks to speak to him...otherwise, you're just playing mind games. ie: "you shouldn't call him until the 3rd day because you don't want to look too anxious, but you don't want to seem disinterested...etc.." And one last thing: Don't let anything stop you from talking to him...that includes yourself.

Good luck LV. Take care.

 

[clorox]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

...want to show him I can be strong out here by myself...I think he has not called because lately hes been the one calling and I guess he wants to see when or if I will call..plus I think in some ways he also wants to show me he has a life out there now too.

It seems to me that both of you are trying to show the other that you are strong and can handle being on your own. I'm really scared for your friendship, scared that this will be the quickest way to end up by yourself, I'm afraid that you'll both end up trying to show that your strong for yourselves and each other. Suddenly a week has passed since you talked then the next time your being strong it will be two weeks...I don't know the exact wording of that phrase that says "you left and you were my life" at the end but I guess I'm saying there is nothing wrong in admitting that even if it can't go beyond being the best of friends. I'm really going to plead with you not to use the loner thing to allow yourself to be distanced from him. Call him from time to time to let him know you care, even if its not tonight, people need to hear it. It seems he knows you pretty well but all it takes is one thought of "maybe I'm annoying him" or "maybe I'm suffocating him..." to poison your relationship from the inside out. I'm thinking of ya.

 

[strangelittleboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I agree with clorox.

Don't separate yourself from others. I do that all the time and it's not good. Just try to call him twice a week or something he feels comfortable with

 

[strangelittleboy]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I agree.

I really think he feels the same way - that is my impression. And I believe that he does love his fiance, but not as much as he loves you.

Why else would he be able to be so open with you? to cry in front of you? To tell you think he's of you when he listens to Madonna?

You have one hell of a friend and either way, I don't think you will lose. If you tell him you love him and he says he feels the same way and wants to be with you, that's wonderful. If you tell him that you love him and he says he doesn't feel the same way, that's ok too becasue you know he's got your back in the end. You know he's going to stick by you.

Granted, if the latter plays out, you won't get everything you want, but you've got someone who's not going to judge you or downgrade you just because of your sexuality.

Either way, he's going to be there, so you won't lose him.

I would love to have a friend like that right now.

I think you should try to tell him...He said he wouldn't be mad before and I dont see how that could change now. He said it would be ok if you were and you know he's gonna be there through it all, so take some comfort in that.

strangelittleboy

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys..just got home from one of my Masters classes so I just thought I would log on and post here...There was this new guy in class with a body so ungodly I couldnt take my eyes off of him ...I checked him out the whole day..He sat next to me...And all I could do was undress him and think what I would do to him with my eyes..Talkin ripped body with tight jeans and a tight tee..nipples coming right through the shirt, and nice many arms and big hands...ok ok ok...let me stop I could go on..


I fell asleep last night...and I woke up groggy to what I thought I heard was my buddy talking to me...then I went back to sleep..to my surprise I wasnt dreaming..but that I was hearing him after all, he left a message for me on the machine..I got it in the morning and it brought a smile to my face...what better way to wake up??? I made a promise to myself that I would call him back...and I will..maybe Ill post later today if I feel the need...anyway thanks for reading...Bri

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

LV, to some extent it's probably easier to not call him. I can relate to that. But don't let your pain get in the way of your friendship. You probably still think about him often...and you probably wonder if he thinks about you as often as you do him. And even though you already know the answer, you still question.

Rule of thumb: Do what your heart tells you. If you want to talk to your buddy, pick up the phone and call him. Don't wait days or weeks to speak to him...otherwise, you're just playing mind games. ie: "you shouldn't call him until the 3rd day because you don't want to look too anxious, but you don't want to seem disinterested...etc.." And one last thing: Don't let anything stop you from talking to him...that includes yourself.

Good luck LV. Take care.

When my best buddy moved to Indiana to the farm he inherited, we called all the time while he was on the road. Once he was at the farm....
I kept telling myself he was busy, and not to bother him, but the truth was that it hurt like hell not to be able to drive over and see him and go do something crazy together. If there's somewhere worse than hell, that's what it felt like not having him there to cry on through the pain of coming out. Calling made the pain sharper, so I didn't call.

Don't be that guy: call!

Random thought: call and say, I called to say hi. HI! and hang up. TO my buddy, that would be stupid and funny... so it would work. I don't know about wiuth you two.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I would love to have a friend like that right now.

strangelittleboy

There's something you should tell him!

I'd say I missed him so much I've talked about it with plas on-line, and they all say he sounds like the best friend anyone could ever have, and I felt that way anyway and really want him to know it.

Off-the-wall thought: in your position, I'd be hoping that when I told him, he'd say, Dude, I want you, too, but I can't leave her <pause>. Could you share me? because I can't live wikthout either of you.
That way I could be happy for him, and love him the way I wanted.
But my best buddy says my dreams are "so full of shit", this is probably just another dumb one.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys..just got home from one of my Masters classes so I just thought I would log on and post here...There was this new guy in class with a body so ungodly I couldnt take my eyes off of him ...I checked him out the whole day..He sat next to me...And all I could do was undress him and think what I would do to him with my eyes..Talkin ripped body with tight jeans and a tight tee..nipples coming right through the shirt, and nice many arms and bug hands...ok ok ok...let me stop I could go on..


I fell asleep last night...and I woke up groggy to what I thought I heard was my buddy talking to me...then I went back to sleep..to my surprise I wasnt dreaming..but that I was hearing him after all, he left a message for me on the machine..I got it in the morning and it brought a smile to my face...what better way to wake up??? I made a promise to myself that I would call him back...and I will..maybe Ill post later today if I feel the need...anyway thanks for reading...Bri

It sounds to me like your mind knows you need to get to know some more people, to get some balance back.
I'll just say "awesome" to both paragraphs. Awesome! Awesome!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Just called and left him a message..He wasnt home..anyway gunna go cruise the boarde here..pretty upbeat today...cant get that guy from class out of my head lol, talk to you all soon..bri

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well it is about 2am here on the East coast and after several episodes of phone tag where we kept missing each other..my buddy and I finally spoke to each other on the phone ...the call lasted two hours and it was the quickest two hours ever...we talked about everything...he said how he got a ticket and was worried about money and that he was tempted to call me for help but he refrained from doing that..he repeated over and over that he misses me and things aint the same there without me....


My buddy asked if I told or have seen a counselor or a therapist "about what we talked about before I left" and I assured him that I didnt and that I really didnt get down anymore about anything...I told him the only thing I get down about is that they are not here anymore...I spoke to his girl for a while and things sound good for the m both and I really couldnt be happier..they have it hard over there but they are slowly but surely making their way...I cant wait to go out there in August and they agreed...

What worries me about my friend is that everytime since I told him gay...when he wants to bring that topic up...hell say..."what we talked about" ....He'll never actually say the words "since u told me u were gay"...so I dont know what to think...I know hes ok with it..but maybe his girl was around and he didnt want to keep saying it? Maybe HE was uncomfortable saying it?: I dont know....I told him that my college classes are going well and that Im meeting and hanging out with new and different people..I could tell in his voice that he didnt like that and was jealous..He kept asking over and over "please dont forget me...just dont forget me..thats my biggest fear is that you will forget me.." and of course I said I wouldnt, which I wont!!!

But anyway we left off saying how good it was to finally be able to talk for a little while and that we couldnt wait to talk again....anyway thats my small update guys..speak to you more soon...Bri