Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Hey guys whats up...back here with some thoughts for you..
Lestat, thank you for the advice, it really is appreciated..thank you so much.
Averageguy...you have ben through some of this with me, reading right along. Thank you so much for caring, thank you all so much for caring.
Im finding it hard to stop supporting my buddy. We are very aware that we are co-dependent on each other for many reasons. But we find it hard not to be.
Do not know if I said this before but let me get this out in the open. My buddy did not graduate high school. I sat with him many times trying to get him to study for his GED or HS Diploma. I bought books. I sat with him. I gave him HW. His attention span is not all there, I think he was diagnosed with some type of attention deficit disorder when he was younger. Not any excuse mind you, but still...
Me and him are a lot alike. We both HATE work. We dont like to work for other people. We both have this dream of opening up a profitable business. We both want to make enough money so we can spend out days doing friend type things ie. bunjee jumpin, ATV racing, and overall just hanging out like good friends do.
My buddy is great at poker and he always dreamed of making it big doing that. I want to try stand up comedy(at the suggesting of everyone I know) and I would love to make it big in that. But these are dreams. I fully know that I have to have a safety net and a plan B waiting in the wings..hence my dedication to my masters and eventual PhD.
It is however, hard for buddy to see reality. He really is relying on this business idea for both of us and making ti in poker. He knows what he has to do. He knows heh as to get a job to make ends meet out there. It is just very hard for him. He doesnt have the attention to go back for his GED and he failed 3 aptitude tests for jobs out in Vegas already. Hes good in math but not so good in reading.
I love him so much. I want to never let him fall. I do not want to see life get harder for my friend. I cry for him sometimes.
He didnt have the best life(but who has right?)
His dad does not talk to him. His mom left him and his dad a few years back to go live with some guy who she married in Texas.
His girls's family hates him and thinks he is no good for their daughter.
My family thinks he is a user.
My brothers' wife's father used to be the teacher of my buddy(small world huh) the little time he was in high school. He didnt do the best things: cutting out and eventually dropping out, bullying, robbing people..etc. My buddy is not book smart but he is definitely street smart. My family was told this by this guy and they dont care for my buddy at all.
His friends are not the best to him. They dont so anything bad and are not evil per se..but his two childhood friends who he grew up with..well my buddy cant go for them for help because he knows the answer. I think, and so does my buddy, that they secretly wish for him to fail in certain things.
He knows I will never judge him and accept him no matter how smart he is, no matter what pieces of paper he went to school for, no matter how much he got and no matter what he does for a living. He knows I will be with him by his side to the end unconditionally. And it is true.
All the people who hate on him should only know the true man he is. The true person who has been there for me more than anyone. He let me be me and accepted me wholeheartedly.
He has such a wonderful personality and big heart. He just seems to be in a cache 22. He wants a lot o f things out of life but it is hard for him at the same time. Its hard for him to work 7 dollars an hour at a grocery store to make ends meet because he knows hes better than that, and I agree.
Many of you PMed me that I need to ease up on the money and for us to stop being co-dependent on each other. Many have said that I should not lend him anymore money. I kind of know this is true, but it is hard when he has nothing.
We always say to each other that one if us is going to see our names in bright lights one day..him for his poker or me for our comedy..and its fun and nice and warm to think these thoughts...but I know I am getting older and its hard for these things to become true. I can step back from la la land and into reality and be able to finish my masters and PhD and say..ok..so teaching is not that bad a way to make a living.
I want the very best for him and he wants the very best for me. We are great guys with a lot of heart and that is so rare today. We have genuine love for each other and for others.
My buddy, when he met me, said he turned over a new leaf because he realized that good, genuine, honest people exist in this life still. He made a lot of money doing the wrong things...and now that hes doing the right things and no money to show for it, hes wondering if God is paying him back and sometimes he wonders if being good is worth it. I can understand his thoughts.
But I always tell him, its much harder to do the right thing in todays world and to be selfless. There are not many people who get rewarded and credited for doing the right thing and often it goes unnoticed.
i just wanted to vent a little guys. Thank you so much, each and every one of you. BRIAN
, but would I be a total jackass to admit..some part of me secretly wants that. I know I know..bad Brian. 
but I didnt show it. 
made me equally as disgusted 
. He goes "but yeah what about that time in Vegas with that hooker I got you..you came out smiling.." And I go bro, a hoover vacuum could have blown me and I would have the same look on my face. 
)
...just a little down here guys..
