Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
Hey guys...Im pretty sad today..and for a quite different reason.
I lost 28 people that I hold close to my heart today.
Today was the last time I saw my kids.
They only had 4 periods today. I was in with them 1st and 4th...and I knew 4th period was going to be so hurtful.
That period came and when I walked in Megan(girl in my class) came up to me and said "I love you like your my family. Im going to miss you Mr. T"
I had to immediately leave the room. My gut hurt so much.
I came back 5 minutes later and the class asked where I went..and I said I dont want to hear goodbyes in here...only "see you soons".
These kids have been my life the past 9 months or so. I often saw more of them an spent more time talking to them than their own families sometimes.
I saw one of my students Marcus counting change in class in the corner at a table. I went over to talk to him nd eventually I asked him why hes meticulously counting this money out and he said hes planning on opening a savings account..and I asked him if hes savin for something nice....and he goes Im saving to get my own apt..because he heard at 17 he can legally live on his own...my heart sank...and I asked him if everything was ok at home(knowing it wasnt..Me and Marcus go way back throughout the year..hes had major problems with an abusive an absentee dad and in a weird way I had become his "father")..he said some things were not cool...I told him he can always come back to me if he needs to talk.
As I watched their last period unfold...I stood by the door..and just watched them all.
I started to well up and cry...the tears came down.
I promised myself I would be good..and try to hold it in..but I couldnt.
I cried several times more..and the class gave me a group hug, and then they started to cry.
I told them, through tears and choking back my words, that if for any reason they are in trouble or they need anything....please come see me..Ill always be waiting here for them.
I made them all promise to come back and call.
I gave them out their diplomas and report cards.
And a few minutes later...I muttered my last "Ok guys, its time to pack up and go..."
I started bawling again..I wanted them to stay forever.
I got so used to having them as routinely part of my life that it just instinctively FEELS like I will be seeing their faces again tomorrow morning.
But I wont.
And they started to realize this themselves and they all lost it.
I led them outside and hugged each and every one of them.
Marcus, the young man who got very close to me this year..gave me a handshake and I pulled him closer for a hug.
I knew this was going to be hard for him.
I told him I think of him as a son..and that when I have a son I would only want him to be half the young man that you are Marcus...with that he cried and said not to worry and that if I need anything I know where to find him..and that he will be back to visit..
My class was 514..they were a very emotional class. You knocked one of them, and you had them all against you...it became a tight family.
I will forever and forever hold this class close to my heart and I dare say I wont meet a more sincere, spirited, emotional bunch.
We all learned a lot from each other.
Im sitting here crying well after they have left me..and I wonder if this is normal?
Anyone who knows me knows that I have an extremely hard time dealing with loss..through death or otherwise.
I feel a little empty without them..and will forever be wondering how they are and if they are safe.
I felt like adopting them all and not letting them out of my sight. I want nothing but the best for them and I want no harm to come to them..they have been through enough shit....I only ask God to watch over them daily now.
I will miss class 514 and it was my honor, and privilege to have been in that room with them all year. God bless you guys...
It is with a very heavy heart..that I say goodbye.
Say good-bye to not knowing when
The truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry
You taught me that
And I'll remember the strength that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you saved me
I'll remember
Inside I was a child
That could not mend a broken wing
Outside I looked for a way
To teach my heart to sing
And I'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember
I learned to let go of the illusion that we can possess
I learned to let go, I travel in stillness
And I'll remember happiness
I'll remember [I'll remember]
Mmmmm... [I'll remember]
Mmmmm...
And I'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember
[I'll remember]
No I've never been afraid to cry
Now I finally have a reason why
I'll remember [I'll remember]
No I've never been afraid to cry
And I finally have a reason why
I'll remember [I'll remember]
No I've never been afraid to cry
And I finally have a reason why
I'll remember [I'll remember