Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[starscape]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Sigh, I read the whole story from the beginning and I kinda like it. Yet I fell in love with a handsome and charming Christian. My feelings are pretty the same as Vegas'. Now I am not sure what I need to do now and that guy keeps asking me to pray for his relationship with his gf...

I know this might be an old question, but love comes quickly whatever you do you can't stop falling, and I indeed love him deadly.

Anyway, thank you for you stories and you should be glad your buddy is not a stubborn protestant.

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

So once again Andy desperately tries to manufacture a conversation where the truth will come out, and once again you deftly save him from the trouble, making him ever the more crazier. I almost died when I read that. If a guy said that kinda shit to me, we'd be making wedding plans by the end of the phonecall. Don't anyone ever try to say that Andy is anything less than bi after that!

Brian, if you don't take Ky's miles and go to Vegas, I'm going to get too frustrated to keep visting this thread, I'm serious.

 

[DevinO]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian,

I just joined this forum a couple of days ago right after finding it. I found your thread and have been reading it for several hours. I have only read the first 5 or 6 pages so far but I wanted to share my story with you. Some of it is very similar to yours. Bear with me, this will be long.

In 1997, when I was nearly 19, I finally had admitted to myself that I was gay and that wouldn't change. I started chatting on a gay chat website. It wasn't long and I met someone. I lived in Colorado and he lived in Minnesota. After we had chatted a couple of months or so, he made the thousand mile drive to meet me. I was not and still am not out to my parents but they were out of town at the time. He stayed for 4 or 5 days. We were very quickly head over heels in love. To make a long story short, within about 5 weeks, I had moved to Minnesota.

Life was great. We were totally in love and he was my life. We did everything together and were more compatible than I had ever imagined two people could ever be.

I got a job washing cars at a dealership right away after moving. I worked there for a while. My partner was the jail administrator at the county jail. After a while, I got a job as a dispatcher and soon after, as a jailer. He was my boss. For us, it was ideal. We were always together. Some people say they could never work with their significant other but we loved it.

We were as happy as two lovers could be for a little over 3 1/2 years. He had had heart problems before we met but had been okay while we were together. One night, I woke up to hear him gasping. By the time I got up and turned the light on, he had stopped breathing and was turning blue. I picked up the phone and called for an ambulance. A city cop showed up right away and started CPR. The ambulance showed up and took them to the hospital. At the hospital, a shot of epinephrin right in the heart started his heart beating again. We lived in a small town and he was flown by helicopter to a larger town 90 miles away. It took me about half an hour to drive the 90 miles.

After waiting a while in the hospital, they finally put him in CICU. He was in a coma. He went too long without oxygen. I sat by his bed for 10 days straight without hardly sleeping or eating and talked to him and cried and held his hand. On the tenth day, I could tell his breathing was becoming more shallow. He finally just slipped away. I was totally devastated ... widowed at the age of 22.

I went home. It was very empty and I stopped eating and sleeping. He was replaced at work by someone who had a problem with me previously. I started falling asleep an hour before work and would wake up 4 hours after I was supposed to be there. I lived in my misery and depression for 5 months.

I neglected to mention that he was much older than me and had kids. I had actually had a good relationship with two of them. Their friends started telling them they should take their father's belongings. So, instead of asking me for things I would have gladly given them, they found it a better idea to enter my home while I was getting groceries and take what they wanted. At the time, I was on a 3 day un-paid suspension for oversleeping and missing work too much. I was again devastated and felt totally betrayed. I quit my job that day and began making arrangements to leave town. In the meantime, I was getting threats from people I didn't even know and my house was being vandalized. I moved to the same town that my partner was flown to 90 miles away within a month.

A couple of months earlier, I had bought a new car ... a Cadillac. (almost new). A guy I had known in passing had made contact with me and we began to hang out. He drove a Cadillac also and we had that in common. I am a rare gay car buff who does my own oil changes and repairs.

Shortly after I moved, I found out that my new friend was going to college in the town I moved to. We started hanging out nearly every day and quickly became very good friends.

(I'll speed it up and make a point quickly. Sorry for writing a book.)

My friend and I became like you and your best friend. We've been friends now for about 5 years. There's nothing we can't talk about. He's always there for me and I'm always there for him. He's since moved back to that town I used to live. Even being 90 miles away, we see one another often and talk on the phone for at least 2 hours nearly every day. Last night was over 4 hours.

My friend has stood by me through a couple of short lived, loneliness driven, bad relationships. I have stood by him through a relationship with a female who physically and emotionally abused him. They have a child who he has custody of. She is still obsessed with him and causes lots of trouble.

Anyways, I have been in a relationship now for 3 years. I don't think I will ever have a connection like with my first partner. My friend is the closest to that. I love my current partner though. My friend ... well, he recently came out of the closet. It's been a very trying time for him but I am always here for him. Luckily, I am not his type and he isn't my type so we've never had that to contend with in our friendship. I would consider him the closest thing to a soul mate for me after my first partner though.

Sorry if it seems that I have heisted your post here. I just wanted to let you know that no matter how far you and your friend are apart, it could be much worse. Death of someone who you love and care about that deeply is much harder than anyone who hasn't been through it can imagine. That was my reason for telling you about my first partner.

As far as my friend, I wanted to tell you about him to let you know that I totally identify with your friendship. Many people go through their whole life without experiencing a friendship like that. I knew him for almost 5 years before he finally admitted he was gay. Perhaps there is hope for your friend yet.

Coincidentally, my friend and I have been to Las Vegas a few times together and we both want to move there in the worst way.

Good luck with your situation. Keep your chin up. I hope it all works out for you in the end. I will watch for updates.

DevinO
K.O.T.

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Devin ... Aboard!! And ... THANK YOU for your story! I'm sure it's going to mean quite a lot to Brian, and the many others who have been following this thread.

And though it may not seem "appropriate" right now, at this point, seriously ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys back with a small update...


I got back from the fireworks last night..and and posted and went to sleep.

Shortly after that the phone rang and woke me up. Sure enough its my buddy . Its around 1:30/2:00 at this point.

I was a little tipsy from drinking some Vodka, just loosened up..nowhere near drunk.

Anywho, after talking a little he sees that Im loosened and asks me to sing a song for him to amuse him...I ask him what song..he goes sing anything..how bout your boy Nick Lachey's song...lol...I start singing and hes like bro, just stop lol...and then he starts singing some rap song..his girl is like who the hell are you singing to? And he goes Brian....

Anyway after a while he got anxiety because of somethings I talked about. I talked about going to Foxwoods and Atlantic City(casinos on the East Coast)..one Im going to with Matt and the other Im going to with my folks. He gets really jealous of this.

I told him that tonight with Matt(still friends), at the fireworks show, was a very cool, near perfect night...and he got down and said there are people you will meet here in Vegas.

Anyway I really WASNT trying to get him to think or get jealous..I mean whenever anyone has a perfect time with somebody, be it woman or man..what do you want to do? You want to tell your friends...well Andy is my only good friend...and what can I say..I talk to him about everything.

He started to gag and throw up(literally)..thats how much he was getting nervous..he said he will call me back.

30 minutes later he calls back and says that his girl is asleep and his mom is not helping him with his anxiety...and his girl thinks its more stupidity so she fell back asleep..

He goes I need to get out and go to the mountains...as he said this his friend Dean called..mind you this is 2am his time...and Im like WTF? Buddy..who was that..he goes it was my friend Dean...etc etc..I start to get a little jealous...

Anyway he says its funny how we make each other jealous...and I go bro you need to stop that it really hurts my heart ..and he goes well come to Vegas and all this could end.

He said hes getting anxiety again and he wishes I was here for a walk. He said hold on..he got his moms cell phone..called me on that and said that hes going for a ride and that hes going put me on speaker and talk to me that way while driving....so that it feels like im there with him...

He then went back home and was still down..I told him to lay down on the couch and get comfortable and put the phone to his ear and Ill talk about random stuff and it will get you sleepy...

So on I talk about just about anything..hes quiet..and a few minutes later I ask him if hes ok and he goes..in a sleepy voice...yeah buddy keep talking...and Im talking and he starts to snore a little..I go ok buddy Ill let you go sleep and he goes don't go, please dont go..Im afraid of how Im going to feel when you hang up the phone...

Even though I was tired as hell and my eyes were getting heavy..I kept on talking to him. Made him laugh..he made me smile..we both got down..we both got sad...we both got every emotion together on the phone.

The talk goes on and on and on...it was one of longest talks..he called at 1:30am my time and I got off the phone with him at 10:30am my time..with some small breaks in between.

He told me thats its so strange that even though Im gay and hes straight that we are so much alike..he said he loves that about us.

We hung up and both went to sleep...before he left he told me to sleep late and get energy up..because he wants to call me tonight and talk just as long.

I hope we will...

PS.-Found out today that my parents are taking me along on a Florida trip they had planned ..they are paying for everything...July 18th-22nd...I plan to eat healthy, enjoy the sun, go to Universal Studios...and swim swim swim(I love pools and swimming) ...and most of all...think about my future...ttyl guys..Vegas

P.S.-CG-Im sorry you are getting frustrated ...Im excited when you post because you kind of give me hope of certain things, so please dont ever go..at the same time Im like the other posters..Im cautiously going through this. Maybe you can instill some advice for me to say when the next time that kind of situation comes up??

And Devin..thanks for sharing that personal experience and wonderful story with all of us and welcome to the JUB boards

Ok guys Im kind of excited to share this with you all.


P.S.-Here are my pencilled in plans for late August...This will happen when his girl goes to work and hes home sleeping..so I have to plan this right. Im going to tell my buddy that my funds are low(they really are but I put a class aside to save money)...and that I cant make it out there till October.

But secretly my flight and week long stay will already be planned ..When I land I will take a cab to his apt..and stand outside his door..I will call him from my cell and it will show an area code of NYC and I will tell him same shit, whats up? I miss you...etc...and then Im going to say. "how bout this weather man? Its hot here...I bet you guys are having the same heat there..."

I will then say you better answer the door...and hes going to be like there is no one at the door....then I will knock right after that!!!! And his mind will freak ...he will be so fucked up and happy to see me..and vice versa ...Im getting chills just thinking about it now..anyway thats all subject to change..so Ill let you guys know whats going on with that.What do you think?

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I think that's perfect Brian, just about perfect. Other than he might have a brain hemmorage when you show up, I think it's a risk worth taking though.

Also, if you're going out there in August, save it up till then. It's something you want to deal with in person. It's just funny...he's trying so hard to tell you, it just couldn't be any more obvious so it just makes me chuckle.

But just...you don't have to change the subject when he brings it up. You're always trying to protect him from having to say anything. But considering you lack of experience in this area (sorry), I really think you should mainly just wait til you get there, since August is not that far away now. He'll be so happy to see you lord knows what will happen. But seriously, if HE brings it up, don't change the subject, let it flow.

Incidentally, one thing I would suggest is you learn to talk about girls. He said at one point he thought you were bi, and you said nope, no girls never. What you're supposed to say is, "Maybe". Whether it's true or not, it makes opens the concept of experiementation, so you can ask if he would ever try it with a guy, etc. If a guy is bi and or deeply in the closet, it makes him feel more comfortable. Then, you talk to him about what he likes about girls, which is his excuse to talk dirty to you, if you can mentally make the transference in your own mind and not get jealous. He's been to swinger's clubs, ask him about boy boy girl sex...could he touch a guy if a girl was there? And so on. Hasn't he ever wondered whether a guy would be better at sucking dick? You can press him pretty hard, as long as you don't say anything about him leaving his girl for you, unless he ever gets to a point where he brings it up. You can convince him to do it, I'm sure (although prolly not in August...a few months later when he's missing you 10 times as bad as he is now it wil be almost impossible for him to stay there). But you just have to be condident that it will happen.

But in your case Brian, since you're going in August, I'd just hold on til then. You have to have the confidence when he talks about girls, or says he's straight, to keep going because you know you're right. And I'm very sorry but I don't think you have that yet, I think he'll say something or you'll take it too far and there's just too much risk. I also think that the moment you look into each other's eyes you'll know. I wish I could be there when you showed up on his doorstep...he'll be so happy you could just grab him by the ears and push him down on your cock if you wanted

 

[VanHiscers]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I'm a new comer here, so maybe my post is "oldfashioned" for you,cos I can't finish reading all the posts. but I really want to say something after reading your story in the very first thread.
Well man, in my opinion, if you cherish him very very much, don't take the risk. I don't want to disappointed you, but I've lost two buddies because of doing the same thing.
However, your friendship with him is stronger than mine with the two guys, after all, I'm only 19 years old. Maybe your telling him the truth will work out. But it's still a kind of risk.
I understand the hard feeling of burying a secret in one's heart, so I know how you will feel if you don't tell him. Whether you tell him or not, one thing is for sure, you guys are friends forever. What will happen after your telling him? No one can forecast.
If you have made up your mind to tell him, just make sure he won't be so freaked out that he'll leave you before you do that.

P.S. I feel a little jealous that you can have a so strong friendship with a straight(maybe) guy. cos I never do.

 

[Lube]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I think that's perfect Brian, just about perfect. Other than he might have a brain hemmorage when you show up, I think it's a risk worth taking though.

Also, if you're going out there in August, save it up till then. It's something you want to deal with in person. It's just funny...he's trying so hard to tell you, it just couldn't be any more obvious so it just makes me chuckle.

But just...you don't have to change the subject when he brings it up. You're always trying to protect him from having to say anything. But considering you lack of experience in this area (sorry), I really think you should mainly just wait til you get there, since August is not that far away now. He'll be so happy to see you lord knows what will happen. But seriously, if HE brings it up, don't change the subject, let it flow.

Incidentally, one thing I would suggest is you learn to talk about girls. He said at one point he thought you were bi, and you said nope, no girls never. What you're supposed to say is, "Maybe". Whether it's true or not, it makes opens the concept of experiementation, so you can ask if he would ever try it with a guy, etc. If a guy is bi and or deeply in the closet, it makes him feel more comfortable. Then, you talk to him about what he likes about girls, which is his excuse to talk dirty to you, if you can mentally make the transference in your own mind and not get jealous. He's been to swinger's clubs, ask him about boy boy girl sex...could he touch a guy if a girl was there? And so on. Hasn't he ever wondered whether a guy would be better at sucking dick? You can press him pretty hard, as long as you don't say anything about him leaving his girl for you, unless he ever gets to a point where he brings it up. You can convince him to do it, I'm sure (although prolly not in August...a few months later when he's missing you 10 times as bad as he is now it wil be almost impossible for him to stay there). But you just have to be condident that it will happen.

But in your case Brian, since you're going in August, I'd just hold on til then. You have to have the confidence when he talks about girls, or says he's straight, to keep going because you know you're right. And I'm very sorry but I don't think you have that yet, I think he'll say something or you'll take it too far and there's just too much risk. I also think that the moment you look into each other's eyes you'll know. I wish I could be there when you showed up on his doorstep...he'll be so happy you could just grab him by the ears and push him down on your cock if you wanted

Based on your last few updates, Brian, it sounds like Andy is coming around and I think CGHJ has got it nailed. He's got great advice for you.

P.S.--I didn't mean to upset you with the comment about money, just trying to protect you.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

OldnWise-Hey its no problem at all. I know you didnt mean to offend and I know you meant nothing by it. I am very protective over my friendship with my buddy and he is too..so when anyone second guesses why we are friends, its our natural reaction.


I saw my buddy online at 12:30pm last night my time..he said a quick hello and I logged off...we rarely talk online. I fell asleep and 5:45 am my time he calls ....and said that I sound pretty happy..I had answered the phone quick because I had been up already.


My buddy calls and said that hes down and that he misses me. I go I know..he goes you dont know how much I miss you.

Anyway he tells me he went to a lounge with his friends and he got home a 10:30..and that hes just taking his sleeping aid pill now(he always takes it round 11/12).....anyway I knew he lied..that he just came in the house from beign out and decided to call me.

So the fact that hes fibbing gets me irritated. The fact that he went to a lounge gets me jealous and the fact that he went out with his Vegas friends, just about sets me off. I know. Immature reaction.

So before I turn my immature reactions into immature ACTIONS...I simply tell him I have to go and I will speak to him later. Hes like Bri..why are you doing this?? Thats fucked up..


So later in the day I called him 2 times. He wasnt up so I called back a third time and left a message.

He calls me back(as Im typing this update actually) and I apologize for hanging up so quick and acting that way. I told him I got jealous and mad and sad and I need to deal with these things myself. Its not fair of me to act that way simply because you had a good time with your friends.

I thought by not only apologizing and admitting my feelings of immaturity that I would feel better.

But my buddy was acting all drowsy and tired and he simply said "Well thats something you will have to deal with.." And Im like what? Thats it??? This fucking kid calls me at all hours and I stick by him through it and thats all I get?? He goes you want to talk a little later? And Im like later???? Fine, whatever.

He goes "Ill stay on, I dont know what you want me to say...I meran Im just waking up.."
I go well if you are too tired to talk, then why did you call me as soon as you fucking woke up?

I go Im not looking for an answer from you, just thought I would get some support.

Talk goes silent. He goes whats wrong?? Im like oy fucking vey. Im like this WHOLE situation is wrong.

I go..go wake up...do whatever it is you do..I asked him what hes doing today he asked me what Im doing today.

I asked him how the job hunt is going..knowing full well hes doing shit..and hes goes ok ..have not been looking the past few days.

I told him that sometimes I think he says stuff to get at me...and he goes "Well you asked what I did last night..and I answered..would you rather me lie to you??? I cant lie to you, you know when Im lying..."

I go fair enough...Ii dont know what you would want me to do...Im not asking you for an answer just support...

He goes you have to work on why you get like that...and I go...you KNOW why I get like that..its the same reason YOU get like that when I do something and tell you...

Anyway I told him Ii should go like maybe a 100 times...because right now he was just getting me worse and when I get worse I say dumb things..

He goes no stay on..So I do..

Silence....

I go bro why dont you go..Im sure there is some poker tournament going on now that you would rather be at ...he goes bro that wasnt called for..stop.

Anyway more silence and hes like...how can I help?

I start laughing and go send ME some money so I can get out there..and he goes he wishes he could.

Then he said is this all about money Brian?? And Im like WTF?? How dare he say that..I told him "Andy if this WAS about money..I would have ended my friendship with you a long time ago.." And he goes "I know.."

He had call waiting which he kept me on forever so I hung up..He called back and said sorry and said "Are you doing alright??"

AM I DOING ALRIGHT??? I swear sometimes he likes to kick me when Im down..he said that he was going to work on a way for me to come out there...I started laughing and said you do that Andy..later...and hung up.


HOW ABOUT YOU GET A FUCKING JOB FIRST...HOW ABOUT YOU HELP ME OUT WITH SOME SHIT....

UGH..Sorry you guys just venting..thank god I have this board...ttyl...Vegas

 

[wentworth]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

LostVegas,
This has been going on for too long. It's time to put an end to this nonsense. This relationship badly needs some space and perspective. You need to stop calling him all the time, and resume a more healthy straight-based platonic relationship with the guy. You know that there is no chance of a relationship here, not need to call every night and bicker like a couple. As far as I know, only couples in a relationship call each other so often. Chill out.
Go back to meeting once (or twice; preferably once) a week to do something other than drink or eat.
Are there any sports you like to play/watch?
The drama has got to end now. He is straight, you are gay and I am not sure you fully understand what that means in terms of your feelings.
You need to create a life of your own so you won't be getting jealous of his. Believe me, I have been there. Stop using his approval/presence as a sign of your self-worth and legitimacy--whether or not he is "hot".
You are miserable and this seems to have no end in sight. Try to develop yourself and your character so that you have more to offer him than your hanging on and being clingy.
Stop chatting so much. Get out there and form a life!
No more IM drama! Stop it already! Take control of your life.

EDIT:
I forgot that he doesn't live nearby.
Look, if he already knows you're gay, then all you have to do is let him know how you feel about him.
I think we would be more able to help you if you were more clear about what you wanted from him.
Do you want a full relationship?
A simple friendship?
A sexual bond?
You cannot go on living in limbo like this (unless you truly enjoy it).

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wentworth I appreciate your advice...but nothing you have said is new to me or something I have not thought already myself...its easy to read it..and easy to say it to yoruself..but hard to do.

I guess you didnt know this..but we talk all the time, even when our friendship was still going...we always do it...he is 3000 miles away wentworth, I cant JUST hang out with him 2-3 times a week.

I do need to get out and get a a life...Im just so sad right now that I have not done that yet and find it hard to do..ttyl..Vegas

 

[wentworth]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

See my edit^^.
All we want is the best for you. It's not nice seeing you go back and forth like this so much when you could be so much happier you know?
Do not get comfortable being unhappy. Don't just say this all to yourself, sit down and draw up a plan as to how you are going to get your life back and then proceed to follow it step by step.
Look up new interests and places to go/things to do/learn.
You live in Brooklyn for goodness' sake.
Some of us live in Podunk, USA you know! Hehehe...

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I know you guys want the best for me..and I do want the best for me too.

Im trying to get through this..I know I dont say or do the best thing to help me get through it sometimes..but I try. I try real damned hard.

It has gone on too long. This back and forth is hurting my heart too much and my head.

He does know Im in love with him. I just am having a hard time moving on from the fact that there is likely nothing more that will happen than that. Im in love with someone who cant love me back the same way. It is one of the biggest pains I have gone through in my life...and Im trying...ttyl Vegas

 

[wentworth]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

You'll get through it. We promise. I've also been there before. You may think it's a cliche that time heals all wounds, but it is true. Most of the crushes (and there were a million) that I had went away with time; I just had to busy myself with other things.
In your case, he does call all the time, but that is okay, while it may take a little longer, try as hard as you can to make a life for yourself. You live in a great city (that I long to visit) with lots of great people.
Why don't you take up an activity like chess or join a club here and there. try new things, have new interests. You're pretty young and you have your life ahead of you.
Don't be any more sad than you have to.
And we, as you know, will always be here.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wentworth-Your posting is making me cry....everything you have said...are all feelings that have gone on in my head after me and my buddy spoke today. They are also feelings that I already knew..when my buddy was here, he was my life. Now that my buddy is gone, he is still my life.

What I find hard to accept and I get down about sometimes..is that he HAS a life..one away from me.

I need to get a life.

I guess I can look into joining a sports team and stuff like that..It just seems so hard..I have no energy sometimes..Im not into bars..or lounges..or parades..or support groups...

I am finding it hard to meet people.

I can use all the JUB's support right now...In fact even though I was so high on it a few days ago..I feel like not even going to see him in August..because I was going there for my my love for him..not just to see a friend I have been missing. Maybe Ill plan a trip to see him when I have my feelings sorted out.

Vegas

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

No, you're going because he loves you. Stop trying to save him. You'll do anything to avoid actually being with him, won't you? If I hadn't seen a photo I'd suspect you were making this guy up. I'm very serious, if you don't go I'll give up on you.

Or, maybe you need to do what I did and have your heart ripped out about 4 times until it finally becomes obvious that the only person keeping you from hapiness is yourself. Because someday you will look back at Andy and realize how obvious it was...only it will be too late. That's always the worst part...not losing your friend, that's bad, but realizing later that you had everything you wanted but were blind to it.

I dunno, maybe you should just cut it off though. Not for your sake though, for Andy's...you just keep leading him on and if you're not going to help him out he prolly needs to just go back to faking it with his girl. And you need to find yourself a nice gay NYC guy. It'll hurt...twice as much later when you look back and realize how obvious it was. Sad, really. But I had to learn through experience...I was hoping to help you bypass all that, but perhaps it's just something you have to learn the hard way.

I feel the worst for Andy, he's got it way way worse than you do.

 

[cumluv]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

He Bri you need to get to Vegas. No mater what dude. I just think you both need eachother so bad right now in person. Even if you find a another guy. GO TO VEGAS. Even if you think your relationship with him as a boyfriend is over. Get your ass over their. I think you guys just need to see each other in person and go for a long drive and tallk as long as you two talk on the phone. Try not to say something you think your trying to protect him I thnk deep down he need's you and you need him.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

My bro still has not called me back...its now been over 24 hours...but thats predictable..I knew after yesterdays call..that he wouldnt be calling be back for a while...Im trying to be good guys.


Im just looking foward to Mohegan Sun on Sunday and going to Florida on Tuesday. I need the break from my reality. I need time to think. Vegas

 

[cumluv]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Try a long walk on the beach far a way from everybody and just sit on the beach and think. Also try not to worry to much about what going on in your life so much. Also who knows you might meet someone.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey all back with an update.

After my last post...and after some serious crying and thinking...my mood actually started to lift.

I started thinking about Florida and Mohegan Sun and how both trips are something I greatly need right now ...even if it is just swimming in the hotel pool all day. I need a BREAK...from my reality for a while...I promised myself I am going to re-charge mentally over this next week and just come back with an agenda of taking more care of me.

My buddy did end up calling later that day and he apologized for the last phone call we had and the he was being purposely cold to me and he wished he was more there for me.

Last night we did not talk..so that made 3-4 nights in a row where we have not talked overnight....it was good because I finally slept through some nights lol..but I was sad too...bot not overwrought with sadness..just missing him. But I knew what he was up to.

I just got a call from him this morning(9am)...and he said he called me because he was feeling down.

I asked him what he has been up to...and he said to be honest, gambling . He said he has been playing at the Venetian the past few nights and that hes been getting compliments on his play and that hes been walking away with some money...I go thats cool. I said are you just coming in from gambling? He goes YES.

Now Andy knows how I feel about Poker in general, but especially when hes down on his luck and has no job or back up plan or bank roll even.

I told him Im not mad..and he can tell me anything...I told him I support him and if this is something he still wants to do...I support him.

I told him Im disappointed FOR him not IN him....I told him I wished he didnt have to resort to gambling.

Then he said "Im lying about gambling..I just wanted to see your reaction" Which is something that he does a lot.

But I know he wasnt lying..and I told him so...but him lying to me about lying WAS lying...SO I told him that I dont like when he lies to me about big or small things..and I hate when he fibs..thats the only time I get mad at him.

I told him because of our history when we first knew each other, that when he lies to me it just brings up bad memories and makes me think what else he is lying to me about.

I asked him about his job search and if this was the reason hes been putting it off? He said no..but I knew better.

I go bro you stay out late gambling...you wake up late..you go to the PC and hone your game and then at night you go back. You are addicted. He said hes not..but I said he is..

I was proud of myself..I didnt get mad at all or angry..I was more worried for him and kept telling him that..he said to please stop saying you are worried...but I couldnt..I AM worried.

I asked if his girl knew and he said somewhat.

He said he made like 1400 dollars and gave some to her and has bout 600 left...

And I go so tonight you will be just back in the Venetian wont you..and he goes no..Im not going to play every-night.

His childhood "friend"(a HUGE Poker addict ) is coming to visit him the first week of August..I told him Im worried about that...because he is going to try and live a lifestyle that he cant afford when his friend comes into town...he told me he spoke to his friend and said he wouldnt be able to do everything that he is going to do.

He said to me "I hear it in your voice you are disappointed in me..."

I go I just wish better for you.

He goes the other night when you were angry at me I tried to speak to you but you got angry too quick..that was the night I started gambling...

I said so you are blaming this on me? He goes well I wish you were there to talk me out of it but at the same time Im gambling to win money so you can come out here..even if just for a visit.

I go bro I knwo you mean well..and that if you ever did get money you would send it my way..but the reason you are gambling is because you are addicted.

He said he wants to follow through on his dream, its just that he doesnt have much money.

I asked him why he has given up on finding decent work...he said he hasnt and hes going to look today but lets face it Bri..I dont have a high school diploma..

And I go so you throw that whole part of your life away and just put all your hopes on gambling?? And he goes I know I cant lose...I know I cant lose.

I go Bro..you are good..no denying it..but you can never say you cant lose when it comes to gambling.

He said he feels like resorting back to his old ways..

I go of what? Hurting people? Swindling them for money?

And he goes I dont know..Im just so down..


While we were talking Matt called..and he asked why is Matt calling so early in the morning, he was bothered by that alot it seemed.

He said he bought a NY Daily News paper there in Vegas for a dollar...and I said "a little piece of home huh?" and he goes no Bri Vegas is my home..the only thing I miss there is you and my dad..and to be honest I miss and think of you closer than I do my dad.

He said he went to a drive in with his girl last night and saw Click...and thought it was funny. So I said so you didnt go gambling tonight? And he goes no ...which TOTALLY negated what he told me earlier (he said he just got home from the casino-SEE-white lies )

Anyway he was getting drowsy and I didnt want his mental state to get worse so I said go rest your head buddy...and he said hell call me later.

i told him I wish I was there so I can help him through this and maybe make him gamble less...but I did throw my hands up in the air..I didnt judge him or come down on him or get mad..I supported him..and told him that no matter what I said that it wont sway his opinion on gambling...that he will just have to learn it himself(I think he wont learn it till his girl leaves..and I even think then he still would gamble )

Im proud of myself with this call. I was strong. I didnt let my emotions get to me..He was out having fun, gambling...etc...I didnt get mad...sad...or judge him. I was just talking to him calmly the whole time


TTYL..Vegas