Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[RicanDAB]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Rican whats going on with you man??

I'm doing OK tonight ... working online while I switch back and forth to JUB

I go, "you know what bro, it doesnt even matter by now...I just will call you before you leave and wish you safe travels.."

He goes, "I guess that means no to you coming to Vegas or no to you giving me the loan to come home..."

GOOD response on your part .. and the way Andy worded his response was quite interesting - he just HAD to add that piece about the loan, which tells me that was always at the forefront. In an ideal world, wouldn't it be "I don't care about the money Bri, I just wanna see you and spend what little time I have here with you."

PS-Mind you, the friend that hes staying with the past 3 nights(his girl is staying with her borther) lives 15 blocks from me!! You are telling me he couldnt make an effort to walk and see me? Come on now...

OK, this one blew me away. WTF??? 15 blocks -- shut up! And he's friggin' complaining about not having a ride? Has living in Nevada really made him that codependent on a car? NYC man!! SUBWAY - BUS - friggin' WALK!! It's not like he is in the Bronx or anything, and even then he could still take a subway ... I am sorry for ranting but this guy is a piece of work. Doesn't he realize he's throwing away the best thing that he's had?

Bri, I see you coming out of this slowly but surely and standing on your own ... I can see you evolving out of this ... hang in there all here for ya!

Adding to tpeezy's comment -- I have been there also, I had an ex take advantage of my generosity once and never saw any of the money that was purportedly a loan. It was a very expensive lesson but in the end it taught me to open my eyes. Looks like JUB is doing that instead for you.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Those feelings seem so familiar, though far more intense!
I've been trying to come up with excuses for him, but it's getting really hard. The best face I can put on it is he's not growing up at all and has become a user without realizing it and is too dependent on you.
If this goes on, you may have to end it.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well its about 1:30am...and since Andy is leaving at 10am for his 12pm flight...and since I have not heard from him, I called him and wished him a good flight. All he said was thanks and he is just coming home from the party. He said he doesnt know, maybe he will speak to me later...I go oh yeah? Thats cool bro...you be safe now, and we hung up.

Im pretty hurt by him.

Vegas

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wow.
If I had an e-mail address for him, I'd tell him a few things -- like, he needs to be bent over a chair and given a choice: stick, or cock....
I don't understand him, dude -- it's too weird.

 

[Lucas07]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

He's treating you like shit... Considering how much you've done for them. Yeah I agree it looks so one sided. It's like you pouring all the effort and he only pours his effort when he needs something. I'm not saying he's using you or anything but this is just unexplainable.

What's he doing this for?

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

For those of you on late...if he calls later or even if he decides to come over for some reason to hang...what should I tell him? How should I be to him??

Vegas

 

[RicanDAB]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

The dynamics have dramatically changed in this friendship ... looks like you guys are better off staying friends across the miles. I mean, he comes back to New York and he could not give you more than 3 hours out of the 3 days he was here (and the girlfriend zero hours no less)? How quickly they forget the person responsible for helping them get settled in Las Vegas.

We're hurting right along with you Vegas ... sounds like you have a better picture of him now and it may be easier to make some decisions about how close you want this friendship to be from now on.

Woops! I see you posted before I did. What I would do: I have already called him to wish him a safe flight, I am done. Come by? Door's locked - I am asleep - too little too late. I don't want your leftovers after you have had prime steak. It's late - I am rambling - but this is just what I would do ...

 

[Muscles4daze]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Vegas,
I remember I spoke to you in p.m's a while back about this situation. From what I'm reading I really think it's time for you to let Andy go. I have been in a similar situation and I must say that letting go was the best thing I have ever done for myself emotionally. I do think that Andy loves you to an extent, but I also feel that he is using you. He is very selfish when it comes to your feelings and that is not acceptable at all. He really expects you to sit on the sidelines while he plans a future with is girlfriend? Trust me Vegas when I say there is a man out there who will love you just as much as you love him,maybe more and everything you put in to him he will put back in to you, but I must say I don't think Andy is that man.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Im sitting outside with my dog Dante on the front steps. I feel like I am about to be sick. I'm trying to get some cool air around me.

I dont know what to do. If I dont hear from him later should I call? If I DO hear from him later, what do I say to him??

Vegas

 

[trawler69]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I can't really answer that question for you Brian. Only you know the conflicting thoughts going round in your head. I would imagine in many ways you might feel it would have been better if he had never come on this visit because he has hurt you by ignoring you and lying to you. Had you offered him the loan I suspect his reaction would have been very different.

If he does come over it's going to further wind you up emotionally and I don't think you need that. He seems to almost get off on hurting you, using your love for him to build up your expectations and then dashing them. Look at the build up to this visit all the talk about how you were going to get together etc. and then he ignores you.

I think you need a break from this to continue building your life in NY. I feel the worst thing for you would be for him to move back to NY. I don't mean to sound harsh it's just what I feel from what I have read. I have read the whole story over the months but details get hazy over time so pleas forgive me if I have overlooked something in my reasoning.

 

[RicanDAB]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I dont know what to do. If I dont hear from him later should I call? If I DO hear from him later, what do I say to him??

My take on the situation is NOT to call him, and no need to worry about him calling you because you will not be answering the phone. Start to already see him as returning to NV ... I mean, he was as good as having still been there this weekend. Remember Vegas that YOU have to control this situation and stop him from tugging on your emotions. It's time that he stop getting what he wants from you.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I agree with you Rican....but its so hard to ignore the call...it so hard NOT to call him if I dont hear from him. I mean hes leaving on a plane, god forbid anything can happen or whatever. Hes leaving and I wont get a chance to see him again until 3-4 months at least. Why the fuck is he doing this? What did I do that was so wrong? Why is it my fucking heart that always is in play.

I have to say my depression and the want/desire to hurt myself are long gone, but this weekend had both of those feelings running back in me. I would never actually do it, but the fact that it went through my head hurts me so much.

My heart is in such excruciating pain, that I literally feel like I have bruises on it. Its one of the stomach aching pains.

I wish this on none of you all...thanks for all your advice.

I think Im going to take a walk, calm doan and call him. I will calmly and simply just ask, what is this? what exactly is going on here? Why is is this happening?

Vegas

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well I fought off calling him as long as I could.

I had to call him to get closure to this visit. Whether the call would be good or bad, at least after it I would be able to rest my head.

I called him and asked whats up? Hes at a diner with his girl .

I asked why has this trip been so cold? What happened here? Why didnt I get to see you that much?

He said he has me and his other friend mad at him because he didnt visit with us.I said we have a right to be. You certainly made time for other people. You slept till 2pm one day and 4pm the next...those are times you could have been hanging out with us.....I told him I dont get that logic and I also dont get that he doesnt get why we are angry with him, I said that hurts even more.........

I said everyday you were with her family. Dont they fucking realize that the only family you have out here ARE your friends. He says he knows and that everyday its been a fucking battle with his girl. I go battle? hy should it be a battle to see your friends you have not seen in almost a year? Thats a normal thing to want to do.

He said can he come by. I said of course. Then hes like maybe I an come by there, that he has no car. I go you know what bro, call me later ok? At the very last you owe me a phone call to explain everything and to say goodbye, He said he definitely will.

Vegas

PS-I dont get his logic sometimes. He as a diner now? And I heard his girl talking in the back so I know hes there with friends. He said it was just her. Whatever, its little lies like that that piss me off. I mean in some way hes doing it so I dont get hurt that hes hanging with other people, but I mean hes so bad at those lies.

Update you later, vegas

 

[Muscles4daze]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well I fought off calling him as long as I could.

I had to call him to get closure to this visit. Whether the call would be good or bad, at least after it I would be able to rest my head.

I called him and asked whats up? Hes at a diner with his girl .

I asked why has this trip been so cold? What happened here? Why didnt I get to see you that much?

He said he has me and his other friend mad at him because he didnt visit with us.I said we have a right to be. You certainly made time for other people. You slept till 2pm one day and 4pm the next...those are times you could have been hanging out with us.....I told him I dont get that logic and I also dont get that he doesnt get why we are angry with him, I said that hurts even more.........

I said everyday you were with her family. Dont they fucking realize that the only family you have out here ARE your friends. He says he knows and that everyday its been a fucking battle with his girl. I go battle? hy should it be a battle to see your friends you have not seen in almost a year? Thats a normal thing to want to do.

He said can he come by. I said of course. Then hes like maybe I an come by there, that he has no car. I go you know what bro, call me later ok? At the very last you owe me a phone call to explain everything and to say goodbye, He said he definitely will.

Vegas

PS-I dont get his logic sometimes. He as a diner now? And I heard his girl talking in the back so I know hes there with friends. He said it was just her. Whatever, its little lies like that that piss me off. I mean in some way hes doing it so I dont get hurt that hes hanging with other people, but I mean hes so bad at those lies.

Update you later, vegas

Once again Vegas I know it will be hard but give that guy some space and let him learn to appreciate what he has. Through past experiences I've learned that a liar is a liar, small lies turn in to big lies, so if he is lying about little random things, you don't know what else he's lying about. Save yourself anymore emotional stress and slowly step back from him and you can start by ignoring his calls.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys, its about 9am and my buddy leaves for his plane in an hour. I feel like begging him not to go. I am feeling all of those raw emotions that I felt almost a year ago in February when he left for good.

Andy called back last night and explained that he is going through a lot of shit. He explained that he couldnt help but spend time with her family because they paid for their tickets to come down here. He said he is so sorry for being cold to me this weekend and for not seeing me as much. He said it was hard but it was harder too to see me, knowing he was leaving. He said he saw his own dad briefly also.

He said that he wanted me to know how much he loves me . He said I am without a doubt the best thing and person in his life . He said is torn right now. At dinner his girl made it clear she is happy in Las Vegas. He said if it was up to him(why isnt it?) that he would come home to NYC to be near me again in an instant.

He misses the memories. He misses the little things about me. He misses everything. He cries almost every night. I still let him know how hurt I was and disappointed.

I asked him if what he was saying was bullshit..and if what he was saying was said just to tell me what I want to hear...what I need to hear . He said he is sorry if I think that, but I should know by now how much he loves me.

He basically said the loan doesnt matter anymore. He said now that his girl is dead set on Vegas its hard to come back here. He wants me to take out the loan(for me) so I can be out there with him.

In the same breath and sentence(which I found interesting) he said in his mind he's got this tug of war with what his girl wants and the "best thing that ever happened in his life, and the best person he ever met", meaning me. Hmm best thing and person to ever happen to his life, and he said that in the SAME sentence where he mentioned his girl . I thought that was interesting, but maybe I read too much into it .

I calmed down a lot, and we traded phone calls back and forth until about 5am.

I said, "So this is how it's going to be?" We are going to have to get used to being apart in different states for then ext few years at least?

He said hes going to tell me one thing and he wants me to listen clearly. He said that there is no way he can continue and move on in his life, if I am not near him. He goes, "I would fucking kill someone just to be near you again, but I cant move on."

He said that I was right, that I expect more from him than my other friends, but thats because he loves me so much.

He laid down and was getting tired, and even though he tried to fight the sleep, I just told him to go and I would try and call him before his flight to wish him well.

I really wish I can make him stay . I love him so much.

I will update you guys later, Brian

 

[texan_slant]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Once Andy is on that plane and you've had time to process all of this and wind down, you might get the moments of clarity again.

Remember that you come first - above EVERYONE else - in this world. You've had such a positive impact on the lives around you - don't forget that all of this that has been going on with Andy isn't a bad reflection on you or anything that you have done. It's the baggage that he carries and the way he carries it.

I hope that you have the ability to chill out, take that walk, hang with the dog, and remember to appreciate life - and yourself - for what you have to offer and for what life can offer you. Take care.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I was sitting here crying, when the cell rang and it was Andy. I picked up and couldnt hold it in and bawled so bad. He said he felt horrible and that he just woke up and called me. He said we have to think of something. He asked me not to cry and that he is really upset.

I told him hes my best friend ever and I cant think of living away from him anymore. I said this is like him leaving all over again, a wound that has been re-opened.

I cried and cried and cried. My heart ached and my eyes hurt.

He called me again on the car ride to the airport saying how sad he is.

He said he would call me before he boards the plane.

In 30 minutes my brother will be in the air. I miss him so much already. I cant wait to see him again...this time on better terms.

Vegas

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

He called me from the airplane and I was a crying mess. So much so, that I have a headache now.

He asked me to come back out there, to pelase come back out there and make things right.

I have to be honest a big part of me right now wants to be near him again out there.

He said he was shutting his cell off and he will call me later.

Vegas

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian ...

I think Dante wants to go for a long walk. Yes?

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Took Dante for a long walk. Spoke to Andy's mom several times just to express what I was going through, she also gave me a few calls to make sure I am ok.

When I was walking Dante, the sun was setting and it had just had gotten dark and a deep wave of depression came over me. When Andy lands it will still be light there for him. Ii cant say in words how much my heart hurts. I left a few messages on his cell phone for hwne he lands, none of them without tears.

Will talk to you all later guys, thanks for hanging in there with me.

Heartbroken in Brooklyn... Brian