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Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

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Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey all...Andy called the other day and I picked up...he said things were no great and his friend Mike is nothing but depressing and a mopy and stuff. He said it was great to hear my voice again.

Andy and Mike got into a huge fight this weekend. They went to a club for Mikes birthday and he wound up hooking up with this girl...and then Mike said "Hey we will take you home, we have a car"...Andy got upset at this and they started verbally fighting...next day Mike went out and didnt come back for 10 hours...he eventually got back and things cooled out.

Andy starts at Lowe's Wednesday but today he had an interview for a LIMO company and he said he can make big money doing that. Why am I so down that he might be gettign big money to do that job?? Or am I jealous? He asked me if I would come back to Vegas and I said porbably not.

I was severely down tonight and I called Andy, he said he was taking a shower and put me on speaker...I broke down crying to him...I did not tell him exactly what was wrong but I feel so depresed that he is not here..and yes Im so down because Andy cannot return the love I have for him as deeply as I have it.

He was getting ready with Mike to go to a friends house and that did not help matters anymore...it got me more down.

I called my friend Latoya and she suggested I go back to therapy, she does not know I am gay or in love with Andy...she thinks I have feelings for his girl. Latoya agreed to go with me to the wedding next year to give me support. I asked her if cutting them out of my lives is best and she said porbably not, that I have to learn to deal with this stuff...and that she understand about loving someone who does not love you back the same way.

I told her I will go back to therapy...guy I am so down tonight...i is almost a borderline obsession and I'm scared..Latoya told me she understands how it can become an obsession and it is hard to deal with...I think about Andy and what he is doing all the time....i is still hard for me and I need to break this...I'm severely down tonight...I'm going to go walk Dante now to clear my head...BRIAN
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Like many others on here, I have read this thread since you started the topic. I really have to say at this point, Brian you should have taken everyone who has ever posted, advice here. When I started reading I thought you were a nice guy and I really did hope things would turn up on the bright side for you. That has not happened however. At this point you seem to be a helpless case. You continue to torture yourself and keep putting yourself in the same situation. If Andy does want you and is struggling to accept that he could be gay, don't you think this would have surfaced by now? Is he just pulling your strings to get want he really wants. MONEY. I don't want to believe someone could possibly be telling you how much you mean to them only to get want they want. You have poured your heart out into this thread and I felt at one point that this was a solid friendship and maybe much more. Not now really. It seems Andy can't afford to lose your financial support in you. That maybe part of the reason he wants you down there. If Brians around he can pick up for any mess he (Andy) gets into. You have posted several times that you would cut off contact for a while with him but it doesn't last very long. You should not cut off contact with him temporarily only to have his mother fill you in with what is happening in his life. Cut off completely. Is it really that hard to meet a guy in NYC? Really you are fortunate to live in a really huge diverse city. Finding a guy can't be too hard to find there I feel. I really hope the best for you but you need to cut the dead weight (Andy) and continue to live YOUR LIFE.

Daniel
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, definitely get back in therapy. Honestly you should have never stopped. You need the professional help to you deal with all of this. You are not able to deal with this in a healthy way on your own. At one point I thought you could turn your relationship with Andy into a healthy one, but I'm not so sure anymore. I really think you need to truly cutoff contact with him for several months. You should do it in a mature way and inform Andy you are not going to talk to him until September. That includes not talking to his mother either. Once you get squared away, then maybe you can try having a friendship with Andy again. Unfortunately you are like a drug addict and you are addicted to Andy. You know he's destroying your life, but you can't seem to stop yourself. Like every drug addict, you are looking for that initial high that was so great, but it will never happen again. Please get the help you need. I hate seeing you suffer like this.

PS - Your friend Latoya obviously doesn't know the true circumstances and therefore is in no position to offer meaningful advice. I think her advice is well intentioned, but wrong.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I understand eveything that has been said. I really do. It seems like I do not because I come on here and vent my feelings and thoughts.

I realize this obsession and love of Andy is unhealthy. I'm trying to change that.

Latoya called me back last night and after I took 2 tylenol PM I was asleep. Andy did not call and I thought that was kind of rude since he knows I was severely down. I left him a message teeling him so.

Today at work Latoya and 2 other guys(who are friends and have seen therapists and who are going through shit of their ow, including depression). They said whats up, how you doing and I just asnwered "miserable". They asked why but I didnt directly answer. They told me if I needed to talk they are always there and one of the guys even called me when I got hom to give me the number to his therapist...who he highly recommends.

I drove Latoya home and I had to go to my parents house in beach community and pick up their mail. She asked if she could tag along and I said yes...and we drove around for over an hour talking, joking...and it was kind of cool. I told her I cannot wait to get a car of my own, so whenever I am down I can just go drive somehwere and feel better..she said to call her anytime and she'd be up for hanging. She said we both have to go to the beach this summer..I was down for that,.

Andy and I spoke to today. He had left a message for me apologizing when I got home. I told him Im sorry I put him through that yesterday..and that I know what I need to do to get better...but I told him it is hard. He asked what..I told him I need to stop putting my life on hold waiting for you to come back...I need in some ways to get over you...WHILE still being friends with you. I need distractions..I need to call Moe(the dog guy from a while back) and hang with new people and friends from school.

For some reason he said he had to go and was very upset and sad...he called me back a while later saying he was sorry and that he is sad over me and misses me...and he got upset when I told him I needed to have other friends in my life.

He said he would call me later...I told him it's up to him he didnt have to..he said of course he would.

I'm making serious efforts guys to get over Andy, yet at the same time still have him in my life...I wish you can see me in my life and not just these words...so you can see how hard this is..but at the same time know that I am making strides to better myself. I do not like to torture myself. Thanks for your support, concern and advice.

P.S. I am going to call the therapist early tomorrow...and switch...because I have not been going to mine as of late...for the past month or so.

TTYL Brian
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian ... (*8*)

By all means, feel free to come on here and vent! Of course, none of "Us" REALLY knows what you're going through. The best we can do is read what you tell us, and "guess" from our own experiences. None of which are actually Your experiences!

But, "We" ARE concerned, "We" DO care, and "We're" all just trying to reply as best we can! Hoping that maybe, just maybe, "We" can be of some bit of assistance. (group)

Of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I do think you've lost the battle. You're not trying to get over him at all. You're still jealous and clingy. He's still insidious and controlling.

He's not going to make big money at a Limo service. He's probably going to get fired because he's a bullshit artist. Hopefully though, he'll find new prey and finally just leave you alone. I suspect he'll really be nasty when he finally breaks up with you.

I can pretty much assure you that your depression is clinical and very serious. Your obsession with this guy is not only unhealthy, it is scary. Get professional help now. I figure that your therapist didn't give you the advice you wanted to hear, so you had to sacrifice them in order to keep Andy. Right? It is obvious that you have issues going right back to childhood with self respect and relationships with other people. You need to work these things out or you could end up doing serious harm to yourself or others.

Latoya doesn't know shit and if you aren't honest with her about being gay and preoccupied with this guy, then her advice isn't anything but noise.

Get back to your academic work and do something useful with your life....and why is it taking so long to get a car? You're always talking about wanting to get one but it seems it just doesn't happen. It is a pretty good analogy for your life at this point.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

WowI I just discovered this thread. How long has it been since the first post? I kept hoping that by the end, things will be different e.g. you're no longer friends, are lovers, or normal friends. But i can't help thinking that you're still typing the same stuff that you were a year ago. In every thread since he left, one of you is depressed. It is either him that's down or you. I can't believe that you two have been going at this for a year or so. I remember reading the first page just yesterday. Everyone was saying this a rare one of a kind friendship....And now, people are advising you to cut him off and see a therapist about your situation. Something went terribly wrong. I really don't know what to think.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I was thinking the same thing too. After a year you've pretty much come full circle and you really are no better off than you were before.

No matter what, I truly hope you find the happiness and peace you deserve man. Whether it's with him or not.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Alot of what is happening in your life seems to stem from you not being(or taking a LONG time to be)honest to those in your life. You are not out to those around you(even your new best girlfriend) and cant be honest and then keep lamenting about how down you are. Fuck I would be down too if I was living such a lie. You need to let your friends and family know the real you. Since you still continue to talk to him, you need to be an honest friend to Andy and tell him how you feel about him marrying someone like his fiance and talk to him friend about what he thinks REAL love is. You guys just talk about how depressed you are but christ do you give him good friend advice about his love life(or are you scared that it will be perceived as you being in love with him still and just jealous). And confront him on how he acts like he is in love with you. YOu guys have skirted around that issue for this whole thread. You are not going to get good results until you take some MAJOR actions!
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, what's going on? It's been a long time. Are you still doing the therapy? I've been hoping to see an update, and I think about it every day.

You seem to have gotten a grasp on what's important, and you're looking out for yourself more (the last I saw).

There's not much to this post, but I just wanted to pop in here and say that I continue to wish the best for both of you - of course that presumes that Andy faces his own demons and works hard to conquer them - and this thread deserves a bump anyway.

I wish both of you rewarding relationships, though almost surely the two of you won't end up in the SAME relationship. It sounds like Andy is planning to continue pursuing an upcoming marriage which cannot help but be horrifically dysfunctional.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, while you seem like a great guy, I can' believe this is still going on. It's been a year and a half since the first post and we're still in the same spot. I just looked back to last summer and the post's then and it seems as if nothing has progressed. You need to stop all communication and really start that new life you wrote about in the past without him. It was just last summer this same time of year you were going on a trip to FL with your folks and planning that surprise trip to Vegas to knock on his door. While I feel your pain and had my own personal feelings for people I couldn't have there comes a day you must say to yourself, this is never going to happen and move on. This day has to come, you must move on. Go back and read your post over the past year and six months. What do you read? Plan a new trip with your folks and some other friends or a single cruise where you are foced to meet new friends. Some of that extra money you in the past would have handed out to Andy, spend it on a singles cruise for "YOU".
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys, back with a quick update...Latoya and I have gotten a lot closer and last night I came out to her.

She said, "I guess we are going to have to find you a boyfriend then...wait you should have told me this a long time ago, I had the perfect guy for you...and why did you wait so long...who cares??"

I answered her thousand questions. Sher thought it was so cool that I was gay and also that I trusted her enough to tell her.

On the Andy front...he and his mom got into a HUGE fight over the weekend...he kind of spilled the beans that he knows what she says to him to me behind his back...and that I told him everything. His mom and him are not talking and she is not going to the wedding. She also, along with her husband, left me several nasty messages on my phone...

I started my final classes in my Master's program today and I cant wait to get these classes over with.

I did tell Latoya everything about Andy..and she was a supportive friend...and hopefully down the road she can help me with moving on from him.

I am in therapy. I do not like him and I am looking for a new one.

BRIAN
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, what a great update! I'm so impressed that this update was based upon you and Andy was only a small part of it. I'm also impressed that you don't seem to be getting sucked into the whole drama with Andy and his mother (as much as they try). Great news on coming out to Latoya and I think that may be a real important step with moving forward with your life. Thumbs up on being back in school. I'm so glad that you are in therapy. Even if you don't like the guy, it does appear to be doing some good. This is the type of post I have been waiting for from you for a long time!
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I now understand that Andy's mom and dad are a big part of his problem. They all sound like nutbars. Looking back, I recognize that Andy's mom is also an emotional vampire as well.

Hopefully your betrayal is just the stake through the heart she needs.

One thing I'd suggest is that you change your phone number to avoid the messages and calls.
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

wondering hows things going
hoping for a update
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian,

Just to let you know that I still check this thread and always hope that you are doing well.

Quick question - in your post from July 9, you mentioned that Andy's mom left you nasty messages? ...I don't get it. Why would she leave you nasty messages? Did I miss something here?

Take care...
 
Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey...kept away from this thread for quite a while...figured I'd drop in and update you guys.

Well there is not too much to say. I'm currently finishing up school, 7 more days and Im done...

After 2 days of taking a break from talking...Andrew called me and we spoke for 9 hours Monday night.

He was sobbing uncontrollably and had to be calmed down. He said a number of things such as :

1. He would give up his wife(fiancee) and his childhood friends just to have me back
2. There is an emptiness with him that he lives with that he cannot describe, he cant take his heart breaking anymore.
3. He said when he was in the hospital for his back 2 weeks ago(Did I tell you guys that?) he said he wished I was there to comfort him...because all his friend and fiancee were doing was making fun of the situation.
4. He said his life will be incomplete without me and he is finding it hard to move on, even at times not taking job offers and trying to fail out there, so he could be back here with me again.
5. He said he is extremely jealous of my friends and people I met, including latoya, even asking who is a better friend to me..him or latoya..and saying that the things me and latoya are doing, that he should be doing with me, and not her.

And those were just some of the things he said...now dont get me wrong...I looked back ay my thread and saw that I have not grown so much in term of my reltionship with Andy..

I joined a personals site, and not putting much stock in it..but met some wonderful guys on there...at times it does get my mind off of Andy.

My friend Latoya, knowing more about me and Andy thinks for the most part that he is gay...and I have to be honest guys...there has to be something...because like I have said a million times...what straight guy has a best friend who is gay and in love with him...what straight guy STILL says all this shit...is it for money? Nope, money been long gone betwen us for a long while now...and I get a sobbing 9 hour phone call in which he asked me to talk him to sleep???

Bit I digress...I HAVE come full circle and realized that despite what Andy is or is not..I cant wait for anything or put my hopes on anything.

I love Andrew and I always will. Andrew will always be never far from my heart or mind. I have accepted this.

What I am working on, day by day, is accepting the fact that I need to find someone else in my life for me.

And if you are going to respond to me and say I'm in denial and create my own misery, and that I will never move on, etc....save the space..because I am moving on..but dont tell me...at all..that my situation was easy..its hard..and I learn to deal with it a little more each day.
 
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