What People Should Know About Bisexuals Is...

[blueto21]

I'll do my best to give you a reason: Because the majority is not EVERY SINGLE ONE. There are bad apples; probably too many bad apples in the bunch, but it's not everyone.

This isn’t a good enough reason for me to date a bi guy. In fact, if anything, this is a good enough reason for me not to date a bi guy. There are too many bad apples in the bunch and with the essential notion of “I’m no longer attracted to you because you have a penis” mentality, it debunks your argument even further.

Find the right one, the one who is interested in a LTR with a guy, and then make your decision.

Isn’t that what people usually do when they go out on dates? We’re not discussing one night stands here. The question here is: would it be good for gay men to date bi men? I assume when one goes out on a date they are looking for more than just a casual sex buddy.

Come on, you would do some research before buying a new car, renting a flat or apartment, getting a new mobile phone or mp3 player, and all those things are meant to be temporary. Do the same thing with your partners! I don't mean hire a private eye or become a stalker, but make the time and effort - as much as necessary - to test the waters and see if the thing has a chance before you get stuck in.

I know that is what dating is for. Getting to know your potential partner. I’ve already explained this. See above. Please stay on topic.

If you end up pulling endless one-nighters indiscriminately, or hook-up looking for sex but secretly hoping to find love, you're bound to get the short end of the stick more often than not.

Well, I am not the type of person to participate in that type of lifestyle. I am not into one-nighters or hook ups with strangers I don’t know. That is not in my personality and quite frankly I would be to afraid to do something with someone I didn't know. I also think its stupid to be active in that type of lifestyle. It may work for other people but it’s not for me. This isn’t about one night stands anyway. As I have said numerous times before, this is about the potential aspect of a gay man having a meaningful and successful relationship with a bisexual man. And the chance of this happening is very slim when the majority of bisexual men are not interested in having a LTR meaningful relationship with a guy. And the other factor in this equation is the “fluid” aspect of bisexuality. People who are looking for casual sex are not interested in dating. They’re just looking for sex. Those two factors alone are good enough reasons for me not to date bisexual men.

Please don't look at any one bi guy and write him off immediately without giving him a chance because you've been screwed over before.

Well, I haven’t seen any convincing arguments for me to change my opinion. So, my opinion will remain the same. I think I've said my peace on this topic.

 

[thewizard]

Maybe bisexuals just want things that they can't get in a girl, or they just get turned on by being "dirty" and society has put being gay almost at the top of the list..

Everyones different. some bi's have accepted it and are comfortable, and some are totally not out, and if they get to close to a gay guy, they're afraid they won't be able to hide it anymore..

Who knows. maybe they're just taking too many zoloft lol

 

[blackbeltninja]

This isn’t a good enough reason for me to date a bi guy. In fact, if anything, this is a good enough reason for me not to date a bi guy. There are too many bad apples in the bunch [snip]

You know, if you want to play it like that, you might as well write off anyone from any race/religion/gender who has ever done anything bad to anyone at any time in the history of humankind ever, because when you look at absolutes like numbers, even in the grand scheme of things, they're going to be unnaceptably high in all cases.

My argument remains - you cannot tar everyone with the same ridiculously wide brush. You have how many bi guys in this thread alone saying they wouldn't do this to you - do you not speak English, or are you calling each of us a liar and a low-life?

I know that is what dating is for. Getting to know your potential partner. I’ve already explained this. See above. Please stay on topic.

Er... that was on topic. It was related to finding out whether the bi guy you're thinking of dating is interested in a LTR with a man. All part of the same argument, you see.

-d-

 

[blueto21]

You know, if you want to play it like that, you might as well write off anyone from any race/religion/gender who has ever done anything bad to anyone at any time in the history of humankind ever, because when you look at absolutes like numbers, even in the grand scheme of things, they're going to be unnaceptably high in all cases.

My argument remains - you cannot tar everyone with the same ridiculously wide brush. You have how many bi guys in this thread alone saying they wouldn't do this to you - do you not speak English, or are you calling each of us a liar and a low-life?



Er... that was on topic. It was related to finding out whether the bi guy you're thinking of dating is interested in a LTR with a man. All part of the same argument, you see.

-d-

I am not going to play this game with you and go back and forth. Evidently, you must have slow comprehension skills because I have clearly explained my position. I was hoping someone could propose a convincing counter argument. I'm sorry but you have failed to do that. The fact of the matter is THE MAJORITY of bisexual men are NOT INTERSTED in meaningful relationships with guys. That says a LOT about this selected group of people when a gay guy is examining his options for the dating scene. These men only want to have sex with guys and use them. If a gay guy is looking for a potential life partner, I would not suggest that they date bisexual men. These men look to women for more "serious" relationships. And it would be stupid for one to open oneself up for such relationship failure when the odds are GREATER stacked against them. Hint, hint, the majority here! Also, to your second comment the whole point of dating is to get to know the person you are interested in for a potential “serious” LT relationship.

In other words, people who are not interested in a “serious” relationship don’t date. People only go out on dates if they are looking for something more than just a one night stand. This is not just about the majority of bisexual men not wanting to have a "serious" relationship with a guy but it’s also about bisexuality in of itself and its "fluency". So, it would be pretty naive for a gay guy who’s thinking about dating a bisexual guy to not take in consideration these factors. Both are very important and will ultimately help the gay guy in his final decision on whether or not to proceed with such relationships. But as for me, I wouldn’t date a bi guy and I wouldn’t suggest any other gay guy to do so. So, my opinion will remain the same. You haven’t presented a rational argument for me to consider. Nor do I believe that you can. So, my last words to you will be “so long and farewell my friend”.

 

[Soilwork]

blueto.. you may as well give it up.

Whenever I get into this arguement, the bisexual men go out of their way to change the arguement, slander you, change the subject and then claim some kind of victory when you just give up.

They don't understand why we're not willing to take the chance that we might become just another sex toy and temporary diversion while they look for that perfect girl to take home to Mom and Dad.

 

[Soilwork]

You see, Blueto?

We can stand up on our chairs and scream at the top of our lungs that Bisexual men say they have "Fluid" sexuality, which means it changes all the time and they will at one point, no matter how much they may love you.. not be sexually attracted to you because you have a dick.

They'll ignore it like they have in every post so far and go on about how gay men "cheat" (even though we never accused them of being cheaters) or they'll try to explain that we don't understand that they find both sexes attractive (even though that's the whole problem) or they'll find another way to ignore the main point we have.

Because they know we're right.

 

[VICTORIADON]

First of all there are tons of variations of male bisexuality from guys like you described to guys that only want sex with women and want a LTR with a man.

In no way is it a "one size fits all" thing. Get to know some bisexuals and you'll actually find this out.

Just because a guy is attracted to women sexually doesn't mean that he's automatically going to act on it.

It's the same as a gay man being in an exclusive/closed LTR with a man and not having sex with other men he finds hot.

Opinions such as the majority of bisexual men will only date or have LTRs with women, or that they only use men as sex toys while looking for a woman to bring home to their parents, is close minded and biphobic, and reek of the "non heterosexual sexuality is a choice" argument that heterosexuals use to paint queer men.

It's the same argument that heterosexuals use against us queers that two men of any non heterosexual orientation won't last in a relationship because it's not a relationship with a woman.

Do I see a beard coming off the beardedwoof? Are you coming out of the closet? Coming out from hiding behind the women you wear as costume jewlery? Is the word homosexual or gay so bad you prefer to be known as queer? Or is this just for the moment you are calling yourself queer? Does it suit you at this time, but not tomorrow?
Don't bother answering, I know tomorrow you will stand up and state "I am not queer, I am bi-sexual" it was just...a..."thing"
There, above, highlighted, in a self proclaimed bi-sexuals' own writing, is the problem.

 

[TriBi]

You see, Blueto?

We can stand up on our chairs and scream at the top of our lungs that Bisexual men say they have "Fluid" sexuality, which means it changes all the time and they will at one point, no matter how much they may love you.. not be sexually attracted to you because you have a dick.

They'll ignore it like they have in every post so far and go on about how gay men "cheat" (even though we never accused them of being cheaters) or they'll try to explain that we don't understand that they find both sexes attractive (even though that's the whole problem) or they'll find another way to ignore the main point we have.

Because they know we're right.

I'm not even going to bother trying to answer this sort of bigoted crap anymore.

Yes Soil - we ALL know you have issues with bisexual men...it is getting beyond boring - and NO - I most definitely DON'T concede you are in any way right.

I'll concede that YOU think you are - but then you seem to "think" you are right about everything...

 

[VICTORIADON]

First of all, you're rather confused about how I'm using the word queer. Lots of men your age don't really get it and see it as a slur when it's not, and just by being bisexual that would make me queer.

Queer is more of a social/political/aesthetic/ethical position than a statement of personal taste or style. It means rejecting the centrality of hetero-normative standards, refusing to accept as "natural" ANY expression of sexuality, or of gender identity.

As a theory/practice, it is extremely liberating. I can think of many self-identified gay people whom I would not consider queer (including some bears: though the movement began as a liberating alternative a monolithic gay style, many bears are dismissive of and hostile to androgynous or feminine/camp men), and quite a few people who are cheifly attracted to people of the opposite sex, but whose ways of understanding and enacting gender and sexuality distinctly qualify them as queer.

Queer can be used to describe homosexuals, bisexuals, and transgendered people. In scholarly studies the word queer is also used to describe those who practice unconventional non-vanilla sex (e.g. bondage, fisting, polyamoury, etc.), therefore even heterosexuals can sometimes be defined as queer.

Secondly, even if I were involved with a woman (which I'm not at this current time) why the fuck would you assume that I'd hide myself from her?

Your post and Soilworks' posts just show how some (but obviously not all) gay men are such shits to bis and women.

Yes, I expected as much. Try to justify and dig yourself out. But I meant, I mean to say, you're confused, people your age...blah blah blah.
Shoots himself in the foot again.
Why would I, or any other gay man, want someone, that states the things you do, for a serious relationship? I would consider it a waste of my time.
And at no time have I stated you, or anyone else, would hide yourselves from a her, I have said that bi-guys may be using a her to hide behind, and it seems that you would rather be called queer than gay or homosexual and I find that rather "queer"

 

[Soilwork]

Argh.

Victoriadon... you first...

The term "Queer" doesn't mean exclusively "gay". It can also mean "Bisexual" or "Transgendered" or "Lesbian", so in the context he used it, it's ok. Not a big deal.

Beardedwolf... I don't understand how my post says I'm a shit to bi men or women at all. Please stop hanging that on me, I'm not a shit to women at all. Or Bisexual men, either, really.. I just don't date them. (I hate it when people say shit like this, but it's true... I have lots of close friends who are both femal and bisexual men. My best friend of the Fratmen is David, and he's bisexual... he only dates women but has sex with men. His life.. his choices.. I just wouldn't ever be one of the men)

When I asked a few months back what bisexual men meant when they said they have "Fluid" sexuality, they mostly came forward an said that it meant that "It's always changing... sometimes I only want men, sometimes I only want women, sometimes I want both." One guy compared it to water in a bathtub waving from one side to the other. So please don't say I know "shit" about being bi. I get it. From the mouths of babes, I guess.

And finally vermillion.. I would have stayed out of this thread because it's just yet another thead of "Us bi men are so much better than gay men" bullshit that pokes it's head up in here.

I stay out of all of them (RRRalph has one now where he says that gay men prefer feminine men and bi men prefer masculine men which is such bullshit I can smell it in the F&G forum, but I stayed out becuase it's such a dumb-ass crock of shit it's not even worth addressing... just more "Us bis are better" fodder).

The reason Victoriadon and I are here is that RRRalph called both of us out on page one, using quotes of ours from other threads (I'm guessing so we wouldn't know we were being quoted?) and using them a bit out of context. We had to come in and defend ourselves.

I'm not surprised I'm not being accused of being a "shit to women" without any evidence of it. Last time we got into this I was accused of being a racist and the evidence given was "I heard you called so and so a so and so." It was a lie, but it was there to slander me and discredit me and make me look like I'm being unfair.

I don't think I'm being unfair at all, and maybe you can explain "fluid" sexuality to me a bit better than a bathtub full of water flowing from side to side; I'm all ears.

 

[Themastercorey]

A girl at my school thought Bi is when 2 woman love eachother... She's such a moron lol

 

[blueto21]

First of all there are tons of variations of male bisexuality from guys like you described to guys that only want sex with women and want a LTR with a man.

In no way is it a "one size fits all" thing. Get to know some bisexuals and you'll actually find this out.

Just because a guy is attracted to women sexually doesn't mean that he's automatically going to act on it.

It's the same as a gay man being in an exclusive/closed LTR with a man and not having sex with other men he finds hot.

Opinions such as the majority of bisexual men will only date or have LTRs with women, or that they only use men as sex toys while looking for a woman to bring home to their parents, is close minded and biphobic, and reek of the "non heterosexual sexuality is a choice" argument that heterosexuals use to paint queer men.

It's the same argument that heterosexuals use against us queers that two men of any non heterosexual orientation won't last in a relationship because it's not a relationship with a woman.

Quite, frankly I don’t think either situation is acceptable. It doesn’t matter whether the bi guy only wants sex with men but seeks women for “serious” relationships or vice versa. Both situations are not acceptable and should be avoided if possible. Why would anyone want to be with someone who isn’t willing to be committed to a relationship (when that is what they are seeking in their own relationships)? It makes no sense at all! And your UNUSUAL point of view of what a long term relationship encompasses frightens me. What you describe IS NOT A LTR committed relationship. What you describe is a bi guy with his “fluid” sexuality who has sex with both men and women while being more involved with one of the other and to him that is a LTR/serious relationship but in reality it’s not. It’s him attempting to have his cake and eat it to. You can’t be in a so-called “committed relationship” while fucking someone else other than your partner on the side. That is NOT a LTR. In my personal view it’s not a relationship at all. Some would argue otherwise but who cares.

Also, I have dated quite a few self proclaimed bisexual men in the past. Each and every one of them cheated on me and left me for a female. One of them while we were together had a girlfriend on the side while he was dating me that I had no idea about. And from what I have heard and seen from other people’s experiences with bisexual men, not just my own mind you, this seems to be a trend for bisexual men to leave their male lovers for some female they have on the side. That says a LOT about bisexual men and their relationship habits. As one other jubber put it, “they are not relationship material for gay men”. Bisexual men are better off dating other bisexual men. Leave gay men out of this loop hole.

I should also add that bisexual men have a fluid sexuality. So that means that their sexual preference is constantly changing and eventually they will be uninterested in their relationship partners.

Finally, you may not agree with the statement that “the MAJORITY of bisexual men will only seek for serious relationships with women” HOWEVER, that STILL doesn’t detract from VALIDITY of the statement. You can call it biphobia (which I personally think is just silly and jibberish that is an attempt to be a distraction from the main argument against bisexual men), closed mindedness, narrow-mindedness, or whatever other fancy term you can come up with. But it is STILL 100% FACTUAL and TRUE. From my own personal experiences with friends and others, the MAJORITY of bisexual men have used them for their sexual gratifications while looking for more serious relationships with females. That is true whether you accept it or not. Even the MAJORITY of bisexual men on this JUB forum would agree with that. Most of them want to use guys for sex and look to women for “serious” relationships. That’s all I have to say about this topic. It seems that no one can present a convincing counter argument. So, I rest my case. And oh, to the person that wrote, “If you guys are so done with bisexual men then why do you care so much to keep fucking arguing about it any chance that comes up?”, allow me to answer your question. We have an obligation and a right to express our opinions. If you don’t like it then don’t read what we write. You are free to disagree with anything I write and you’re also free to not read the material if you so choose to. That’s cool. That’s your choice. Soilwork and I are in complete agreement on this issue. I agree with him 100%. Go Soil!

 

[Soilwork]

OK.. before we get TOO carried away, blueto... you and me are certainly in agreement on most stuff.

but I would be in the wrong if I didn't bring up here that my BF and I DO have sex with other guys. We don't do it on our own, but we have been known to share other guys together. It's never a secret and we both know about it. but We're not a monogamous couple. Just so we're clear on that.

End is that I don't wanna bash bi men any more than I probably have. I'm sure they're not all evil puppy-eating aliens.

If they find themselves in a relationship where the rules allow him to shag people outside without his parner there, then I support that. But It would never work with my relationship. If Troy wanted to shag a girl, he'd have to do it without me there, and that's not something I'd be willing deal with.

 

[69Strat]

Even the MAJORITY of bisexual men on this JUB forum would agree with that.

Most men regardless of sexual preference are promiscuous by nature. From my own personal observations, I find gay men to be the most promiscuous. This isn't to say gay men can't be faithful, but I haven't known many who were. It also applies to many straight men who are married. The bottom line is men are ruled by their dicks and unless they have a testosterone deficiency, I don't see male promiscuity changing any time soon.

By today's labels, I would be considered bisexual, an irrelevant term to me, just like the terms gay and straight I just used. More important than these operating labels is to be frank with the person you happen to be with and to have the honesty to let them know if you are interested in a LTR, or not. That's what it boils down to for me.

People who are unfaithful are unfaithful. It makes no difference what label they are assigned.

 

[RRRalph]

1)

You're basing all of your arguments on a few stupid comments from some people and applying them to everyone.

You cannot tar everyone with the same ridiculously wide brush. You have how many bi guys in this thread alone saying they wouldn't do this to you - do you not speak English, or are you calling each of us a liar and a low-life?

First of all, i totally agree with Blackbeltninja and Vermilion. You both are so right!

2)

RRRalph has a thread where he says that gay men prefer feminine men and bi men prefer masculine men which is such bullshit.

Besides having trouble with understanding you have also trouble with reading. In my thread i asked bisexuals if they prefer masculine guys, which almost all respond was yes. I’ve never proclaimed anything, especially not about gay men prefer feminine men. So what the fuck are you talking about?

3)

I think that the majority of people who claim to be bi think that they're fooling us into thinking that they're somehow better than us because they're "less gay" or something.

It's just yet another thead of "Us bi men are so much better than gay men" bullshit.

Just more "Us bis are better" fodder

I wonder what happened in your life that made you think that bisexuals think they are better than gays . Personally the idea haven’t even crossed my mind and I’ve never heard about such thing. Here on JUB i haven’t seen any thread in such way. Still you keep bring it up as some kind of fact.

What people and soilwork should know about bisexuals is...

…that bisexuals don’t think they are better than gays.

 

[RRRalph]

My bf and I have sex with other guys. It's never a secret and we both know about it. We're not a monogamous couple... but if Troy wanted to shag a girl, he'd have to do it without me there. That's not something I'd be willing deal with.

Why not? You have sex with others and your bf have sex with others. What's the problem if it's not with a man?

 

[Soilwork]

Besides having trouble with understanding you have also trouble with reading. In my thread i asked bisexuals if they prefer masculine guys, which almost all respond was yes. I’ve never proclaimed anything, especially not about gay men prefer feminine men. So what the fuck are you talking about?

I'm talking about THIS little exchange.

I think you will find most gay guys prefer masculine guys too.

I question that very much.

Not the sharpest knife, are you?

 

[Soilwork]

Why not? You have sex with others and your bf have sex with others. What's the problem if it's not with a man?

Because we do it at the same time, Einstein, which means I'd have to be there having sex with a woman, and I'm not prepared to do that.

 

[RRRalph]

Not the sharpest knife, are you?

Paladin writes: I think you will find most gay guys prefer masculine guys too. I think gays like masculine guys and feminine guys. I'm not sure if they prefer masculine guys too. So that's why I questioned that statement.

 

[RRRalph]

Because we do it at the same time, Einstein, which means I'd have to be there having sex with a woman, and I'm not prepared to do that.

Ok, cool