Why are gay guys so promiscuous?

[Adrock-JD]

Because it's raining men. Hallelujah.

 

[FlimFlam]

Seriously? YIKES!

Honestly? Because it matters. If you've had hundreds of partners.. what does that mean? That you can't stay with someone long? That you have an insatiable sexual appetite? That you do not care about the safety of your body?
There is SOMETHING amiss there. Now if you go through a phase early in your gay life where you were promiscuous I understand. However, serial promiscuity is just as bad as serial dating. Anything in excess is somewhat odd.

^^This is what YOU said. You also went on to describe people as hedonists with no self control. How can you say you don't "assume" anything?

Please show me where I described anyone as hedonists with self-control. Please! lol.

And I already clarified that what you just put in bold is what people often think when looking for a partner. I have no problem with anyone who is promiscuous for whatever reason.

 

[eastofeden]

Please show me where I described anyone as hedonists with self-control. Please! lol.

And I already clarified that what you just put in bold is what people often think when looking for a partner. I have no problem with anyone who is promiscuous for whatever reason.

WOW...read what you said...again....you said you don't assume anything...you obviously DO assume...alot....

You assumed something is amiss with someone who has a multitude of sexual partners...or that something is odd...and you are talking about me and alot of other people here. You are the one who is "odd" when you can't even comprehend what you have written.

We're not all the same just as those who have tons of partners are not all hedonists with no self control.

Your words. You assume that some people who have multiple partners are hedonists with no self control. And you know this...how? By assuming...alot.

 

[Rolyo85]

Please show me where I described anyone as hedonists with self-control. Please! lol.

And I already clarified that what you just put in bold is what people often think when looking for a partner. I have no problem with anyone who is promiscuous for whatever reason.

Well, my second paragraph was also not about you, but that didn't prevent you from taking it personally.

Seriously, some people's "I overcame my gay disadvantage and now I'm all about love and commitment" stance makes me think of "ex-gays"...

 

[njcollegekid]

seeing this thread for the first time.
i read somewhere that homosexual and bisexual men have higher average plasma testosterone levels than heterosexual males (sucking dick makes you more of a man, endocrinologically speaking, ). and the more T or DHT you give an animal, the more 'male-like' it behaves (more frequent self-urination in rams, more territorial activity in geckos, and higher instances of mounting - attempted sex). this holds true for intake males, castrated males, and females. so if more T means more attempts at sex, and if gay guys have more T, a=b b=c, gay guys should fuck more. while more frequent sex is still possible in a monogamous relationship, it means when you (or i, for that matter; ive been called a manwhore by several girls and one guy before) are between partners, you might be more likely to engage in casual sex.

but this whole logic of mine hinges on the T levels of gay/bisexual guys. and that is the one bit of science i mentioned that i do not have a primary source for. so it might be false.

 

[jmadaf]

To find a close relationship with anybody, you need a common intrest other than sex, a bonding agent, otherwise all tou want is a better fuck. Sts have making kids, so gays need a common hobby.

 

[bankside]

I assume that [STRIKE]some most[/STRIKE] many people with a very long list of partners are hedonists with no self control. I don't always like hedonists. But when I do, I like them when they have self control.

 

[jmadaf]

I would love to fuck the blonde.

 

[eastofeden]

I assume that [STRIKE]some most[/STRIKE] many people with a very long list of partners are hedonists with no self control. I don't always like hedonists. But when I do, I like them when they have self control.

Glad you own it.

 

[xbuzzerx]

I assume that [STRIKE]some most[/STRIKE] many people with a very long list of partners are hedonists with no self control. I don't always like hedonists. But when I do, I like them when they have self control.

This statement could be turned right around on its face and we could say-- and it would be true-- that some probably not accurately measurable portion of men with low numbers of sex partners fall into one of these categories:

a) are uncomfortable with sex or their own sexuality
b) have some kind of psychological sex-guilt imposed by abstract concepts of Judeo-Christian morality in western societies
c) have low self esteem
d) are in the closet and have difficulty in finding partners

I can go on the net any day of the week and find tons of males of any and every sexual orientation who are either virgins or have had a miniscule number of clumsy, awkward sexual experiences-- to presume that all of these people are better-adjusted individuals with superior morals or superior self-control is absolutely ridiculous. I would feel more than safe in saying that most men I know of BOTH sexual orientations (gay and straight) who have a tiny number of sex partners are in that state involuntarily-- either because they cannot find many willing partners or are unattactive or socially impaired in some manner-- not because of some higher moral fiber in their character that dissuaded them from pursuing more.

 

[bankside]

Well yeah. I suppose it's more of an observation than an assumption. I take people as they come (heh) so I wouldn't assume that about an individual. But I think it is fair comment on promiscuous people overall. On the hole. (Heh)

 

[xbuzzerx]

Well yeah. I suppose it's more of an observation than an assumption. I take people as they come (heh) so I wouldn't assume that about an individual. But I think it is fair comment on promiscuous people overall. On the hole. (Heh)

I just think we could just as easily sit and have a discussion where we draw a line and say the people who stop eating just before they're full are normal, and the people who stop eating when they're stuffed are hedonists. But we don't care, because our Judeo Christian inspired sense of western morality hasn't imbued in us the sense that consumption modesty is as important morally as sexual modesty.

 

[Rolyo85]

This statement could be turned right around on its face and we could say-- and it would be true-- that some probably not accurately measurable portion of men with low numbers of sex partners fall into one of these categories:

a) are uncomfortable with sex or their own sexuality
b) have some kind of psychological sex-guilt imposed by abstract concepts of Judeo-Christian morality in western societies
c) have low self esteem
d) are in the closet and have difficulty in finding partners

I can go on the net any day of the week and find tons of males of any and every sexual orientation who are either virgins or have had a miniscule number of clumsy, awkward sexual experiences-- to presume that all of these people are better-adjusted individuals with superior morals or superior self-control is absolutely ridiculous. I would feel more than safe in saying that most men I know of BOTH sexual orientations (gay and straight) who have a tiny number of sex partners are in that state involuntarily-- either because they cannot find many willing partners or are unattactive or socially impaired in some manner-- not because of some higher moral fiber in their character that dissuaded them from pursuing more.

Omg so much truth!

 

[Laufey]

You know a lot of women lie about their number of partners (saying it's less) because people see it more so as a bad thing for them to have had many partners compared to men (kinda fucked up since most men have just sex with women).

Are we reaching the point of gay men doing the same?

(I won't though because I wouldn't be able to be with someone who doesn't let me be myself)

 

[tigerfan482]

I've slept with more than a 100 and to be honest it makes me really sad and frustrated that it's enough for people to label me as "not relationship material" like it somehow makes me a worse lover. Just because I can see love and sex as two separate things it does not mean I have any less love to give or don't want to settle down.

I just don't see a reason to hold back while I'm single. I'm a young male and I have urges to have sex on a regular basis. I would love to be in a loving relationship where I would always have sex with the same person but while I'm single I still need sex. Yes I've tried the whole friends with benefits thing but it has never worked for me longer than couple of months because it always ends up with me or the other guy developing romantic feelings (without getting it back).

And yes the view of a person being somehow less pure... more dirty... because he has had many sex partners... the roots of that in the western world is mostly from Christianity there is no doubt about that. It really has fucked up peoples view on the human body and sex.

Personally, I wouldn't dismiss someone as "not relationship material" simply because they had a sizable number of sex partners. However, it would mean that I would have to work a lot harder to keep the relationship going. The health part goes without saying of course (i.e. getting tested soon and regularly.) The worst part of it would be that it would mean trust would take a longer time to build. I would have to get over that voice in the back of my head asking things like "can he really turn it on and off just like that?", "will I measure up to the 100+ other guys he's been with?", and "is he really working late or does he have his secret Grindr account?" Granted, there are plenty of people out there who may never think that, but it's my thought process and so it's the perspective I have.

I would definitely attribute it to past relationships in which I got involved with a self-confessed "former" promiscuous person, failed to ask those types of questions OR did ask them and gave the guy the benefit of the doubt, and got burned in the end. If anything, I would say that my view of the situation isn't colored by Christianity, but by past experiences that have made me want to avoid being what it is that hurt me. Multiple experiences have shown me that guys who were promiscuous before they entered into the relationship tend to want to remain promiscuous in the relationship. It doesn't make me dismiss them as broken, immoral, or not dating material, but it does make me give extra pause and consideration to various behaviors they have during the relationship. One huge step towards building that trust with me that I find lacking (and what caused me to create this topic) was that it was hard to find a guy who didn't want to have sex on the first date/meeting/chance encounter/etc.

 

[Rolyo85]

So basically it's more about your insecurity and poor choice of dating prospects rather than the level of promiscuity?

 

[eastofeden]

Personally, I wouldn't dismiss someone as "not relationship material" simply because they had a sizable number of sex partners. However, it would mean that I would have to work a lot harder to keep the relationship going. The health part goes without saying of course (i.e. getting tested soon and regularly.) The worst part of it would be that it would mean trust would take a longer time to build. I would have to get over that voice in the back of my head asking things like "can he really turn it on and off just like that?", "will I measure up to the 100+ other guys he's been with?", and "is he really working late or does he have his secret Grindr account?" Granted, there are plenty of people out there who may never think that, but it's my thought process and so it's the perspective I have.

I would definitely attribute it to past relationships in which I got involved with a self-confessed "former" promiscuous person, failed to ask those types of questions OR did ask them and gave the guy the benefit of the doubt, and got burned in the end. If anything, I would say that my view of the situation isn't colored by Christianity, but by past experiences that have made me want to avoid being what it is that hurt me. Multiple experiences have shown me that guys who were promiscuous before they entered into the relationship tend to want to remain promiscuous in the relationship. It doesn't make me dismiss them as broken, immoral, or not dating material, but it does make me give extra pause and consideration to various behaviors they have during the relationship. One huge step towards building that trust with me that I find lacking (and what caused me to create this topic) was that it was hard to find a guy who didn't want to have sex on the first date/meeting/chance encounter/etc.

Funny thing...I had the opposite concern. I am bluntly honest with my partners and if they are at all "worried about me" it saves me some time because I have no room for insecure or jealous types and I will never promise fidelity to anyone anyway...I instead promise honesty. I had my share of critics but oddly enough...I have had a great monogamous 26+ year relationship that works very nicely and the critics....eh...not so much.

I used to try really hard to put my worst foot forward. You will never get a hallmark moment from me. I had lots of guys at any given time who wanted to date me (I worked in a gay bar...it comes with the territory) but I was the date from hell and I did it on purpose so I could weed out people who had zero empathy or didn't tune in to other people...I am not compatible at all with them and since so many people lie to themselves and each other initially I had to figure it out before wasting my time. I am definitely a free spirit and anyone who feels the needs to control other people is not for me.

When someone did want to date me I used to tell them we would have to fuck first because if we didn't fuck I wouldn't waste my time pretending to like them to get into bed with them.

I am quite proud of my life. I was true to myself...that is the definition of success in my mind.

 

[Rolyo85]

Haha, I never promise fidelity either, because I find the need to do it offensive. If i am officially with someone, fidelity is to be assumed, and anything else needs to be discussed.

But I definitely respect your bluntness. It seems to have worked out

 

[Laufey]

The worst part of it would be that it would mean trust would take a longer time to build. I would have to get over that voice in the back of my head asking things like "can he really turn it on and off just like that?", "will I measure up to the 100+ other guys he's been with?", and "is he really working late or does he have his secret Grindr account?" Granted, there are plenty of people out there who may never think that, but it's my thought process and so it's the perspective I have.

Well at least you are honest about your prejudices and insecurity.

You know on the other side there is also the people who cheat because they never had their wild era (especially people who get married young / have been long term with someone since their teen years/young adulthood). I'm not a fan of putting people in boxes and then judging them based on that so I try to stay away from this type of mindset. I hope someday you will too.

 

[Rolyo85]

Well at least you are honest about your prejudices and insecurity.

You know on the other side there is also the people who cheat because they never had their wild era (especially people who get married young / have been long term with someone since their teen years/young adulthood). I'm not a fan of putting people in boxes and then judging them based on that so I try to stay away from this type of mindset. I hope someday you will too.

Yeah, like Buzzer also pointed out, it's very easy to find serious negative stereotypes for the non-promiscuous types. Which is why we should be careful not to do that