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Why are other gay men so cruel to me?

T

Toy-Boy

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I don't think I've come across one gay guy that liked me. And I'm not talking about on a romantic level. Other gay guys are just very rude and nasty to me, and I don't even understand why. It could be like within 30 seconds of meeting me, and they are already rolling their eyes and having an attitude. It puzzles me because I have done nothing to them. Sometimes I could just be minding my own business, and they go out of their way to tear me down or make me feel inferior to them. I don't undestand why some gay men are like this when they face so much oppression throughout their life...but they wanna turn around and oppress the next person. I personally think it's a bitch move, and why not find pick on someone your own size.

I'm sorry for the rant, but sometimes I just wish that I wasn't gay. Not becaue I think there's anything wrong with my sexuality, but because I really don't fit in with the men in this community, and it's becoming very lonely not having someone to indentify with or relate to about certain issues. I get along better with straight guys, but in the end it means nothing, because I want someone I can truly relate to.
 
Toy-Boy said:
I don't think I've come across one gay guy that liked me. And I'm not talking about on a romantic level. Other gay guys are just very rude and nasty to me, and I don't even understand why. It could be like within 30 seconds of meeting me, and they are already rolling their eyes and having an attitude. It puzzles me because I have done nothing to them. Sometimes I could just be minding my own business, and they go out of their way to tear me down or make me feel inferior to them. I don't undestand why some gay men are like this when they face so much oppression throughout their life...but they wanna turn around and oppress the next person. I personally think it's a bitch move, and why not find pick on someone your own size.

I'm sorry for the rant, but sometimes I just wish that I wasn't gay. Not becaue I think there's anything wrong with my sexuality, but because I really don't fit in with the men in this community, and it's becoming very lonely not having someone to indentify with or relate to about certain issues. I get along better with straight guys, but in the end it means nothing, because I want someone I can truly relate to.
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If it is happening consistently with a lot of other Gay men, perhaps you really need to take a long look at yourself. There may be some characteristics you demonstrate that you may not think are obnoxious, or anything like that, but other people do find them to be obnoxious and a turn off.

Just saying ... if it seems like a lot of Gay people are turned off by you ... it has to be for a reason. I can say that a lot of Gay people, especially myself, are turned off by Queens, for example.
 
I have to say ... some gay communities tend to be very conformist in their own way. I've had straight friends of mine from Boston and New York tell me I'm one of the most mellow, easygoing gay guys they've run across ... they're accustomed to the "snobbish, snarky, attitude-ish, bitchy" (their words, not mine) gay guys they typically encounter.

Anyway, a little more info about you and your surroundings might help us help you. :)
 
MystikWizard said:
I can say that a lot of Gay people, especially myself, are turned off by Queens, for example.
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Get ready to be barraged with comments saying how you're a self loather and you despise all gay men and how do you live with yourself you traitor!!!!
 
all your interactions with gay men fail... the one thing all those interactions have in common are you. it might not be what you want to hear, but the problem is most probably on your side.

and for what its worth... i dont know you and i dont "follow" you here on jub, but i have noticed that you have a tendency to make threads with semi-rethorical questions as titles that really reveal more about yourself than anything else. lets employ the search function for a sec:

Are straight guys nicer than gay guys?
Are you eternally conscious of youir sexuality?
Do you ever feel like because you're gay, people are watching your every move?
Do you hate hearing straight guys talk about women?


you do come across as rather insecure, and kinda self-loathing. its not something i would respond to positively in real life (or anywhere, really). maybe this helps.
 
i'm curious t know why you think they dont like you. do they actually say it? what vibes do they give off, is it possible you are misreading. i mean, how could EVERYONE not like you?
 
From your screen-name I'd say you unconsciously send out cues which attract those types of men who will abuse you.
 
If it is happening consistently with a lot of other Gay men, perhaps you really need to take a long look at yourself. There may be some characteristics you demonstrate that you may not think are obnoxious, or anything like that, but other people do find them to be obnoxious and a turn off.

Just saying ... if it seems like a lot of Gay people are turned off by you ... it has to be for a reason.
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I have to agree with a number of posters here.

I think we're only getting half the story.

If I run into people that I instantly dislike, it is because:

- They are superficial beyond belief
- They are whiny beyond belief.
- They are social snobs.
- They are reverse social snobs.
- They have no sense of humour.
- They are pure ego.

Or I don't like their shoes.

kidding.

But if you have self-image and confidence problems, they may be apparent as soon as you open your mouth.

So... a little more info please.
 
Gay men do tend to get upset pretty easily. Over nothing.

I guess it's because they're part woman. lol.

I bet that there are more people in the gay community that are suicidal and depressed than any other group of people in the world.
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This from someone who equates gay marriage with bestiality in CE&P and has posted the most outrageous lies about his own personal life in CO&R.

And of course manages to insult both homos and women with the above generalization.

I suspect, Cool, that not many people do like you when they meet you or even after they've known you for any length of time either.

Certainly if your flippant ass-hat response is indicative of how you enter any conversation I have to think you are in the same boat as the OP, except with demonstrable reason.

And reverse snobbery is when someone immediately makes it clear that they can't possibly be friends or discuss anything with anyone who may have more formal education or white collar job as Loki has pointed out. My own nephew is one of these to some degree...
 
I suppose he could have wanted a bigger audience to help him as well.
 
Sounds like somebody isn't using the secret handshake...!
 
Whether the OP has some personal insecurity issues or not, I know from experience that there are some specific communities where a great proportion of the gay men (at least) are cliquish assholes who ostracize anyone who is not on their wavelength. That's why I enjoy Toronto's gay scene, because of the variety of different types of gay men to enjoy and connect with. If I lived in some of those other places, I might be posting threads like these too.

We may want to consider that the OP is an average, typical, normal, regular guy who happens to live in a place where a lot of people are assholes who think they're superstars.
 
Sounds like a self-esteem problem. If you've done nothing wrong then there's no reason someone shouldn't like you. Unfortunately shallow people will judge you on youth and outward physical appearance. Meaning if you're not young and pretty then you aren't worth hanging around with. If you aren't wearing Prada and D&G then to hell with you. It's those people you need to avoid like the plague.

What is your definition or cruel? Can you give examples of what someone has done to you shortly after you met them? After you shake their hand and say hello what happens? However, I've noticed some gay men suffer from low self esteem themselves and one thing that they do to make themselves feel better is to put down other people.
 
I'm a very nice, easy-going person, so I don't know what it is that's not making them respond to me socially. However, maybe I come off as too nice, and it borders into pushover territory...
 
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