Why are other gay men so cruel to me?

[Críostóir]

Like he never fucking does. This was yet another of his half-hearted attempts to get at least half of the board to agree that gay men are nothing but ruthless psycho-cuntbitches.

And that straight men are sexy and very easy to fondle… I mean, talk to.

And yet again, he succeeded. More congratulations are in due.

I can find no fault in the rest of your post at this location, but have nothing to say about it. On this topic, however...while I haven't QUITE agreed that gay men are nothing but ruthless psycho-cuntbitches, I do appear to have fallen victim to the very trap of which you speak. I had no idea this poster had a habit of doing such things. Thanks for the warning.

Um...on an unrelated note, I've just been reading Pride and Prejudice again. Forgive me, all, if my latest posts have been colored by Regency English! I can't help it.

 

[Latimer]

Occasionally I'll run into a really snobbish, obnoxious, condescending (I could go on, but you get the idea) gay who acts that way toward everyone gay or straight, at least everyone who isn't perceived as an important rung on the social climbing ladder. I always assume he was unpopular and picked upon while growing up, particularly in high school, and that his current behavior is compensation for the cruelty inflicted on him earlier. Evil queen I say. Tell the lot them to fuck off.

 

[Críostóir]

Nom, those pics are funny, but I hope I'm correctly reading a half-serious tone. I always lol when gay men go on about there being a difference between being "gay" and being a "faggot," because the people who coined that horrible term ("faggot") apply it to all of us.

They don't care how butch you look or how masculine you are. You're out there buttfucking and sucking cock like the rest of us. Hence, faggot.

The only thing true about that poster's statements is that is does compare to the argument that "there's a difference between a 'Black Person' and an 'N*****'", because that too is false. The people who employed the N-Word used it to degrade all Black people. And they too didn't see one difference between a Black person and a N*****. They were one and the same.

What was incredibly bizarre about this poster's statements (I forget his name), is that he said "seems like you are being treated like a faggot." Even if faggot does equal really feminine gay man, why on Earth would that be reason for all gay men to unanimously make his life hell?

QFT. Well said!

 

[booyoshi]

...but sometimes I just wish that I wasn't gay. Not becaue I think there's anything wrong with my sexuality, but because I really don't fit in with the men in this community, and it's becoming very lonely not having someone to indentify with or relate to about certain issues. I get along better with straight guys, but in the end it means nothing, because I want someone I can truly relate to.

i'm glad to know i'm not the only one who feels this way. you have to understand that gay men (not all) are very insecure about themselves and the way they can deflect that is by coming of "bitchy". it's their defense. i don't understand why, but i don't bother arguing. i let them think what they want and move on without them.

 

[altlover85]

booyoshi, your point would be better taken if you had said "you have to understand some gay men are very insecure. . ." but instead you made a generalization and then backpedaled, leaving your comments somewhat suspect and perhaps having an origin in the closet.

 

[fetaby]

If the majority of people are coming to you from the side, and being "bitchy" and "cruel", one really does have to ask, how do I fit into this picture?

So my real question is, how many of you are laying down and taking it?

Who are you fucking?

 

[Críostóir]

If the majority of people are coming to you from the side, and being "bitchy" and "cruel", one really does have to ask, how do I fit into this picture?

So my real question is, how many of you are laying down and taking it?

Who are you fucking?

Well, if you're lying down and taking it, technically the OTHER guy is fucking.

 

[fetaby]

Well, if you're lying down and taking it, technically the OTHER guy is fucking.

Poor word choice.

What I meant was, if you're being bombarded by bullshit and attitude are you just standing there grinning?

On a side note, who are you fucking if everyone is being an ass?

 

[Críostóir]

Poor word choice.

What I meant was, if you're being bombarded by bullshit and attitude are you just standing there grinning?

On a side note, who are you fucking if everyone is being an ass?

I quite take your point. I was just teasing on the word choice.

For me, the answer is: no one. At all. For years. But I've been entangled in a strange long-distance love affair for a great portion of that time, so I'm not the best example; also, I'm 50, which is 127 in gay years, and if you ask most of the younger men here I should not expect to have sex again in my life.

The daddy chasers, for whom I cannot offer up thanks enough, would disagree.

 

[Toy-Boy]

Sorry I haven't been able to catch up and reply to this thread. And no, I did not create this thread to start trouble. I don't see how a thread like this can create conflict. I didn't call anyone out of their name, I just shared something that has been bothering me.

I don't think that there's anything about my personality that I need to work on. All my breeder(straight) friends ALL tell me that I'm a good person. I don't put anyone down, I don't act dismissive or possess any deplorable quality of the sort.

However, I do think gay men respond to me differenty because MOST of them don't find me attractive. And that's okay, I'm not throwing a fit about that because I never approach them on a romantic level. I'm just an all around friendly guy, and they probably misread that and think I'm hitting on them when I am not. I mean, how self-involved can you be to think that just because someone is showing general kindness to you, they must be hitting on you.

And no, it never fails that every time I'm in a social enviroment where gay men are present, they always find a way to put me down or make me feel unwelcome. For instance, last semester some of straight male and female friends invited me to this small get together, and they told me that some of THEIR other gay friends were coming along. I just knew in the back of my mind that I wouldn't enjoy myself. At the function, my friends introduce me to their other friends(gay men), and they just went out of their way to make me feel like I didn't belong. Every time I spoke, I would notice that one of them would have this catty smirk on their face, or roll their eyes. I tried to mingle and be nice, but they kept shooting me down. So I just sat with MY friends and drank and carried on with them. Even my straight friends were baffled as to why their other friends were so unfriendly with me. I tried not to press the issue with them, because I know that they don't really understand how the "gay world" works and whatnot. I just left it alone.

There have been countless other experiences, but I don't have the energy to explain them.

 

[Nomenclature]

Nom, those pics are funny, but I hope I'm correctly reading a half-serious tone.

I wasn't serious at all with that post. It was just my catty way of poking fun of some flamboyant celebrities. Richard Simmons even pokes fun at himself, for that matter:



[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTxkxG3DF4k[/ame]



If he can laugh, why can't we?




People make fun of femme or closeted celebrities all the time in the Gossip section, and they never get the "self-loathing" fallacy used on them.

 

[altlover85]

I agree with Travisevian. You might be misinterpreting what they are doing. I know when I'm uncomfortable sometimes I read things that aren't there and I have to take a second and step back and say this is your anxiety clouding what's really going on.

 

[fetaby]

At the function, my friends introduce me to their other friends(gay men), and they just went out of their way to make me feel like I didn't belong. Every time I spoke, I would notice that one of them would have this catty smirk on their face, or roll their eyes. I tried to mingle and be nice, but they kept shooting me down. So I just sat with MY friends and drank and carried on with them. Even my straight friends were baffled as to why their other friends were so unfriendly with me. I tried not to press the issue with them, because I know that they don't really understand how the "gay world" works and whatnot. I just left it alone.

And you allowed them to disrespect you like this?

 

[Toy-Boy]

And you allowed them to disrespect you like this?

Unless someone puts their hands on me, I usually just ignore them. After a while I stopped being nice to them, and threw it back in their faces.

 

[fetaby]

Unless someone puts their hands on me, I usually just ignore them. After a while I stopped being nice to them, and threw it back in their faces.

That's a good start, but that couldn't be me. I'd make a scene.

 

[Críostóir]

Nom, the fact that you were making fun of Richard Simmon's didn't bother me (who of us haven't). I just feared that by you sharing those photos that you were sharing evanrick's sentiments.

Sure looked that way to me.

 

[altlover85]

I agree with you Cristoir.

 

[Lube]

Sorry I haven't been able to catch up and reply to this thread. And no, I did not create this thread to start trouble

. I'm just an all around friendly guy, and they probably misread that and think I'm hitting on them when I am not. I mean, how self-involved can you be to think that just because someone is showing general kindness to you, they must be hitting on you.

You'd be surprised. It's not self-involved at all. I constantly have to clue guys in that I'm just being friendly and, no, I'm not looking for sex.

I think either you're oversensitive and reading something that's not there, or that we'd have to meet you in person to see what the problem is. People's self-image is sometimes completely at odds with how they come across to others.

I wasn't serious at all with that post. It was just my catty way of poking fun of some flamboyant celebrities.

I think a smirk or smiley face would've gone a long way in cluing us in that you were kidding.

 

[booyoshi]

booyoshi, your point would be better taken if you had said "you have to understand some gay men are very insecure. . ." but instead you made a generalization and then backpedaled, leaving your comments somewhat suspect and perhaps having an origin in the closet.

that would be why i said "not all". but, take that as you would like.

 

[altlover85]

I thought you backpedaled because of the fact that you added the (not all) after gay men and not before. I think that makes a difference and shows an intention to say something different than if you had put it after.

I agree to disagree though.