Being a gay male is a life ruiner. Reddit post.

[eastofeden]

1.I'm a guy. I'm not female or a transwoman. You can call me by female pronouns in the right context. This is not the correct one. This is a serious issue and the "girl please" remarks aren't needed now.
2.Trump isn't racist or bigoted.
3.I'm not a traitor to blacks, there are many blacks voting for Trump.
4.I'm not a traitor to gays, there are many gays, some who posted on this thread that are voting for Trump.
5.There are not going to be any interment camps. It's 2016 and it's a free country, and we are the media capital of the world. We are not a second or third world country.

As far as I am concerned...you are my enemy. You are wrong about Trump...but I see why you like him.

 

[Taralen]

As far as I am concerned...you are my enemy. You are wrong about Trump...but I see why you like him.

I'm not your enemy.

Plus Trump has been in so many hip hop music videos. He's not racist.

Many LGBT contestants have gotten very far in the Apprentice. He attended George Takei's wedding. He actually says people can use whatever bathroom they feel comfortable and says transgenders can use whatever restroom they want at Trump Tower. Not homophobic.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

Yes, being in a hip hop video definitely means you cannot be racist. Saying you would overturn the ruling in favor of gay marriage also means you're not a homophobe. Wanting to ban Muslims from entering the Country isn't racist or xenophobic either.

You are either a troll pulling people's strings or straight up delusional.

 

[rareboy]

I'm not your enemy.

Plus Trump has been in so many hip hop music videos. He's not racist.

Many LGBT contestants have gotten very far in the Apprentice. He attended George Takei's wedding. He actually says people can use whatever bathroom they feel comfortable and says transgenders can use whatever restroom they want at Trump Tower. Not homophobic.

You have the most incredibly superficial view of the world.

 

[Kulindahr]

I was minding my own fucking business. Wearing feminine looking clothes in West Hollywood of all places. These four white guys in this car, intentionally pull up to the curb without my knowledge or indication. Honked their horn and stuck their heads out the window to get my attention, and all of them flipped me off with angry and disgusted looks in their faces, saying exploitative and insults. Driving away before I could get a full reaction.

That is being gay bashed. That is not just guys making faces at me.

No, that's a bunch of lowlifes engaging in their right to freedom of expression. You and they both fail to understand that someone else doing something you object to is a right.

I get called stuff all the time. I just consider the source. The ONLY reason that someone doing what you described should bother you is if you think they're important enough to make their opinions worth something to you. If they don't count in your mental list of whose opinions you value, then it's just noise, like glass breaking or an engine roaring -- so treat it as such.

Now, if they'd bumped you or splashed you or thrown something, it would be basking. If they were inciting others to treat you badly, that would be bashing. But the only reason their words and actions as described should matter to you is if you think they have some power over you -- which they don't.


Your thread title exhibits the same sort of view of life that gives others power over you: it isn't a "life ruiner"; my life isn't ruined because of all the negatives, it's just constrained in ways I don't like. Those aren't the same thing.

If you didn't live in the People's Republic of California, I'd point you at my signature. But LA and California would rather see you beat up by 'phobes than let you defend yourself.

 

[Taralen]

Yes, being in a hip hop video definitely means you cannot be racist. Saying you would overturn the ruling in favor of gay marriage also means you're not a homophobe. Wanting to ban Muslims from entering the Country isn't racist or xenophobic either.

You are either a troll pulling people's strings or straight up delusional.

Yes. If Trump was so racist against blacks, hispanics, asians, and homophobic. He would not have been in many black musicians music videos. He would not have hired thousands of hispanics to work for his hotels. He would not have attended George Takei's wedding who is a gay asian man.

It isn't homophobic to want gay marriage left up to certain states. It's the way our forefathers designed this country, and something like that shouldn't be a federal law like they are making it out to be.

Muslim also isn't a race, and neither is Mexican so. Muslim's are asian or middle eastern. Mexicans and many central Americans are either Native American/White, Asian, Black or a combination of all the races give or take.

 

[Kulindahr]

It isn't homophobic to want gay marriage left up to certain states. It's the way our forefathers designed this country, and something like that shouldn't be a federal law like they are making it out to be.

But we have learned since, as Jefferson learned when he had to almost completely rebuild a free government after Adams, that the federal government is needed to protect individual rights against the states. When he developed the states' rights argument, that was the reason: to defend the liberties of the citizens against oppression from the federal government. That was the point of the Fourteenth Amendment, and why it was rightfully forced on the southern states before they were re-admitted: they were already going back to the same oppression of blacks as before, most egregiously disarming them so they would be perpetual victims.

Since freedom of association is a right, and marriage is a form of freedom of association, it is the legitimate duty of the federal government to enforce that right against the states. Of course the flip side is what Jefferson also argued, that the states have no duty to follow any federal law not founded in the Constitution, so the result is that individual rights are maximized. Indeed, if we could have just one amendment to the Constitution right now, it should be that in all matters of law, that position which enhances individual rights, especially for anyone being oppressed by others, should prevail, regardless of whether it is a federal or state law, or even a county or city ordinance.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

I didn't say Muslin or Mexican was a race, but specifically about Muslims, you are kidding yourself if you don't think skin color matters when it comes to the hate against them. But yea, you are delusional.

 

[Taralen]

I didn't say Muslin or Mexican was a race, but specifically about Muslims, you are kidding yourself if you don't think skin color matters when it comes to the hate against them. But yea, you are delusional.

Yes you did. You were being sarcastic by saying "Wanting to ban muslims isn't racist". Meaning that you are counter supporting that statment.

It isn't. Muslim isn't a race it's a religion. Muslims are black, asian, white so many Muslims of many races.

It's not about skin color, it's about the radicalism in that religion.

 

[xbuzzerx]

He would not have hired thousands of hispanics to work for his hotels.

lol.

A rich white guy wouldn't use the cheapest labor possible if he was racist. Tell that to slaveowners.

 

[Kabluey]

and all of them flipped me off with angry and disgusted looks in their faces, saying exploitative and insults. Driving away before I could get a full reaction.

That is being gay bashed. That is not just guys making faces at me.

You're not being honest.

You're trying to get the sympathy due to someone who's suffered physical violence, without actually suffering that.

 

[Taralen]

You're not being honest.

You're trying to get the sympathy due to someone who's suffered physical violence, without actually suffering that.

I have also been physically beat as well. To where I have gotten black eyes, concussions, and which ultimately caused me to take up self defense and look into getting myself a gun.

That is just a more recent event. Verbal, mental and psychological abuse are just as worse too.

 

[Kulindahr]

I have also been physically beat as well. To where I have gotten black eyes, concussions, and which ultimately caused me to take up self defense and look into getting myself a gun.

That is just a more recent event. Verbal, mental and psychological abuse are just as worse too.

Verbal and similar non-contact abuse only affects you if you give others power over yourself.

To quote the title of a book by Nobel laureate Richard Feynman, "What do you care what other people think?" If people are such slobs and lowlifes so as to lack enough self-control to refrain from heaping audible abuse on others, why do you value their opinions? Their words can only have power over you if you think their opinions are worth something!

Don't link words to physical attacks. Verbal abuse is no different than the growling of a dog: it tells you that an aggressive animal is hostile to you. Regard verbal abusers as dogs, and poorly trained ones at that; they are not human beings worthy of your attention, except insofar as their growling may precede violent action, in which case, as with any rabid animal, the proper response is to put them down so they can't endanger anyone else.

 

[lambdaboy]

I came across the reddit post, and I'm actually shocked that albeit most of his issues were rhetorical, nobody seems to get where he's coming from, yet I do and I'll discuss it here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/4mjkb6/is_being_gay_just_a_life_ruiner/

This is going to be a long post, so I'll cover each main topic in the bullet points.

Constant Discrimination-Not to mention if you don't already have something that you cant change unlike a religion or hobby that society shames on you (being black or asian etc., being disabled, etc.)

But yes, I agree. Being denied jobs, dealing with workplace homophobia (not everyone can straight act myself included). Being fired for being gay. Not being able to get housing. Being asked to leave establishments and businesses, being bullied at sporting events, being verbally, physically, mentally and psychologically abused in public. It goes on.

There is no "safe gay area", there are gay themed areas, but no matter where you go, you will run into homophobia. I was just bashed in one of the gay areas of LA, West Hollywood, a few months ago, so you aren't safe anywhere.

No support-I agree so much. The gay community which is already a very inclusive community, has subgroups, within those groups, with probably a few more groups divided up in that. The masc guys hang with the masc guys. The queens hang with the queens. The bears and chubs hang with each other usually. What kind of support is that? It's all about anonymous sex hookups, shadiness and gossip.

It's all one big fucking game to see who can be the most macho, straight acting, masculine gay guy other there. If you are able to be in the weekly #1 spot, you're in. If you're anything else, you stand on the sidelines your entire life for a game you're never going to play in.

I think he also meant that there is no support from many straights. Not to mention there are more and more straight people not wanting their children around us.

Yeah there are straight allies and friends, but all they can do is sympathize and offer words of encouragement. Are they going to go to gay bars and pride events and or join any gay social groups with you? Hell no. For the most part, straights are "they are gay, so what". And that's exactly it, "so what". They don't' give a damn about you really.

No kids-Yeah you can adopt and use so many new medical advancements, but these are very costly, and gay men are usually the first to be denied adoption services and suffer homophobia from the birth family, the adoption agency etc.

Yeah we don't have worry about having any accidental pregnancies, but that's not enough and a shitty excuse if you ask me.

I also think he is implying that your bloodline is also usually done. Sad.

No family-For the majority of us yes. It's a very rare percentage of gays that have accepting family. These are usually from people who are extremely rich and gifted and have other areas to make up for it. "Well our son is gay, but he's a nuclear engineer". "My son is gay, but he makes more than I do" etc.

Many people say, "I'm out, but not to my parents or my family". It's sad because it's hard to gain support from them.

Usually you become ostracized from your family, and if your lucky, you gain support from extended family members (Aunts/Uncles/, cousins, siblings). But you will be talked about and shamed by your family.

Unlikely to get in a relationship-Sadly yes. This community is very judgmental and that "someone for everyone" label is usually meant for straights as heterosexual relations are normal and natural.

I'm proud to be a gay man, but being homosexual is very much unnatural. But just because something is unnatural doesn't mean it's bad. People say cutting your hair is unnatural and so is eating seafood, but we do it anyways.

Most of us will have a hard time finding romance. Unless you are one of the select few that are playing in the, "How masculine can you be" game show, you're not going to find love.

Straight men in general are dogs and like any type of women as long as she can raise their children. Women just like men that treat her right and can provide and man up.

Gay men just fuck guys in restrooms, go to bathhouses, turn on their cell phone when they are horny and exchange pictures or sext or have phone sex. That's it.

You can't approach a guy in public in ask him out. You can, but the repercussions might be costly.

Yes we can get married, but what's so good about being married when you can't even get a first date, or for someone to fucking smile or say hello at you in a fucking gay neighborhood.

Can't go on holiday-True. Traveling for gay men, even for those that are lucky enough to find a man, is very difficult. Couples like to go out on vacation, and it's really hard for same sex couples to do that.

Can't be in public as a couple- Yes very true. People always say they hate PDA and showing affection in public. That of course is bullshit. We all know there are times, albeit unwarranted and unnoticed, that those same people that have those beliefs, would most definitely take their lover to a park or out to eat and show their love for each other.

Even holding hands, something that straight people do and nobody thinks of it, can get many gay men killed.

So why can't we gay men show PDA? We just can't, and it's just the way it is.

We can, but it's better if we didn't, or at least privately. People just don't like seeing two men doing that.
=============
I know people are going to say, A B and C to all these above scenarios.

A."Well I did this; that; and the third, and I never had any issues, and none of that shit happens to me."

Good for fucking you. You're not everyone, and you're not the whole of the community. It also might not have happened to you, but it easily can and it probably will sadly.

B."Well, maybe if you weren't so negative and had a bad attitude being gay wouldn't ruin your life"

That is so fucking dismissive. Looks, actions, and voices can be deceiving. Someone who sounds like they are angry, might not always be. Someone who sounds cheerful and peachy, might be a complete disaster. You are only saying that because that's how you perceive it. You can't change society. You could always try to forget or move on from whatever society tries to punish you for, "you won 2nd place in a chess tournament due to a dumb move", "you drove drunk by mistake", "you had an abortion", "you dropped out of college" etc. But you can't change society and they are always going to punish you for that.

C."Well as time goes on people will become more accepting and new generations won't think like that"

Perhaps, but it doesn't seem like that. It seems now more than ever, racism and homophobia/transphobia are back peddling and getting worse. I used to always think that it is older individuals who are bigoted, but there are an equal amount of people my age and younger that think like that.

People continue to teach their children about their core family values and the cycle continues.

======
That's it. You guys are free to discuss any of the bullet points if you like.

Bull my partner and I just came back to Engladn On the Queen Mary two Every nogth there was a bar sewt up for all thye gay people we bought drinks they supplied food there had to be close to 100 on board couples and singles live life do not be scared of it. Fuck teh homophobes!

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

Yes you did. You were being sarcastic by saying "Wanting to ban muslims isn't racist". Meaning that you are counter supporting that statment.

It isn't. Muslim isn't a race it's a religion. Muslims are black, asian, white so many Muslims of many races.

It's not about skin color, it's about the radicalism in that religion.

I said racist and Xenophobic.

And again, it has to do with skin color. You're kidding yourself if you don't think your general anti-Muslim person doesn't think of brown skin when talking about them. If it had anything to do with just religion then even people with half a brain would have a problem with Christianity/Catholicism as well. But they don't because a good majority of them claim to be this.

I am well aware that more than one race of people are Muslim.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

lol.

A rich white guy wouldn't use the cheapest labor possible if he was racist. Tell that to slaveowners.

And how the corporations that give you a job really appreciate you, when they give you the lowest possible wages and keep you under 30 hours so you don't get full time or qualify for benefits.

 

[Kabluey]

When I read posts like the one on reddit, and how these fuel similar conversations, it reminds me that some narcissists seek attention through appeals for sympathy, rather than boastfulness.

 

[Taralen]

Verbal and similar non-contact abuse only affects you if you give others power over yourself.

To quote the title of a book by Nobel laureate Richard Feynman, "What do you care what other people think?" If people are such slobs and lowlifes so as to lack enough self-control to refrain from heaping audible abuse on others, why do you value their opinions? Their words can only have power over you if you think their opinions are worth something!

Don't link words to physical attacks. Verbal abuse is no different than the growling of a dog: it tells you that an aggressive animal is hostile to you. Regard verbal abusers as dogs, and poorly trained ones at that; they are not human beings worthy of your attention, except insofar as their growling may precede violent action, in which case, as with any rabid animal, the proper response is to put them down so they can't endanger anyone else.

I respectfully disagree. Verbal and mental abuse is way worse in my opinion. Physical pain is temporary, bruises go away, wounds heal. But it's more of the verbal and mental and psychological abuse is worse. "Fuck you faggot." "I'm not gay, so don't do anything gay around me." The fact that if those white guys who flipped me off and verbally abused me in the street perceived me as a gangster masculine thug, they wouldn't even think twice about doing what the fuck they did. Their asses would have been roadkill.

Since I was a feminine queen in the street, it matters what they think of me. They felt above me, and they always will be above me sadly.

That's why it's important I don't let shit like this slide, and I'm not going change my mind. I'm 26 years old. I had enough.

Even within the community. "Only white gays are allowed in this club" "No blacks, asians etc." The fact racial gays are hardly ever showcased. So you can't win. That shit is even more taxing that being bashed by bigoted straights. Even within the community, you can't be loved.

I care what people think because if I didn't care, I'm ignoring the issues.

If my ancestors didn't care that they were not allowed to vote in elections, forced to participate in freak shows due to them being perceived as low IQ and dumb and thinking we are descended from monkeys and apes, not allowed to go to school and learn, not allowed inside establishments, weren't' allowed to ride public transportation etc. The list goes on.

If they didn't care, I wouldn't' be typing this message right now. So yes I do give a fuck what people think about me. I deserve to be loved like everyone else does. I don't hurt anyone. I go to work, pay my bills, and my taxes and I'm a law abiding citizen for the most part.

We will just agree to disagree. Mental, verbal and Psychological abuse is just as worse if not worse than physical abuse in some cases.

I said racist and Xenophobic.

And again, it has to do with skin color. You're kidding yourself if you don't think your general anti-Muslim person doesn't think of brown skin when talking about them. If it had anything to do with just religion then even people with half a brain would have a problem with Christianity/Catholicism as well. But they don't because a good majority of them claim to be this.

I am well aware that more than one race of people are Muslim.

No it doesn't. There are muslims white and fair as vanilla ice cream. There are muslims that look and are me. There are Caucasian muslims, asian muslims, black and african muslims. etc.

It's not about race. It's about right and wrong.

I have no problem with Muslims who practice their religion in peace, but many of them are for radicalism, I have to be frank.

 

[Kabluey]

You're making sweeping generalisations about a billion people, the overwhelming majority of whom are good people.
Your prejudices have given you a blind spot, and a victim complex which you're wanting to reserve for yourself without acknowledging that when you say things about others, you cause harm too.

For someone so sensitive about what others think, you don't seem to care about others.

 

[Taralen]

You're making sweeping generalisations about a billion people, the overwhelming majority of whom are good people.
Your prejudices have given you a blind spot, and a victim complex which you're wanting to reserve for yourself without acknowledging that when you say things about others, you cause harm too.

For someone so sensitive about what others think, you don't seem to care about others.

Where the fuck are they at? You have not once sent me a PM or anything to talk on skype or any of that shit. Why not? I'm the less fortunate one, you should be helping me out, not the other way around.