How to come out?

[echuck]

I'm married with two kids, college age. I'm happily married but consider myself bisexual. I met a really great guy and I want both I know it sounds selfish but I do love my wife very much. Please help me with my problem.


Chuck

 

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

I hope that one day soon I can pluck up the courage to tell my best friend. (Ive known him my whole life so I think he will take it well.) I just wish I had a friend who was gay so I could talk to them about it. This thread and forum in general is helping though.

The first best friend I told in high school didn't take it well at all. I haven't spoken to him since. My current best friend is fantastic though. Telling him was the best decision I've ever made.

I think your situation will be more like the second. You've been friends all your life so there is something there that won't just disappear.

I wish you all the best.

 

[pistolperry]

I'm married with two kids, college age. I'm happily married but consider myself bisexual. I met a really great guy and I want both I know it sounds selfish but I do love my wife very much. Please help me with my problem.


Chuck

maybe you just want the guy as a really good friend?? are you attracted to him? are you attracted to your wife?

 

[pistolperry]

i really don't know what to do myself...my parents would be extremely disappointed in the best case and absoutely ticked and might kick me out in the absolute worst case. no clue on how my friends would take it. i've had serious relationships w/ 3 girls and have no clue how it might hurt them. just found out i got accepted into college which is a whole nother round of "now what?" am i just maybe bi?? confused? agh! my senior proms coming up and will prolly be going w/ a girl but deep down i'll probably be all messed up. shoudl i be out in college or somewhat closeted the whole time? i've heard there's no such thing is bisexual? is this true? i just have so many questiosn.

 

[provenlogic]

i really don't know what to do myself...my parents would be extremely disappointed in the best case and absoutely ticked and might kick me out in the absolute worst case. no clue on how my friends would take it. i've had serious relationships w/ 3 girls and have no clue how it might hurt them. just found out i got accepted into college which is a whole nother round of "now what?" am i just maybe bi?? confused? agh! my senior proms coming up and will prolly be going w/ a girl but deep down i'll probably be all messed up. shoudl i be out in college or somewhat closeted the whole time? i've heard there's no such thing is bisexual? is this true? i just have so many questiosn.

Well the best thing to do if you have questions is to ask . That's what JUB is here for, and that's what we're here to answer. So ask away, tell us your story in depth. What are your concerns, and most importantly, shed any pretense you might have and be real. What do you feel about yourself?

Are you gay? Are you Bi? First of all, what has helped you come to any sort of realization of your sexuality? Is it something you've always known? Is it something that's recent? Was there an experience involved? What do you REALLY think? Are you bi? Are you attracted to girls? Or have you just been doing it because it's what you've had to/been expected to do? Have you had any experiences with guys? Do you want to? Do you feel like you want only sexual relationships with guys, or do you really feel like it's more than that, that you want relationships with guys?

A lot of times, people when they first come to terms with their own sexuality, label themselves as bi. It's a way of "softening the blow" to themselves. People figure if they're bi, at least they're hanging on to "straightness" a little bit. But in that case, it really is another way of fooling one's self. Most people who say they are bi when they FIRST set upon coming out, or coming to terms with their own sexuality, do realize that they aren't bi, but gay, and that labeling themselves as bi was a last hold-over of being in the closet.

That's not to say they're aren't bi people, there are. But are you? That's only a question you can answer, and most people know it either way deep down. So deep down, are you really bi? Or are you gay? Either way, this is the best and safest place to take a first step in saying it, and accepting it yourself.

As for coming out in college, that's a whole other topic. I think more important is that you come to accept yourself first, and figure out if you are gay, or bi. Then you can worry about coming out to others in your life (it's not that hard by the way and your parents might not take it as badly as you think, beleive it or not; and you will do it eventually, it's just a matter of when you feel most comfortable with yourself). It may be that college is when you do it, it may be that you do it before you leave high school, or it may be after college. It depends on your situation. Tell us more about it .

Talk to us, ask questions. Start your own thread in the coming out section. We'll see you there . PM me if you'd like.

 

[Dan P Tally]

when I cumed out my 'rent were MAD! they told me i was in line with the devil! I still havent ever told my friends that im gay!!!?!?!?!?!?!?

aim: Fallen392

 

[starwars]

i did it today to my bi/gay mate, pretty easy, now i just need to ask him out

the conversation went as follows:

''..... You know last night i was on about that secret thingy bob'' - me

''Oh yeah, tell me'' - him

''Nah, its alright'' - me

''Oh FFS tell me!'' - him

''Your not the only one who is bisexual'' - me

''What, you are'' - him

''ummm...yep'' - me

''Cool, see its not that bad'' - him

then we started discussing when we found out, what percentage of us like the opposite sex, etc



- - - - - -

 

[crazyhorny]

Hahaha, i always find that being drunk helps a thousand fold. n fact i have told about 6 people (i only just started a few weeks ago) and i was drunk for 5 of them, but so were they. Start off by telling people you know will react positively to get the confidence up. I just wish i didn't have to do it so many times. They are always scary and emotionally draining. I swear it would be easier to just change my "interested in" on facebook to males and let everyone figure it out for themselves....

 

[UC3543]

Anyone come out by e-mail or mass e-mail. I have only come out to one person, but I am seriously considering sending an e-mail to my dad, and my two brothers and two sisters.

I see some advantages - this will give my famly members a chance to read the news, have a chance to digest it and then we can talk.

Also this way I'll be able to say exactly what I want them to know, if I tell them in person - I know I'll be nervous and not say exactly what i want.

Sure, part of the reason is that I'm scared to death, but I think in some ways it is better to do in written form.

(just an aside, recently a good friend told me he is getting married - he told me by e-mail and I'm glad he did, because I think it is a big mistake for him to be getting married right now, and if he had told me in person, I likely would have told him, that. but by doing iti in an e-mail t gave me a chance to come to terms with it and realize, he wasn't asking me for advice, so I was able to congratulate him properly)

OK, tell me why this is a bad idea

 

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

Well I've come out to three people via MSN. It's not the same as email because you've still got that 'live' aspect, but I find it is easier as my fingers never choke up

For me, coming out has become addictive. I dunno, I've never liked attention but maybe that's why. Now I want the attention I missed out on

 

[Centexfarmer]

Anyone come out by e-mail or mass e-mail. I have only come out to one person, but I am seriously considering sending an e-mail to my dad, and my two brothers and two sisters.

I see some advantages - this will give my famly members a chance to read the news, have a chance to digest it and then we can talk.

Also this way I'll be able to say exactly what I want them to know, if I tell them in person - I know I'll be nervous and not say exactly what i want.

Sure, part of the reason is that I'm scared to death, but I think in some ways it is better to do in written form.

(just an aside, recently a good friend told me he is getting married - he told me by e-mail and I'm glad he did, because I think it is a big mistake for him to be getting married right now, and if he had told me in person, I likely would have told him, that. but by doing iti in an e-mail t gave me a chance to come to terms with it and realize, he wasn't asking me for advice, so I was able to congratulate him properly)

OK, tell me why this is a bad idea

I hope that you don't mind, but I've taken your question and created a new thread for it.

Anyone ever come out by email, or mass email?

I'll be back in a bit to share my perspective on your post, and I hope that you're not horrified that I posted your question in the open for others to comment on.

If you don't like the idea then please post report this thread, or send me a PM and I'll take care of it for you.

 

[FLGG2007]

I think we can all appreciate the difficulty that exists in "coming out". (I didn't come out to myself until I was 50.) I first told a close friend from work. He was apparently str8, so I thought that he would be a good "test" case, to see how he reacted, and how I reacted to him.
Wrong.
He told me about having an older male lover between marriages that lasted for 5 years, until the guy died. He said he still cries for him, he misses him so much.

The next person I told was my str8 buddy I'd known for 30 years, since my days in the Army. He looked at me with a blank face, and wanted to know what he was supposed to do with that information. He really didn't care at all.

The third person I told was a guy I'd been panting over and j/o'ing over for 10 years... (and still do).... His reaction was "and this changes what, how?"

It's never as bad as we expect it to be. True friends don't care. But, I suppose it does sort out the true friends from the creeps in our lives pretty quickly. And who needs the proven creeps?

 

[FLGG2007]

Cancel posting. Came up in the wrong slot.

 

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

Good stuff 1big14me. It gets addictive doesn't it?

Keep it up!

 

[Lube]

Hey lads, my first post (wahey!) but unfortunately its quite a serious one

...im really straight acting (maybe as result of trying to hide my sexuality). For example i play football (soccer) regularly, have been in a rugby team for 7 years, have no fashion sense or fancy hair do etc etc.

As i said before i think he'll be ok but i cant help thinking that he'll think he doesnt know the real me (which i suppose is true). I desperately need advice and some contact with gay men. Thanks for listening and sorry if this seems a bit stupid or messed up.

Congrats on your first post!

"Straight-acting" is relative. There are many more clues about someone being gay than just watching Project Runway.

Your request is not stupid or messed up in any way--it's totally natural! Have you come out to him yet? If so, what happened? If not, what's holding you back?

 

[Lube]

Havn't manged it yet was so about to do it last night because he was over at my house staying the night but just couldn't get it out (pardon the pun(i think)). I mean I know he's going to be fine about it but it just never seemed to be the right moment.

Also I'm worried now that because we're going to universities at opposite ends of the country if I tell him the time away may separate us. Like if i told him i was gay and we we're close by to talk about it (because i'm sure there's a lot he wants to know) it wouldn't be as bad but if i tell him and then bugger off, its going to make things harder. There's still 3 weeks till we leave though.

What do you guys think?

It's 2008. If you're 99% sure that he'll be OK with it, he probably will be. The biggest regret a lot of guys have is that they didn't come out sooner. He's probably sitting there thinking, "Why doesn't he trust me enough to tell me he's gay, because I've suspected for at least the past 5 years?".

Just tell him. There's never the "perfect time". It doesn't matter how much time is left. You have more time than you will next week.

Today,...I decided that it was the right time to out myself to approximately 400 classmates from Class of 1983- before I make any plans to attend the reunion in November. I did it through a general announcement to all who would read it on the site for my particular High School. It is now done.

Congratulations. My reunion web site didn't list a single out person. I was the first. Life was different back then.

 

[NightDayKrauser]

man, I guess I was just somewhat smart. I told the biggest loud mouth I knew(my boss) intentionally cus I knew she was going to tell everyone, and then she told the people I worked with who knew most of my friends from high school and I just let word get around...

People asked me and it was easy to be like, "yeah...i'm bi and dating a guy." I dunno, it just made things a shit load easier cus I didnt have to initiate the conversation with my friends and I didnt have to go and tell everyone individually and use a lot of my time.

Now, three years later it's just common...it's like a game of telephone that you set up yourself from beginning to end.

 

[zoltrax000]

for any person coming out. they only have to be in allignment with themselves and their own acceptance. "I am that which i am, and you are that which you are, and altho there are differences, they are all good".

 

[PoodeyFan]

best advice is not to come out

 

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

Nice, let us know how that goes.

All of my close friends know but I still haven't told my family.