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Not for the faint of heart or easily offended...

A few more to add to the stable I came across recently........

Q: What's the difference between a fridge and a gay man's arse?
A: A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.

Q: What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?
A: The taste.

Q: Why did Michael Jackson hold the baby over the balcony?
A: To stop the cum dripping on the carpet.
 
Q: What's black and blue and hates sex?

A: The ten year old in my basement.

____________________________________________


A little girl is watching her mum getting changed to go out for the evening.

"What are they?" she asked.

"Those are mummy's breasts," the mother replied.

"Will I get those?" came the next question.

"When you're a little older," answered the girl's mother.

"And what is that?" the little girl asked.

"That's mummy's vagina," the mother answered, a little embarrassed.

"When will I get that?"

"That will happen at around the same time you get your breasts. Now run along and let mummy change."

The little girl ran off into the next room where her father was getting changed out of his work clothes to relax for the evening.

"What's that thing, daddy?" asked the little girl.

"That's daddy's penis," he answered.

"When will I get one of those?" the little girl asked.

"In about an hour."

________________________________________________

Q: What do a tightrope walker and a young man getting head off his granny have in common?

A: Neither look down.

________________________________________________

A man is sitting in a bar looking depressed when a woman approaches and asks him what's wrong. He tells her sadly that his girlfriend just left him and, after some pressuring, admits that it was because he was just too kinky for her.

"What a coincidence!" exclamimed the woman. "My boyfriend just left me for the same reason."

The two hit it off and, after a few drinks, decided to go back to her place as it was nearest. The woman left the man alone in the living room and disappeared into the bedroom. After ten minutes she reappeared dressed in full leather and chains, with whip and ballgag in hand only to see the man about to leave.

"Where are you going?" she asked. "I thought you were kinky."

"I am," he replied. "I fucked your cat and just took a shit in your purse. I'm off home now."

__________________________________________________

Q: What did one paedophile say to the other paedophile when they saw a six year old girl walk past?

A: "I bet she was nice when she was younger."

___________________________________________________

Q: What does an eighty-five year old guy's cock taste like?

A: Depends

____________________________________________________

Q: What do you call a kid with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?

A: Art

____________________________________________________



:lol: Ooh - Gas Mark 6... toasty :-<
 
Q. What do tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: A couple of inches. Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
 
A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I"m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I"m very grateful. How much did you spend?"
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," he says.
"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.
"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "It cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So, I switched the heads."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

A lawyer falls off th ebalcony towards a pool. How do you save him from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water!
 
Q) What do you call an open can of tuna fish in a lesbians apt...

A) Potpourri

What do you call the surgery to remove tonsils? A tonsilectomy...what do you call the surgery to remove the appendix? an appendectomy...what do you call the surgery to change the sex of a woman into a man? ...

An Addadicktome...

Q) whats the difference between a truck load of bowling balls and a truck load of babies?

A) you cant remove the bowling balls with a pitchfork...

Q) an african american, a mexican and a puerto rican are in a car...whos driving?

A) the cop

Q) How do you make a baby float?

A) 1 can of root beer and 2 scoops of baby

Q) How do you fit 10 babies in a bowl?
A) a blender
Q) how do you get them out?
A) Doritos
 
And here is one truly in bad taste...again, not for the easily offended.
(Not my thought/opinion, but you have to laugh...)



What did Hitler say to the black jew?
Get to the back of the oven!
 
These jokes are sooooo wrong, but they're funny at the same time
 
Everytime I hear Christmas music, I think of CANNIBALISM. Why?

Whether it's "The 12 Days of Christmas" or "O Come All, Ye Faithful" or something else, I think about other Christmas songs such as "The First Noel," "Jingle Bells" and "Silent Night."

SILENT NIGHT? Uh-oh. Yes, the ultimate cannibal song!

"Holy infant, so tender and mild..."
 
Wow - sexist jokes, racist jokes - Even paedophillia jokes - I made one joke about a Newport Chav in the Twin Towers a year and a half ago and got my arse kicked for it.

How's about that then?
 
HYPNOTIST AT THE SENIOR CENTER
It was entertainment night at the senior
center, and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill.
People came from miles around to see the famed
hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude went to the front of the meeting
room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite
two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I
intend to hypnotize each and every member of the
audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude
withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his
coat. "I want each one of you to keep your eye on this
antique watch.
"It's a very special watch. It's been in my
family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and
forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch
the watch, watch the watch..."
The crowd was mesmerized as the watch swayed
back and forth, light gleaming off its polished
surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the
swaying watch until suddenly, it slipped from the
hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking
into a hundred pieces..........................

"SHIT!" said the hypnotist...


It took three days to clean up the senior
center.
 
You know what the Italian name for colonoscopy is, don't you?

Innuendo

(Somebody just sent this to me today, after I e-mailed a few people letting me know that MY FIRST COLONOSCOPY, earlier today, went well. They found one polyp, which will be biopsied. They said the probable "worst case scenario" is that is could be *PRE*-cancerous, and another colonoscopy in 1-2 years may be called for. In other words, no apparent emergency or urgency.)
 
Overcome with lust, Tom was wildly humping Derek on the tile floor in his bathroom.
Suddenly Tom anxiously shouts, "Spread your legs! Wider! Wider!"
Derek screams, "Just what are you trying to do? Get your balls in too?"
Tom answered



"Hell, No! I'm trying to get them out!"
 
Re: Not for the faint of heart or easily offended.

*BenF46 looks back and enjoys a reverie about how JUB used to be before the mass-influx of lily-livered, limp-wristed, whinging, whining, polytechnic dropout, offence seeking, histrionic arseholes came and changed everything over the last 12 months. Members you miss seeing on here? That would be most of the ones who played in this thread*
 
Re: Not for the faint of heart or easily offended.

Oh well, back to reality....




310229.jpg
 
Re: Not for the faint of heart or easily offended.

Ben

Will your colonial cousins, appreciate such satire?

Red rags and bulls?
 
Re: Not for the faint of heart or easily offended.

kallipolis said:
Ben

Will your colonial cousins, appreciate such satire?

Red rags and bulls?
Click to expand...


The Yanks on here used to be able to appreciate satire.

I know of a handful of our trans-atlantic friends who still will, but the bunch of [STRIKE]spastics[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]wankers[/STRIKE] individuals that seem to have infested the place over the last 12 months will not.

Bollocks to them.
 
Re: Not for the faint of heart or easily offended.

BenF46 said:
*BenF46 looks back and enjoys a reverie about how JUB used to be before the mass-influx of lily-livered, limp-wristed, whinging, whining, polytechnic dropout, offence seeking, histrionic arseholes came and changed everything over the last 12 months. Members you miss seeing on here? That would be most of the ones who played in this thread*
Click to expand...

Hey and you warned people in the title AND in the thread about possibly offending content. Seem you were more like your brother back then :)

I miss stuboy though :(
 
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