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Retaining The Ashes 2006/7

A bit of jocularity on the eve of the second test in Adelaide:


Q. What do Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.

Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?
A. An allrounder.

Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones have over the rest of their team-mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.

Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.

Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.


Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?
A. Because he was born in England.

Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.

Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.
 
I know I keep banging on about it, but Ricky Pomting's ;) decision not to enforce the follow-on in Brisbane was a major error of judgement. England gained a lot of self-belief from being allowed back in to a game in which they should have been humiliated.

And during the first day of the Adelaide Test, England - thanks to winning the toss..| - have built on that self-belief. The second day, in a few hours time, is going to be one of the defining days in this Ashes series.

Adelaide is definitely the best place in world to be this weekend. Would love to hear from JUBbers who are out there:wave:
 
i dont really see a result in this match unfortunatly

its just to good a batting pitch

Warne will be the key for us in englands 2nd innings we just need to get to it first but we should have had macgill he should have replace mcgrath

oh well
but then again monty should have played for you guys

but no swing no bounce no movement no pace = no result?

well see if england can get anything out of this pitch

also im in Melbourne for the Adelaide Test
and Adelaide for the Melbourne test
DOH
 
If only Giles had held that catch when Ricky Ponting was on 35 and Australia were 3/78.:cry:

But thereafter, what a superb innings from RP. One day, in his autobiography, RP is going to admit he should have enforced the follow-on in Brisbane. He might not - yet - be one of the greatest Aussie captains, but he surely is one of Australia's greatest ever batsmen.:=D: His innings has ensured England cannot win this match.

Or can they? Still 2 days to go.....|
 
anythings possible but they have to get australia out and enforce the follow on or there probably wont be enough time on this pitch
well see what happens

i hope england go for it and try and win if they cant enforce the follow on then they should set them about 6.5 to 7 runs and over just tempting enough for us to try and go for the win so about 400 with 65 overs and is the best chance for an england win

but they wont do that because iam talking about england not australia they will play for a draw with a slight possibility of a win
 
This match, which everyone is saying will end as a draw, has turned into a nail-biting thriller. And I am worried.:eek:

The Warn(e)ing signs are there. If Shane can weave his magic spells in the morning session on a worn - pun intended - pitch, Australia could still win this match.

And, as I'm having my kitchen/bathroom refurbished whilst I type, and the decorator -who is Polish, so presumably not interested in cricket, - has explained to me the necessity of a whitewash...:eek: :eek: :eek:

I blame Cook. Captain Cook.:D :D :D

Anyone know of a good manicurist???;)
 
ctm5100 said:
4/73

could it happen

surely not
Click to expand...

Well - it did.

Sorry Greaves - I think you might be psychic (and probably a wee bit pissed off ATM).

Not your fault - but they did rather throw it away, didn't they?
 
A wonderful match. That's the fascination of Test cricket. Going into the 5th day, any result was still possible. But Australia had Warne, England had Giles. England should have gone with Panesar.

Whatever England do now, they have an Ayer's rock to climb.

Congrates to the Aussies.:=D: And particular congratulations to Ricky Ponting.:=D: :=D: :=D:

Roll on Perth!!!
 
its good to see the britsh press eat their own:D
sun_sportpage_300.jpg
 
I've just read this thread through from the start - and have thoroughly enjoyed it! ..| As a proud Aussie, I thought it might be nice for us to relive some of the earlier parts of this thread. It started with...

greaves said:
It's a foregone conclusion England will retain the Ashes in Australia during the 2006/7 tour ..|
Click to expand...

I think this forgone conclusion might prove to be in error ;) and that Ramindra's response

Ramindra said:
I hope you have a supply of humble pie in the larder.......
Click to expand...

might well be proven to have been prescient.
 
greaves said:
Can England retain the Ashes in Australia? I think they can. Why? Because Australia are looking back. They are relying on past performers like Warne, Ponting, and McGrath. England are looking ahead.

Your thoughts?
Click to expand...

I think that the 'past performers' have done pretty well:

So far in the series, Ponting has scores of 196, 60*, 142, and 49, for a series average of 149 - and he has picked up two man of the match awards.

Warne has series bowling figures of 9/365, whlist McGrath has 9/225 - both haven taken more wickets than any English bowler.

It's just lucky that our 'past performers' have been doing well, because there aren't any future players who have stepped up - unless, of course, you count Clark, with blowing figures for the series of 11/190 at an impressive average of 17, and with an economy rate of 37 runs conceded per 100 balls. :gogirl:
 
greaves said:
I know I keep banging on about it, but Ricky Pomting's ;) decision not to enforce the follow-on in Brisbane was a major error of judgement. England gained a lot of self-belief from being allowed back in to a game in which they should have been humiliated.
Click to expand...

I agree that Ponting should have enforced the follow-on, but it wasn't a major error of judgement. I mean, it's not like there was any real chance of England saving the first test.

greaves said:
And during the first day of the Adelaide Test, England - thanks to winning the toss..| - have built on that self-belief. The second day, in a few hours time, is going to be one of the defining days in this Ashes series.
Click to expand...

I think that you might have been off by a couple of days - I think the second day showed that England can (on occasion) bat, but the days since showed that the Aussie team does not give up, ever. The fifth day of this test was undoubtedly one of the defining days of this Ashes series. :D

By the way Greaves, no hard feelings about these posts - it's just that you've said some wonderfully quotable things in this thread. :D :gogirl: :D (!) :D
 
JayJay: Great comments. You the batsman, me the spin-bowler.;) always looking for that bit of rough just inside of leg.:D

What will happen here?:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WACA_Ground

All resumes Thursday 14/12/06.

Any inside info on Damien Martyn's decision to quit cricket? Does he know England are going to win the next 3 Ashes Tests?:D Was the English bowling attack too intimidating for him to face again?:D

But seriously, what's the story?
 
greaves said:
It has happened only once that a team has come back from a 2-0 deficit to win an Ashes series:

http://www.334notout.com/ashes/reports/report36.htm

Don Bradman. Need I say more...
Click to expand...

Thanks for the link. I notice that the first two tests in that series were rain affected, in both cases making the pitch treacherous when Australia was batting. That is not to say that England would not have won those two tests without the rain - but it does make the precedent even less encouraging for the current English team. :p

Can England do it? Don't forget, a drawn series will mean England retain the Ashes.
Click to expand...

I seriously doubt that England can recover sufficiently to be able to even retain the Ashes. They can increase their chances, though, by making some needed changes - like selecting Panesar and changing selectors. Mark Waugh offered some good advice in his column in today's SMH:

http://www.smh.com.au/news/columns/...englandselector/2006/12/09/1165081202690.html

If they do make some needed changes, they might even increase their chances to as high as, say, peace suddenly breaking out in the Middle East. :D ..|
 
greaves said:
JayJay: Great comments. You the batsman, me the spin-bowler.;) always looking for that bit of rough just inside of leg.:D
Click to expand...

Spin bowling, eh? That sounds good - had you thought of suggesting to the England team that they could use a spin bowler? :kiss: :gogirl:

What will happen here?:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WACA_Ground

All resumes Thursday 14/12/06.
Click to expand...

It's usually a bouncy pitch, well suited to high quality fast bowling - Lee, for example, had bowling figures of 5/93 in the first innnings of the last WACA test (v South Africa). But, it can also produce high scores from teams with strong batting lineups - Australia scored 456 in its first innings in the last Ashes test Ashes test at the WACA, and 8(dec)/ 528 in its second innings against South Africa.

Encouragingly for England (:D), their loss in the last WACA test was only by an innings and 48 runs, so they got close to making Australia bat a second time. Lee, McGath and Warne took 12 of the 18 English wickets between them in that test, too. :=D:

So, given the history, and the strengths of the two teams, all signs look good... ..|

...for Australia! :gogirl:

Any inside info on Damien Martyn's decision to quit cricket? Does he know England are going to win the next 3 Ashes Tests?:D Was the English bowling attack too intimidating for him to face again?:D

But seriously, what's the story?
Click to expand...

Not sure. :confused: If thinking that he is intimidated by England makes you feel better, then by all means, go right ahead. Given the effects of mental disintegration so ably demonstrated by England in Adelaide, I understand that you need to protect yourself with a comfortable fiction. (*8*) :kiss: :D
 
JayJay. I was joking with my suggestions about Martyn's reasons for quitting cricket.:D

Even Dame Edna Everridge would not be worried about facing England. And she could probably teach Warney a few things about sledging!!!

I was just wondering if there was more to story than we in the UK know about.

See Panesar was playing in the game v WA. So presumably he will be included for the next Test.
 
greaves said:
I was just wondering if there was more to story than we in the UK know about.
Click to expand...

All the coverage that I have seen has expressed surprise - I did see some coverage that said that Martyn had kept away from Ponting and others when the decision was made, so that they wouldn't get to try and talk him into changing his mind. According to the article from McGrath, it sound like he just wasn't enjoying playing any more.

For me, the choice of replacement comes as a surprise. I have no idea how the selectors can overlook Phil Jacques. :confused: Jacques' response to the news was very professional :=D: and hopefully he'll be selected for the team when of the current team retires.
 
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