Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[looseliam]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

In Andy's defense, I don't think he's aware of him using Brian. It's possible. We only get a recap of what's going on. I think it's safe to assume things go well even when Bri isn't floating him money.

That being said, Brian, I think you should set a limit. A point at which you will cease funding. I know you love him and don't want to see him hurt and want only the best for him. But at what cost to you?

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for life.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian...
Did I get correctly that Andy said he doesn't love his girl? I read that three times and still wasn't clear.

I also want to second what Ky said -- he's got miles, and there are still bucks for you sitting on my desk (in a zip-lok baggie, so I can admire them LOL). You keep giving money to Andy, and you expect we won't want to give to you? Let us help, dude.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys...I am glad some people are still following the thread.

The responses and advice vary and I do appreciate it all.

I must say though and I know it is hard for some people to accept and understand...that..my bro is NOT using me. I know you are rolling your eyes right now...and you think I am too blinded by deep bond with him..but I am rational and sane and thinking quite clear. He definitely is not using me.

As some reply said..you are getting recaps..in between the money, we are sweet and happy to each other still.

And I am not in a lose/lose situation because matter of factly..there is nothing to lose..our bond is not going anywhere.

Despite my postings here..I am not in love with my buddy like I once was. Let me correct that. I am in love with my buddy, but I am not in love with him with the same obsessive, intensity.

My love for him will never die..no matter who I am with or he is with.

My buddy has serious issues with "losing" people, ever since his mom walked out on him years ago. When all of his other friends found wives/girlfriends he felt like he was losing them too. I called him out on it and said that is what is happening me me and him.

He told me that even though he never met Matt or even doesnt know him personally..that if he ever saw him in person it would be a fight..and the winner would take all(he meant me). He said it would be bloody and he would rip out his larynx.

A little further down the line I told him "bro what I f I said the same thing about your girl? What if I said I want to beat the shit out of her..because sometimes she takes your attention away from me? I think its hypocritical of you to say those things about someone close in my life but when its the other way around..you get all defensive."

I also told him "bro...my friendship with you would be in serious jeopardy if I said something crude about your girl...why is it ok the other way around? Because Im gay maybe? And you dont think gay relationships have the same value as straight ones???"

I admit I got mad and snapped at him. He realized this and apologized a million times..he got real quiet..there were moments of 5 minutes at a time where we just were quiet and listening to each other breathing.

I wasnt really mad a him too long..but I kept it going to teach him that I am to be valued just as much as his girl or himself. He was very worried that his words to me pushed me further here and in the arms of Matt even more..he said he would never open his mouth up like that again...

We talked today and we were both in a better mood..He has been comforting me this week..my parents had to put one of my cats to sleep and those pet-owners know the feelings that come with that.

Lately there has been a whole lot of..

Bri I cant move on here without you being here.
I miss you so much...you dont even know how much.
I cant enjoy things out here.
Remember when we used to....etc.

I know there are some that are sick of hearing it...but I type this because sometimes I have to pinch myself and I cant believe it.

Me and my bro have such a strong bond that it even overpowers anything sexual. We both concurred this week that what we have is rare and unique...and we both agreed that no one kind of "gets" the friendship we have. He told me its very cool that we lay everything out in the open and he said the friendship with me is something that he cherishes...and one that he always will cherish.

We also agreed that our bond is strong for simply one great reason: Communication.

I told him I am gay and in love with him....and then a few weeks late that I am still in love with him.

He told me that hes jealous of my BOYFRIEND and that he feels Matt is coming between me and him and that hes jealous of the attention that Im giving Matt and hes worried that I will phase him out of his life.

Not many friends talk like this and I personally think its the main reason for friends breaking apart...that these thoughts are usually kept inside and suppressed out of the fear that if anything like this is ever discussed the bond will be broken..when In our case it just draws us closer and closer and closer...Bri

PS-In many ways I think my bond with him would be stronger if nothing happened between us....say my fantasy came true and something happened betwen us...that actually might change things more and break the bond. Just a thought.

PS(2)-KUL-I dont know exactly what he meant by the comment about his fiancee and being stuck and not being able to get out ..I think on some level hes angry about that and thats where a lot of the fighting that takes lace between them happens. But in terms of looking deep into that comment he made..its lost on me..maybe some other JUBBER might have a better opinion on that subject

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

In Andy's defense, I don't think he's aware of him using Brian

I'll agree with this. I've been thinking about this a bunch...I think if Andy were intentionally using him he'd say he was gay and milk it. I think Andy has problems adjusting to something or another and needs Brian's help to get through it. I mean, either he needs to get a job or move in with you and be the housewife with hot meals on when you get home (nice picture, I know).

I have a friend with depression and he's in much the same boat. I'm not saying Andy is the same as my friend, but their situations are similar. He's not using his parents, but his parents are enabling him to not deal with whatever it is he needs to deal with.

I don't think he's using you, but I do think maybe you're enabling him. Unless you want him to be unemployed when he gets there so you can hang out 24/7. Maybe you do though...I actually wasn't kidding when I recommended he be your housewife. Can he cook? I think you two might be able to come to an arrangement

Aside from that, that's a problem that you two can deal with as brothers. I'm really happy to hear you're growing so close. I do think the deep bond of brotherhood is better than sex and easy to break. I just honestly think you're meant to be together and everything else will come naturally when you see him. As I always say, you've already won, Brian, no matter what happens. Most married couples aren't as close as you two are.

 

[Lestat62]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian, thanks for the update. Nice to see that you're doing better.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey all just an update here.

Lately been watching the Mets/Yankees Subway Series 2006 and its pretty cool.

Last night Matt came over to watch the game and we had a cool time. We ended up going down on each other during the game and we were with each other several times after the game.

My buddy called me later that night and we stayed on the phone for 3 plus hours.

I told him Matt and I watched the game and we talked about some of the highlights. He said it was odd for me to be talking sports with him and he got a little odd because he said "How come you never watched games with me??"

I went on to tell him how hot I thought some of the players were and he started to laugh and say that its odd to hear me talk about that.

We also got into what me and Matt did and how much of a freak and a hornball Andy thinks I am..he said you have to watch out , too much sex can be bad..I was like how could that be?? I think he was jealous of all the action Im getting, dont think its so hot on his end..

He also tried to tell me how much more of a freak he is than me..and Im like bro if you HAVE to tell me how much of a freak you are..then you are really probably not that much of a freak..lol

He told me that he goes back to the Apt where I used to live and sits outside in his car..just looking at it..waiting for me to come out. He said he gets extremely sad about that.

I talked to him about some song P.Diddy sings that reminds me of me and him in Vegas because my buddy would always play it in the car to pump us up..so while I was on the phone with him he went into his car and played it for me. He also said theres a CD that his girl bought and there is a song on it that he likes and it reminds him of himself..its Nick Lacheys song Whats Left of Me....how ironic was that, we both listened to the song together..

We ended up talking about houses..and I briefly mentioned if things went well with me and Matt how much I would like to rent a house or get a house with him and my buddy went "that was supposed to me and you..that was our plan"

I need to ask you guys a ?....yah it was our plan, even before I was out to him and his girl..but now...dont you think its odd that a guy with a fiancee..wants to move in to a house for 5 years or so with his gay best friend??

Anyway thats all for now, updating you later..Brian

PS-Bonds ties the Babes record -714 home runs...booooooooooo

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Just sitting here thinking tonight...little bit sad..missing my brother.

Another thing I forgot to add about our talk last night was that he said he worries about me forgetting about him and not needing to talk to him anymore or care for him. I told him sometimes I get that feeling too.

He also said "Bri there is something that I need to tell you but I dont know..it might make you mad and I know I shouldnt tell you...Im really jealous of Matt.." I told him that sometimes Im jealous of his fiancee and there were sometimes when Ii hung out with them that I got down..

He always asks me now details of me and Matt...hell ask anything from who paid for dinner and what did you have or when you and Matt meet for sex do you guys go at it and tear each other's clothes off?

In an odd way I like him asking these questions.

Last night we were talking about sexual things and he noticed that I was getting horny. I told him I wanted to go so I could call Matt over and he got down about that..I told him Ill see Matt later and he goes Bri you ever hear of masturbation??? and we both started laughing..

Hope you hear from some of you..missing my brother more and more each day.

PS-Will be booking the flight for August soon..he told me that when I come there he is gunna try everything in the book to convince me to come live there soon. He mentioned to me that hes holding out on doing real estate because he doesnt want to go ahead with that without me.

 

[looseliam]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I know one way he can convince you to stay...

Okay, maybe two.

 

[DeafFoxDemon]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

wow, u and andy seem like romem and juliet of morden time!! i think that you guys seem to be destined to be together!! i have been read all the post from 1 to 28th!! this is better that day of our life! i forget to put in without the death scence

 

[Lestat62]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

wow, u and andy seem like romem and juliet of morden time!! i think that you guys seem to be destined to be together!! i have been read all the post from 1 to 28th!! this is better that day of our life!

...but remeber one thing, Romeo and Juliet died before they could be together. Brian, we don't want that to happen to you and Andy. Have a long and happy friendship together.

Joe.

 

[DeafFoxDemon]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

yeah,i forget!! sorry, sometime i am not thinking straight, i mean without the death scence! forgive me

 

[tpeezy101]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Seems like you're playing games. LIke you like the fact that he feels jealous. Not that that is a bad thing b/c you've felt your share of jealousy over him and his girlfriend/fiance. If he really wanted you to stay with him, he'd know what to do lol.

 

[Lestat62]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Jake, you're right, Brian and Andy's story is just like yours. I really hope it works out for them. I think that when Brian goes to Vegas and they lay eyes on each other for the first time in a long time, Andy's emotions will just take over. We'll just have to wait and see. Brian, please keep us up to date. My hopes are with you.

Joe.

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Reading posts to catch up, I had a thought:

Brian, what if it turned out that Andy does have more than (incredibly stupendous) freindship feelings for you, and wants you physically, too -- but still wants to get married to this gal? Where would you go with things then?

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

JakeLucas ...

Awesome post! And to JUB!!

I think you're going to like it "Here"! And WE are going to like Having You! ("Here" with US, that is!)
((O.K. so I have my "flippant" moments! ))

Brian ... See! You are not the "Only One"! Jake's story is SO much like Yours! And to paraphrase rugbyusa: Do not be sorry it is over, but, rather, be happy that it happened in the first place!

I'm not saying that Brian and Andy are going to end. And I'm sure none of us are hoping that it ever will! But ... what you have going right now, with your Bro, is truly beyond priceless!

How will it all eventually pan out? No one can say! Just don't hold back! Stay True to Yourself!! And do not hesitate to go where ever Your Heart leads You!

And ... oh, yeah! ... get your butt to Vegas in August!! (And, I'm still serious about those flyer miles, should you wish to use them!)

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Bullseye, reivastriel!

Not bad for your first post here.

Welcome, dude!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys small update here...feeling kind of down tonight.

My buddy called last night and said some things were bothering him. Usual stuff...money...me being out here...his trouble staying at a job...the fact that he gambled the other night.

Eventually we got into a talk about Matt. He said there were times I was talking to him and I stook up for and defended Matt...My buddy said many things..but just to sum up:

Matt is not good for me.

Matt seems too controlling.

Bri how could you have feelings for someone after only 3 months?

I dont want to over step my bounds, and this is not an ultimatum, but you have to decide right now whats best for yourself...Matt and staying there or your brother and moving to Vegas.

I noticed when I call Matt doesnt let you stay on long and he probably gets mad or jealous.

He has to know Im not competition for him..Im your brother, nothing else.

Why after 3 months of knowing this guy would you get defensive and stick up for him...Why do you get strong in tone with me but not him?

He kept saying..I been with plenty of girls and in no way after 3 months was I in love..even with my fiancee I wasnt in love with her after 3 months. I said whatever bro, no everyone is you and your girl...

He said if he ever got to speak to Matt hed tell him straight up how controlling he is..he said hes not afraid of Matt..and I said buddy, whoever said you were? I also said if that's the case, then I gues you probably wont speak to him..and he got bothered by that.

My buddy went into how I sometimes choose people to get close with who can be physically, emotionally or verbally abusive. He said I had a track record with that..and I started to cry out of nowhere.

He asked if I was alright and I said no. By this time it was 6 in the morning and I had to get ready for work. I told him I guess I am wrong with everything. I told him my heart fell for 3 people in my life, and all three times it was the wrong thing and the wrong person. He said if I need him anytime to call him.

He has not called yet and I dont want to speak to him tonight. I need some distance. Because Im dealing with two people I got close to.

And besides that...Lately I began the mistake of allowing myself to have feelings for my buddy again..I hate the word "allowing" because I have no control over it..My heart goes where it goes..feels what it feels...loves what it loves..hurts when it hurts.

Feeling blue tonight...will try and post later. Brian

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Amen to that last:

And besides that...Lately I began the mistake of allowing myself to have feelings for my buddy again..I hate the word "allowing" because I have no control over it..My heart goes where it goes..feels what it feels...loves what it loves..hurts when it hurts.

I got told off by a guy at a bar 'cause I was seriously attracted to a younger guy, not so much because he was cute, but because he was sweet. But how am I supposed to tell my heart NOT to go there? I am SO with you on that!

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian!

How's it going, bud? Hope you're feeling better.

I've been thinking about the situation/relationship between you and Andy, and some things are becoming more clear to me.

Obviously, I don't know all the details about your conversations with your bro, but from what you've posted here about the things he says, it sounds to me like he is pretty jealous of your relationship with Matt.

Think about it:

Matt is not good for me.

Matt seems too controlling.

Bri how could you have feelings for someone after only 3 months?

He doesn't want you to love Matt!

I dont want to over step my bounds, and this is not an ultimatum, but you have to decide right now whats best for yourself...Matt and staying there or your brother and moving to Vegas.

...this is not(?) an ultimatum...

Have you ever talked about staying in NYC for/with Matt?

I noticed when I call Matt doesnt let you stay on long and he probably gets mad or jealous.

He has to know Im not competition for him..Im your brother, nothing else.

Why after 3 months of knowing this guy would you get defensive and stick up for him...Why do you get strong in tone with me but not him?

I think Andy sees himself as a lot more than just your best friend. Yeah, you guys have a super-close spiritual bond. But if Andy only sees himself as your (non-romantic) friend, he would be really happy about you seeing someone. But he's not. Ask yourself why.

Seems as though Andy doesn't like Matt at all, and he's never met him. Sounds to me like a classic case of jealousy. And why would he be jealous if he doesn't "love" you (in the way you want him to)?

Think about it.

Jake

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

JakeLucas and Reviastriel..its inspiring for me to keep this thread going when I hear that new people to the board felt the need to comment on the thread and my life..and its also inspiring for me to know that some of you guys felt the need to join up to JUB just to comment here...all your advice and opinions have been greatly appreciated and WELCOME TO THE JUB Board


I have spoken to my buddy about staying here in NYC with Matt..I say its hard just to leave here and go to Vegas..and sometimes it seems so easy to.

I told him if I leave for Vegas..Ill have no Matt..but Ill have you..and Ill be in Vegas..but in this scenario im scared I wont meet anyone. Its hard to meet someone, especially in Vegas.

Secondly, I told him if I stay here..I live rent free..I can save up money..maybe Matt could be m roommate eventually..AND I would still have my buddy in my life, because he is going nowhere.

He said it sounds like a case of me wanting to have my cake and eat it too.

I said bro, you are doing the same thing ..you have your wife..your mom..you are in Vegas..but whats missing is me..and you want me to complete that circle.

I also told my buddy that I might come out to my family this summer..and he said he doesnt think its a good idea. Im not sure his reasoning for saying that..I know he doesnt like my folks, but I think if I did come out to them and they were accepting he would think its easier for me to be here.

Sometimes I think Im completely wrong and out of my mind for falling for him...but then again he says stuff, that I would think rarely any friend say to each other, straight or gay...so I dont know . Based on what you guys say..I guess Im not completely out of my mind for falling for him.

I mean lets face it..he knows Im gay..hes knows Im into him...and he STILL says stuff like I sit outside your old place(apt) and think about you a lot??? etc..I dont know...Anyway thanks for the replies..Brian

PS-I know in the end its up to me, and what makes me happy..and right now I dont know.

PS-As a side note..I HATE when people(all who think Im straight) tell me..BRIAN...I cannot believe you are not with anyone....some girl will be lucky to have you...the right one will come along...there is someone for everyone. Ii really think thats all BS.