Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys..back with another update...

My memorial day weekend is going pretty bad.

Its sunny, warm..and with an extra day off I SHOULD be doing stuff that people would normally be doing..but Im not..Im home most of the time this weekend...bored..sad..and a bit lonely.

A few days ago..I got a call in the early hours of the morning..I thought it was Andy, surprisingly it was Matt. I say surprisingly because he never calls at that hour..just my buddy.

I dont know why it happened..maybe I had my buddy on my mind..but I opened up to Matt and came clean about my future plans for Vegas and my future plans and needs/wants for moving near my buddy and having my brother near me.

Needless to say this did not go over well. There were jealousy issues between my buddy and Matt on both ends. Even though they both denied it and said it didnt exist and that they didnt mind the other one being in my life...it just did.

His jealousy came out and words flew and it really didnt go to well.

You might ask yourself or maybe me the question,...well what was there for Andy or Matt to be jealous about?...And the answer is simple. Ever since I have known Andy, he has been my only true friend, my brother, my partner 24-7..we did some boring things, some silly things, some cool things...we had and still have that bond. So Matt was jealous maybe because I didnt feel that way with him...and Andy was jealous because someone else had my attention and time and heart.

Matt and I ended things that night. Yes again. For good. For real. Forever.

The next day at my masters class...all I could think about was Vegas..Andy...the night before on the phone with Matt..

For some reason I didnt feel bad after what happened with Matt. For starters I no longer feel that I am stringing him along. Secondly it felt good to be honest with him, even though I knew full well where it was going to go.

I wish for him to still be friends with me but I dont think that is where its going to go. Too bad..I dont have nearly any gay friends. so it would have been nice. But I understand Matts anger and frustration. I truly, honestly wish him well..what a good guy.

Andy didnt call that night but he did call last night. He said his weekend is going crappy and that hes just been hanging around the house. He said he didnt call Saturday because he didnt want to bother me with depressing things. Thanks god, because I dont think Id be able to handle two bad phone calls that night.

He said he couldnt do anything cool because of money. Lately I have been giving hints that I need to start paying stuff off here and that maybe it would be less depressing for him if he got some work. He always shoots this down and said he doesnt want to be working when I come out there in August.

Anyway he said he was going to go for a drive and call me back. I told him Im kind of tired and not to call too late. Turns out he didnt call at all...but Im sure we will speak tonight..thanks for listening guys and I hope your Memorial Day Weekends are doing much, much, better. Brian


PS-I found this site that has some live feed web cams of Vegas..traffic cams..or cams on top of hotels or for weather purposes. It gets me emotional to see the sun setting and rising and even just some of the places there. Im crying as I write this because I truly miss Las Vegas...its so odd how you could miss a place so much..I never thought I could.

It also reminds me of Andy and what we used to do there...our late night 7-11 runs...all nighters gambling...driving to the mountains...playing games at home..afternoons in the pool. I miss him so much and I love him to death...not even talking sexual now..I miss his face..his voice...his manner...his unfunny lame jokes...the silly things we do..the people we were..I miss Andy.

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Matt and I ended things that night. Yes again. For good. For real. Forever.

Sorry to hear about that, buddy. I was hoping that the relationship with Matt could help take your mind off how much you miss Andy.

For some reason I didnt feel bad after what happened with Matt. For starters I no longer feel that I am stringing him along.

You did the right thing, Brian. Good on you. I feel bad for both of you, but you did what you had to do.

Secondly it felt good to be honest with him, even though I knew full well where it was going to go.

Don't you always feel better after you've been honest with people you care about?

And that brings up a question I've been wondering about. I can't take the time right now to re-read all the posts in the thread, so please correct me if I'm wrong or if I missed something.
How much does Andy know/understand about your feelings for him? It seems like he thinks you used to have a "crush" on him. Does he know that you are in love with him? Still? Again, please correct me if I'm wrong.

...and I love him to death...

Does he know?

Gotta go. I'm late for a bbq. Will check back later.

*R*

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

OK, now I'm REALLY late. (hope you don't mind if I type in the nude!)

Forgot to add this....sorry.

Too bad..I dont have nearly any gay friends

Not true! You have LOTS, right here! (And one bi friend!)

r

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Jake...

Yeah he knows I love him a lot..we both said we are willing to put our lives on the line for each other if need be...we love each other a lot. I think on some level, although we dont talk about it, that Im still IN love with him...

And a big MY BAD, of course I have my JUB'er friends here....a thousand apologies for that apparent slight...

Brian

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Yeah he knows I love him a lot..we both said we are willing to put our lives on the line for each other if need be...we love each other a lot.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

So, Andy knows that what you feel for him goes beyond brotherly love. Does he know that it is more than a crush? What I mean is, while anyone who has read this thread knows you two are crazy for each other, that you two share a profound and intense love, does Andy know that you are in love with him?

I think he does. And I'm pretty sure Andy is in love with you, too. And I mean in love with you. I have never known of, heard of, read about or seen two people who miss each other as much as you two do.

Look, you know you are in love with Andy. Everybody here knows you are madly in love with Andy. When you talk to him and tell him how you feel, he says he feels the same way, right?

Andy wasn't born yesterday. He has to know that what he feels for you is a lot more than brotherly love---that it goes way, way beyond close friendship. People who are NOT madly in love with each other don't talk the way you two do, long for, pine for, physically ache for each other the way you do.

Andy is in love with you, brother. He may not yet be at the point where he can come to terms with it and call it what it is, but he's in love with you.

Damn! You're one of the luckiest guys on earth!

Jake

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Jake...hope your BBQ went well and thanks for the reply.

does Andy know that you are in love with him?

Andy definitely knows I am in love with him...I told him this once..and I think he just looked at it as an odd crush..but when we spoke about it weeks later a second time..when I was crying, etc, etc..I think he realized how strong it is.

I think there is some part of him in denial about how much I love him.


We do pine and long for each other a lot...but I dont know.

I dont know..that even if there is a smidget of gay/bi in him..if he will be ready at all to admit it.

I truly consider myself the luckiest person to know him.

When I look at other people or even hang out with them..as nice as they are..it would always remind me of how much Andy means to me.

He called today on my cell but I missed it..Im looking to call him later.


When I think rationally....I think of Andy as a straight person.
When I read most of everybodys replies on here...it makes me think for the most part hes straight.
When I look at him..he has a fiancee..hes been with many women...always talks about having a kid and raising it..it makes me know hes straight..

BUT..

When he tells me some of things he tells me...when he cried and bawled one time that I wasnt in Vegas near him..when he tells me that he wants to put his life on hold until Im out there..when he tells me he goes to where I used to live and waits for me to come out...when he tells me constantly that Im the best person I have ever met and that has come into his life(occasionally he'll throw in the "besides my girl" at the end)..how can I not misinterpet that? Or maybe I am..I dont know.


Talk to you later..brian

 

[Lestat62]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Brian, you sound like you're in a good place emotionally. Straight/bi/gay, just put it aside for now, have your phone calls with Andy, and look forward to your trip in August. Then you'll probably know more. And whatever the outcome is, if there is any defining moment between you and Andy, I know you'll be able to deal with it.

Joe.

OK, now I'm REALLY late. (hope you don't mind if I type in the nude!)

Hey Jake, if you're going to tell us your state of undress while typing, could you please include some pictures next time . Enquiring minds want to know. J.

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I dont know..that even if there is a smidget of gay/bi in him..if he will be ready at all to admit it.
.....
When I think rationally....I think of Andy as a straight person.
When I read most of everybodys replies on here...it makes me think for the most part hes straight.
When I look at him..he has a fiancee..hes been with many women...always talks about having a kid and raising it..it makes me know hes straight..

OK, I'm not trying to get off-topic here. And I don't want to get into a discussion about who's "str8", "gay", or "bi" (went round and round about that on another thread last night/this morning )

BUT....

There are cases of otherwise completely straight guys who fall in love with another guy. (You can look around in other threads for stuff like "man crush", etc.) They've never had any "gay" feelings before. And it almost never happens again. Most of the time it doesn't gets physical....but occasionally it does.

Now, I don't know Andy, but from what you say, I think he's straight, too. And I'm not saying this is a straight guy "man crush". I really think he is in love with you.

I'm not a psychologist, but I wouldn't be surprised if Andy is going through some emotional turmoil right. And not just about missing you. He has to know, deep down inside, that he is in love with you. He sees his relationship with you as being on the same level as his relationship with his girl.





This just a SWAG (stupid wild-ass guess), but maybe this is what he's going through:

"I miss Brian so, so much. I want Brian here with me. I can't stand being away from Brian. I love Brian so much.....But I'm a straight guy, so I can't be in love with him....can I? I'm not gay, so I'm not really in love with Brian....am I? But I DO love him, more than anything....I would give my life for Brian. Brian is the best thing that ever happened to me (besides my girl). I sit outside the place where Brian used to live and wait for him to come out. I dream about Brian. God, I'm want him here with me ....I can't stand it! I love Brian sooo much! BUT I'M STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I can't be in love with him...."




​

I think he's in love with you, and hasn't come to terms with it. Don't know if he ever will, but he's in love with you.



Jake

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Jake, if you're going to tell us your state of undress while typing, could you please include some pictures next time . Enquiring minds want to know. J.

Sure! Happy to!

One of these is me before I got ready for the bbq and the other one is after.

Which is which?

Before or After?

Before or After?

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

And a big MY BAD, of course I have my JUB'er friends here....a thousand apologies for that apparent slight...

Brian

Dude, I understand why that popped out. When you're feeling seriously lonely, quite often you need someone right there.

I always think of a story from World War II, in London.
The air raid alarms had gone off, and people were packed into the subways. The bombs started falling close by, and a little boy started crying, and nothing his mother could do would make him stop. An Anglican priest came along, squatted down, and told him, Don't cry; God is here with you. The little boy looked at the priest and declared, "I need God with ARMS!"

Sometimes we need friends with arms, too.

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Sometimes we need friends with arms, too.

How about a big JUB group hug for Brian?

I'm in

Anybody else?

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys back with another update....needless to say I am seething right now. So incredibly angry and depressed..and I do not think I could put into words my anger right now..but Im damn sure going to try.


First things first last night my buddy called several times...each call later and later(or earlier and earlier for me) in the night....same mushy stuff...I miss you..blah blah blah..anyway...


I get home tonight from work..check the boards...feel kind of tired..and a little bit down..So I decide to try and make a very early night out of it and possibly try to sleep this small depression off.

I cannot really sleep so I pick up the phone to call my buddy..I get the machine and leave a short but sweet message saying how much I miss them, hope all is well, etc, etc.

I get a call back and I answer..Its his girl..and we just chat and chat and chat...we are pretty good with talking to each other..Eventually I ask how her mother and brother is doing..shes like fine..and then I ask when her mom is moving to North Carolina..(if you recall WAY back early in this thread..her mom was "moving" to N.C. and that was another reason she and my buddy couldnt stay in NYC)...So she goes..oh I think my mom was just lying to me to get me and Andy out of the house..in fact shes coming down here in the summer and I think they are interested in moving to Las Vegas.

Ok. So Im getting a little weirded out. WTF??? IS EVERYONE GOING TO BE IN LAS VEGAS BEFORE ME?

So I make more small talk with her..and then I hear my buddy come home in the background and say "I've been calling you and you have not picked up the phone whats going on..who you on the phone with?"

She says me..and we talk for a little more about the dogs..and she asks me if I want to speak to my buddy and I just said to tell him him hello and Ill speak to him at another time..

We hang up. Im no idiot guys, its kind of hard to get one over on me(Columbo look out) The FIRST thing that pops into my head is ok...my buddy doesnt have gas money(something hes been bitching to me all week about) and yet he just came home from driving around(his girl gets driven home by a co worker so she doesnt use the car).

The SECOND thing that comes into my head is.. how has he been calling her?? Hes got no cell phone, so that must have been he was hanging out with a friend all day...fine.

I put my head down..he calls me back..hes like "What you dont wanna speak to me?" in a joking manner..and I just said that I was going to try and make it an early night. I told him I was down some and he said he was too. He said why dont you try and call Matt..which for some reason came out of nowhere..but anyway...as Im speaking to him Im getting more and more angry because..I keep asking him whats new? whats up? what did you do all day? And all he says is NOTHING...And Im like ok..fine.

I told him I called his apartment and his girl called me back and he goes "yeah I had just gotten home from a drive to clear my head.."

UH-HUH ..Im thinking...and I go where did you go? Did you hang out with ***** and hes like yeah..So im like why cant you just say that when I ask what you did today?..he goes because I didnt want to upset you and make you more depressed.

I told him I would be down either way but at least Id rather him be honest with me than keep crap from me...


You know what guys...he has a right to chill with and make friends out there..fine. Ill be jealous and somewhat down about it, but hey thats life.

What bothers me the most is this. Me and him came to a verbal agreement a short time ago that I would help him out with some money to give him some time to clear his head,,,and when I have talked to him recently he seems just more and more down..."I just cant seem to get my head together to work"...he says that he has a problem knowing that he HAS to be scheduled to be somewhere at a certain time..that its too suffocating.

You know what..I bought that line..and I truly believe he does have issues with that...but its kind of getting old now.

I AM NOT helping him out financially so he can have the leisure to go around and hang out with his friends by the pool all day and lounge. He was to be working on his head.

I AM PISSED OFF TO NO END RIGHT NOW. I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN ASS.

I'm here working my ass off...and his fiancee is there working her ass off..and hes fucking lounging.

I called him back and told him I was pissed off and angry and really down now..and he goes I could tell..I said Im angry and immediately hes like "you angry at me??? are you angry at me?"

I had to bite my lip(so as to not say anything hurtful) and I just said Ill call you later If I feel the need to want to talk.

FIRST OFF..I know what you all are thinking so let me save you the time:

A)Hes using me....I agree to some extent he is...but not in the malicious way. I think hes using me as a crutch and Im going to have to put an end to it.

B)I am naive. I was naive to fall in love with my buddy and Im fully more dumb to be helping him out this much. Fine. I can see your point..not agree with it..but see where you are coming from.
I feel so down knowing that hes hanging out there socially on my dime...I feel like their lives are moving on..and mine is not...I feel lost and empty tonight.

C)That me and my buddy will not be friends anymore. We are friends to the ever loving end, so we will get through this.

My buddy is not going to like our next talk..its going to be a harsh lesson in tough love.

Update you guys soon..Brian

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

FIRST OFF..I know what you all are thinking so let me save you the time:

A)Hes using me....I agree to some extent he is...but not in the malicious way. I think hes using me as a crutch and Im going to have to put an end to it.

B)I am naive. I was naive to fall in love with my buddy and Im fully more dumb to be helping him out this much. Fine. I can see your point..not agree with it..but see where you are coming from.
I feel so down knowing that hes hanging out there socially on my dime...I feel like their lives are moving on..and mine is not...I feel lost and empty tonight.

C)That me and my buddy will not be friends anymore. We are friends to the ever loving end, so we will get through this.

My buddy is not going to like our next talk..its going to be a harsh lesson in tough love.

Hey Brian....

Take a deep breath, buddy. (I mean it. Do it now.)
Now take another one.
Relax.

A) Andy may be using you as a crutch. But before you put and end to it, think about this---maybe he's in a place right now where he needs a crutch---emotionally. You are his strength, so you will have to be the one to wean him off the crutch. Do it gently, though. Don't just jerk the crutch away....he'll fall. He needs you as much as you need him.

B) BS! You are not naive, brother. We love who we love. We can't just rationally decide we are going to love, or not love someone. It comes from the heart, and your heart belongs to Andy. Andy is the guy for you. Andy is the love of your life. Don't forget that. Yeah, you're feeling down---that's natural. Someone you love has disappointed you.

But don't strike back at him. Don't let the fire rush to your head.
You're not dumb for helping him out. That's one of the things best friends do for each other. Yeah, he's been taking advantage of your help. But as his best friend, it's up to you to (gently) wean him from that. It's one of your responsibilities as his best bud.

C) We are friends to the ever loving end, so we will get through this.

There you go! You'll get through this if you don't hurt him.

This is really none of my business, but when you help Andy out financially, does that make it longer until you can get out there with him?
Don't answer that here---just something to think about.

My buddy is not going to like our next talk..its going to be a harsh lesson in tough love.
Keep a cool head, Brian. Don't be too harsh with him. Don't say things you're gonna regret. If you're too tough on him, it could only make things worse. You'll both feel awful about it.

Now go take a chill pill. Don't talk to him while you're still angry.

Hugs,
*R*

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Well....I couldnt find any chill pills laying around the house..



While I was typing this and talking to a good JUB friend...my buddy kept calling my cell.

I finally picked up...and he seemed very down but concerned why I was so mad...

He said "If its any consolation to you..Im down too.."

I shot back, "so what does that mean to me?"

Yeah it was harsh to say. But he realized I didnt mean it and we started talking.

I opened up to him saying how much this whole situation is bothering me.

I told him his girl got me down a little..then hearing that he was hanging with a friend got me down even more.

He says that its not what I think and hes not out having a great time over there..and that all the money I sent him goes right to bills and nothing more.

He said that hes going to try looking for something but he doesnt know if it will work out. He said for once he wants to take the stress and burden off of my back.

I told him its hard working my ass off over here..I told him I get up to go at 6am everyday and most nights Im on the phone with him till that time and I still go to work!! And dont even complain about it.

I said that "buddy when you tell me how easy it is..and how much of a plan you have to get me to stay in August..when you tell me all that I laugh to myself a little and get down..because theres no way Ill be out there to live in August...I need to stay another year to save up and helping you is a double edged sword..I love helping you..but at the same time its making me stay out here longer in NYC..."

I told him the thought of living here another year without him breaks my heart...he said it breaks his heart when I used to tell him I was hanging out with Matt..

He said he didnt want to tell me this but there have been some times recently that he has thought of suicide..He told me "I would never ever do it...I know not to do it..but I NOW see how and why some people feel that way. I now see why you used to feel this way sometimes.."

He said that hes always worried that Im going to call hm up one day and say that I can no longer help him...he said he had to go to clear his head if thats ok with me and that he will call me back later...

Brian

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

He says that its not what I think and hes not out having a great time over there..and that all the money I sent him goes right to bills and nothing more.

He said that hes going to try looking for something but he doesnt know if it will work out. He said for once he wants to take the stress and burden off of my back.

*trying to say this gently*

Well........um.........does he think he's just going to "hang out" for a year until you get there? And then what?

I told him its hard working my ass off over here..I told him I get up to go at 6am everyday and most nights Im on the phone with him till that time and I still go to work!! And dont even complain about it.

You've planted the seed. You may have to water it from time to time, but it's there.
btw, when do you sleep, man? lol

...I need to stay another year to save up and helping you is a double edged sword..I love helping you..but at the same time its making me stay out here longer in NYC...

OK, you've watered the seed.

Now let it grow for a while.

He said he didnt want to tell me this but there have been some times recently that he has thought of suicide..He told me "I would never ever do it...I know not to do it..but I NOW see how and why some people feel that way.

Remind him of what that would do to you.

Now go to bed!

*R*

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I understand the problem with work and scheduled hours being suffocating -- I go through that most of the year. It's linked to both bipolar disorder and seasonal affective disorder in my case, and is a less than rare effect of one or both of those (and some other mood disorders). Brian, Andy needs to get checked out for that stuff -- there are meds that can help take the edge off all those, and help some with the suffocating, trapped feeling.

There are companies that will work with a guy to work around the difficulties -- if you've got a doc that will say it's a real problem, not just a way of goofing off. I don't know what Nevada is like as far as community mental health, but if Andy got checked out and the doc says yeah, this is a disability, he'd have some leverage for getting the sort of job he can deal with.
They're not great jobs, but I know that some Home Depot stores and most Walmarts hire people who can't work regular hours, letting them be really flexible about when they come in -- as long as they work hard when they're there, and as long as they get in however many hours a week they're supposed to. There are also work-at-home things, where a guy gets paid per piece assembled (or whatever; I'm thinking electronics assembly).

Push him, gently but firmly, in that direction. He needs to be doing something to support himself -- I can say from experience that NOT doing anything to support myself just feeds the cycle, because it nibbles away at that feeling of self-worth which is at our core.

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Kul, you make some good points. There are places who need people for part-time, flex-time, temp stuff, etc.

Brian, has Andy thought about doing the personal trainer thing again?

Push him, gently but firmly, in that direction. He needs to be doing something to support himself -- I can say from experience that NOT doing anything to support myself just feeds the cycle, because it nibbles away at that feeling of self-worth which is at our core.

How true! A couple of years back, the company I worked for had massive lay-offs. When my number came up, I opted for the "early out" package---here's your lump sum...and here's the door. Didn't work for 5 months (by choice). Money was not a problem, but I kind of felt like "less of a man" doing *whatever* all day while all my friends were working---you have too much time to sit and think.

Jake

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Oh, my! "What a tangled web we weave ... !"

Bri, Dude! There are SO many things going on here!

JakeLucas is SO right! We can't help but Love who we Love! And you certainly Love Andy with all your heart! But ... when your Brain kicks in ... yeah, Bro! ... there are some issues there.

But it seems that YOU are the "Strong One", here! YOU are the One with foreseeable Goals! YOU are the One that is Working toward something of Value, of Worth, of Lasting Measure! YOU are the One with your feet on the ground!

Yeah ... it may seem as though your Heart is being torn into tiny shreds ... but that isn't really the case. Your HEART is in the right place! It's doing just fine! It's your Brain that's being tested! It's the Practicalities, of the situation, that are causing problems!

I think that Andy MEANS well! I'm sure that he does! But ... and I have to ask this ... is that going to be "Enough"? Does he understand, and will he be able to see it through, that what You HAVE to do, should be as important to Him as it is to You? That BOTH of your futures require some "sacrifice", and support, from BOTH of You right now? Can You rely on Him to "step up" to what must be done right now?

It seems to me that most everything is running "Andy-centric". He has his Girl. He has You. And everyone else's efforts are going to support Him! In most ways, Andy's got it MADE right now! I'm truly envious! I wish I could pull that off, too! But ... LIFE does not always work that way. At least not for long! And unless there is some motivation for Him to change that, to take some Responsibility for Himself, I can't blame Him for taking full advantage for as long as He can!

Is He doing it "Maliciously", or even "Consciously"? I don't know Him, so I can't really say. But, does it really matter? The point is, that's what's going on. And, whether that is "Good", or "Bad", can only be decided by all those involved. Certainly not Me, or "Us". But it should be something that You should take into consideration. Is it really a "Good Thing" for Him, or YOU, for that matter? Only YOU can decide!

So ... what should be done? Should Anything be done? Is it "Wise" to let things keep going the way they are? Are the problems your continued support might be causing You, and Him, really "problems"? Is there something of more "Value" beyond the current situation? Is it all going to be "Worth" it??

Ideals, and Practicalities, are, unfortunately, two different things! Does Andy understand that? YOU seem to have a pretty good handle on it! And, that, is the source of most of Your concerns. But ... does it "concern" Him, too?

I do/do not envy You, Bri! I sincerely wish Your "situation" were far more simpler than it is. But, it does seem all has reached a point where You have to make some "tough" decisions, for You, for Him, and, yes, for Her!

Our HEARTS are "tricky" things! But, sometimes, we need to take a step, or two, back, and try to see what is "Best"! I know how I, and the rest of "Us", would like to see things go. But, I also think it's time for Andy to make some decisions, to make some "moves", to "step up" and start contributing, if you know what I mean.

Yes! You will Always LOVE Him! Can't help it, no matter what! The question now, is, how much does He Love YOU, and everyone else in his Life? It is something He needs to be asked? And, perhaps, required to Prove in some way?

I have nothing but the BEST of Hopes for All!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys. This is going to be uncharacteristically short because I went through everything Andy went through in the last year in the last 3 weeks.

If you've been reading my blog, you know that a marine buddy of mine just came back into my life. We have become the deepest brothers you can imagine. We are tight beyond tight. Oh fuck are we tight. We are brothers now like Andy and Brian are brothers.

Oh yeah, he's like 200% straight. I've never seen anyone so obsessed with pussy. He'll fuck anything that has tits, and I mean anything. He is an Active Duty marine that just got back from Iraq.

A week ago I thought he was using me. I was ready to kill him. If you read my blog you'll see that his fiancee came to live with me, and it didn't work out very well. It cost me money, and I paid out a lot of friendship in the same way that Brian is contributing to Andy. He brought her here but I had to buy her food, her maxi pads, take her out, and so on. It not only cost me money, but business.

Then, a week ago, when she was finally gone (from my house, for one night) and I thought he was coming over...after I had been very clear that he owed me, that our friendship was on the line, he ditched me for some friends. And ended that night by hooking up with the girl again...the one that hade pretty much fucked our friendship. So I put up with her shit, and it's his fault that I have to, and he just shows up to fuck her. And then drops her off at my house and can't face me. I was so pissed...white hot with anger. I told him he jad just showed me what he thought of our friendship, after I had totally stepped up for him.

I was mad for a week, I told my other marine buddies that if they met him they should beat the crap out of him.

Then just last weekend (Friday), just when I was most pissed off, he called and didn't apologize. I had to apologize to him. I did this because I recallled some advice I had originally gave Brian, to apologize to Andy even though he thought Andy was in the wrong. I wanted to ream him, but instead I was super nice about it. Ironically i only remembered this because someone commented on that post a few days ago and said it burned their britches to hear me say something so stoopid.

Anyway, we hade sex all weekend and he let me tape it. We sucked, fucked, rimmed, everything. And we became that much closer for it...we are now buddies that can share everything.

We were out driving...like Brian and Andy...and passed by a cool bar I forgot existed. I was trying to explain why I hadn't gone there before: I had no one to go with, cuz I was all alone. He says, "Well, you ain't alone no more."

I thought he was playing me, totally playing me...and the reverse turned out to be true. We are as tight as two people can be right now. We hang out naked. We get drunk and fool around. He does his best to take care of me and he treats me like a king. He has girls calll him constantly...one kept calling him yesterday morning. He let me listen to the voicemail...it was all, "Where are you, why won't you answer?" It was because he was laying in my arms and neither one of us wanted to get up.

If I hadn't forgiven that mistake--and believe me, humans make mistakes--I wouldn't be watching a video of me giving him head right now.

He fucked a girl last night...I don't mind, it turns me on totally. I don't love him, we are brothers.

So, you can go there and still be brothers.

This guy really is totally straight BTW. Unlike Andy, who is bi at most.

How did all this happen in 3 weeks? Cuz when he started hinting that he might play, I listened to him. I knew that he was capable of going there, just like I know Andy is capable of going there. 3 weeks to get a straight marine of my very own, because I followed all the advice I gave Brian.

Now Brian, Andy loves you. He isn't perfect, but if you want to be with him you can, end of story.

PS: I have a friend who has the same problem as Andy. Exactly the same. Basically living off his parents and 45 because he can't get it together and work is too stressful. Andy can't help who he is...he needs your help. Or not...your choice. As always, good luck!

PPS: Ironically, I was in Vegas this past weekend. To help my guy deal with the fact that he was with a guy, we went to a strip club and I had to buy him lapdances. Then we drove back to my place and got crazy again You have to accept that it can happen, and not be afraid.

Don't misunderstand me though, I don't think you should call Andy on it. He's trying to tell you, that's not the problem. Just, when he says he's down, don't try to tell him why ("is it the money?"), let him tell you. You're so sure he can't be in love with you that you always change the subject on him. Just let him say it!

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

WOW!

Great post Kyanimal! Good insight....and you make some very good points.

And CGHJ---glad to hear things worked out for you and your buddy.

Brian, though you and Andy are so similar in many ways (that's one of the reasons you love him), you two are also opposites in a couple of ways.

Again, I don't know Andy---all I know is what I've read here. But it seems that, compared to you, Andy is more of a "free spirit" type of guy. He lives in the moment....he's more spontaneous, impulsive, impetuous (?).

On the other hand, you seem to be more stable than he is....more grounded, cautious, careful....you plan for the future....and you work toward your future.

But it seems that YOU are the "Strong One", here! YOU are the One with foreseeable Goals! YOU are the One that is Working toward something of Value, of Worth, of Lasting Measure! YOU are the One with your feet on the ground!

And this is one of the reasons why you two are so attracted to each other. You fulfill each other's needs. I think you said somewhere that you guys are each other's "other half" or somethng like that. You two are like Yin and Yang---neither one is "whole" or "complete" without the other one.

You are Andy's strength and stability. From what you've said here, it sounds like Andy hasn't had a lot of stability in his life....and that's one of the reasons he needs you and loves you. He's not a whole person without you. You complete his life.

Then just last weekend (Friday), just when I was most pissed off, he called and didn't apologize. I had to apologize to him. I did this because I recallled some advice I had originally gave Brian, to apologize to Andy even though he thought Andy was in the wrong....

CGHJ---you are one smart guy! That was one of the most difficult things for me to learn about the corporate world---those stupid little dances you have to do with your co-workers---all those social "acrobatics" you have to do to get along.

Brian---think about this....try "apologizing" to Andy, like CGHJ did with his marine buddy. Tell him you're sorry about getting him into a situation where he is dependent on you for money. Tell him that was not your intent.
"Buddy, all I wanted to do was help you. But if I went about it in the wrong way, I'm sorry. I never meant to make you feel bad. I probably shouldn't have done it that way. I hope you can forgive me if I brought you down."
Think of it like you were reading lines from a movie script, but put it in your own words. You may not really mean what you're saying---that's ok---you're just trying to make him wake up and think about the stress he's put on you.

Later

Jake