Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Wow..thanks for all of the excellent replies...

CG-Im so glad things worked out for your buddy ...It sounds like you guys have hot times..I myself dont know if I could handle my buddy screwing all those girls around me..In a way Im glad that I knew my buddy when he was already settled with someone...Im glad that I didnt have to go through the times of him screwing girls and glad I didnt have to go through him finally meting the one and dealing with that.

So in a way my buddy has to go through that when I finally meet someone...until then hell have to deal with me sleeping with guys left and right lol I know that sounds like such a selfish thing to say. And it probably is. But I am human and I just feel what I feel..and say what I feel. Take me as I am.

I DID speak to my brother last night..he was very sad and very down. I did apologize for coming out of the blue with my anger. I told him I panicked and just my emotions all came out..I told him I was jealous, angry, depressed, sad..and it all just came upon me quick.

He said there was no need to apologize and that hes sorry hes putting me through this. He said to me "thanks for believing in me..no one else does..no one else understands me...I lie to my other friends and my girls' family so they dont know whats going on with me..they just wouldnt understand...I got my girl and you got Matt or whoever...and there are just somethings that me and you understand more than them..we can hang out and it doesnt have to be a big deal..we can go for a 711 run or play games or just take a walk and talk all night..only months after knowing me you have 100% supported me and I will never forget that.."

I told him buddy, "you have so much talent that it makes me sad to see you waste it..you are a people person and you have charisma and you can sell anything...I know your going to blow up soon and make something of yourself..."

We talked and talked some more...he said hes sorry for calling me so late..and that hell try not to do it anymore..I told him to call anytime..day or night..I dont care...we told each other that we missed each other..and once again he said "bri..more than you will ever know.." I said the same right back at him..

We talked very shortly today and he said he missed me..I also said it..Im sure we will talk later tonight..

Thank you guys for your advice and all your inspiration through my ups and downs...Bri

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I have to put up with my buddy with girls because he's totally straight, just comfortable playing with me (also, I like to watch and he likes to be watched). It's like Roman or Greek style friendship. However I totally mistated when I said that we were brothers like you and Andy are brothers...we're super tight but it has to be left mostly unstated...I just trust that it's there and act like it is and it is. But I can't say "I love you" to him...and don't want to. We're brothers. I can say "I love ya man!". There are no long calls, no silent pauses, no "I can't tell you how much I miss you." I'm actually hoping that you realize from my story that you and Andy are about 10,000 times closer, and that if I can go there with my friend, you can go there with yours if you want.

And my guy is straight to the core. Remember your first post, with the "reasons why I think he may be gay" and there's 11 very good reasons and there's 2 lame reasons why he might be straight that actually convinced me he was prolly gay or at least bi. I could fill a page with reasons why my buddy's straight, and one lame reason why he might be gay. He's also a marine who went to war, so if I was wrong I could have gotten my clock cleaned.

Both your buddy and my buddy made themselves perfectly clear. Only my guy dropped little tiny hints and Andy is shouting with a megaphone. If I'm right about tiny hints from a straight marine, surely I'm right about Andy broadcasting his intentions.

The question is, what do you want, and are you ready for it? If he can't say it, but he can show it, is that enough? I can feel the bond between me and my bro, and that's enough for me. It has to be, because his fiancee is coming next week. That's a long story, and it means I'm really going to go through what Brian went through since he'll stop sleeping in my bed and start sleeping in hers (although he will only be 23 miles away). The feelings of brotherhood and friendship are more important than anything else though, and if I don't get jealous and remain supportive, I'll get to keep that and occasionally when we can spend time alone we will. That's not the life for some...but it's the way I like it, oddly enough. You have to choose whether you want a boyfriend or a brother though.

Interestingly, our friendship is becoming deeper but less sexual. He came over for some last night but we ended up talking and hanging out instead. The friendship is growing deeper though.

I'm not sure which I recommend for you and Andy...on the one hand, you keep saying you're "brothers", on the other, it's obvious you're both in love. But long ago I used to confuse romantic love and brotherly love. There's also sexual attraction, I know you have phsyical feelings for Andy. I had physical attraction for my buddy but now that we've gone there the curiousity factor is decreasing rapidly and I find that instead of wanting to be with him like that, I'd rather hang out with him and go to bars and stuff. You may end up feeling the same way about Andy once you've gone there with him. He has very intense feelings for you...make sure you know what you want, a lover or a brother, and then guide him to that destination. To help you both get to the same place, you have to be clear on what you want, and you have to be clear that his feelings for you are so intense that he will be grateful for an outlet for them, so guide him wisely by knowing yourself first.

If I were you though right now I'd just hang on til August. When you see each other in person you'll know, and you'll be able to talk about it even better. He's not going anywhere until then and neither are you. I don't know if Andy will let you wait though...I'm curious to see if he can last that long without telling you

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

BTW, LilCBoy had this to say and asked me to pass it along:

You, me and Bri all seem to have experienced some kinda testing past few
weeks. Hopefully mine'll end up pretty ok. Yours ended up fucking awesome
man. I loved that. Tight Bros, who can... 'admire' each other as more than
m8s. And Bri seems to be cheerin up.

Oh yeah, tell that dude i CAN indeed drive lol. I gots a toyota civic and
ive had my licence since january this year. so yeah im a pretty well off
driver.

I havent got any more advice or suggestions for the thread. It needs none
from me. I'll just keep an eagle's eye out for anything new though. Good
luck to Bri, i rekn he'll be just dandy through anything that could come up.
Happy for you. Thanks to kya, and every1 else. U guys do an awesome job for
Bri. I'll be back soon enough...

ps. Actually i HAVE got a lil piece advice... HANG ON TO UR MATE BRI!
THROUGH ANGER OR SADNESS! NO MATTER HOW SHIT THINGS MAY LOOK! IT'LL ALWAYS
BE BETTER WITH THEM IN THE END! (he already knows it though... jus wanna
emphasise it i guess.)

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

BTW, LilCBoy had this to say and asked me to pass it along:
.....
Oh yeah, tell that dude i CAN indeed drive lol. I gots a toyota civic and ive had my licence since january this year. so yeah im a pretty well off driver.

CGHJ: You can tell LilCBoy "that dude" says CONGRATS on the licence .....and will be sure to stay off the road! lol

LilCBoy:

Thanks to kya, and every1 else. U guys do an awesome job for Bri. I'll be back soon enough...

And thanks to YOU for helping out our buddy! I still think you're extremely mature for someone who is "just" old enough to drive!

ps. Actually i HAVE got a lil piece advice... HANG ON TO UR MATE BRI! THROUGH ANGER OR SADNESS! NO MATTER HOW SHIT THINGS MAY LOOK! IT'LL ALWAYS BE BETTER WITH THEM IN THE END! (he already knows it though... jus wanna emphasise it i guess.)

Couldn't have said it better myself "m8"!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys back with what will probably be a lengthy update.

First and foremost a huge hello to lilCBoy..I didnt forget about you and I hope you are still reading along.

Ok...2 days ago..I had a talk with my buddy. The conversation was along the lines of I miss you and want you to be here..the talk also went to me helping him out the next day with some money. Then for some reason we started talking about his friend Mike..who came with me and my buddy on a cruise last summer.

His name is Mike and Mike had told me once that he shoved a brush handle up his ass to see what it felt like. This is something my buddy and his friends knew years ago. So I told Andy I knew this because Mike told me on the cruise...Andy was like I cant believe he told you that..what else did he say? I said bro..

I think Mike might be gay or bi..and my buddy flipped. He said that sometimes he got the feeling that Mike was gay..but that he also didnt think so because him and Mike used to sleep with lots of women. He said though that one time he slept over his house years ago and Mike was almost touching his ass with his hand and he almost beat him up..this is according to my buddy anyway.


Fast foward next day..I get paid..and I have to help my buddy out. Everytime I deal with money and spend it, no matter on what..DVD...Cell..bills..or helping my friend out. I called him up and let him know my feelings.

We talked and talked...and eventually he opened up and said that he needs a little more because his dog had to go to the Vet for some shit..so ok...for some reason I get more down and I get in a mood and I tell him that this is all stressing me out.

I send him the money..I call him back to tell him all the info...and I just broke down and told him that I just cannot do this anymore..it is too damn hard.

The phone call ended quickly and we both had a bad feeling in our guts.

He tried to call me back but I was so stressed from the day that I fell asleep at 6 and didnt wake up till like 4am in the morning..I was still on and off dozing at that time..when my buddy called me at 5:20am...saying hes down and stressed...Im like bro I just sent you 3/4 of my paycheck what are you stressed about?

He said hes stressed about what hes doing to me and that hes hurting me. I told him again that he needs to start looking for something and that I cant do this anymore..there was a lot of silence..and feelings of depression. I told him I had to go and I did.

Fast foward to today..I get home and as soon as I walk in I get a call from my buddy...He is barely talking to me....tells me he will call me back on my land line phone..fine..Ok...

He calls me back and said that hes a little worried and stressed that I am pulling my support from him and that he cant make it out there without me...I told him bro..I just sent you 700 dollars...whats the matter..he got all upset and hung up..I called back twice..and on the third try he picked it up..we had words back and forth...

I couldnt believe this was happening to me..he couldnt believe what I was saying either..our hearts were racing and we didnt like what we said to each other..I hung u with him and he called back crying and apologized..saying he said what he said out of anger and frustration..he said that if I cant help him anymore thats ok..but I need to give him more time to get a job.

He said I have supported him 100%..and I cut him off and said I have supported you 900% and that I have done more for you than anyone you have ever known..and I always will..He said he called back because he doesnt like when we fight and that he couldnt stay mad at me..

Eventually we both calmed each other down and we just relaxed and talked like old times..

Our phone call that took place during this time turned out to be one of the most open and sexual talks we ever had.

We started talking about Mike again...and how it would be cool if he came out to Vegas so maybe I can room with him..Andy asked me If I had a crush on Mike and I said no..but I wouldnt kick him out of bed..he was like awwwwwwww bro.

..and than Im like I wonder how big his cock is..and he like awwwwwwwwww bro..and my buddy tells me that Mike is about 9 or 10 inches and I was like damn Id be all over that cock..and Im like how you now? He said that a few times he and Mike would screw girls together i in the same room...I was getting so hot talking to him about this.

Anyway the conversation just EXPLODED into sex talk and gay talk..he asked me if I ever swallowed and I said once and he was like awwwwwwwww bro....then I said that Im so obsessed with cock and all things Man..and that when I hang with him in Vegas and go driving around that Im going be hollering at the men..he said he cant wait..We talked about celebrities and who I found hot..I told him Nick Lachey...some Mets..soem UFC guys...Kevin Federline...and even he agreed that Kevin aint bad looking lol..

He asked again if I had a crush on Mike and I said no, hes really no my type..He said that "Bri you said you were into me so thats why Im asking bout Mike.." and I nah I wasnt into to you jokingly..and he goes Bro you told me so!! I was like ok yeah I was..lol..He goes you and mike are probably both into my ass...

He goes I cant believe I got 2 fags for friends..we both started laughing and I said yeah bro..but who are your best friends? Me and Mike right??? He goes of course...then I go you are a fag hag..lol..I said I liked the time I swallowed..He said he used to make girls swallow him..I was so hard at this point I had it out and was stroking...as I was saying this..Andy told me that Im probably finding all of this talk hot..I was like hell yeah.

I asked him if there was a couple and If Ii fucked the guy and he took the girl..would he do that? And he was like hell yeah he would...that made me even harder...

He started talking about penis size and I said Im no tommy lee but Im not bad at all and he said that hes HUGE..and I know for a fact I told him that hes not because even his own fiancee said on several occasions that hes average if at best..and hes like awww shut up..he said hes not huge but he does fine for himself...

I told him that Im jealous sometimes thats hes out there and he said you know what..Im jealous when you hang with Matt...I said that Dante(my dog) calls Matt uncle Matt..and Andy got pissed...

because thats a joke that I have with Andy..so later on he pretended that someone was knocking on his door and told me it was his friend there to see him..I got quiet..and he goes..you see? You dont feel too good right now do you?? I went no..he goes so dont ever say that to me again!!! He said no one was at the door, but he wanted to show me how it feels when I talk about Matt...


He got quiet and laughed to himself..I said what? He goes how awesome is this that we can talk about all this....he goes your gay..Im straight...and we just talked about an hour an a half about sex..and being gay and cock...and we both started laughing...and I go it sure is awesome...we agreed to go at that point and talk later tonight or tomorrow...Brian

 

[thehayesman]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Sounds like you made some good progress in that conversation.

I'm glad you told him you can't support him the same way anymore. That situation is really keeping you both down it sounds like.

Keep listening, maybe he'll come a little closer to talking about your relationship next time.

 

[Elworth]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I think you guys sound incredibly co-dependent, and that you purposely make each other feel like shit sometimes.

I almost think at sometimes you guys have a love-hate relationship.

But, I'm just playing devil's advocate.

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian!

Who's the HUNK in your avatar?

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I think you guys sound incredibly co-dependent, and that you purposely make each other feel like shit sometimes.

I almost think at sometimes you guys have a love-hate relationship.

But, I'm just playing devil's advocate.

Very astute observations, IMHO.

Brian, I'm not sure that the way the talk about the money ended resolved anything. Seriously, you need to draw a line! Even if you say, "Bro, no more than a third of my check, ever; I need to take care of my own stuff!" would be a help. You'd be saying you can still help, but being firm about your own needs. Yeah, he'd probably get mad, but I think in the long run he'd respect you for it.

Meanwhile... it's good to hear you two talking that way! I wouldn't have been able to resist saying, "Bro, I'd swallow for you!" I KNOW he'd take it as a compliment; my best bud did, even though he got all grossed out -- he's like 500% straight, won't even let a guy give him a hair cut because "a guy running his fingers through my hair is just creepy!" If Eric the homophobe (in the proper sense of the word; he doesn't hate anyone except people who hurt his family) can see "I'd swallow for you!" as a compliment, Andy sure would! And it might get him thinking about it in real....

Hang on till August, and don't forget: Ky still has miles for you, and there's still bucks on my desk from a batch of JUBbers. And don't say, "I couldn't take any help" -- that's crap, 'cause if you can give it with a heart like yours, you can take it from your fans... er, friends.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian!

Who's the HUNK in your avatar?

Um I dont know what you mean by hunk, but if you mean who is that in my avatar..why yes thats me. But thank you for the nice compliment.

Was kind of afraid to post it here, because Im just a regular guy from Brooklyn..no model type here. In the gay community, sometimes and for some people if you dont have 6 pack abs and cant pass for a model, well then you are worth no one's time. But Ive gotten with enough guys to know that there is a market for a nice Brooklyn guy with a heavy accent and a big heart.

I hid my sexuality for so long..and all my abuse issues growing up..led to a lot of depression weight, which Im working on now.

Thank you all for the replies..

PS-Oh and me and my bro do kind of in a weird way get each other mad or jealous on purpose..its not malicious...in a very very odd way its us testing how much we love each other, and our friendship. I cannot explain it. It is so very odd.

PS-Had ANOTHER great, open talk with my buddy last night(Friday) and it was just a sweet talk..with a lot of sexual talk thrown in. We even played a game of truth, where we we ask questions and we had to tell the truth..we started to open up more with each other. He said he was surprised to here me talk so sexually because before I came out to him...I couldnt even bring myself to mention anything sexually.

 

[Kyanimal]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey, Bri!

THANKS! for that adorable avatar of You! Now we have a better idea of who we're talking to! It's nice to be able to put a face to the words!

Now ... let me catch up a bit ...

Joe ... THANKS! for "relaying" Lil_C! And, L_C, it's so "kewl" to know you're "hovering", and keeping watch! Greatly anticipating your "full return"!!

Jake and Joe (CGHJ)... always Great to read your posts! You're letting "Us" get to know you both, better, too, through your words!

And, yeah!, Kul ... we can still get Bri to Vegas, if only he'll let us do it for him!

And ... to Everyone who has been posting here ... your stories, and comments, I'm sure!, have been helping more than "just" Bri and Andy! I know that I have gained some new, and interesting, percpectives! THANK YOU!!

Looking forward to MORE!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thanks for the uplifting post as usual KY...Didnt get an opportunity to speak to my buddy..but Im sure I will tonight...I have some things I want to discuss with him, one of those things being the money situation.


I had my second to last Sunday class for my masters..so after next Sunday..no more Sunday classes....then Im registering this week for my last 3 courses...and each course is a week..so 3 weeks in July and Ill be done with the masters..

Im sitting here debating and thinking of starting a second masters in the fall....will update you all later..peace..Brian

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

I had my second to last Sunday class for my masters..so after next Sunday..no more Sunday classes....then Im registering this week for my last 3 courses...and each course is a week..so 3 weeks in July and Ill be done with the masters..

Im sitting here debating and thinking of starting a second masters in the fall....will update you all later..peace..Brian

Congratulations, Brian. That is quite an accomplishment. You have a lot to offer--Andy, or any other guy would be lucky to have you.

Jake

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Thanks Jake...I truly mean that...you guys have raised my spirits before bedtime...peace..Brian

 

[CGHJ]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey Brian, I'm glad you're standing up on the money thing. Frankly if I were you I'd tell him that you'd be happy to support him if he was doing your laundry and your cooking. I agree that no matter how much you care for him you can't go on this way. I don't think he's intentionally using you or anything but I do think he needs to figure out how to live on his own whether he likes it or not. Or if he's not going to live on his own, he needs to live with you so you can, er, get your money's worth

Meanwhile, congrats on the heavy sex talk!! That's hawt! It's an outlet for him so keep it up, you're making him even happier than he's making you, most likely. Wow, have fun!

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Hey guys back with another update, a little small one.

Didnt speak at all to my bro yesterday..he called me today on my cell phone and asked if I was mad that he didnt call..I said nah...but I did miss hearing from him.(he did call like 9 times late last night but I was sleeping heavy).

So during our talk I mentioned to him that I was down....I have been a little down the past few days..and it has nothing at all to do with the fact that hes there and Im here.

I was down initially because I had begun feeling for him again. I also was down about my looks..I know I know its unattractive to be so not confident in yourself..but I was having a self conscious moment . I was also done because of my money concerns.

My buddy asked but I didnt tell him why I was down, only because I didnt feel like getting into it...I kind of told him about me staying here another year and how its kind of official and I also reminded him of our deal, that he would have a j ob by the time I was out there and I would ease off helping him..he was getting very depressed and anxious at this time and he said "I dont know whats going to happen in August, if I dont get something Im going to lose everything...and I dont think its going to end well.."

I sort of let it go, just chalking his feelings right now up to nerves...I told him about my second masters and he said hes proud of me..and that Im doing it the right way...

He also said he had a dream last night and that he woke up crying..he said Matt was trying to kill him and instead he killed me and I died in his dream...He said he got upset about that and he told me that...

I had to go and he said if I didnt hear from him to call..I told him the same thing. So I guess I will update you guys when I speak to him again...ttyl..Brian

 

[JakeLucas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

...I told him about my second masters and he said hes proud of me..and that Im doing it the right way...

We're ALL proud of you, Brian!

He also said he had a dream last night and that he woke up crying..he said Matt was trying to kill him and instead he killed me and I died in his dream...He said he got upset about that and he told me that...

I don't want to get "Freudian" here, but it looks to me like Andy is deeply in love with you, Bri. He's afraid Matt is going to come between you and him.

Let Andy know that couldn't happen.

Jake

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

We're ALL proud of you, Brian!

I don't want to get "Freudian" here, but it looks to me like Andy is deeply in love with you, Bri. He's afraid Matt is going to come between you and him.

Let Andy know that couldn't happen.

Jake

Ditto the first!

I dunno about the "in love" part. I forget if you've ever told us, Bri, much about Andy's background. From experience, I can say that if there are insecurities, ANY sort of other relationship coming into the picture with a best buddy can be scary. I was never in love with my best buddy, but I felt thretened sometimes when he'd get a girlfriend. So Andy may not be in love with you, but there's a perceived threat, and feelings he doesn't want to lose you even a little -- and just possibly feelings he wants you all to himself.

Something else to think about, and talk about.

 

[LostVegas]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Quick update..have not really heard from my buddy in a while...I called him yesterday and he picked up while he was watching a movie with his girl...and they were using all pet names with each other and it made me gag, so I said Ill speak to you later..and hes like no stay on the phone and I was like CYA!....I know very immature..and I DO respect their relationship..but the baby and pet names couples give each other make me sick..so I had to bail..and I have not heard from him since..in a very odd way..and I know my buddy..hes trying to make me miss him more by not speaking to me...dont ask me why..but thats what hes doing.


Hey phantom, thanks for reading and finally posting here...Im glad people are still reading...talk to you all later..Brian

 

[Kulindahr]

Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)

Im glad people are still reading...talk to you all later..Brian

Of course we're still reading! You're practically family by now!

I understand about the pet names thing, BTW; some that friends have had for each other have made me about heave.