Re: Undying love for my best friend...please read(long)
I've actually been in this situation several times. Many times.
Yeah, I'm assuming he's in love with you too. He may not be able to deal with it yet. He may say he's not in love with you and that you can never be together. But at the current time, he thinks you're mad at him for asking for money, and that you don't care about him--you're hot for some stranger who he's probablly totally jealous of. He doesn't know that you need to be apart from him because you love him too much.
I've gone through this twice actually (more than that actually, but two main times that are relevant to this case). Once I fucked it up, once I did not.
The time I fucked it up, I had a buddy in the Air Force I was "married" to (you can see his bass playing photo in my proifile). People joked about us getting rings. We were inseparable. Nothing would ever tear us apart. Except he knew that I was in love with him. Now although he was straight he was also deeply, deeply curious. In retrospect it was obvious (Andy is about 1000 times more obvious). Never folded my clothes or did my laundry, anything like that, but lots of verbal hints, lots of casual touching. We went to Amsterdam. We were lying right next to each other on his bed when he basically told me it was OK to tell him. I was basically like "what are you talking about?" If I had told him right then and there, we would have made out and then made love and been together forever. Instead he felt like I didn't trust him. A couple days later I said something really stoopid, a comment about his behaviour that was negative, although I thought it was merely slighting (I called him a bully, something I was carying around that was comepletely unrelated, like your money thing with helping him). He felt as though he had opened up to me, said I could trust him, and not only did I not trust him enough I insulted him, and I realized later he prolly thought I was calling him a bully because he was trying to get me to open up). It took another 3 months for our friendship to die, but when it did it was the worst period of my life. I still have the scars on my wrist. I eventually told him but the moment was past, and he said he wasn't gay although if he was ever going to try it with anyone it would have been me. He is now married and has a kid. I think about him every moment of every day and have for the last 10 years. I'm over it now...just...but what makes the pain always fresh is the knowledge that if I had just said, "It's true, I love you" we would probably still be together.
The second time I had a neighbor move in next door. Sounds a lot like Andy. I prolly loaned him about $1000. He's a scruffy little sagger dude, spent most of his growing up years in juvie or jail. Mom wouldn't approve. When I first met him, I thought if he found out I was hot for him he would stab me dead (and he was so hot, I was thinking it might be worth it). We became best friends, very close. Eventually I realized that, while he never had anything but harsh words for his wife, he never had anything but super kind words for me. He would yell at her for interupting me. Eventually she got a clue and accused him of being in love with me. Our walls were paper thin, and I got to hear her yelling "you love him don't you! you're fucking in love with our next door neighbor!"
So I told him I was hot for him. He wasn't ready to say "I love you" yet. He just said he was cool with it, it didn't bother him. And yet, he still spent all his time with me and not her.
They had to move out and back home for various reasons. He wasn't ready to leave his wife and kid, and I bawled my eyes out after I spent 2 days of my own time helping them pack up and go. The last day he and I spent together (tearing apart a camper to make it into a trailer) was one of the most tender, loving days I have ever spent with a man. We were as one. And then I hugged them both good-bye and sent them on their way, and then I cried for two days.
However, before he left, he gave me a porn tape of him screwing the wife. And I made it clear that, even though I found women atrtractive, I thought she was a limp bitch who just laid there--I would only be looking at him. Now whenever I watch that video I think, "That dude is all mine. He's unable to say it, but I know it makes him hot to think I watch this tape." In fact, if he ever asks me if I watch the tape of course I'll immediately say "yes, your huge dick is mesmerizing. I love watching your hot ass as it goes bang bang bang on he limp, lifeless pussy." Because I know for a fact that that's what he wants to hear, even if he can't say it.
So, tell your friend. The worst that could happen is, he might not be able to come to terms with the fact that he loves you yet. He does love you. You've provided plenty of information that makes this fact abundantly clear. He might not be able to come to terms with that yet, he may tell you that you're on your own, you may not get what you want. But if you continue on the way you are, you are absolutely guaranteed to lose your friend, because in the absence of knowing what the fuck you are thinking, he has to make stuff up for himself. You're fucking another man and you're cutting off his aid--he's going to trhink the worst, and the fact that he can't talk to anyone about it will make it worse. Then he'll say things based on what he thinks reality is which won't make any sense to you, and so on.
You're scared, as I was in Amsterdam, that if you say you love him and he says no that you will have blown your chance...it's better for you to think you might have a chance than to know that you don't. If I hadn't been scared in Amsterdam, not only would he have said yes, but even if he hadn't it would have strengthened our friendship regardless. Instead, my inability to be honest destroyed our friendship forever.
He has given you a thousand openings. In his mind, it could not be any clearer. From your posts, it could not be any clearer. If you want to be with him, say so right now. HE ALREADY KNOWS, or hopes that he knows. You won't shock him by telling him what he already knows, but right now he doesn't know what's going on and he must be in terrible pain, thinking he made his friend hate him.
So, tell him that you love him, or that you have feelings for him at least, and that's what's been making you act funny. He'll be relieved that you finally told him. And even if you can't be together, this thing won't tear your friendship apart. Continuing to hide the truth from him will, and soon. You're already pulling away from him when you should be getting closer together.
You always think you have more time. It's later than you think. Please, please, please trust me.
Or, alternately, if you do fuck it up and lose your friend forever because you were unable to be honest with him, don't post to this thread because my "I told you so" post will be twice as long and not nearly as nice.
I'm being a little harsh here because it's so clear that you're meant to be together, and so clear that you're about to throw it away forever, and I'd hate to see that. I'm trying to shock you into action. Please keep us posted. I want to hear the details of your call by tomorrow.
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PS, many peeps here have said that maybe he's not the best for you, maybe he's using you, whatever. I don't think so, I think he needs you and is lost. That's for you to decide. It may in fact be better for you both to go your separate ways, both of you thinking what a shame it was that the other didn't reciprocate his feelings. I had to learn to let it all go. It might be for the best, I dunno.
However, If you love him, if you want to be with him, tell him. He won't be upset about it, trust me. If I'm wrong I'll give you my home address and you can come to my house and kill me. You can smash my left nut, hell, even my right one while you're at it, with the sharp end of a claw hammer. I absolutely guarantee you that he knows and will be relieved as fuck when you tell him. I would literally stake my own life on it.
Whether you end up together I don't know. My second guy and I used to talk about him leaving his wife and coming back to me, and he never did, was never able to come to terms with how he felt. He may never be able to come out, may never be able to tell me how he feels about me, even though I know. I know that he's happy that I love him. And I know that telling him stengthened our friendship, even if he can't yet bring himself to admit to himself that he's gay ( in his mind, as long as he doesn't act on it, he's "straight"). Which is sad, because his wife is a a screaming whore bitch from hell, and we both know he's be much happier out here with me. I know that when she cuts him off and he sleeps on the couch, that he thinks about me and wishes he had the balls. And there's nothing I can do about that.
Even if Andy can't move to NY To be with you, even if he can't leave his girl and doesn't want to, your friendship with him will be strengthened if you tell the truth, and weakened if you do not. It's up to you.
I dont think the situation is as dire or as big as everyone here is making it.
(And there are People who "comment" on how I use Caps and Quotes! 
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